STAYING HIGH VIBE WHILE SUPPORTING OTHERS

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by three fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it is like to wake up to your authentic self. Hi, I'm Lola Singer and I am with Emeril. And our co host, Pamela is on sabbatical right now helping some people who really need her skills. So we're hoping to have her back soon. And in the meantime, I have been snowed in in a cabin in the woods. I cannot get down my driveway, so Amaral came and rescued me. The roads are drivable. I just can't get down the driveway. So we are meeting at Mystical Wares to record this in the Shungite room. [00:01:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:01:05] Speaker A: So thank you to Derek, the store owner at Mystical Wares, for allowing us to use this space to record. And today's episode is about. Well, what was the title going to be called today? [00:01:20] Speaker B: How to Stay High Vibes While Supporting Others. [00:01:24] Speaker A: Yes. So this is something I think almost everybody on the spiritual journey can relate to. And as a reminder, that's what our podcast is about. Amaral and I are friends who met each other and realized we were soul family. And we've been going through our ups and downs as we've been expanding our conscious awareness. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:01:46] Speaker A: We know it's a bumpy ride, but the ride's well worth it. And we just wanted to help people who are going through what we've gone through in the past, let you learn from our experiences, and hopefully that will help you grow and feel like you're supported as you go through these ups and downs yourself. So I'm a spiritual teacher. I teach tarot. I read tarot. I've been studying esoterics for more than 10 years. I do spirit guide drawings. I am an energy healer. I run a drumming circle. I do light language. So I guess I'm pretty woo woo. So welcome to Woowooville, and I'm Ameril. [00:02:31] Speaker B: And I am a Reiki master, as well as I'm a spiritual person that does hair. And I also hold a breath work. I facilitate a breath work class every other Monday through Facebook, if you would. And I do that for free for the collective to help out the collective. So if you feel. Would if you feel like checking it out, you're more than welcome to. And you can reach to our Facebook Page at. Welcome to Woo Woo Bill on Facebook, and I can give you further information to send you an invite. The zoom links I usually send on the day of. So, yeah. And I'm looking forward today to talking about this topic because I feel like it's really been hitting hard on me. [00:03:26] Speaker A: Okay. And I just want to say real quickly, because we're in the shungite room. This is actually a healing room at Mystical Wares, and it's covered with shungite paint. And Shungite reduces EMF waves, so it creates a really nice healing space. It's filled with shungite objects. We've got pyramids, we've got spheres around us. We've got plants that are growing, that are growing in. They've sprinkled shungite into the soil. There are no windows in this room. [00:03:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:59] Speaker A: But these plants are thriving because of the shungite. There's water that's infused with shungite and. And a fountain and all kinds of wonderful things here. It's designed. I can speak. It's designed for you to sit in for about an hour and just relax. Enjoy the feeling of not having as much interference in your body so that you can allow yourself to relax and heal in many ways. So it's a wonderful space. It has super comfy chairs to sit back in. We're sitting in those chairs, but we have noticed that if we move because they're leather or leatherette, they do make noises. So if you hear any scrunchy sounding noises during this particular broadcast, don't worry. It's just the comfy seats we're sitting in. [00:04:50] Speaker B: Yeah. Also another thing, too, that I just wanted to mention about the Shungite room. It's like cutting away from the. The world. Like, literally. It's just. You go into this space of peace, and there's no energies that are affecting you. You're just at a calm state. So if you haven't checked out the Shungite room here at Mystical Wears, located in Mount Vernon, I would encourage you to. Especially if you just want that moment of peace, like, literally, you can come in, bring some headphones, listen to frequency music, relax. You deserve it. You deserve that peace, and this room really provides it for you. And we're not kidding. These plants look like they're fake. They're so shiny and so bright green because they are doing so well, because they're cut away from all that negative energy. They have nothing but positive energy. They're happy and they're like. You can visually see it. So it's a great room. I definitely recommend it to anyone that wants that peace. [00:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah, we're really fortunate to be here today. And I guess that helps us with the topic today about staying high vibe. [00:05:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:57] Speaker A: So we, we're here to support you, and you're here to support other people, aren't you, out there in the audience. So what did you. This is a topic that Amaral really wanted to address, so I'm going to let him start first. [00:06:11] Speaker B: So I'm going to start with. So a lot of the times when we're talking about support, it's almost as if we talk about friends and we talk about supporting friends and being there for them. But the one thing at least that I had to learn, it's almost like I gave a hard pass to family because it seems like I would would always try to support them and then I wouldn't realize that I'm really was going down when I was trying to help them, because at that time I was so programmed to believe that, I mean, that you can be there for others without you lowering your vibration. And this is why I thought this would be a good episode, because I think that we have all growing through going through our awakening, in our spiritual journey, we learn how to fully be like, be our authentic selves, but also how to be there for others without draining ourselves. [00:07:12] Speaker A: So let's get a little background, because in the past, Amaral has openly admit you've been a. You say people pleaser. [00:07:21] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:07:22] Speaker A: And that was draining the energy out of you. [00:07:24] Speaker B: And that was a professional people pleaser. The reason why I said professional is because, like, literally I said I was the yes type of person. I would