Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by two fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness.
Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week.
Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self.
Well, hello. I am Lola Singer and I am back again with my co host, Emeril. And we have a podcast, Just a Reminder. It's about the ups and downs of the spiritual journey and spiritual awakening process.
And we've been going through cycles, individually and collectively that have been kind of tough the last couple weeks.
And it really shines a light on things that we still need to heal, things that's still need to be addressed. And that's what our episode is about today. It was inspired by Amarl's personal experiences. So I'm going to let him share that with you and we're just going to build from there.
[00:01:08] Speaker B: So our episode today, it's called Healing Family Wounds on the Spiritual Journey.
So we all hear how spiritual awakening is a process of healing ourselves and going within. Well, when we go within, we've realized that because we had our parents and our parents could only function up to how much they have healed or the lack of, we experience a lot of things with them that really created a lot of traumas in us and depending on what we experience is what how it manifests into our lives.
I been doing a lot of work. I always do a lot of work, but I've been doing a lot of work with closing chapters. And yesterday was one of those days where something was brought up to my attention and that is that there's still energy cords, I guess, connecting me to certain things about family trauma.
So I ran into something really interesting that I have heard before, but I never quite checked it out. I heard it when I'd been down in Mexico and I heard it also up here when I run into people from Mexico. And it's called family constellation work.
So what that is, it's the. It's a practice that allows you to kind of visualize yourself and visualize yourself talking to whatever parent it is, your mom, your dad, or it can just be your.
Your could be grandma, sibling, it could.
[00:02:42] Speaker A: Be ancestors you never met.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: Yeah. And so what it is, it's a psychological approach in a spiritual approach.
So what you're saying is you start out by thanking them for being your parents, for giving you life, for being Here for loving you to their capacity. And then you just give them back the energy that no longer belongs to you. Like, for example, let's say you had a very wounded mother, so you want to give some of the things back. Like, for example, controlling anything of that sort. You're just saying.
And now understand that the energy of control never really belonged to me and I carried as my own, but now I give it back to you. And it was so interesting because I was telling Lola how I thought for sure my mother wound was going to be really like the one that was going to pop out. And it turns out it wasn't. It was my father wound. And the reason why the father wound really came up for me is because first of all, I worked a lot on the mother wound, but the father wound. I lost my dad in a work accident about 10 years ago. Now, actually, it'll be 10 years at the end of this month.
[00:03:59] Speaker A: And I just have to interject here, this must be hard for you to say. Your throat chakra is really fighting you.
[00:04:06] Speaker B: It is. Because it's like this is.
[00:04:08] Speaker A: This is like you're bearing your soul to these people, aren't you?
[00:04:10] Speaker B: Well, kind of, in a way, because it is kind of like things. So what happened? A short little story. Because I'm not going to talk about my whole story.
I grew up in Mexico. So when I grew up, especially when I growing up, I did not have my father physically, because he was working all the time. I got a lot of this disciplinarian.
So I was physically and emotionally abandoned and very wounded.
So then fast forward, we moved to the US and I finally decided to come out. And when I come out, the first thing he says is I felt like a building just landed on my head because I was the oldest in his male son coming out as being gay.
The good thing is that we patch things up. He leaves, learn what it was of. He learned to accept me and to love me for who I was.
He also got to experience who I was and where I shined. Meaning I always loved acting. And when I did my a major play where I was a lead character, I had him come in for their first, like the dress rehearsal, they called it. And he would. He told me he was really proud of me, but that he never saw my true light. Because before he always wanted me to have a light inspired sports because that's what he was good at. That's the only thing he could relate it to in that later on he realized, especially after watching me, he's like, in that Stage, you owned it. And if I were to put your brother in here, he would have peeped his pants and be scared.
So he's like, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. And I never saw you for who you truly were. So we patched things up. He was there in my wedding. He loved my husband, and they got along really well.
And.
And then he was taken away. And at first it was that moment in life where I was like, why now?
I know there's always a reason. And like, death is so crazy because it can. Especially when it happens in an accident. It happened in a work accident.
It's almost like we were going the right way and then he was gone. But then the good thing is, on the other side, I was able to communicate with him. And he came to me and he said, I'm going to help you to heal the traumas that I unintentionally caused you. So he's been helping me all along.
But there was a lot of places that I had to explore where that inner child felt really left out. And that's why the emotions were coming up.
There was places that I felt very broken and I didn't understand, for example, how you stand in the world. That has to do with your dad figure. So if you don't have a good relationship with your dad, that really gets affected. Standing in your power, having that divine masculine energy.
It's like on the male side of the.
But that's interesting.
[00:07:10] Speaker A: I had an adversarial relationship with my father.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: I did see at least your hats and sort of wearing.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: I mean, there wasn't the great. I was the one always pointing out the elephant in the living room, and it was him.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: Oh, yes.
[00:07:25] Speaker A: So he wasn't too happy with me.
[00:07:27] Speaker B: So you were not the favorite child.
[00:07:31] Speaker A: In retrospect. Oh, since it's. This is woo woo. And I don't want to interrupt you too much, but this is a little sidebar. In retrospect. I won a contest with one of the best spiritual mediums in. In the Seattle area. And she tuned into my dad after he had passed number one. He was rude and nasty to her. I go, that's my dad.
That's my dad. But he told her I was his favorite because I had the same kind of gumption one of his brothers did. And he actually respected me for standing up to him.
So that's interesting message from the other side, isn't it?
[00:08:06] Speaker B: That is very interesting.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: Yeah. So anyway, sidebar. Let's go back to you and your story because. And I Hope you guys understand.
