HOW TO KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS HIGH VIBE

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by two fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self. Hello, I am Lola Singer and I'm with my favorite co host. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Hello, I am Amaral. [00:00:38] Speaker A: And we're just taking a little breather today to check in. And you know, the spiritual journey isn't all spiritual. It's mind, body, spirit. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Right, exactly. [00:00:49] Speaker A: Because we want it all harmonized. So we're working optimally and, and today we're focusing on the mind. And what's the title of today's program? [00:00:58] Speaker B: Today's episode? It's called how to keep your thoughts high vibe. [00:01:03] Speaker A: Yes. Easier said than done on the spiritual path because it's always a series of facing our shadow, which, which can be very daunting at times and, and releasing, letting go, and then reemerging a new phoenix self with more light. But it, it's, it's, it's a up and down process, so it's hard to be high vibe at times. [00:01:27] Speaker B: I also find it that, and I'm sure you were probably going to agree with me, is that when we go through our spiritual awakening or spiritual journey path, there's two voices. There's the outer voice, which is what you're saying, and there's an inner voice we all have, and according to how much we have healed is how much we actually hear it or how negative or positive it can be. So that's something that plays out. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Oftentimes that inner voice can be the ego talking. Right. And the ego's going to say, you're not good enough. Who do you think you are? You're just fooling yourself, Things like that. So one of the things, one of the tenets of Western hermeticism is that all things start with the mind. And it was the mind of the Creator and the mind of the Creator. I want to create more. I want to create more. And that's why, you know, in theory, why we're here walking around on this planet, in the material world, it all starts with mind. So the mind is actually very powerful tool in your tool belt. And it is the mind of the Creator that we have as humans because we're good at creating things. We, we create art, we create architecture, we create our own problems. We can create all kinds of stuff. [00:02:44] Speaker B: But I think that's just it. It's like when we learn how to balance the mind by having a heart and mind coherence, then that's when we starting to move in the right path. [00:02:57] Speaker A: Yes. So if you do have times where your mind is playing tricks on you and the ego certainly loves to do that, if you catch yourself and rebalance and move on, that's the first step I think to being high vibe is just recognizing, oh, I went down a path, don't beat yourself up. Just kind of go, okay, I have a new perspective now and I can start fresh. [00:03:20] Speaker B: Yep, it is. So we have this list of things that about thoughts and just sharing with you and just sharing our input and what we experience so that that way we can kind of put a little bit of light to it. So let's start with our first one. The first one is if it still bothers you after 24 hours, speak up within 48 hours. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Yeah, well my first thought when I, when I hear you say that is that oftentimes you wake up the next day with a whole new perspective. So things that seem like they were gnawing at you, one day you go to sleep, I guess, you know, a lot of times you're kind of working on it in your sleep cycle, in your dreams and you wake up and it's not a problem anymore. But if it keeps persisting, if it keeps coming back, there's a reason. So it's something that is, is waiting to be addressed. [00:04:23] Speaker B: And usually I find it that if it's really bothering, bothering you or still bothering you after 24 hours, it has more to do with like at that time your boundaries weren't strong enough or you didn't speak really truly your truth. And then later on when you start dwelling on it, it's because you feel like that person shared how they thought about that. But yet I didn't really put any input in and I allowed somebody else words to almost like be overpowered by someone else. And it's not really overpowered, more like I didn't speak up. That's really what it is that I find that, that with these. At least this is what it reminds me of in what I've encountered where I had to talk to that person and be like, you know, the other day I was just wanted to mention this and I think also it's very important how we choose to approach this example. The worst way is through a text. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Cuz people can't hear the tone of your voice. [00:05:28] Speaker B: Exactly or just in general. Text can be so misunderstood because you never know what, like, how a person's feeling it. So let's say the person you're trying to explain something happens to be a not such great mood that day. So it don't matter. You could have sent them flowers and through a text, they're going to be like, why would you do that? [00:05:49] Speaker A: They might say, why? Why are you pandering to me? [00:05:51] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Or why didn't you? [00:05:52] Speaker A: What do you want from me? [00:05:53] Speaker B: Yeah, so that's just part of it. I mean, but I think it's so important to just when things do truly bother you to be able to talk to people. And that's another thing, too, that goes a little bit deeper than even just talking about it. It's feeling comfortable to talk to people. So you shouldn't feel uncomfortable about talking about something that maybe, like, with someone. Like, why would you ever feel that you can't really say something. I mean, you won't have an answer unless you ask. Right. [00:06:30] Speaker A: But we've got that ingrained fear of being kicked out of the tribe. [00:06:34] Speaker B: That's true. [00:06:34] Speaker A: I mean, that goes back to our ancient ancestors and survival. And so that's where the fine line is. You know, it's like I feel like I need to create a benevolent boundary, yet I'm afraid to be vulnerable and tell someone because I fear they're rejecting me. So part, I guess, about being high vibe is to try to recognize that you've got all these fears that are based on the what ifs, not what actually is happening. So you can always try to work on approaching something. I guess one of the things is to know your audience. [00:07:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:15] Speaker A: You know, I've worked as a counselor. You learn to match the tone of voice when you're speaking to someone. You learn to match even the way they speak or if they're in front of you, match the way they move. It's kind of a natural thing when you're paying attention to people and you're really having