ARE YOU A CYCLE BREAKER?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by two fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path of higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self. Hello, my name is Emeril and I'm here with. [00:00:30] Speaker B: I am Lola Singer, and talk about being authentic. That is what our topic is going to be about today. A lot of people on the spiritual path will identify this with this. Are you the black sheep of the family? That means you might just be a cycle breaker. [00:00:52] Speaker A: Yep. [00:00:53] Speaker B: So Lola here. I love going on deep dives when. When I have a topic in mind. And a couple weeks ago, I went really deep into, you know, what is a cycle breaker exactly. And I went on a deep Internet search and so much information came up, I printed up for Amarol. And it's so much that our feeble little brains can't retain it all. So. So we're gonna go through this one by one. And so if you hear the sound. Sound of paper in this podcast, it's cause we're reading off of paper from my Internet search. And the reason I'm bringing up the cycle breaker, I really think this is probably most people on the spiritual journey because you're willing to step outside of the box. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Yep. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Anything you want to say about that before we dive into the topic? [00:01:51] Speaker A: No, just I was. As I was going through the information and stuff, it really resonated. [00:01:55] Speaker B: So, yeah, it resonates with me so much, and I know it will with the people in the audience, and it's going to help you understand that there's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. Okay, so first of all, what is a cycle breaker? A cycle breaker is someone who chooses not to repeat the emotional, behavioral, or energetic patterns they inherited. You're a cycle breaker for sure. I am a cycle breaker for sure. Anytime there's a paradigm you raised in where you go, I can't buy into that. I just can't buy into that anymore. You become the site. You. You at least mentally become the cycle breaker. It's like, I'm not going to repeat that pattern. I saw my parents do it. I'm not going to repeat that pattern. I saw the students I grew up with doing that. You know, I actually broke a lot of patterns as far as peer pressure, you know, for school, because there were things that were really popular with the kids that I just never bought into. So I think I've always looked from the outside and sometimes, yeah, sometimes I'm part of the trend, but oftentimes I was standing outside the going the trend and going, why do they want to do that? You know, so, but I think this is more for like the deep, deep healing of a family or a dynamic or a group where you go, I don't see how that benefits. So I'm not going to partake in that anymore. [00:03:37] Speaker A: See, and I was on that description. Well, at least that brief description. The energetic patterns were the ones that like, triggered it off for me. Because I was thinking, like, I always remember my parents doing things because they would always. Their excuse was like, oh, we're just following what, what we do. Well, what if what you do is destructive? What exactly. What if those patterns are being followed, like, are not benefiting you? I can feel it frequency wise that the energy's off from you. You don't really want to do it, and then you're doing it just because you're following something. And that's where, like it really struck on me because that's literally growing up with my whole family. Like, there was so many things that they did because supposedly that's just what they did. But the energetic was way off and they did not want to do it. [00:04:31] Speaker B: Yeah, like in my family there's a, there's a history of alcoholism. And that's an easy one to point out. It's very obvious, but it can be subtle. [00:04:40] Speaker A: Yep. [00:04:41] Speaker B: It can be like, you know, a passive aggressive person in the family. I'm not going to be part of that anymore. I'm not playing the games anyway, so that was just the first line. Okay. What else is a cycle breaker? It's the first person in the family to choose healing, introspection, boundaries, accountability and consciousness. The cycle breaker recognizes that the pain ends with me. And how awakening, the spiritual awakening. Well, even, even the mental and emotional awakening, once you see the pattern, you can't unsee it. [00:05:17] Speaker A: Yep. [00:05:17] Speaker B: So, and that, that's true because I think people enmeshed in their families, for example, you think it's normal. And then when you start to see, oh, the pattern is no, other people's families don't do that. That's an example of how you can start to recognize that no, that is not normal and I can't unsee that. [00:05:40] Speaker A: But see, it's interesting because when you first stand out, like you say this in theory, like the first person of the family to choose the healing, introspection, boundaries