This is. This was just yesterday you did this, right?
[00:08:15] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: So it's very, very raw, very open. And Amaral had the epiphany that, as a child, he didn't get what he needed from his father because his father was doing what most fathers think is a good job, which is, I need to provide for my children, so I'm going to do two jobs, not just one. So he very seldom saw his father, number one.
Number two, his mom would wait for dad to be home to do the discipline. So he always had to take on the bad guy role with the kids, which I don't think was fun for the father and definitely was not fun for the kids. So this is. These are the roles that the family adopted, and these are the things that need to be healed in. In his family's pattern.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: Yeah. And so it brought up a deeper layer of me to understand where some of my traits, I guess, that I couldn't understand why I feel this way came from. And it wasn't until the. The whole family constellation work. What it is, is you imagine literally having your. Your father in front of you, and you can close your eyes, and when you're proclaiming these things about sending back the energy, it covers a lot. It covers a lot in. When it covered a lot, I guess it uncovered parts that I hadn't understood about me. And when that came out, it came out as very emotional. And of course, I was crying because, I mean, being able to be taken back to that vulnerability of that inner child, that kind of had to experience that, but also understanding as an adult, like, it's about letting out. It's no longer about dwelling in it. It's just letting it out so that. That way it can be healed.
[00:10:07] Speaker A: Yeah. And the first step is acknowledging it.
[00:10:09] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:10:11] Speaker A: And we got to remember, and we've talked about this in other podcasts, as a child, the things that are really shattering to a child may seem simple to us as an adult, but we had so little power, you know, most of our childhood, that, like I said, everything can just seem so crushing that we think as an adult, we can handle.
[00:10:36] Speaker B: Yep. So I'm going to list off just a few things that I found.
They're common traits in adults from father trauma.
[00:10:45] Speaker A: The cat is using her scratch pad. If you hear noises. She always makes herself known during a podcast.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Yep.
So the first one is difficulty forming healthy relationships.
[00:10:58] Speaker A: This is father wounds.
[00:10:59] Speaker B: Yep. This is father wounds.
Trauma can lead to insecure attachment styles, causing individuals to either avoid intimacy or become anxiously attached. And Dependent on their partners.
I can relate to that.
The next one is trust and boundary issues.
Difficulty trusting others is common as it is a struggle to succeed, set and maintain boundaries. This can lead to putting up with mistreatment in relationships because it feels familiar.
Low self esteem and self worth.
Constant criticism, neglect and lack of validation from a father can cause individuals to feel not good enough or in unlovable.
They may continually seek external validation to feel secure.
A need for control and perfectionism. People who grow up feeling a lack of control may become rigid and controlling as adults to manage their anxiety.
If a father was highly critical, a child might develop perfectionist tendencies and a fear of making mistakes to avoid punishment.
Mental and health issues Unresolved trauma is linked to a higher risk of mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, substance use disorders and ptsd.
Fear of abandonment. A physical, a physically or emotionally absent father can instill a deep fear of abandonment that influences all subsequent relationship and last but not least, emotional dysregulation.
When children don't learn how to process emotions in a healthy way, they can struggle with emotional outburst or conversely suppress their feelings altogether.
[00:12:50] Speaker A: See, I was the emotional outburst and my twin sister was the suppressed growing up. So I could relate to a few of those they abandoned. One especially.
I remember when I was a child, I had recurring dreams where I was at a grocery store. You're a little kid, you can't even see beyond the shelves, right?
So if you're stuck in an aisle, it's scary. And I dreamed I was with. I came with my mom, but I lost my mom.
And then I saw Batman in the aisle and went, oh good, Batman will help me. So I went up to Batman and this happened several times, this dream. And I asked him for help and he wouldn't help me. Talk about abandonment.
Batman wouldn't help me.
And I had that dream so several times.
[00:13:37] Speaker B: And I bet you anything because since dreams are subconscious, Batman probably represented your dad. That wasn't really present for you because.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: Probably because at a young age girls romanticize their fathers and boys romanticize their. Their. Their opposite gender. So their mother for what? I think around age 4 or so.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:13:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:00] Speaker B: It's interesting because I think the version of you that's. That starts to heal starts seeing your dad. In this case, because we're talking about the dad as first. It's probably transfer on from his own family.
And I had to really dive deep, I guess to understand the fact that people that are hurt there are. Have been hurt in the past.
Pass that hurt to others and it's not intentionally necessarily because I don't think that no parent would ever wish to like, oh, I'm gonna traumatize my. My kids.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: No, I don't think it's intentional because they're as wounded from their parents too.
[00:14:47] Speaker B: And so that's one thing that really shined a light on me because realizing that like feeling the pain that I'm. That I have felt growing up on certain things, but also understanding my dad probably felt the same exact pain. Pain growing up. And he probably had to endure a lot of the same situations. And thankfully we had an opportunity because we moved to the US and things started changing a little bit because then the mindset was more open. Things became more, I guess, ease because there was just more flowing of things. There was more options. There were more things, but some of the traumas carry and they just started appearing in different ways.
[00:15:32] Speaker A: Okay, so I'd like to go back to the process that you identified because I had never heard the term before, but maybe some of you have family constellation. Like a constellation up in the sky.
[00:15:43] Speaker B: Yes, like a constellation up in the sky. Work.
[00:15:46] Speaker A: Work. And so some of these things, like let's say abandonment.
So I could. I could look at the dream.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:15:55] Speaker A: As an example and say, I give this back to you.
[00:15:59] Speaker B: Yes.