say yes to whomever. But one of the things I had to understand is that every time I said yes to everyone, especially when I felt drained, that was a no to me. And I couldn't understand why I felt so drained all the time. I felt no energy. And I know that a lot of you can relate to this, because when you're giving away energy that you don't even have for yourself, you're draining yourself in. This isn't. This is about establishing healthier boundaries. It's not about you becoming this mean character that is like it's going to tell everyone to F off. Because that's not the point. The point is you want to be more balanced. You want to fill your cup so that that way you can be there for others and also recognize if you're being drained emotionally, then you're not really there supporting. You're actually going down with them. Anything you can add to that? [00:08:31] Speaker A: Well, I was just thinking, because you were about to dive into family, and I feel like for you, based on what I know about you, your family have been the people who have, for lack of a better word, taken advantage of you being a people pleaser most of your life. And yet it's really hard to avoid family. Even after a big spiritual shift. There's commitments, there's, you know, weddings, there's family gatherings, there's holidays. [00:09:01] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:09:02] Speaker A: So. [00:09:03] Speaker B: So one of the things I can, I guess I can go a little bit further with is recognizing behaviors that are not okay when people present them to you. And just knowing that you have a voice, for example, if anyone, whether it's family, close friend, if anytime they reach you, they expect you to stop everything you're doing to cater to them, that's really a toxic behavior. And that even brings it up into kind of another category, which I just found out, which is more about realizing who the energy vampires are from your circle, inner circle. And just to be clear, an energy vampire is someone that drains your energy. This doesn't mean that they're purposely doing it. It just means that sometimes the way they approach you, they really take, like, suck the energy out of you because they are so all over the place. Because obviously they're not taking care of their own energy and they expect others to drop everything they're doing for them. And first of all, that's not fair to you. And that's the time when you need to jump in and say, hey, I cannot do this. I have my own life to deal with, or I'm dealing with this. Can I get back to you? If they get really upset at you, then that means, obviously we need to break a cycle. Because along those lines, we have to own up to our own mistakes, too. And sometimes maybe you were just too available for everyone. And again, when you say yes to everyone, that means it's a hard no for yourself too, as well. So that's something to acknowledge. [00:10:43] Speaker A: And also if you're establishing what you're calling what I would call benevolent boundaries and someone doesn't respect, well, that tells you a lot about that person, doesn't it? Yeah, I mean, it's not that you're, like you said, being nasty about it. You're just saying, hey, that's. I'm sorry, that's not going to work in this particular instance. And then, you know, they may hold a grudge for you consciously or subconsciously. And that's when it feels like, like your energy is Being drained. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Yeah. So I also want to bring two things that we were just talking about right before the podcast. We wanted to describe what sympathy is and what empathy is. So based off of what we search. So sympathy is feeling pity, sorrow for someone, or distress. That's what sympathy would be. And empathy is the capacity to understand another person's point of view or feel what someone else is feeling. [00:11:47] Speaker A: Yeah. So I was pointing out that you could be sympathetic about, or you can have sympathy towards someone like, oh, poor Linda, look at what's going on in her life. But you could have no empathy for them because you might not understand what Linda's really feeling. Maybe she's starting to feel more empowered because she's going through a catalyst for change or something like that. [00:12:09] Speaker B: Mm. [00:12:11] Speaker A: So when it comes to supporting others, sometimes we have to have a little come to Jesus talk with ourselves. Am I feeling sympathy for this person? Am I feeling sorry for this person? Do I pity them or do I empathize with them? Do. Do I understand what he or she is going through? [00:12:29] Speaker B: And I think a lot of the times it's like we all want to help. It's truly in our nature to help others. But sometimes we don't understand that we're not helping anyone if we are draining ourselves and then we're trying to be there for others. And that's kind of what me. At least I can speak for myself. A lot of my religious programming, there's this savior complex where you think someone's going to save you, where you feel like you need to save others, and that's just not okay. Because the thing is, we're all here to have our own journey. And part of respecting that journey is allowing people to learn their own lessons. Because when you interfere on someone's lessons, let's say someone's going through a tough time and you just want to take care of them and have them not go through that. Even though you're seeing it, you're actually judging them. And then you're not allowing them to step into their full power and full potential of how to learn their own lessons and be able to get out of that. And the crazy thing which I have seen so many times happen is that because they avoided that lesson, the next lesson is going to be much bigger and much more Earth wrenching. That's going to really shake up their lives because it's like an avoidance. Every time you see loops, loops aren't happening because they're just happening. It's because there's a lesson that they haven't learned. So a lot of the times it's almost like you have to stop and realize, am I stopping someone from their growth? Because that's. I can definitely say that's something that I was doing for a lot of people around me. And it's really interesting. Even with friends, I was the one that like, was always bringing them in, like saying, like, let's get together, let's do this, let's do that. But then all of a sudden I stopped. And I thought for a second, if I don't do that, who else will do that for them? Or will they reach out to me and do the same? And the answer was clearly a no. So it's not about the good or the bad or someone's good or someone's bad. It's about