and accountability and consciousness. What does this create? Enemies amongst your family. [00:05:54] Speaker B: That's why you're the black sheep. Yeah. That's why I said that at the. [00:05:57] Speaker A: Beginning, as well as. One thing that really comes up to mind is before you start your spiritual awakening, you're drunken ego. And that is so true. Until you fully understand what ego is and what it's like, I'm gonna say. [00:06:12] Speaker B: Even at the beginning of your spiritual journey, you're a bit drunk on ego. [00:06:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Because you're realizing how drunk you truly are. You're sobering up. You're starting to sober up. [00:06:24] Speaker B: Yeah. So this is particularly salient for those of us on the spiritual journey, which is what this podcast is about, because especially if you're the first one to step outside of, like, religious programming like you did, boy, are you going to be seen as like, oh, wow, you know, you're tainted, you're evil. You know, we. How did. How did this happen? We raised you the right way. You know, at least they think it's the right way. It's hard. It's. It makes you a maverick. It is. You know, it's fun to be a maverick because you feel independent, but it's difficult to be a maverick as well. Yeah. When you're. The social norm is trying to tell you you stepped outside of it. That's not right. [00:07:09] Speaker A: Yep. [00:07:09] Speaker B: So it takes chutzpah. It takes chutzpah. [00:07:13] Speaker A: Well. And one of the things that one of the prompts that brings out totally resonates, it says, I cannot keep living this way. And it's because it doesn't resonate with you. It doesn't align with you. It feels off. It's not something that you would ever choose for yourself to pass down or to practice in your life. [00:07:35] Speaker B: Yeah. So you might ask yourself, you know, personally, what did you inherit that you had to unlearn in the spiritual process? You know, and there. I'm sure there's many things that come up, not just one. [00:07:51] Speaker A: And you have four, five, six, six weeks to get rid of a lot of this stuff because we're still in that shedding stage of that energy that's helping you shed this stuff by being the energy. We still finishing up 2025, going into 2026, because technically, it's not till February 17th that we switch into that fire horse. So we got some time. I think this is a great time for you to write down what things are you willing to part off with. [00:08:25] Speaker B: That's good. Yeah. Because the year of Snakes about shedding. [00:08:27] Speaker A: Yep. [00:08:27] Speaker B: And so that you can be very free. Free in the next year. Yeah. [00:08:32] Speaker A: Well, not only that, but one of the things that. I thought it was kind of funny, but kind of like, huh, we're talking. [00:08:36] Speaker B: About the Chinese New Year. [00:08:37] Speaker A: Yeah, Chinese New Year. So one of the things that made me realize is like, it said, one of the things I wrote is like, remember, we have until February, something. And just shed away the stuff that you really are, like, done with. Because that fire horse ain't waiting for anyone. So it will bring you with those things. Except it's going to be a faster way to dealing with. So do it your way. Take your time. Rather than being pushed by the horse. [00:09:02] Speaker B: Allow the snake to let go. [00:09:04] Speaker A: Yes. Allow the snake to have that. That gentle softness of shedding that skin instead of running with that. And your. Your horse is like, you have no option but to shake it off. [00:09:16] Speaker B: Okay, so the next step we want to talk about is how this. There's a spiritual side of cycle breaking. And that, number one, it breaks generational patterns. And when you do that, that raises frequency because you're not stuck in a loop and you're rising above something that hasn't been working anyway. [00:09:42] Speaker A: Right, Exactly. [00:09:45] Speaker B: So especially with the spiritual path because, well, it's really hard to avoid the topic. But if you've been really bound by very structured religious practices, there's no room for freedom, there's no room for questioning, there's no room for individuality. So breaking through that can actually, the people in those patterns can't even imagine. But it does help you raise your own personal frequency when you realize, oh, well, there's more to this. There's more to this. And then old conditioning dissolves because your soul wants expansion. [00:10:28] Speaker A: Yep. [00:10:28] Speaker B: That's what I was just talking about. The closed loop is not satisfying to the soul. The soul's like, what's. What more can I experience? What more can I feel? What more can. How. How much more can I feel connected to all that is. That's the spiritual part. And your family wants to resist your growth. Growth. Because your awakening makes their unconsciousness uncomfortable. So even if they can't say it themselves, I think they start to see what a loop they're trapped