Because of the fact that that's energy. So pretty much anything that hurts you, that's energy from others, you're giving it back. You're first presenting it with a space of having gratitude.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: Because it's a lesson learned.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: Yeah, it's a lesson learned. Then you're also like sending out the love. Because you do love your parents.
[00:16:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And you see that they were wounded too.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: So you have the empathy and the forgiveness and the love.
[00:16:25] Speaker B: Yeah. And it starts also, it's. It also talks about your own self. Love. As far as, like, I wasn't. I wasn't able to love myself to see past this. Yeah.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: Because you haven't have to have enough grace for yourself to do the forgiveness.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: Yep. And then it starts sending out the energy that. Well, this. This energy. And now I recognize it as. It never really belonged to me. It was passed down to me, but it wasn't mine.
[00:16:49] Speaker A: It's like a library card. You checked it out.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly.
[00:16:52] Speaker A: And you decided, I'm returning the book to the depository.
[00:16:56] Speaker B: But think about that concept on how. How insane it can be. Right. Because on traumas. What happens with traumas is we take them on as like, this is my story. And the more you tell that story, the more that trauma bleeds And I have experienced adults that anytime they talk about the same thing, they start crying in front of me. Because of being a hairstylist.
[00:17:17] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:17:18] Speaker B: And I would literally say to them, well, don't you want to change? Don't you want to that not have power over you? You can if you get treatment, like, see a counselor, like, let it out. Don't bottle it in.
But the thing, because we have free will is one of those things that we can't. Like, first of all, we can't force anyone to do it, and we can't do it for others.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: No, no. And I think anybody who touches other people, like, like you touch people's heads and like physical therap.
Massage therapists, they get this information from people that they're in a position of trust when people are being touched, and they do confess a lot of things. So that's healing in of itself. But yes, there's a next step to take it to. And since this family constellation has been so helpful for you, now you can suggest it for them.
[00:18:10] Speaker B: Exactly. And I actually have really good ideas, because the thing is, I think as parents, especially, like, I can only speak for my experiences. Like, now my mother, like, she's not choosing to heal, and I have to respect that about her, but I also can plant seeds, and that's all I can really do. And that's the thing that I want to express to anyone that's listening is that we don't have control over. Make like your family deciding to heal.
But you can always plant seeds. And when they're ready to, if they're ready to, then they will decide to find that help or to get that.
[00:18:52] Speaker A: Healing that goes with your clients as well.
[00:18:54] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:18:55] Speaker A: Yeah.
So we talked about some father wounds, and do you have a list of mother wounds?
[00:19:01] Speaker B: Oh, yes. That's what.
[00:19:02] Speaker A: Okay. Because I'm sure some of you could relate to the father wounds like I could.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:19:06] Speaker A: Okay. So.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: So now on the mother wounds, the. The mother figure is very interesting because it's definitely like the nurturer, but it's like, it covers a lot. It covers your safety.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: I talk to people. A lot of people's moms were not nurturing.
[00:19:20] Speaker B: Exactly. And also your mom is you allowing abundance to come in because it's like that divine feminine energy that welcomes and receives.
[00:19:29] Speaker A: So my mom's my abundance gatekeeper, not my. Oh, that is interesting.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: But your dad is your work ethics and your work and you working out on the real world, like how you see yourself. So it's really.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: They are tied Together.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: Exactly. They are very tied together.
And I mean it's just like everything like when we're trying to manifest. We need to work with both energies. We need to have a balance in both energies. But with the mother figure.
The childhood insecure attachments styles.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: Your throat chakra is fighting fighting you on this entire episode.
[00:20:06] Speaker B: Yeah. It's just because it's going through so childhood trauma with a maternal figure can lead to insecure attachment styles that manifest in adulthood as anxious. Insecure attachment. As an adult, you can constantly seek reassurance in relationships and fear abandonment. This can lead if.
Can develop if. If your mother was inconsistently available or supportive.
[00:20:36] Speaker A: You know. And that's more and more common with working moms too.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Avoidant insecure attachment. This can result in a fear of intimacy and emotional distance from partners.
It may develop if your mother ignored you your needs or was over critical which that I can definitely relate.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: Some of these are repeats of the father.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: Yep. But it's almost like in just a different way because with.
Well, at least I can speak for myself. My. I was mostly around my mother.
So the mother is more of like the. The. The one that represents the home usually because they're always like usually at home unless they have to wait work themselves too.
Disorganized attachment. This attachment style can result from a mother who was a source of both comfort and fear. As an adult.
This can lead to confusion and inconsistency in your close relationships.
Relationship difficulties.
Boundary issues. A mother who did not respect your boundaries can cause you to struggle with self setting your own personal limits. In adult relationships. This may lead to being overly codependent or conversely extremely independent. So it can go either way.
People pleasing. I need for validation and approval from a mother who gave conditional love can result in people pleasing tendencies in other relationships.
Dysfunctional relationships. You may feel drawn to emotional unavailable partners or repeat other unhealthy patterns from childhood in adult relationship and self esteem and identity issues. Negative self image. You may internalize a mother's negative or critical words leading to a profound sense of not being good enough.
Perfectionism.
This trait can develop from a feeling that you have to be flawless to earn your mother's love and approval.
That was definitely. That definitely rings the bell.
Negative self talk. Survivors may adopt their mother's critical inner voice, constantly belittling and questioning their own abilities and worth.
Unworthiness. A chronic feeling of unworthiness or that you will never be good enough can result from a childhood of being undermined or belittled.
And last emotional and behavioral challenges.
Emotional Disregulation. You may y.