putting things in perspective. I feel that we all have within ourselves this compass that it's called emotions. And what you get, what. How you feel when you're helping someone or when you're overextending is a good sign of this is where you're at. And if you're over pushing yourself to be there for others and not yourself, like examples, if you're feeling drained, if you're feeling exhausted, those are all emotions that are valid. Those are emotions that are giving you a red flag of you're overextending yourself. And then. Sorry. [00:15:13] Speaker A: Oh, I was just thinking, what makes you think you need to help them anyway? [00:15:16] Speaker B: Yeah, that. [00:15:17] Speaker A: That's on you. That is on you. [00:15:20] Speaker B: But see, that goes along with the saving complex too. [00:15:23] Speaker A: Yes, it does. Do you want to hear what my tarot teacher says Eli says about saving people? [00:15:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:30] Speaker A: You ready? [00:15:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:32] Speaker A: Quote, only slaves need saving, unquote. [00:15:38] Speaker B: Yeah, that sounds like Eli. Eli's a Scorpio. So he does. He's not on the soft spoken side, but it does make sense in a way because, I mean, you. You look at the. [00:15:50] Speaker A: Sees themselves as a victim. [00:15:51] Speaker B: Exactly. And so if somebody sees themselves as a victim, then you. Then it's like that person needs to see themselves. They need to see their strengths and their ability to be able to get out of whatever situation has been holding them hostage. I just went through a huge death and rebirth cycle. And I understand, understood the part of when I victimize myself, I'm actually giving my power away to some someone or some situation. And once you actually stand in your power and say, okay, I am not going to give my power away, I'm going to look at it in a different way so that I can start solving things in my life, Things will Start to shift. But it's almost like we are the ones telling the universe, God, whatever, fill in the blank you want to do. How do we want to be treated like, what is it about you and how you're dealing with your life that you want that to return to you? It's almost like it, it everything. You're not just living to live. You're living to learn, to go through your journey, but you're also growing. Because every life is about growth. It never just that stays in one place. So how are we evolving and how are we staying in a high vibration so that we can support others in what does a high, high vibration mean? What would you say that would be a good explanation of a high vibration? [00:17:26] Speaker A: Oh, you're putting me on the spot. Well, yeah, well, I guess it would be not allowing yourself to be caught in the drama of other people. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:37] Speaker A: You know, to stay, keep your vibe as high as possible, even when other people seem to be panicking or fearful or dreading life. You know, really just trying to observe. Observe it rather than getting embroiled in it. That goes to holding space for people. You can. You can go back to empowerment. You know, is it more empowering to step in and do something for someone or is it more empowering for them that hold space for them and allow them to find their own solutions? [00:18:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:18] Speaker A: So you got to look at it this way. It's really not your job to save people. Your job is to support people who want your support. [00:18:29] Speaker B: So I also along these things because we are in these times where this is so crazy. So I decided to take it upon myself to kind of really do a deep introspect of what is it about me that I've been doing lately that maybe I hadn't realized how much I'd given my power away. So one of the things I came across was holding myself accountable for what I'm feeding myself. So, for example, if we're feeding our brains with news constantly, if we're like in social media all the time. So all those things are. Think of them as these illusions that are playing out. And I call them illusions because literally, for example, in a TV sense of way, where the camera points, that's what it's trying to convince you, that that's what's really happening. Because I was interested in hypnotherapy, I did a research on it and I fill out this kind of guess. Like, if you're interested, you need to fill out this questionnaire. So one of the questions was, what is the world's biggest programmer that exists right now. And I didn't really know the question and I was shocked. It's television, which I'm like now I understand and I'm not shocked by it. But at that time it's like I was telling someone that was really affected by the news. I said at this point you have to see things. Meaning if you can't see a show, a television with the mind of. You have your own mind. And this isn't reality, this is just a portrayal of what they want me to see, you have no business watching that because really it's not going to benefit you and you can't distinguish one from the other. And so that's going to end up actually really affecting you at the end. Because right now with society, those that choose to, to focus on those low vibrational things, it's almost like they are suffering from anxiety, depression, all these things that nobody really forced that upon them. They chose that because what you choose to feed yourself, it's what's going to play out. And that's one of those things about how to support others because you can't flat out tell them, oh well, you've been doing this wrong. But instead if they ask, you can say, hey, I've learned if I don't focus on these things, I have more peace in my life, I have more of a flow, I can keep my vibration higher. But it's a really fine line between which I was telling Lola before we got like, how do we tell someone, someone without like being able to share our ideas, without feeling like we're preaching to them or we're telling them what to do because nobody wants to be told what to do. [00:21:35] Speaker A: And someone in a, what you're calling the a low vibe state is susceptible to thinking that you're preaching at them or your whole holier than thou attitude. Yeah, even though we're not, you know, we're coming from a place of unconditional love, they're going to see it as an attack when they're in a low vibe state state. So we got to be as non judgmental as possible and because they're going to think we are being judgy. [00:22:05] Speaker B: Well, and the thing though is to seek within, to really start the process of your own inner healing means