in, at least at a subconscious level. When you start raising yourself above, it has to be done this way or that way, or there's certain prejudices in your family, or there's patterns that you don't want to repeat it. It's like shining a spotlight on them, they think, and that's another reason they think you're the black sheep, right? Yeah. Like, you're not pointing a finger at them, but they think you are. Yep. [00:11:28] Speaker A: Well, not only that, but the uncomfortableness can really become such a huge gap because you're no longer seeing and. And living life from a same frequency. So that frequency mismatch can really bring a lot of situations, or at first, not the ideal, I guess, because you kind of have to stand up for the new things of what you're able to. What you want to carry and what you're no longer going to value or at least continue on. And they feel like that's a threat because now you're. They see. They're seeing it as you're questioning how they brought you up or how what they did for you during your whole. Like, they're. They're thinking that you're putting them as bad parents. [00:12:20] Speaker B: Well, you can think of it like music, too. Like, you know, you've shifted your frequency, you're vibrating at a different level, and so you're no longer in perfect harmonics with the rest of the family. And so there's some dissonance, there's some noise. [00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:36] Speaker B: There's some friction. And so you can ultimately work that out or not work it out. It's your choice. You might be able to create harmony, but it'll become from a different octave. [00:12:49] Speaker A: Yep. Well, and that's just it. When you come to, like, I think that a lot of the times we get tricked into what is a family dynamic, because I think that a toxic family dynamic dynamic wants to make things work no matter what, while a healthier one, a more balanced way approaching it is seeing things that we are different and that's okay because we can still come together. And when things are being forced into know this is the only way. This is the way they're going to be working out. That's going to cause some chaos and. [00:13:26] Speaker B: Yeah. And from a personal point of view that you can relate to, this isn't only about religion. Like, for example, Amaral and I have family members who. Who embrace martyrdom. [00:13:39] Speaker A: Yes. [00:13:39] Speaker B: I'm so noble because I suffer. We grew up with that a lot. [00:13:42] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:13:42] Speaker B: And that's one of the patterns I broke. You know, it's because I do not want to repeat that. [00:13:47] Speaker A: Yep. [00:13:48] Speaker B: I do. Do not want to wake up every day saying, oh, woe is me, and look at me. I suffer. So it can be patterns, and it's going to be unique to every family. You know, there's certainly dynamics, you know, like, if you read about family dynamic theory. It's been a while since I did, but I could see which role my brother was playing. My sister was playing, I was playing. I was the black sheep, and my sister was the ostrich, the one who hides. Oh. My brother was the surrogate husband because my dad was an alcoholic. So my mom gave my brother a lot of attention, put a lot of her hopes for prosperity on my brother going to college. Yeah. You know, so he went to Harvard, right? [00:14:33] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:14:34] Speaker B: He was kind of pushed in that direction. So it's interesting. You. You fall into these patterns naturally, but that doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in those patterns. [00:14:49] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:14:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:51] Speaker A: And just realizing that you have a choice to begin with, because a lot of people, when they start out. When they start out, they think that they're stuck, and then there's no way out when really there is. It's just. You haven't learned how to set good boundaries and state your truth. [00:15:10] Speaker B: Yep. So when. When you're on the spiritual path, it can be lonely at first, but if. If. If you're ready to step forward and have that connection to something even greater than to. Than yourself, you're ready for it. So you won't want to be tied to these parameters anymore. So the question for you guys to think about. And it's a good one, Right. Do you want to say it because you liked it so much? This question right here. [00:15:43] Speaker A: Yes. That was a fun. [00:15:46] Speaker B: We're flipping. We're flipping pages. [00:15:48] Speaker A: Yep. Why does spiritual awakening often begin with rupture? With a rupture or crisis? [00:15:57] Speaker B: Well, I guess it shows you what you want to break out of, doesn't it? Okay. So there is pain associated with being a cycle breaker. Normalize the difficulty, because you might feel some loneliness at first, and you might feel a little lost because you don't have a blueprint or a roadmap. You know what used