Oh, actually no, that was the last one of the traits. Sorry. Emotional amongst the mother wounds, we all endure different things.
For me it was definitely control and conditional love were probably like the most common ones.
And I think that it's so strange. The strangest part about analyzing now as an adult, my own relationship with my mother is that there's a lot of similarities of when she explained. Talks about the.
When she talks about her own relationship with her mother, but she doesn't see it for some weird reason.
[00:24:12] Speaker A: Do you see a pattern?
[00:24:13] Speaker B: She doesn't see the pattern, but I also think she doesn't see it because she's in denial. Yeah. And that would, that would, that would have to be dealt with. Accountability, which she doesn't have.
So because of that, and it's not accountability towards me because I'm not saying she has to do anything for me, meaning like accountability for herself in order to start her healing is the type of accountability. Because I just had a very recent talk with her, AKA last weekend where she was telling me how she really wants my brothers to be there in her life, but almost in a way of like I gave birth to them, they need to be here by me. And it was so rough because I was like trying to explain to her.
[00:24:58] Speaker A: That just kind of like they owe her.
[00:25:01] Speaker B: Exactly. And making someone understand that hasn't healed the fact that everything is inside and then it projects out. So if you want to experience more love in your life, no matter what that loving relationship is, you need to practice self love. You need to find that love within so that you can start projecting that energy. But when you're trying to force something like, especially when you're trying to force someone to be there, it works the complete opposite. It's almost like you put like a thing to push him away.
And it was so chaotic because she just went to. As far as saying just, well, one day I'm probably going to be sick in my deadbed, deathbed and they're not even going to care for me there. I'm just going to be abandoned there. And I said, first of all, that's not what you want to manifest. Because I said where you put your energy is what you bring in. But that's like also a lot of martyr in.
It's interesting because for me those are my main things that really like, if you want to get my attention the wrong way, it's like, show me those, those traits. Those traits, I can smell them from miles away because I grew up with those traits. And I'm like, no, we can't do this. And so all I was was a listening ear, and all I did was plant seeds, because that's all I could do.
And I did offer to her. I said, if you would like, I can try to find you some counselors that I think would be great. But she never responded.
[00:26:32] Speaker A: I think this is a good point you're bringing up, because I think some people try to heal the family itself, and it's really not your job to break the family pattern. It's your job to recognize it within yourself and change it within you.
[00:26:50] Speaker B: Exactly. In that exact comment that you just said, I did the complete opposite. When I first started my awakening process, I thought it was because I was so programmed to save others.
[00:27:01] Speaker A: I'm glad you're bringing that up, because this is a podcast for people on the spiritual path, and I think most of us thought we could save the family at first. Yeah.
[00:27:10] Speaker B: And what had to happen is I have to burn so bad of so many times.
I would actually, like, even have do things. Such as, like, completely schedule things for her and she would just not show up, not do them. I would volunteer my time to come up to her because being a breath work, doing breath work classes, I was able. I even offered to personally work with her with breath work, and she refused. It's like. So that's in order for, like. What I'm trying to say is you're going to get burned a lot before you finally snap out of it. And you realize that we really cannot force anyone to go into their healing.
[00:27:53] Speaker A: Right. Which is why ancestral healing starts with you.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: And stays with you.
[00:27:58] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: So we wanted to talk about.
Okay, so let's go back to those lists. Mom and dad traits. I am sure most of the people who listen to those could relate to at least one of them.
[00:28:10] Speaker B: Exactly. Or more.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: Or more. Yeah. And both sides of family are just one. But the whole point is they could relate.
So what do you do with that? So you found Family Constellation, which I'm sure people can look up, and you've told them a little bit about it. And there's other things you can do, too.
So that's what we wanted to talk about next for the part of the episodes like.
[00:28:34] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:28:35] Speaker A: We've all had wounded childhoods.
[00:28:38] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: Some of them deeper than others.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:28:43] Speaker A: And some of them. It's harder to heal than others. But the first step is choosing to help yourself first, Right?
[00:28:51] Speaker B: Yes, exactly.
[00:28:52] Speaker A: So he looked into the family Constellation.
Is that called Family Constellation Therapy?
[00:28:58] Speaker B: Yeah, it can be. Family constellation therapy.
What I was doing is family constellation work. But yes, it's technically considered family constellation.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: So people can find out more about it themselves.
[00:29:08] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:29:09] Speaker A: And that was just basically acknowledging the pain.
[00:29:12] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:29:13] Speaker A: Transmuting the pain.
[00:29:15] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:29:16] Speaker A: By saying, I recognize it's coming from wounded people, forgiving yourself and others, and then saying, thank you, I learned the lesson. Now I'm returning the package.
[00:29:25] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:29:27] Speaker A: Okay.
So it's amazing how visualization like that actually is very powerful, isn't it?
[00:29:33] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: You know, so if you haven't tried it, your imagination is just such a power tool. So go ahead and try that out. Anybody who's listening who wants to take that first step toward healing their wounds with their mom or dad or grandma or grandpa. Okay.
First the cat was noisy, now the neighbor's being noisy. I don't think the mic's probably picking it up. But just in case you hear some power tools, that's what's going on.
Okay. So I actually asked did an search online about some ideas of how you can, what are practical, approachable actions people can take to help deal with their family wounds when they rec once they recognize it.
And so the first one is recommended is awareness. We talked about that. And reflection. So reflection is just observing it, not trying to add a whole lot more energy to it, but just observing it from a neutral standpoint.
And then once you've done that, the activity that suggested is one of your all time favorites. Journaling.