to go down to the concepts because I don't believe that it exists, but it's literally digging through your own hell of what is keeping you trapped, what is keeping you at that point where it's holding you back from really experiencing your full potential. And that's something that not everybody can do because that's part of growth. Until you realize, okay, what is it? Where is it that I'm like holding myself back? Like have that close encounter with a mirror and stop BSing yourself and say, where am I at at this point for this? Or am I really following what makes me happy? Am I really setting up good boundaries? Am I really being supportive to others without lowering my vibration? Things like that, like all those questions, when you really start asking those deep questions is when you're going to hear the best answers. And as you answer those questions for yourself, you're going to be better support. [00:23:21] Speaker A: For others because you're going to have more empathy for them. [00:23:24] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:23:24] Speaker A: Because you're going to understand you were in that place they're at before and. [00:23:28] Speaker B: You'Re not any better or any worse. We are all just learn, growing and learning. [00:23:35] Speaker A: Yeah. So one of the things that I wanted to talk about was unconditional love. So that's kind of what I was hinting at before, you know, when, when somebody's in a low vibe state and goodness knows I've been there. Yeah. It's. I had to dig myself out of a big psychological hole to get to where I'm at now. A lot of people aren't ready for that. [00:24:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:01] Speaker A: And that's why, you know that, that Roman adage about give them bread and circuses, you know, if they have enough food and they have enough entertainment, they're never going to look at themselves. Right. So. And that's how you people stay enslaved. [00:24:17] Speaker B: So then. [00:24:18] Speaker A: Oh, go ahead. [00:24:19] Speaker B: I think I just want to point out, because I know that you're, you're. This is how you're expressing it, but I just want to simplify it in other terms. So like, for example, what is feeding you as far as feeding, like keeping you entertained. So it could be television, it could be social media, it could be just gossip. Yes, gossip. So those are the things that we bring it into modern times that would, that would apply under that. [00:24:44] Speaker A: Okay, so. Because if I love your, your statement, like when you're pointing at someone, there's one finger pointing at them and four pointing at you. [00:24:52] Speaker B: Yes. [00:24:53] Speaker A: That is because of that and because I know I, I've been low vibe myself and I have empathy for other people, have learned in this journey that we cannot rescue anyone who does not want to be rescued. And we're not really supposed to be rescuing anyone anyway, like we talked about earlier. But we can support them by holding space for them. And so I wanted to talk about that because I have a psychology degree. So I looked up what Psychology Today has to say about holding space. So this is not woo woo. This is from a scientific. Well, supposedly scientific. I have another opinion about some psychology now. But anyway, this is not from a Woo Woo magazine. So according to Psychology Today, holding space is a practice of making space for someone else's experience and centering them. Now centering is perfect balance and harmony of emotion, spirit, mind. You could call it mindfulness. Yeah. So you're helping to them center because you are making space within yourself to observe someone else's experience. And to hold space, one must be fully present to create a safe environment. You've done that. You know when you help, when you with a friend and they need a good cry and you're right there and here's my shoulder. Right. You're making space for him. It doesn't have to be big woo woo, spiritual, scary. And it fosters listening and empathy. So I think the best way I've learned to support people is to hold space with unconditional love. And unconditional love means to allow them to learn their own lessons and to be there when they are ready to ask you for help. If they do ask you for help and it is reasonable. Right, reasonable, like we talked about earlier, not overstepping boundaries, then you're there to give them the support by answering the questions they may have, giving them that pat on the shoulder that they need. Whatever it is, but it is a very, very mutual loving. [00:27:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Give and take. [00:27:15] Speaker B: Would you say that also qualifies in their non judgmental. [00:27:20] Speaker A: When they're non judgmental? [00:27:21] Speaker B: No, like you being non judgmental about whatever they're expressing. Whatever. [00:27:26] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Because if you're sitting there going well it's your fault because you voted for so and so then that's, that's not holding space. That is. Yeah, that's not unconditional love. [00:27:39] Speaker B: And I also, I want to talk about unconditional love for a second because coming off of like a very, very wounded, have not found unconditional love. Speaking for myself sometimes how we're brought up, how everything worked out and because everybody can only function from their healed and unhealed perspective. Growing up as a kid, you're, you define the love that you received and it was very conditional. So unconditional love is like the word that comes out so easily out of people's mouth. But at the same time it's, it's about finding that unconditional love for yourself first. So then that can be applied to Others around you. Because once you have it for yourself, it's very easy to have it for others, because then you understand in a deeper sense of the word. And the reason why I'm mentioning that is because unconditional love is very. Sometimes we have to do a little bit of healing to get to that. [00:28:42] Speaker A: Sometimes. [00:28:43] Speaker B: Well, all the time, I should say. [00:28:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't think there's a huge process to get to that. [00:28:48] Speaker B: And the reason why I'm mentioning is, is if you are on that process of finding that unconditional love for yourself, like, be patient with yourself. Like, understand. Like, it's almost like you have to go through forgiving forgiveness of those that obviously didn't show you unconditional love. And then you have to forgive yourself, and then you have to let go of. Everything was blocking you from receiving that unconditional love. And I feel like that journey itself is very sacred in whatever part you're on. You need to honor that, too. Because none of us are born like. I mean, technically, the moment we're born, we are connected to unconditional love. But then when we start experiencing life, all these programs, it just takes us so far away from it. So with unconditional love, the journey of finding it yourself first really is what you want to do. Because then out of you feeling the unconditional love, then it's easier to feel it for others. [00:29:55] Speaker A: All right, I'm sitting here as if I'm someone in the audience going, well, how do you do that? Seriously? [00:30:02] Speaker B: So what if it's almost like that part about going into the mirror and seeing. I always. I. What I started with is, what parts of me do I not like? What parts of me. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Yeah, this is shadow work. [00:30:14] Speaker B: Can I not. Can I not stand literally. And there was a lot. And then when I realized that I went into each one of those shadow aspects of myself, of what is it that I really don't like about myself? And I realized that those shadow parts of me hold. It's almost like a treasure because it's under. In. It's an. It's parts of us that we don't understand, but when we throw in that I hate this part about myself. You can't. You can't just hate or dislike something unless there has to be a good reason behind it. You're gonna find it that you're gonna find the connection between. There's a aspect of you, when you were growing up as a kid that something happened that put you to not like that about yourself. And usually it starts out it could Be like a simple comment. It could be something that someone told you. And it starts like that snowball effect where it was something so small. But yet as you go through life, more things pile up and more things pile up. Before you know it, it becomes this big thing and now it's this big full blown trauma. But it's not about dwelling on the traumas, it's just about being able to heal them and being able to understand those parts of you that are the shadow aspects of you. They're just misunderstood part that has so, so much potential in when you start healing yourself, you're going to go through a lot of pain, but then all of a sudden you're going to realize that it's going to be a curve and then you're going to be get to a point where you're loving, finding these new things about yourself because it all starts with pain, but then it moves to love. And that's when like unconditional love, at least for me, I can say started coming in is when I started seeing myself for the whole everything that I am, including the parts of me that I didn't really like and learned to understand them so I can give back myself the love that I kept away from. And that's when things start changing. [00:32:19] Speaker A: Yeah, we did an episode about shadow work, so if you want, we talked an hour about it. So there's some. Please listen to that. It all begins with looking at what you are ashamed about. [00:32:30] Speaker B: Mm. [00:32:31] Speaker A: And then kind of thinking about what? Well, where did this shame come from? What was going on? How old was I? Who else was there? Who do I forgive? Myself and others. You know, and it goes from there. And I think why we're bringing this up is because it, it is how you get to unconditional love. There's no way you can understand unconditional love unless you can love the parts of you that you've been trying to hide from yourself for decades and decades and decades. So once you learn to love all aspects of yourself and a lot of that is forgiveness, then it's easier to see yourself in others. And that's the empathy and the unconditional love that we've been talking about. How do you support people where you recognize, oh, I've been there, I get it, I know where he or she is at now. It doesn't mean you're going to bring yourself back down to that level again, but you are going to observe it and say, I know, I know what's happening with this person. So I can sit here, I can hold space. I can let him or her vent or do whatever needs to be done to help process this. I can give them advice about meditation or music or something that helped me and then let them take it from there. And either they can accept that information or not, and you're still going to give them that unconditional love, whether they decide to follow your footsteps or not. [00:33:59] Speaker B: And sometimes we have to understand is you're not trying to fix people's lives. All you're doing is planting seeds. Hopefully the person can find within that seed that you're planting, grow from that and see really where they're at, what needs to be healed. But nonetheless, you explaining it as telling your truth doesn't necessarily mean that that's going to be their truth at that time or that they're really fully going to understand what you're saying. Because the capacity to understand has to come from in a healing point as much as they've healed. That's how much they can listen to you. [00:34:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And a lesson and an expansion. So the. I keep thinking the most common way to describe this in non wooboo terms would be when you have a toddler and you tell the toddler, don't touch the hot stove. And inevitably that toddler is going to touch the hot stove. Even though you explain why not to touch the hot stove. Once the toddler touches the hot stove, the toddler has learned a lot and definitely expanded and grown and knows it's probably not a good idea to do that again. And you can amplify that and expand that to all kinds of life lessons from, for adults as well as children. So that's what we're talking about with the healing. It's like the, oh, I have the awareness now that that isn't working, so I'm not going to do that anymore. [00:35:31] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, definitely. That's like, that's a really good way to keep it in simpler terms because it does make sense and it is a healing. [00:35:40] Speaker A: It's a healing because, oh, okay, I've learned. Okay, so I'm, I'm more whole because I have this understand understanding now of what didn't work. So now let's focus on what will work exactly. [00:35:52] Speaker B: And the reason why we're bringing this up is that sometimes you'll find it that even though you are in the right heart space to try to help others by explaining like how even if it's from your own experience, they may not always be able to listen to you and it's not thing against you, it's almost it's just they're not ready for that yet. [00:36:17] Speaker