a conversation, then they start to trust you more, too. So that's just. Just one way to kind of okay, if that person does seem a little angry or like, this could be a difficult conversation. Maybe I just need to really pay attention to their body language. Y and see how I can mirror that with me to kind of get an idea of, you know, how. What's the best approach right now? [00:07:54] Speaker B: You know what's funny is the first thing that I like when I saw this, I thought of my old boss. This was like My old boss's golden rule. And then she would always mention it in staff meetings. And I think the reason why she mentioned it because if you think about it as, like, the role of a leader that wants to set a thing. She just wants you to not just be reactive about something because it's easy to be. Like, if. If you. If it's really bothering you, that means that it was something deep enough that you thought, I need to talk about this. But if. If it's really not that important, you are willing to let it go. So if you're holding it in, it's because you clearly need to speak up on it. [00:08:37] Speaker A: I think that makes a good leader. [00:08:39] Speaker B: That is that she. [00:08:40] Speaker A: She wanted to address things right away instead of letting it keep building and building and building into resentment or something between two colleagues or something like that. [00:08:49] Speaker B: Yep. [00:08:51] Speaker A: Okay. [00:08:51] Speaker B: And then she was a great leader too. I love. [00:08:56] Speaker A: We need more people like her. [00:08:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Okay. And, you know, keeping it in can build resentment, like we just talked about, and also anxiety because you start going into the what ifs, the what ifs. [00:09:07] Speaker B: The what ifs, or you start taking things personal. Next time you see that person, you're like, I. Like, I'm not sure about you. [00:09:16] Speaker A: Yeah. But I think, you know, if we. If we kind of switch gears and think about it on the spiritual path, it's the. The adversary sometimes within ourselves. It's. It's. We see it mirrored with other people in, you know, like at work or family. But it's really us. [00:09:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:37] Speaker A: That we're fighting with. [00:09:38] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:09:38] Speaker A: And that we're uncomfortable with and that we need the honest discussion with. So. [00:09:46] Speaker B: So moving. [00:09:48] Speaker A: One of the things I think we try to do is avoid talking about talking to ourselves. [00:09:53] Speaker B: Yes. Oh, yeah. And I think that you brought up a good point, is that a lot of the times how we feel about things is truly what we're processing, what emotions we're processing that kind of goes with that, because sometimes it's holding ourselves accountable for, like, if I'm having a bad day, the odds are everything I'm gonna hear that day. I'm probably not gonna take it as the greatest thing for me, like, just being realistic. And I think that that's where people understand it sometimes, weirdly, when it comes to spiritual growth is that you don't become unhuman. You still gonna go through emotions. You're still gonna have days where you don't feel the greatest. And maybe it can be something so little and it can bother you, but it's up to you to See, like, wait those 24 hours and speak on it if it's truly bothering you still. Because a lot of the times you're going to be able to differentiate that that was just a day that wasn't the greatest day for you. [00:10:55] Speaker A: Yeah. And then if you hold it in and hold it in and hold it in, you usually end up exploding anyway. [00:10:59] Speaker B: Yes. And then bring it up way later when the person probably doesn't even remember that conversation. [00:11:09] Speaker A: Yeah, That's a classic. So one of the things that's recommended if you are recognizing that something's bothering you and it's been more than 24 hours, is if it's personal, have a good, honest talk with yourself. So journaling is always a good idea. Right. Or meditating on it. Or sometimes I have a conversation with, you know, I'll say, okay, all right, tell me what's wrong now. And just have a conversation like you're an actor, an actress. You're playing a role and playing both parts and just see what comes out. Actually had a conversation with money about one day. It was really enlightening because it's like I think of you as a house guest who just stays and takes advantage me and. And leaves. And then the money started, you know, responding about. But, you know, you don't understand my purpose. And you, you know, I feel unloved and unwanted. And it was like. So, I mean, that's just an example of how you can dialogue with yourself. [00:12:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:12:17] Speaker A: Also, I totally. I went off train. The train track went nowhere. I must be blocking it. It must be something I need to work on. [00:12:29] Speaker B: Yeah, that's true. [00:12:32] Speaker A: But also. Oh, like writing a letter. Yeah, same kind of idea. You know, that way you get the words prepared ahead of time that feel like they're ringing true to you without being you being on the defensive. [00:12:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:51] Speaker A: So, yeah, if something's bothering you more than 48 hours, it needs addressing, whether inwardly or outwardly. [00:12:59] Speaker B: All right, and then we have number two. Would you like to read number two. [00:13:03] Speaker A: Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for taking care of. I say this all the time when I'm doing tarot readings because most the time people are so kind to other people, but they forget to be kind to themselves. [00:13:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:22] Speaker A: And when I point that out, you can just see. See it hit home. [00:13:28] Speaker B: You know, it's interesting you say that because growing and realizing a lot of things that I used to do back in the day when I had, like, really no boundaries and I was there for everyone except for myself. There was one thing that I that really stood out and really stands out now. And I want you guys to just observe. I don't want you. It's not a judgment or anything. Just observe. When people say, this person's so great, she's always looking out for everyone. She's such a giving person. She's such this. And then I always ask, I really, really hope that this person is also filling her own cup. And before, I could never think of that. Before, all I could think of is like, oh, they're just really nice. They're always giving and everything. But now I always think, like, is their cup full? Because if not, they're giving away from their drain self and it's only going to wear them out. [00:14:32] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think once people have that awareness, they can work