[00:30:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:46] Speaker A: So why don't you tell people? I mean, I know we've talked about this before, but since it's one of your favorite crafts for helping you on the spiritual journey, tell people how journal links helped you with situations like this.
[00:30:58] Speaker B: So I feel what journaling has done for me is really break down to the core of where I'm trying to, what I'm looking for.
So for example, the first thing that usually happens is there's an emotion that pops up. You can feel sad, or you can feel angry, or you can feel whatever the emotion might be.
So when you get to the journal, what I do and you can of course do this or you can create your own method. I light up a candle, I grab a crystal. And usually like for crystals, I like to focus the intention on, I ask for help.
You can ask your spirit team to help you, but what you write down is the emotion. So you write, let's say it's anger. You write down, okay, anger. Here I am, I'm listening to you tell me why you're angry. And you start just like, just Free your mind completely and just start writing, and before you know it, everything that's making you angry at that moment will come up.
So when I do that, it's usually. That's my intention of surfacing it out, and then I'll follow it with something such as breath work.
I actually. When it's about anger, I love to do screen therapy. Not that everybody can probably do it at their place, but it works great.
[00:32:20] Speaker A: I used to live in apartments in Seattle. No, not in your apartment in Seattle, but.
[00:32:27] Speaker B: And it's. There's so many different healing modalities. There's also, like, for example, once you know that the anger and what you wrote down and said it in intention, Right. You can go on YouTube and say, type in, like, meditations to release anger, and they'll have a whole bunch of options.
[00:32:44] Speaker A: Well, there's also meditations for healing family wounds, too.
[00:32:46] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:32:48] Speaker A: Which is why I want to kind of go back to the journaling here, because there's two prompts that I was given. Okay.
And I like yours. Like, why am I angry? Where. You know, anger. Tell me why you're angry. But these are two good prompts specifically for family healing. Okay. First one is. So you might want to write this down in your journal and then see what flows after it. You would write down the question, what patterns in my family do I notice repeating in my life?
[00:33:17] Speaker B: Ooh, I like that.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: I know that requires some honesty, though.
Okay. And then the second one that's recommended to start your journaling maybe on another day. That'd be a lot in one day to handle both those questions. But the second one is, which traits, gifts, or strengths have I inherited? Now, this is flipping it to the positive. Yeah, actually, you should do them both probably in the same day.
So this. The purpose of this is it helps you recognize patterns without judgment, and it builds greater self awareness.
And so, you know, I could look at my family and say, well, there's.
They came from nothing and were tenacious and built their lives into something. You know, they're immigrant. I've got immigrants in my family. So.
So, yeah, there's always something positive you can see. You know, even. Even, like, for me, I could say, well, you know, my confrontations with my dad showed me I have standards, I have values. You know, there's. There's. There's. There's some kind of twist on there.
So I'll repeat those for. For journaling. What patterns in my family do I notice repeating in my life? And which traits, gifts, or strengths have I inherited? And I Like your journal prompt as well. I think that's very, very useful. Any, any emotion. Why am I feeling sad today? Why am I feeling confused today? Yeah, I like that.
Okay, so the second thing that was recommended, Amaral jump the gun on breath work.
And he's a breathwork facilitator.
And so he knows the power of breath work. And what is suggested as an activity to help you clear these family wounds is for you to, when you're inhaling, inhale the feeling of compassion.
And as you exhale, you exhale the old familial tension.
And so you can use your breath that way.
It's also recommended if you use a candle. You can light the candle and imagine the ancestral patterns transforming into light. Isn't that beautiful?
And you could drum to set, intention to.
And the whole point of that activity is it's going to shift stagnant or heavy family energy and prepare you as an individual for the family healing.
So, yes, you, you, you mentioned breath work. And these are just some examples that are real simple to do.
Anything else you want to share about how breath work's been helpful for healing family wounds especially?
[00:35:50] Speaker B: Well, I personally feel like breath work is amazing because it has such a. Our bodies are so smart. They like absolutely jump into. Like when you start doing breath work, for example, they'll jump into whatever is ready to be released. So it automatically goes into that. But you can also be intentional about it. Like if you have feelings that come up, you can set an intention before breath work on I want to work on this or I want to surface out what this is and then do your breath work. And then after that you get. Because you're bringing in that prana energy.
Every breath work is very different. Like, some can be totally calm, some can be very emotional and really like just releasing a lot. Some can feel very energetic afterwards because you're just bringing that prana energy and that prana energy.
[00:36:39] Speaker A: People won't know what prana is.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: So prana, it's also. It's known as so many things. It's known as chi, as known as like just.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: It's the universal life force they talk about in Reiki.
[00:36:50] Speaker B: Exactly. So it's just healing energy that when you breathe a certain way, you allow it to come. Come into your body. And what it does, it just serves as healing.
[00:37:00] Speaker A: It's a purifier. You're purifying with your own breath.
[00:37:03] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:37:05] Speaker A: So there's ways to. You could ask Emeril about joining one of his.
It's twice weekly online zoom Sessions where he walks you through the process, takes about an hour.
[00:37:19] Speaker B: And I think you said twice weekly.
[00:37:21] Speaker A: I'm sorry. I meant twice monthly. Yeah, twice monthly.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Twice monthly.
[00:37:27] Speaker A: Sorry. Glad you caught that. Otherwise, so. Yeah, so if you're interested in that, we have a Facebook page. Welcome to Woowooville. And you can send him a message, and he'll get you hooked up.
[00:37:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:39] Speaker A: Amaral Valle Torres.