A: And that's why I'm using the toddler analogy. We can watch people and maybe it's a relationship and we're seeing that. Oh, my gosh. I can see that this relationship is not going in the direction that's ideal for either person. But is it your place to intervene? Not necessarily. They're learning a life lesson about why this relationship isn't working and how is one or the other going to empower him or herself? You know, is this person going to stay in the relationship or is this person going to say it's not working and leave? You can be supportive if they make that choice to leave. Right. But you. It's not your place to make that decision for them. You can offer information if they ask for it. I guess it's. That's the fine line we're trying to talk about between being non judgmental and having unconditional love and then feeling like you have to be the savior. [00:37:14] Speaker B: Yep. So another example too. For example, like with me. Excuse me, let me have some water in my throat, kind of. I've been married for nine years, and I tell you what, those that are married, props to you because I realize it's not a like. And they lived happily ever after. Because literally you start life when you get with someone, you start learning things you're gonna love about them, things that might not be your favorite about them, and you realize that it's two complete different people and you're learning how to live together. Well, back then I thought nagging was a way to get my point across. Like, no, you need to be this way. You need to be this way. [00:38:06] Speaker A: Oh, man, I don't want to live with you. [00:38:09] Speaker B: But that was also an unhealed Scorpio and then an unhealed Scorpio with a Capricorn. Can you guess the outcome of that? [00:38:18] Speaker A: It wasn't all love and light. [00:38:20] Speaker B: No, it was definitely not love and light. But now I've learned because sometimes we're just dealing with the concepts that we get taught. Like my, my. I love my grandma to death, but she used to have the saying, and it's so awful, she would say a bad husband's a result of an improper trained husband. Somehow I adopted that. And I literally thought I could change my husband for some weird reason. [00:38:54] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good point. Because a lot of people who get married think that. [00:38:58] Speaker B: Yes. [00:38:58] Speaker A: And they think, oh, you know, I can see it's the empathy. I see their wounding. I want to Fix it. Let's get married and I'll fix it. [00:39:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:07] Speaker A: And that doesn't usually work. [00:39:09] Speaker B: No. And it's not coming out of a malice part because really you're trying to help. But the truth is, would you like it if somebody was nagging on you about something that they wanted you to change all the time? Of course not. How would you react to that? So a lot of the times it's about just putting yourself in their shoes and just saying, you know, I. If I love you, I love you with who you are. I know you're not perfect. I know I'm not perfect. I know we both have growth to do, but I will allow you to have your own experience, because my experience is going to be different than you, and I can hold space for you. But at the same time, we all have our own timelines, our own lives to live, and that can be different even. Yes. Are you affected by the energy that's going around? Meaning, like, if there's. We know that when chaos happens, chaos happens. And then sometimes it drags you into it because it's someone living with you, so it's easier for you to get affected by it. But on the bigger picture of things is there's moments and there's times, and sometimes the best thing you can do is allow a little bit of space before you can even really communicate. Because I'm sorry, but yelling is not communicating. I tried that and it never worked. [00:40:33] Speaker A: No, it's just one upsmanship. [00:40:35] Speaker B: Yep. So there's just so much that goes into supporting others. And I think the beauty for me now, where I'm at is seeing people's growth. I don't have. They don't. Nobody has to do anything to please me. They just have to do their own journey. Because ultimately, anything I've ever brought up or tried wasn't so much a control thing. Like, I want you to function this way, to work for me. It's almost like I want you to be healthy and I want you to have your own journey. And I hope that when you ask for help and I plant seeds, you take up on those seeds. But if not, that's your choice also. And obviously there's like, some severe things that you're not going to let pass. But what I'm talking about is just when you're really trying to communicate with somebody and when you're trying to hold that space is more about you staying high vibration and allowing them to vent and at the same time be able to communicate in a way where you're not because once you start with the disrespect of yelling, once you start with I'm right, you're wrong, you're not really gonna get anywhere. So it's kind of like waste of energy. And that's one of the things that I would always read on. Like, sometimes we would have arguments and I would feel so drained afterwards. All I wanted to do is just go to sleep. And I'm like, then I would go back and say, did I fix, took care of anything? The answer would be no, because you couldn't. So even with those really close to us, it's not easy. But there is ways to communicate easier. And sometimes we have to seek help if the situation becomes too toxic for a better. For a lack of work. Meaning, like, you're really disrespecting each other. Sometimes you have to put it up in a scale, like, where am I going with this? Where is this head heading? And I feel support is helping others see their light. I feel like now, for me, support. Support means allowing people to be themselves. And support for me is holding space without judging where they're coming from, because they themselves have a history of what they went through. And even though I may not have partaken in the past, in that history, clearly that history hasn't been healed where it's coming up for a reason. So I also wrote down unhealthy support traits. So what can we mention about. I kind of mentioned quite a bit about that too, actually. Right now I just realized that that's. [00:43:34] Speaker A: Because you've lived through them. [00:43:35] Speaker B: Yep. I think that just unhealthy support traits is just things that aren't going to help and aren't going to help the person, aren't going to help you. We get so programmed to be almost like it's like we have this when we