with that. And I think a good example for me would be I'm. I can be my own worst critic. So I will. A thought will come in my head. It's like, you know, why did you let that happen again? You're so dumb. Why aren't you learning from this? I think we can all relate to that, right? And then you switch it around and think, if someone came to me with that problem, would I say that to him or her? No way would I ever say that to him or her. [00:15:08] Speaker B: And you brought up a good point too. I used to tell myself so many horrible things. Like I would be like, oh my God, you're just an idiot. You're dumb. Obviously. Like, you're not this or you're not that. But then I realized there was up to me to create a new vocabulary. And these were the boundaries I started establishing with myself. So nowadays I don't call myself dumb. I don't call myself stupid. I don't, I don't say a single word that I wouldn't just say to a stranger while I'm talking to them. That's my golden rule now that I have for myself. And the reason why, it's because of this same thing. Like I want to be the example of I'm going to treat myself the way I would be responsible for taking care of. And it all starts with us. If we don't take care of ourselves, then how can we really be there for anybody else? [00:16:10] Speaker A: Yeah. And then the word I keep hearing while you're talking is tolerance. You know, we'd be so tolerant of someone making a mistake or beating up on themselves mentally. We would be so tolerant of them. Why aren't we tolerant with ourselves? [00:16:29] Speaker B: Yep. And sometimes it's a simple thing as just like we're not saying, shove your emotions or don't listen or don't focus on emotions if you're angry. But sometimes all it is is just take a few breaths in and just really think about what you're saying to yourself or what you're about to say to someone. And that's all it takes sometimes. [00:16:52] Speaker A: So think of yourself as you're the trusted friend and you're probably going to say, well, it's okay, everyone makes mistakes. We can start over. It's a very different story than how did I fall into this trap again? [00:17:04] Speaker B: Yeah, Right. [00:17:06] Speaker A: So we encourage you to start thinking about one thing you might have do differently if you treated yourself with that same kind of care. You could think of a situation in retrospect and go, you know, how, how if I was somebody's best friend and I came to them, what would they say to me? I should be saying that to myself. Mm. [00:17:28] Speaker B: Yeah. And these are just like thoughts that will help you with just. It's good to just think, process those thoughts. All right, so number three is a bad day. Does. Doesn't mean a bad life. [00:17:43] Speaker A: We tend to catastrophize on those bad days, don't we? [00:17:46] Speaker B: But we're also taught that we're programmed to, like, where are bad days? Like, they're this prideful thing. Like, you have to share it online. You have to like. And what's crazy about sharing it online? This is how crazy it is to me. Right. So it's one thing to have the emotion present. It's one thing to give life to those emotions. But now we're typing it in or we're writing it in, which adds more power. So what do you think you're going to receive by that? [00:18:19] Speaker A: Well, a lot of people aren't typing or writing it in. They're still doing number one and holding it in. Well, that's true too. So at least. [00:18:26] Speaker B: Yes, if you're going to. [00:18:27] Speaker A: You share. [00:18:28] Speaker B: Yes, if you're going to write it down, make sure you burn it afterwards. You're doing it with a purpose. You're writing it down so that you can release it because that serves a purpose. But if you're going to be typing it on social media in. Well, first of all, if you're gonna be typing on social media, I probably gonna block you. Not permanently. Just hide that post. Why? Because that's your spilling of things. It's not that you're not allowed to, but you have to understand, we create our own world. What I see, what I read, what I focus my energy in. Is creating something for me. So. So just as same as I'm holding myself accountable, I just. My boundaries are set in my peace, and me being able to function in this world relies on. And it's like a lot of people, it's like, oh, you're just like, going around with blind. Blinders on. I was like, no, I'm actually going around with thinking me for the first time and not following or doing things or feeding energy into things that don't belong to me. [00:19:34] Speaker A: Okay, well, I think we're taking a little sidestep here on what this is about, though. I get it. Because I think we can think. We can think of at least a couple friends on Facebook who've posted consistently, oh, my gosh, my life's so awful. And then a couple days later, another one and another one. And here are all the reasons why it's awful. This happened today. And it, I guess, you know, feels like you're venting, but it really. It's like the going back to what this is saying is one bad day day doesn't mean it doesn't dictate that every other day is going to be bad as well. [00:20:10] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:20:11] Speaker A: But I think this person, or at least a couple people I can think of, have fallen into the mindset of, like, now that this has gone wrong, everything's going wrong. [00:20:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:19] Speaker A: And so you just need to realize that, okay, if it's a bad day, it's a bad day. I wake up a new person the next day. You know, and oftentimes I do. Like I can. I. It goes back to the number one, you know, if you're still bothering you after 48 hours, well, then something needs to be addressed. But oftentimes it doesn't bother you after. After 24 hours, they would say, sleep on it. Right. [00:20:44] Speaker B: Yep. [00:20:44] Speaker A: It works. So you're not destined to consistently have bad days just because you got up in the morning and you do something dumb like I've done, you know, like stub your toe. And then you go to make coffee. You forgot to put the water in the coffee maker, and now it's smoking noises. And, you know, it's like some people would say, oh, my God, it's a bad day already, you know, and then they're just going to forecast that the whole rest of the day is going to be bad instead of just going, oops, I wasn't paying attention to my environment. Yeah, that was the lesson. [00:21:20] Speaker B: Hey, I burned beans yesterday. So there it goes. But to my defense, that was really funny is that it was the Very first time I've ever attempted cooking beans. And for some reason this is like I was listening to my husband and he says it's like foolproof. Literally. You just put beans, add three times the water, salt them, and then just let them cook. Like you can add some onions to it or whatever to give more flavor, but you just like let them cook. And I just didn't follow any of those directions cuz I thought like, oh, it's so simple that it's a time thing. It's not a consistent checking thing. And then they were burned. [00:22:05] Speaker A: Yeah, but see, some people would take that, make the whole day bad because of that. And you didn't. You posted it. You had you, you recognized, you learned a lesson. You're laughing at yourself. With yourself. With yourself. [00:22:16] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:22:18] Speaker A: So it doesn't have to break your day. [00:22:22] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:22:23] Speaker A: So you, you've got the mental ability to shift your thoughts and say, okay, well, lesson learned. Let's move on. [00:22:31] Speaker B: Yep. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Okay. Another thing that could be helpful for you to keep in mind to keep your thoughts and high vibe is that there's a critical voice in your head and it's not always telling the truth. [00:22:45] Speaker B: Yes. [00:22:46] Speaker A: Guess you gotta use your bullshit meter. It. It will, it will act like it's t telling. It will talk like it is the definitive authority on what is wrong here. And oftentimes it is not the truth. And that is the ego trying to stay safe. It's like trying to keep you small and safe. [00:23:09] Speaker B: Yep. [00:23:10] Speaker A: Thinking that's, that's the truth. That you'll stay safe if you stay small. So don't, don't, don't do that. Don't try to expand yourself. No. Step into something new. Oh, no, no, no. It'll tell you you can't do that. Who do you think you are? Or it can go the opposite way. You're so great. Everyone's gonna love you. You're the best thing since sliced bread. Let's go. [00:23:41] Speaker B: There's like two words that come to my mind. One is balance. The other one is discernment. [00:23:46] Speaker A: Discernment. Yes. But it's. But it is such a critic. Because if it's trying to. If it's trying to inflate your ego, it's like, why haven't we done this yet? Why haven't we done this yet? And if it's trying to keep you small, it's like, don't. I would caution you about this, you know, so you've got to decide. That's when willpower comes in. You know, we talk about that in tarot with the magus, Right? The magus is like, I'm not listening to anything. I've got my intention set. I'm following through on it. I will get it done. So one of the best things about my favorite tarot deck, the toth deck, is that the card that represents the ego is the devil. But in the toth deck, it's not a scary looking devil. It's a smiling goat. And the goat is laughing because it recognizes it's our animal nature. That's why it's a goat. And our animal nature is all about survival. And the ego equates security with survival, safetyness. If I know it, I understand it. Anything out that I don't know about is not safe. But the goat's smiling. Because the secret is, if you learn to laugh with yourself when you. When you find that you've been listening to this voice, then that voice has no power over you. [00:25:05] Speaker B: Yep. [00:25:06] Speaker A: So if you can learn to just go, ah, I fell for that again, and just laugh about it. That's a great mental trick in my mind. [00:25:16] Speaker B: Yep, exactly. Then we have the next one. You can't be grateful and anxious at the same time. [00:25:28] Speaker A: What do you have to say about that? Because my little Gemini brain just went, yes, you can. Because I deal with polarities. Because you can be grateful for your anxiety because it's teaching you something. [00:25:40] Speaker B: Yes, but that's. [00:25:42] Speaker A: I think you're talking about the actual state of being anxious. [00:25:45] Speaker B: The state of anxious, like, when you're anxious, like you. When you have gratitude for the things, then you're more. You're. You're bound to see life in a more positive way. And. [00:25:59] Speaker A: Wait a minute. You can't be grateful and anxious at the same time. Okay, I see what you're going. Okay. I see where you're heading. Okay. [00:26:05] Speaker B: And so that time, you can't have anxiety going because it would counteract the emotion of what you're feeling. [00:26:11] Speaker A: It's true. And you can be grateful for so many small things. I think you and I both try to wake up and think of a couple things we're grateful for right away. And you know what I was grateful for the other day? The little webs between my toes. I was trying to think of something that gets ignored. Yeah. My foot wouldn't flex without you. [00:26:32] Speaker B: Yep. [00:26:33] Speaker A: So there's always something to be grateful for. [00:26:35] Speaker B: You know, I just. Last night, something really interesting happened. I had, like, a really good feel good high vibe and everything. And then all of a sudden, I was laying down, and when I Laid down. I laid down sideways, and I put these pillows supposedly for comfort, but I in. Realistically, I was really twisted. So when I get up, which I got up kind of like fast, my back all of a sudden felt this, like, huge pain, sharp pain that just came up. And it was like, my first thing literally, was like, the F word came out because it just hurts so bad. Right. But then I thought about it, and I was like, thinking, like, I'm so grateful for my body, and I'm so grateful for my back, particularly. Here's the thing. I think most. A lot of people can relate to this. We take our backs for granted because we've done so many things and we need our bags for so much that we take it for granted. And then even though on that specific time, I could have run and been like, I need to get this pill to bring the inflammation down, because clearly, like, it's something that hurt. But no, I decided I was gonna sleep on it. So the whole entire night, I kind of dealt with it when I moved from one thing to the other, and I finally got to, like, about midpoint of my sleeping, and I just decided to no longer fight it. And I said, I am just so grateful that I can feel things, because if I couldn't feel my back, if I couldn't feel my pain, I wouldn't even know what is going on. And then what I did is I asked my spirit team if they could please work on it for me while I was sleeping. And in the morning when I got up, it felt a lot better. [00:28:31] Speaker A: Was appreciated. [00:28:32] Speaker B: Yes. Because. And that. That's just sometimes, like, sometimes we are. We don't show. When we don't show gratitude. Often I find it that, yes, we can get those feelings, like anxiety, because we're uncertain. There's nothing that. That builds us to, like, look for great things in life. There's nothing that builds us up to just be relaxed. Even. Like, you don't even have to be this high vibe all the time. It's more about, like what Lola said, that in the morning, we try to just think of even three things to be grateful for in the morning. [00:29:08] Speaker A: So that. [00:29:08] Speaker B: That way we don't. We're not. Our focus is a little bit more open of what the outcome of the rest of the day will be. [00:29:16] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. And anxiety is just that, you know, ego acting up again. You know, trying to. It thinks by. It's always searching for potential danger. [00:29:26] Speaker B: And I always. [00:29:27] Speaker A: That doesn't even necessarily exist. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:29:29] Speaker A: So that's why the gratefulness shows you okay? We're fine right now. [00:29:34] Speaker B: And a lot of the times I find it to that anxiety when you really get away from the present. [00:29:40] Speaker A: Yes. You're in the what ifs or the regrets or the, you know, if it's the regrets, it's like it's still the what ifs, because what if that happened again? Yeah. You know, classic example would be projecting. [00:29:53] Speaker B: Yep. [00:29:54] Speaker A: How you felt about one boyfriend onto a new one. You know, that happens a lot. So anyway, I would challenge people listening to start practicing that regularly, even if you're not close to feeling anxious. Just whenever you can think about it right now. What are three things I'm thankful for? And if you need a starter, I'm gonna give you one. Because the thing they need most at homeless shelters is socks. Do you have socks? If you have socks, you should be grateful. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Isn't that amazing to think of something so little but yet we can be so grateful for. Because we take it for granted. [00:30:29] Speaker A: Yes. And you take it for granted that you're walking on a surface that's level. I thought about that the other day. Isn't it great that this is a level surface? If you're living in a house whose foundation has shifted, you know, you'd be grateful for a level house. Right. So these are things. Easily. You can come up with three things. You're grateful even if it's a color you like. Like, people love the fall leaves this time of year. [00:30:55] Speaker B: Or a warm coat. [00:30:58] Speaker A: Yes. Or eyebrows. They keep the water out of my eyes in the shower. There's so many things. [00:31:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:08] Speaker A: Okay, so. Oh, my goodness. This is a big one, I think, for women especially. The next one is stop apologizing for your feelings. [00:31:20] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Well, even for men too, as well. But it's just. Well, men actually have the. The sometimes, unfortunately, they're programmed not to speak, so. [00:31:32] Speaker A: Well, then we don't even get the apology. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:31:34] Speaker A: They're holding it all in. Yeah. But I grew up with that, and I think a lot of people did too. You know, you had the unconditional love because you were angry your needs weren't being met. So you have a temper tantrum or you try to get negative attention because nobody's paying attention to you anyway, so might. As if if you don't pay attention to me for being good, I'll be bad. You know, there's so much that we weren't allowed to express, even. Even crying. Like you were talking about a lot of men. Men. And even women are taught, you know, just be a big girl, suck it up. You know, boys don't cry, those kind of things. So we were taught. Taught at a very early age not to express ourselves. [00:32:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:24] Speaker A: And then if we do, then we associate certain feelings with being bad. So anger, your emotional needs are. Let's use me as an example. My emotional needs were definitely not met by my parents. My physical needs were, but so I had temper tantrums all the time. And so I'm always. I. And I was always told I was doing something wrong as a result. So I never learned how to express those emotions properly. So I would apologize for being me. I'm sorry I'm angry, you know, I'm sorry I feel this way. But you know that you. You start those, those sentences that way. [00:33:03] Speaker B: You know, so one of the biggest. One of the biggest things that I had to really look within of one of my childhood traumas was I would always say sorry for everything, even when things weren't really like, my fault. And this is back in the day before I started my spiritual awakening. [00:33:19] Speaker A: I just want to interrupt and say, I think if people in the audience, there are a lot of people who feel the same way, I want to commend you for saying it because it's so prevalent. [00:33:32] Speaker B: And what I. What that taught me, and once I started looking further into it, is that I felt very like, sorry for myself and how I saw things, because I saw things so negatives all the time and things were brought so negative. And it's interesting just to piggyback off of what Lola said. I had huge emotional abandonment. We talk about everything except for things were important. When we wanted to share things that were important, they were shoved under and they were never faced. So I was like, felt very abandoned. And so because of it, it's almost like I even felt at times like just I felt like within, I just kind of felt sorry for myself for just being alive. Because it was like, almost like the things that I wanted so much, which are so basic, like just caring, like, feel the care, feel the. The respect, feel those things. And they weren't present. So it's almost like we choose to cop out by doing certain things are gonna be a. Not balanced. Because this is one of those things about feeling, apologizing and feeling sorry or like saying sorry all the time. It's because we put it upon ourselves to be the accountable ones. When there's lack of accountability, the only thing you can do is blame yourself. And because of this, you'll develop a pattern that is not very balanced and it's not very fair to You. [00:35:12] Speaker A: Yes. And so one of the things that's being recommended here is to say to yourself, and I would say it out loud, my feelings are valid, their information, not inconvenience. Because, yes, it's a barometer, isn't it? It is when those feelings come up that are uncomfortable and that you think you're. Because you were trained to kind of squelch them. They are a barometer. They're information. You don't have to go down into the mud with them. But if you start to see them as a tool to understand where you're at right now, and then you can use that discernment we talked about earlier to say, okay, where did that. Where did that come from? That probably isn't what's happening right now. It's a wounding from my childhood. Even if I can't put my finger on it right now, I know it's coming from old wounding. This is not the same situation. It's it. And so it is a learning experience. [00:36:15] Speaker B: And the other thing that's really important to realize is that emotional expression does not equal to emotional weakness. Quite the contrary. [00:36:24] Speaker A: That was a hard. That's