[00:37:41] Speaker B: And it's through zoom. And it is free.
[00:37:44] Speaker A: Free.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:37:45] Speaker A: Free healing.
Okay.
So another activity that's recommended that you can do is guided reflection and declaration. And. And I was given a specific declaration to say. You say it. You can say it in your head or you can say it out loud. I would probably say it out loud because I think that carries even greater weight.
[00:38:06] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:07] Speaker A: You know, like, you heard Amaral struggling with his throat earlier. This is how you get past the throat chakra being blocked. You say it out loud. And the mantra is for setting boundaries.
I honor myself, and I set boundaries that protect my energy.
Very simple, very direct.
I like it. And it. The purpose of this activity is it empowers people to break unconscious enmeshment, which. That's what most family traits are. Enmeshment, or codependent patterns.
So I honor myself and set boundaries that protect my energy.
Boom. That's it. Simple. You don't have to know exactly what the patterns are. You don't have to. You know, this covers it all.
[00:38:54] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:38:54] Speaker A: Do you like that one?
[00:38:55] Speaker B: I do like that one.
[00:38:57] Speaker A: Okay. Another activity people can do is invocation of support, which is something you mentioned, calling in the spirit guides.
So we have an episode About Spirit Guides 101 Where We Talk about. You have an entire team of spirit guides.
They all have a purpose and a function. They cannot help you unless you call them in.
[00:39:19] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: They have rules to follow.
So this. That's what it's talking here. Invoke those guides. So they call it inviting. Invite assistance from spirit guides to help heal the family lineage specifically. So I told you, every guide has a function.
You won't know the guide's name. You won't know the guide's appearance necessarily. You might get that later. But you know the function.
I am calling in for help from the guide who can help me heal the family lineage or the guides. I would go plural on that.
A short meditation can be helpful.
Another thing to say out loud, they're giving you. They're giving you templates to work with people.
You can just say, I call upon my guides to assist in harmonizing my family's energy. Isn't that beautiful? Harmonizing.
[00:40:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:09] Speaker A: I call upon my guides to assist in harmonizing my family's energy. And the purpose of this activity is that it's going to create a felt sense of support and alignment with higher consciousness. You know, when we're focusing on the family problems, we're not in this high vibe.
So this will bring in the spirituality in. Into the what seems like a very 3D situation.
[00:40:31] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:40:33] Speaker A: And there's a few more. If you don't mind me going through these. Is there something you want to address first, though?
[00:40:37] Speaker B: I just wanted to make sure that I. We mentioned. Because we didn't mention.
So along with this trauma, it's also. There's also ancestral trauma. We never said anything about it. And the only reason why even.
[00:40:50] Speaker A: But we did kind of at the beginning.
[00:40:52] Speaker B: The only thing I really wanted to bring up about the ancestral trauma is that that the parts where we don't even realize it's there. For example, let's say in your ancestral line, there was family members that actually went to war. That gets passed down.
[00:41:08] Speaker A: And even the family that's left in.
[00:41:10] Speaker B: Exactly left. They migrated. And I, I, I found out something really interesting when I was doing the family constellation work was that when I moved here to the US they say when your family migrates, you leave all this family behind. And whether you may not see it yet, but your favorite cousins were there, and all of a sudden your, your new culture knew everyone. So you're going to be grieving for them and then you feel like you all of a sudden left somewhere.
[00:41:41] Speaker A: You were uprooted.
[00:41:42] Speaker B: Yes. And so it's very interesting how that, or for example, when people have even more extreme backgrounds. Like, for example, like there's slavery, there's.
[00:41:52] Speaker A: Okay, and I'm sorry to interrupt you, but it's so important. Epigenetics says we, we're. We have the DNA.
[00:41:57] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:41:58] Speaker A: Seven generations back and seven generations forward. So every one of us is carrying wounding from wars.
[00:42:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:04] Speaker A: Because look at how many wars there's been in the 20th century.
[00:42:07] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: Alone and see that.
[00:42:10] Speaker B: The interesting part that I absolutely feel, it's incredible, is that you listening in are part of this. We are the ones that decided, I don't want to be passing this down to other generations.
[00:42:24] Speaker A: Yeah. It goes seven generations forward as well. Yeah. So a lot of you said the buck stops here because I've got children and grandchildren.
[00:42:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:33] Speaker B: Or even let's say you did follow what you were expected to follow, like growing up and as an adult. But then all of A sudden you realize you start going through your awakening and you're like, okay, it's time to heal this. It's never too late because obviously you're stepping up and you're saying, something's not right.
I don't want to pass this down, and I'm ready to let this go. That's where the true healing begins.
[00:42:57] Speaker A: You have the power to stop it. It's absolutely awe inspiring, isn't it? Yes, you do have the power to stop it completely.
And that's why we're giving you these suggestions.
[00:43:09] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:43:09] Speaker A: You know, find what you think gives you a little spark of interest and try it out.
Okay, so another one is activity you can. You can apply to. This is forgiveness and release, which goes with your family constellation.
So the activity is just a gentle visualization. Once again, your imagination is so powerful, guys.
So the suggestion is to imagine sending love and understanding to family members, parents, past and present, that can go back, way, way back, even beyond seven generations.
[00:43:41] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:43:42] Speaker A: Okay. And acknowledge harm without condoning it. Visualize energy transforming from tension into light.
And the purpose is that it frees people from being energetically tied to resentment or guilt.
I'm going to bring up the. The thing we learned from one of our friends, Mary Beckman, which is very powerful use of your imagination and your forgiveness and, and visualization. And so she recommends, like, let's say you have a mother who's toxic, for example.