haven't healed ourselves. We're so programmed to just shut down. So we want to end confrontations as soon as possible, and we want to outdo each other, and we want to not listen, and we want to just speak, but yet we think that we're going to get heard. So. So that's really putting in perspective on what unhealthy support traits are, as far as if what you're saying is ineffective, meaning if someone's not listening to you and if you're choosing not to listen, that's not even communication, really. So that even breaks it to the, like the simplest thing. So whether it's a friend, whether it's a family member, we do have to put ourselves in Perspective of are we able to say what we feel? Are we being heard? What is going on? Like what are the feelings we're getting? And if we are not getting what we're expecting to receive, we should be able to talk about it. And if you're not, if you feel like you can't talk about it because this person isn't going to. Let's listen. If you feel like this person's gonna just gonna shut you off, then why are you putting so much of your energy into something that's kind of like, for lack of a better word, a lost cause as far as you can't really communicate at this point with them. [00:45:25] Speaker A: So Emerald, I just want to make sure I understand. I think you're bringing this up in the topic of staying high vibe. Is that one of the most important things is for you to be aware of yourself. [00:45:38] Speaker B: Yes. [00:45:39] Speaker A: So that you can shift your energy. Am I getting that right? [00:45:43] Speaker B: Yes, Correct. Sorry. Sometimes I get talking and I don't specify, but yes. It's where you're, where you're coming from is just as important as like the state that you're at. Being able to express what you truly want to express. So if you're in a high vibration, what's going to come out of you? It's going to be things are more understanding, things are more like allowing a two way conversation. [00:46:11] Speaker A: But if you're high, if you think you're high vibe and you find yourself in a conversation that's going nowhere, then one way to raise your vibrations would be go, oh, I'm aware that this isn't working. So now let's change the strategy. [00:46:27] Speaker B: Yeah, I always find it too is I wrote down our focus in life. I think that focus, what we focus on in life is really important as far as what it's going to bring out of us in how we're able to be there for others, in how we're able to be there for ourselves. Because the concept of if your cup isn't full, if it's empty and then you're trying to pour things into others, you're draining yourself. That's kind of like for me it was huge to learn that. I did not understand that for the longest time because I thought I didn't have a choice. I thought growing up, because I grew up in a Hispanic family where since day one they tell you your family comes first no matter what. Well, what if sometimes that same family is very toxic? What if sometimes that family is draining you? What if sometimes that families also disrespecting you in such a way that you just don't feel right, does that mean they still come first? It's. There's this choice we all have to make in our lives. And that choice is, where do I feel like I'm being, I'm growing with and what areas of my life do I feel like I'm kind of stuck or I'm not moving forward or being disrespected. Because once you know where you want to go or the path you want to take, that really helps you out to know their circumstances and to set good boundaries on the things that you're not willing to be okay anymore in your life. [00:48:33] Speaker A: Okay, but let's say you have something really important coming up. Like your favorite cousin is going to get married and you love that cousin and your cousin wants you to be there. And you know you're going to be around some of the family members that are not high vibe. So our topic today is how do you stay high vibe in situations like that? I understand what you're saying. There are times to say no, but in a situation like this, when it's like, yeah, I love this cousin, I want to be there to support him or her for this wedding. How are you going to stay high vibe at the wedding? [00:49:08] Speaker B: So my first question would be like, going to this wedding, am I going for this person's wedding or am I going for the negative people that are there? Because you have to make that choice. And what that implies is you're going to go there because you're going to have a good time and you're going to celebrate your loved one. And regardless. [00:49:26] Speaker A: So you're already setting an intention. [00:49:28] Speaker B: So intentions are really important. And if those toxic people come up or they want to spread their, I don't know, toxicity for the lack of a better word, you just let them and just walk away. You don't always have to have the last word. And that's what's really crazy for me. Like I learned to battle everything I felt like growing up for me was like, okay, who can argue the best or who can tell off the best? And it's not. It's like sometimes you just want peace. And if. If these people don't have the peace within, that's a reflection of themselves. But is that a reflection of you putting things in perspective? It doesn't mean that you're always have to be right. It just means you choose peace regardless of the chaos. And right now especially we're standing in a world where there's a lot of chaos. But at the same time, do you feed yourself that chaos, or do you want to be part of that change? [00:50:31] Speaker A: So I'm going to substitute the word balance for peace. [00:50:34] Speaker B: Yes. [00:50:34] Speaker A: So keep. Keep yourself mentally balanced, keep yourself emotionally balanced, so you'll find tricks that work for you. I am. Statements like your intention settings. A good one. Deep breath, breaths if you need to, that can get you calmed down physically and emotionally. But balance is the key. That is how you master any situation, including being around people who have the potential to trigger you because they have in the past. And once again, you're responsible for how you react to those triggers. So I guess the whole point is learn maybe some mindfulness techniques. [00:51:13] Speaker B: Exactly. So another thing is laughter. Even if you fake laugh, it's the fastest way to raise your vibration. So that works really well. Taking some deep breaths and just relaxing. Oh, there was something that I was gonna say, too. [00:51:28] Speaker A: Oh. [00:51:28] Speaker B: And I just lost it. Darn it. I'll come back. [00:51:32] Speaker A: Okay, so I think that's what the gist of this