a hard one for a lot of people. [00:36:27] Speaker B: Yep. [00:36:29] Speaker A: And then there's cultures, too, where you're taught not to express. Like, look at the. Like, I grew up. I grew up in a. In a town where the. The demographics, where it was mostly white suburbanites, but the next demographic was Japanese Americans. [00:36:49] Speaker B: Talk about culture. [00:36:50] Speaker A: I went to school with, like, second, third generation Japanese children, grandchildren, great grilled children of Japanese immigrants. And if you look at Japanese culture, they do not show. You're not supposed to show you're laughing. You're not supposed to show how you're really feeling. They have that enigmatic demeanor. But it was interesting because you could see that the children of the children of the children were totally American. Right. But you could see the elements of the culture, too. And so I grew up with a lot of people whose grandparents probably didn't show a lot of emotion. And then as a kid, you kind of mirror that too. You. [00:37:32] Speaker B: Yeah, well, the further we go back, it's also the more traumas that, like, people kind of develop because they couldn't really speak their truth and they couldn't express their emotions. [00:37:46] Speaker A: I can tell you, I grew up that way myself. [00:37:50] Speaker B: All right, what is our next one? Lola? [00:37:52] Speaker A: This is something I think we talk about in every podcast. Healing is not linear. You do not go from point A to point B and you're done. [00:38:02] Speaker B: Exactly. It's more like, let's go through a. And then it's 8.1, 8.2, 8.3. And those are the various layers of lessons that is to learn within. [00:38:14] Speaker A: That's a good point. But if you think of it like honing, like you're a craftsman and you're honing your design, it makes. It makes it easier to realize, oh, this is why I'm revisiting this so I can perfect it. You know, the. The. The. The rough edges that were. Felt like they were cutting with a knife. I'm smoothing out now on my piece of marble, which is me. [00:38:35] Speaker B: I love this one that says encourage grace. Healing is cyclical, not checklist. [00:38:43] Speaker A: Yes. And people always talk about it being cyclical. They talk about being layers of onion. Yeah. And. And that's perfect, because everything on this planet cyclical as far as seasons and time. And so you might as well be recognized. It's not a set destination. It's a circle, and it's a season. So we go through seasons of letting go, like winter and fall, and then we start to go rebirth ourselves. So spring may be a new insight, and then we fully develop that new insight in summer. So maybe it's easier for you to think of it as a season rather than a set, a line. [00:39:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:39:26] Speaker B: Well, and a lot of the things that I find it is that when we go down and experience those layers, even though at first it feels like, oh, it's this, I already went through. But the thing is, it's not about already going through it. It's about seeing it with different eyes. Because sometimes in order to fully let go of. Of that part of your healing, you need to evolve, to see it in a different eye so you can truly let it go because you release part of it. But maybe it hasn't been the whole thing. One thing I can definitely share that is my personal experience is I felt like I went so fast on my track of healing that later on, I really had to go back to a lot of lessons that because I did the one thing that you're supposed to do in the very beginning that at first I didn't even know, and that was to forgive myself. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:40:26] Speaker B: I forgave everyone. I let go of things. But if you don't forgive yourself, that's a part that you're not healing, and you think you're moving forward, but then, surprise, you're gonna go back, because you have to deal with that. You have to forgive yourself. Yeah. [00:40:42] Speaker A: I think grief is another really good example of this, because you go through different stages of grief number one. But then also you process it for a while and then all of a sudden, like maybe months later, years later, that grief shows up again for a little more tending like a garden. [00:41:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:01] Speaker A: And so that I think that'll be relatable for people. So there's nothing wrong with the fact that the grief comes back. It just shows your capacity to love. [00:41:10] Speaker B: Yeah, that's true. [00:41:14] Speaker A: Okay, so another way to keep your mind high vibe is to remember something that I think you didn't really understand at the beginning of your journey. Rest is not laziness. You need to integrate all these changes people. And I think you're the best spokesman to talk about this. [00:41:36] Speaker B: So it's interesting because for me, this hit me in so many levels. Because first, let's start talk about my culture. My culture. One of the things about the traits of my culture, they're known as very hard workers. But here's the problem, because being a hard worker all the time is very unbalanced as well, because you're not catering to what your body needs, which means rest. And so you start seeing resting as with a mindset of I'm unworthy because I'm not being productive. I'm not producing something, I'm not doing something. And then it really gets to you. And it's. It is really about breaking these patterns down of understanding why do you not feel worthy of resting? What makes you think that your body doesn't deserve to rest? What makes you think that you don't need that rest in order to charge up energy to move forward? I mean, how many people do you see in society now functioning with fumes on fumes? And literally you can tell that they. They're all over the place. And if they just switch their mindset to honoring that rest that their body's asking for, realizing that they cannot carry the world on their backs, realize that they don't, they're not responsible for every one of their family members, that they're not responsible for others, that they have to cater to their needs first and from there they can move on to others. Funny thing that happened. This is just to show you guys, because sometimes I think that when we like. Because we're talking about this podcast and here I am, I've been married for 10 years now, and my husband is very programmed about being productive to the point that when the doctor said, you can't work anymore because of his health diagnose, he couldn't work. And the first thing, he was so hard on himself. And I said, you just need to take it easy. Part of healing is resting. That comes with healing. And the doctor would say this? Yes, I would say this. That he ever listened? No. And now it's like he'll rest every once in a while, but then he feels guilty for it. So one time I got out of taking this nap, and he goes, oh, it must