And so you want to, you want to look at the matriarchal line of your family and find out, well, where did this, you know, how many generations back does this go? So what you can ask is your guides can help you with this. You could call in your guides. I would like to see my entire family, the entire matriarchal side, the women only, and imagine them lined up going back as far as possible that you can imagine. Okay. Or that feels right.
And then you do this. You ask, you do exactly this. You send them love and understanding and say, I don't know exactly what happened for, for all this to begin, but anyone who wants to break this pattern now raise your hand. And you'd be amazed in your imagination how many will raise their hands. Some will not. They're not ready yet.
[00:45:07] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:45:08] Speaker A: And then you say, okay, thank you so much. You can step out of line. Go with my guide, and my guide will help you.
And they will step out of line. And I just got goosebumps saying this because I know it works. I've done it myself. And you may have to do it several times.
And you can do that with the matriarchal line, the males on that side, you can do the patriarchal line, the males on that side, you can do the patriarchal line, the females on that side.
So that's an example. In addition to your family constellation.
Work that I know works because I've done it myself and I've talked to other people through it, and I want to give credit because I learned it from Mary Beckman.
Very good.
[00:45:49] Speaker B: It's a very effective technique.
[00:45:51] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:45:51] Speaker B: I used it myself also.
[00:45:53] Speaker A: Yes. So we're giving this to you for free to try out.
Okay. So another activity that could help would be establishing some micro rituals.
So what they recommend is to say a mantra, but also attach that to, like your. Says a small stone, like you do with your journaling. So you put it on altar. Your altar doesn't have to be anything special. It could just be a little spot on your bookshelf. Right.
And every time you see that space that you put the stone on. Or. Or it could be a. A family memento, like a photo or a statuette or, you know, figurine.
And you say, I honor and transform my family energy with love and light. Every time that you stand in front of that little designated area. And the purpose of that is it creates a habitual, gentle integration of healing work. Habitual. You're going to be walking past that space over and over and over again. It's going to be your reminder to keep working on this.
[00:46:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:46:52] Speaker A: Okay.
Another, which is my favorite personally activity for healing, pretty much anything, including family trauma, is art and movement. It says. So, yes, a lot of people dance it out. You know, they'll just let their bodies flow. So I'm not much for. I'm not. I'm. I'm just clunky, so that's not my gig. But I. I know a lot of people do, you know, the. The spontaneous dancing.
But also recommends art.
And here's what I thought was really a beautiful way to do this.
You can create a piece of art. In this case, it's recommending a collage, because I like collages. But it could be a different kind of art, and that. That represents the family dynamics overall.
Then you can overlay it with symbols of transformation. So I was saying to Amaral before we started, I like this idea because you could, like, put, like, maybe my feeling of abandonment, you know, my dream with Batman and big grocery store and little kid. And then I could put a dove of peace over that, or I could put some sacred geometry over that, some something that's you visually. See? See? And that you're creating, that's transforming that energy right. Right in front of you. I like this.
[00:48:07] Speaker B: Yeah. I. What's ringing up to my mind is. Remember that class we took with Eve where we painted and then she would extra instruct us of like, okay, now imagine someone that you growing up, you always had difficulties with, and then, like, start drawing whatever reminds you of that person. So we would grab the dark colors and we'll be like, super hard on the board.
And then it's like all of a sudden it would go into, like. Now imagine just letting go of that energy and then just putting something in it that counteracts it. And we would use, like, white or use lighter tones to just. And you could feel the shift of the energy as you're doing artwork. You're like.
[00:48:45] Speaker A: Because, I mean, it's cathartic. First to get that anger and frustration out. Sorry, that was my bracelet. That wasn't the cat this time. Me guilty.
But yes. And then infuse it with just like this. Something softer, more forgiving. Yeah.
Okay. So the final suggestion of activities, easy ones you guys can do, is to share, find people. Find a circle of people you. You feel like you can trust or even online, because there's spiritual communities where you.
We might find someone you really trust online too.
But this is going to take some. You know, it's up to you because that's a big first step.
And if you can find people to talk about family patterns without shame, that really helps. Like, he. He and I do that all the time. We both have martyr mothers. We can definitely talk about that.
So there's probably someone out there for you who knows and understands your situation. And. And it's just a matter of somehow, and I don't know how spirit does it. Somehow it aligns you.
[00:49:54] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:49:54] Speaker A: So that eventually I think you'll find the right people.
Also. Meditation groups, rituals. One of the things that recommended earlier was.
Was recommended on the Internet was cacao ceremonies like we did.
And so rituals can be helpful too, too, because, you know, it talks to the subconscious part of your brain. You know, you're doing things that are visual. You're doing things that involve taste, you're doing things that involve touch, you're doing things that involve. Usually there's music. So we just have a few minutes left, so why don't you talk. Let's talk about cacao ceremonies. Because you've. You. You've been to quite a few now.
[00:50:37] Speaker B: Yeah, I've been to quite a few and how they.
[00:50:39] Speaker A: They can help with the family.
[00:50:41] Speaker B: So the reason why cacao is probably recommended that immediately it made so much sense is.
So cacao is.
It's derived from a plant and it's what they normally make chocolate with before all the preservatives and sugars and stuff. So it's the purest form of before it becomes even chocolate. And it's done into a drink where you take it and it's usually warm and they have some sort of natural sweetener like honey. If you're diabetic, they can substitute it for like monk fruit or things like that.
Usually afterwards you go on a meditate, like you go on some sort of inward state. So it can be sound healing, it can be breath work, it can be a meditation.