topic is about. You know, if you're gonna stay in a position of unconditional love, that means you're the gyroscope. You stay in balance. You can't count on them to balance you. So that's your job. So learning every trick you can in the book to deal with people who are. When you're going to be in a situation you can't avoid, where they're trying to take you to a certain level, like, let's say, with gossip. [00:52:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:03] Speaker A: Okay. [00:52:04] Speaker B: I just remember. [00:52:05] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Feel free to share. [00:52:08] Speaker B: Okay, so this is one thing that took so long for me to understand. Right. So anything that bothers me outside from anyone, there's gotta be a magnetic charge that's still connected to me. So instead of being like, oh, I cannot stand that person. Oh, that person. Drives me nuts, whatever. Then look at it as, why? Why am I being so affected and why am I being so triggered? And look within yourself so that. That way you can heal that magnetic charge that's still present. And when you do heal it, it's like the most magical thing happens, which I have done. Those people have no power because anything that they could possibly say to you does not. Not only doesn't affect you, you just walk away from it because you're like, well, that shows who you are. I know who I am, and I choose the high road. [00:53:02] Speaker A: And that is exactly what I wanted to get to. In this episode, you are responsible for how you react. That's as simple as it can get. They're not responsible for your reactions to them. So even if they're trying to poke at you, you are empowered enough and responsible enough to monitor your reactions and then to make a choice. And that choice is, do I fall for the bait and go down that road, or do I choose to remain as balanced as possible? [00:53:50] Speaker B: I mean, we're by no means perfect, nor will it ever be. And there was times through our growing parts of it that, like, especially me having to interact a lot with family, I wouldn't. I would go to events and I hadn't healed certain things about it, certain connections, and they would be there. And I remember always asking myself, well, do I really want to be around that person? But then I thought of all the people that I did wanted to go around, and I'm like, why would I make an exception for one person? And even if you haven't healed, like, let's say you haven't gotten as deep as to understand what is that magnetic charge that's bothering you that's triggering you. Just put it in a broader perspective. You don't. In one meeting, you don't have to face them. You don't really have to deal with them. And half of the time when you're in a high vibrational, they will want nothing to do with you. Like, meaning they'll probably ignore you or not want to talk to you, which is actually a blessing in disguise. [00:54:55] Speaker A: Yeah. So I guess the first is just don't engage if you don't have to. Yeah. And just send them the unconditional love and hold space for them and you be you. And you know, I guess, you know, while you're talking, I'm remembering times when I've been triggered, you know, and. And like you said, it's. Just because we're on a spiritual journey doesn't mean we don't get triggered again. [00:55:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:55:22] Speaker A: By anything. Not. Not necessarily your family. But once again, you're responsible to catch it, notice it, be aware of it, and change it. [00:55:33] Speaker B: Yep. Everything outside of you is just playing out to your vibration. And once you realize that, you really start mastering your own self. Because the energy you're sending out, the intentions you're sending out, the emotions you're giving life, life to within yourself. It's what's playing outside of you. [00:55:58] Speaker A: And we're getting more and more evidence that this life we're living is a simulation. Read it like a video game. [00:56:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:06] Speaker A: You're a master player. If you have situations in your life and people in your life who are potential triggers for you, it's because you're a master player. You said, I don't want to have the beginning version of this game. I'm going to be bored. So if you start to look at these people as gifts to help you learn and expand because that's what you want to do in this video game, it's going to give you a whole different perspective on these people. [00:56:30] Speaker B: Yeah. And what's really interesting is even though they won't admit it, they'll know something has changed about you, but they just know, don't know what it is. And this is another. Which we also talk in another episode. But there will be a lot of people falling out of your life. But are they really falling out or are they just clearing the way for those new people that truly appreciate you, love you and can interact with you at that high vibrational state? [00:56:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Because if you hadn't chosen to put yourself first, I wouldn't have met you. [00:57:03] Speaker B: Exactly. I would have been that. Yeah, that yes to everything except for myself, kind of. [00:57:11] Speaker A: You'd be so busy driving people to the airport and helping them move that I would never have met him. [00:57:15] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:57:19] Speaker A: So it's not selfish to work on yourself because you. It all starts with you. It all starts with you. And that makes you understand other people better. I guess we've said that over and over in this episode, but that's how you develop empathy, by going, ah, I was in that trap myself and I didn't know I was in a trap. [00:57:39] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:57:40] Speaker A: Now I do. And now I can help people to see the traps they're in. But I will not, I will not broadcast they are in a trap. [00:57:52] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:57:53] Speaker A: I will help them when they realize it's a trap. [00:57:55] Speaker B: And I love the definition of selfish. Someone brought to me. They said selfish means self first and. [00:58:02] Speaker A: That is how it should be when you are a master player in your video game. [00:58:07] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:58:08] Speaker A: And we're just gonna leave it at that. Alright everybody stay as high vibe as you can and we'll see you next time. [00:58:16] Speaker B: Don't forget to share with friends. [00:58:18] Speaker A: Oh yeah, Please share with friends if you like our episodes. Bye.