be nice to just rest. And I said, yes, I know I'm worthy of resting. Thank you. And he looked at me with this weird look. But it's like he started understanding it more, and now he wouldn't. He doesn't say that or wouldn't even say that. But I knew it wasn't so much him. It was part of his programming that was saying, like, I don't deserve to rest, or if I'm not active because I'm already not working, I'm just. I don't see my worth. And I know those are his issues. And that's the thing about it is we all have to do that work on ourselves. We cannot just think that, oh, yeah, just because I'm doing it, the rest of the world's gonna jump on this. But it's also about us teaching others that resting is good for you, that it is not laziness. [00:45:00] Speaker A: Well, and you're talking about it physically. And, yes, we physically need rest, but you also physically need rest from physical stuff. [00:45:09] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:45:10] Speaker A: But we need physical rest from spiritual shifts. And that's the thing I observed about you early on that you were not understanding, because we kept telling you he'd go to a class, he'd have a huge spiritual breakthrough, and then he'd move on to another class or another event. And we're like. We're all telling you need time to integrate. So from the first class, ideally, what he should have been doing was taking some time off. Let his body and his nervous system adjust to the changes, these big spiritual shifts, so that he was balanced and centered. So when you have a big spiritual shift, you deserve your rest, and your body requires the rest. [00:45:51] Speaker B: And see, now looking at it, I see it as that. That part that I needed to be healed, because it wasn't even the constant go with it. It was that. That. That feeling like. Almost like there is a finish line, or that feeling of, no, I need to do this, because if I don't. If I don't do it, it's almost like. It's kind of like I'm just missing an opportunity. I'm not being active enough. I can't say that I'm being spiritual if I'm not 24, 7. Healing. Something spiritually. [00:46:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So whenever you have a shift that's not physical necessarily, if it's a mental, a new concept, if it's like you've shed some old emotions and new emotions are coming through, or you've had a huge spiritual epiphany, your body doesn't know what happened yet and it requires rest. So I don't know how much I'm saying it ad nauseam, but I have seen it from so many people. [00:46:56] Speaker B: Oh, yes. [00:46:57] Speaker A: That integration is part of the growth. [00:47:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:47:01] Speaker A: And that means quiet time. [00:47:03] Speaker B: I love the little mantra that it has. It says, I deserve rest simply because I exist. I'm going to repeat it. So it really gets to the audience. I deserve rest simply because I exist. [00:47:21] Speaker A: Okay. And then here's another really big mindset that I fell into and that I think everybody has fallen into. [00:47:32] Speaker B: Oh, yes. [00:47:33] Speaker A: Okay. How are we going to keep your thoughts high vibe? You got to recognize you are not your thoughts or your emotions. You're the observer of your thoughts and your emotions. Just like you repeated the mantra. I'm going to repeat this. [00:47:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:47:51] Speaker A: You are not your thoughts or emotions. You're the observer of your thoughts and emotions, which means you can manipulate your thoughts and your emotions. They do not rule you and they. [00:48:11] Speaker B: Do not own you. And that's the one thing that is so interesting because sometimes all it takes is for us to stop and realize this that I'm listening to right now. Does this really sound who I am or me or what I stand for or how I see the world? In a lot of the times you're going to find it, that this is where, for me, it finally made sense. Where, like, people kept saying, talking about, like, you're not really the. The. It's like you're the observer. Like, think of yourself as a video game and you're the observer. You're the one that, like, has the control, but yet you're by. Because you're playing this game, you feel like you're the main character. Like you're. That. You're that character, that everything's affected by everything. When really you can step. Step back and say, this is no longer aligned with me. This is a pattern I need to change. And it is hard to. I'm not going to say it's the easiest thing to do, but becoming an observer of our lives gives so much peace to us. [00:49:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Because first you're observing the emotions. You're not embroiled in them. So if the emotions do need to be expressed, you can Find a healthy way to do it instead of getting mired in the muck. [00:49:39] Speaker B: And the biggest thing is, like, think of how to witness your mind without judgment. Because a lot of times, like, that's where, like, it gets us. We are like, the worst judges to ourselves. [00:49:53] Speaker A: Yeah. When you start going, you know, I thought that, but I'm witnessing that. I'm not. I'm not embodying that. There's a difference. [00:50:03] Speaker B: Yep. [00:50:05] Speaker A: So it's okay to have thoughts that don't go in your best benefit from time to time, as long as you catch them. [00:50:11] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:50:12] Speaker A: So a very good example of what people recommend to do. And even my tarot teacher, Eli, who was taught to be a Tibetan monk for many, many lifetimes and remembers that this is a Tibetan monk skill, actually, which is to think about your thoughts as clouds moving past you in the sky. So if you start to feel like you're taking a thought way too seriously, that's you as the observer catching it. And now you just let it move past you as softly as a cloud and realize there's going to be another cloud behind that. And it may be a productive thought, it may be an unproductive thought, but you. If it's unproductive, let it move by. [00:50:54] Speaker B: It's almost like when. When I do. When I coach the breath work, it's really interesting because the one thing the monkey mind plays out when they're starting to do the breath work, and it's like all these thoughts, and I get it. I totally been there, where the. The thought feels like literally like you start breathing in the way you're supposed to, and then next thing you know is like, oh, I need to add this to my grocery list. Instead of, like, focusing on that, allow it to just pass. It's like, oh, that was a great thought. But we're not addressing it right now. That's not the point right now. [00:51:31] Speaker A: But I think the most important thing is to do your best not to judge the thoughts and just pretend you're a third, third up, third person observer of your thinking and your feelings. Yep. Yeah. And