And usually the ceremonies are provided. I would encourage you guys to look in your area because now they're becoming a lot more available.
Here in Skagit county, there's a place that does it once a month, and it's in.
[00:51:40] Speaker A: Camino Island.
[00:51:41] Speaker B: Camino Island. Thank you.
I was like, I totally spaced out. But it's once in there, amazing. So they go in and it's like a sound healing afterwards.
And you know, the thing is, it's not a thing that takes you to.
It's not nervous altering at all. It's not.
[00:52:02] Speaker A: It's very mother energy, very hathor, very empress, very nurturing that you're tying into with cacao.
[00:52:09] Speaker B: And usually one of the things that I always heard it mentioned, it kind of reminds me of that energy is grandma cacao, because a grandma is like, it will help you with sorting things out, but it's always in a loving way. So it's very heart center.
The reason why I think cow would be great is because it connects with your heart. So it goes with your heart. And I know too that there is such thing as ordering cacao and doing in like micro doses, like drinking it at home and then just like going on meditation or doing that kind of work. But ultimately, what cacao does, once you are there, it's. It's a support that goes in. And when you're going in through it, it kind of guides you through healing in a softer, very loving way, very gentle way.
So whatever your intention might be, or even if you don't have an intention, but since we're talking about ancestral, you would normally go in with some sort of.
I want to go to the bottom of this. And it will help you sort that thing out.
[00:53:07] Speaker A: Well, do you want to go the bottom of this or do you want to heal this.
[00:53:10] Speaker B: Heal.
[00:53:11] Speaker A: Because going to the bottom of this tells you. Keeps you just focused on the problem you want to heal from.
[00:53:18] Speaker B: Say it. Right. Because normally when you go in, it's. It's assisting you with healing. But it's like what I meant by to the bottom of it is just finding.
Finding what is really, truly the cause and then healing.
[00:53:32] Speaker A: Because it's hidden in the subconscious. Yeah. So you're just shining a light on it and then doing it in a gentle, motherly way, using that particular medicine.
Okay, well, before we go, we've got a few minutes left, and I asked for some lovely mantras to help us with this.
So how about I read one and you read the next? Okay.
So I think these are very helpful. And mantras help us shift our energy.
So the first one is to help root in self, love as part of your family, wounding, healing. And the mantra is, I am whole, I am worthy, and I honor the love that flows through my lineage.
Because no matter how broken that lineage seems, there's some love there somewhere. Right. I'm going to repeat that for you guys, so you can write it down. I am whole, I am worthy, and I honor the love that flows through my lineage.
[00:54:29] Speaker B: I like it.
Number two is releasing ancestral patterns.
I release what no longer serves me, and I claim freedom for myself and for my ancestors.
[00:54:41] Speaker A: And for my ancestors. Because who knows how far back that went?
Like, let's say, oh, I thought I turned my phone down. I'm making all kinds of noises. I didn't plan to on this podcast. Sorry, guys.
Because let's say you identified something from World War II, but that's going to carry on to all these other generations. So that covers how it affected all that lineage going forward. I love that.
[00:55:06] Speaker B: So I'm going to repeat it one more time for those of you writing it down. I release what no longer serves me, and I claim freedom for myself and my ancestors.
[00:55:17] Speaker A: That's just really nice.
Okay. Another mantra that's been suggested to us is for forgiveness and compassion.
And the mantra is, I send love to those who came before me, and I forgive with an open heart.
I got chills saying that.
I'll repeat it.
I send love to those who came before me, and I forgive with an open heart.
You don't need to know the stories, but you can. You can heal that.
[00:55:49] Speaker B: And reclaiming your personal power.
I still step fully into my own light, breaking the chains of old family wounds.
I really like that.
I'll repeat it.
I step fully into my own light, breaking the chains of old family wounds.
[00:56:12] Speaker A: That is powerful.
Okay. And then there's a mantra that's been recommended for generational healing.
And once again, it's about you. I love this. Through me, peace, joy, and understanding flow freely to past, present, and future generations.
Oh, that's good.
Let's repeat that one.
Through me, peace, joy, and understanding flow freely to past, present, and future generations.
[00:56:45] Speaker B: And for integrating of lessons, I honor the lessons of my family history and transform them into wisdom and compassion.
I again, I honor the lessons of my family history and transform. Transform them into wisdom and compassion.
I like that, too.
[00:57:12] Speaker A: You know, and sometimes we forget that we came for these lessons.
Sometimes. That was our sole plan.
[00:57:18] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:57:19] Speaker A: That I'm. I'm here to transmute the energy of this family. I'm coming in as a baby.
My plan is to do that. And then, of course, we get here and find out it's more difficult than others, you know, than we thought. But, yeah, you may have. That may have been one of your main reasons.
In the spiritual journey, it's believed that we pick our parents, we pick our family, we pick our zodiac sign. All four lessons we need to learn.
So please, if you like any of these mantras, say them all, or pick your favorites and say them daily. If you can use them in meditation, you can combine them with tools like candles or drumming.
You can imagine the energy actually moving through your lineage as you say it.
And use your journal. You write that down in your journal over and over again, too.
Oh, my goodness. We did fill up a whole hour episode, didn't we, on this?
Okay, so if you like the episode, please share.
[00:58:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you for tuning in. And again, think our sponsor, Mystical Wares, and you can go on their website@st mysticalwares.com.
[00:58:28] Speaker A: Okay, see you next week.
[00:58:30] Speaker B: Thank you.
[00:58:30] Speaker A: Bye.