it's. You're right. It's hard to get into, but it's a skill you can practice. [00:51:46] Speaker B: Yep. [00:51:47] Speaker A: And I'm getting better and better at it all the time. It's becoming much more natural for me. [00:51:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:52] Speaker A: Although every once in a while, Every once in a while, I get embroiled in the, you know, the emotions or the thoughts. But then if you do like we talked about earlier, once you catch it, you go, all right, I Did it again. Let's just move on. Like the clouds, right? Yeah. [00:52:07] Speaker B: We can always shift it. That's the best beauty of it. [00:52:10] Speaker A: Yeah. When you're aware of it. [00:52:11] Speaker B: Yep. [00:52:12] Speaker A: And observing helps you be aware of it. Okay, so we have another one to address for keeping your thoughts high vibe, and that is connection heals, isolation hurts. [00:52:27] Speaker B: Yep. [00:52:30] Speaker A: We're all looking for meaningful connection on the spiritual path. And I think this one is very difficult because there's a point when you're shifting and change and on the spiritual path where the people you used to vibe with fall naturally away. And there's a point where you feel lonely, like there's nobody like me anymore. And that's why I think the concept is here is isolation hurts, connection heals. And the way it worked for me as I found a spirit spiritual meetup in Seattle. And I met people who were on similar paths to me that I would not have met in my own particular circle. So I think that's a good example about feeling alone. But then I actually actively looked for a group and found them and then continued to go back. So my spiritual growth is. Is absolutely tied to that. [00:53:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Meetup and see, I always think of it. Obviously, you can call it different things, but one of the things is, like, with having a tribe, I. And I mean, Lola can be a witness to this. I'm always, like. I always think to. I'm so thankful to have people that can listen to me that don't judge me, that understand what I'm going through, because it also has been part of their journey or even if they haven't gotten to that, they understand it from a broader perspective. Because when. And this is part of the shedding, too, that's so crucial that a lot of the times spiritual people don't talk about. The reason why we shed people in our lives is because we're no longer aligned with them. Do you really want to have people that when you talk to them about something you're experiencing, the first thing that comes up in their mind is judgment, and they make you feel bad for it. This is where, as you evolve, you run into people that understand you at a higher level. They don't look at you like you're crazy or don't make you feel like there's something off about you, because there really isn't. It's just that growth that you're going through. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Yeah. And they do naturally come into your life, just like the others fade out. But there is a point. Point where it feels lonely. I agree with that. So one of the things that's important to remember is you. Vulnerability is your medicine. So you have to be willing to be honest about who you are and where you are. And so, for example, the first time I went to that meetup, I was, I was so impressed with everybody else but me, you know, because they went through and they described who they were. Everybody was an energy healer. Oh, wow. Isn't that fantastic? They're an energy he healer. They do this or this or this. You know, thinking I'm, I'm. I'm the weed in the garden and now I do everything they did. Yep. [00:55:26] Speaker B: That's such a common feeling. I remember when I first met you and I met so many great other like, healers, and I was like, oh, and this one can do this one and this one can do this one. I was like, well, crap. Now I feel like I'm back in school all again and it's like trying to prove myself. [00:55:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And if you find people who are really on the spiritual path and you are being vulnerable and you're showing who you truly are, they'll want, they actually want to help you. Yeah, probably because like me, I was that I was at that point. Once you were at that point, we understand. And so you came, you came to this group, you wanted help. So let's, let's bring you into the fold and. But it does require you to make that first effort, though, like I did, to go to the actual. Get in the car and go to the meeting. Yeah, yeah. [00:56:09] Speaker B: And sometimes it can be as simple as, for example, listening to our podcast. This is an. A space that we want to provide for people to be able to grow and we're sharing our experiences to help others understand what they are going through and understand the different stages. And that's what. Because we understand that people are in different levels. And yes, just because some people have, do have that tribe and are very fortunate to have those like, people that support them. There's those people that still haven't found their tribe. And this is where podcast, this is where different things can help them to just seek some sort of understanding. [00:56:50] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, a lot of YouTubers and such, they have their own, like Patreon groups or, you know, or support groups that are part of their channels as well. So just start exploring because support doesn't have to be somebody sitting physically right next to you. It. There's so many wonderful people out there on the Internet trying to help other people connect. So it's possible. [00:57:17] Speaker B: It's almost like what got me started when I first started, I really wanted to be supported and I got so much support that that's what I do. Like when I do my breath work class, that's completely free because that's my way to helping the collective. Because I once there was what, like, at that point where I needed that help and it was provided for me. So I'm just giving it back and. [00:57:40] Speaker A: Why my drum circle's free and yeah, we see how people forged friendship there. [00:57:44] Speaker B: So, yeah. [00:57:46] Speaker A: So vulnerability once again. [00:57:49] Speaker B: Yes. [00:57:49] Speaker A: When you take that step and go, I'm going to try something different, like maybe go to an event that I normally wouldn't go to and maybe you won't connect with people right away, but don't give up because. [00:57:59] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:58:00] Speaker A: You never, never know who you're going to find in a certain place where all of a sudden you click. [00:58:04] Speaker B: Yes. Thank you so much for tuning in. Don't forget to share. And like always, we love you and we love the support that we get. [00:58:16] Speaker A: Thank you and keep your vibe high with your thoughts. Bye. [00:58:21] Speaker B: Bye.