to be very clear as far as your place within a social group or a family is no longer clear. And you can have guilt for setting boundaries. [00:16:30] Speaker A: Yep. [00:16:31] Speaker B: I'd like to change that to benevolent boundaries people. I think that'll help alleviate the guilt, because if you're setting boundaries that are healthy for you and for the dynamic of your family, then there's nothing wrong with that. You shouldn't feel guilty, even if that includes. And I know people who've had to do this. I have to separate from myself, from my family completely. It's too toxic for me. So I can see where the guilt could come in there. But the boundaries are best for you and for them, ultimately. And then of course, as a black sheep, you know, feeling judged or misunderstood, that's a given. They're not going to understand. They're holding on to their closed loop of conformity. This is what we know. This is how it works. We like it this way. Even if it's disruptive, it's what we know. And you step out of that and yes, you are definitely going to be misunderstood and most likely judged. Yeah. So. And then you're outgrowing old identities and the family expectation role. So in this search, it's talking about the scapegoat, which would be me, the responsible one, that would be my brother, the quiet one, that would be my sister, and the peacekeeper. We did not have a peacekeeper. How about you? Can you relate to any of those? [00:18:01] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. We did not have a peacekeeper either. [00:18:04] Speaker B: Yeah. So yes, you're. And so I outgrew the role of the scapegoat. I got tired of it. So it's like my family, they're nice people, but they're not interested in what I do one bit. [00:18:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:21] Speaker B: I only have two surviving relatives, a brother and a sister. And I've talked about it before. It's like the 90s, you know, in the military, don't ask, don't tell. That's what they think about me. As far as what Lola does, don't ask, don't tell. We don't want to know. And I can live with that boundary. Emotional exhaustion could be part of the pain of being a cycle breaker because you're healing what isn't yours. [00:18:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:47] Speaker B: That is the most important factor of a cycle breaker, isn't it? I'm going to be the one who stops this in its tracks. It doesn't happen anymore. And is it a burden? No. Yes and no. But it's a. Is it a responsibility? No, it's a choice. But it can feel very hard. So one of the things for you to contemplate is what emotions come up for you. What happened? How did you feel when you stopped playing the old family roles? [00:19:21] Speaker A: I always. Immediately my first emotion that came out was anger because I'm like, why do I have to put up with this BS when it was, never mind to even go through. And why do I have to care about, like what others are going through? Because the thing is, so if people showing consideration towards you. And here's the part about growth, is the ability to be able to watch as an observer. Because at first, like, my first thing was, okay, so I'm trying to speak out, and you're putting me as a black sheep for it. [00:19:59] Speaker B: So. [00:20:00] Speaker A: So why should I care what has to come out of your mouth as well? It's always almost like a battle against the battle. And then I realized that's not gonna help. [00:20:10] Speaker B: No. Just button heads. [00:20:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:14] Speaker B: You know, and one of the things when I was just reading this just now, what emotions come up for us when we stopped playing our old family roles, I thought of epigenetics because we're carrying, you know, the. The patterns, the DNA for seven generations back. So, for example, my family. Alcoholism could very possibly go all the way back there. Yeah. And then. But it also can have the potential to be carried forward. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Yep. [00:20:40] Speaker B: Into the next generation. So one of the most important things I think why I did, and probably you listening, who feel like you're cycle breakers. Why did you do this? You did it for your niece, you did it for your nephew, you did it for your children. The buck stops here. The buck stops with you. So they don't have to carry that on. Okay. Do you feel like there's more to touch on with that, or. [00:21:08] Speaker A: No, I'm good. [00:21:09] Speaker B: Okay, let's move on to the next thing. So there are emotional energetic tools that can help you. And one of them would be, like we talked about earlier, look at boundaries as a form of self love. That's why I talked about benevolent boundaries earlier. It's taking care of yourself, but also like what I just said, it's taking care of the future generations to establish those benevolent boundaries. [00:21:34] Speaker A: And it's self preservation too, because you do want to be in a place where you can't be your worst enemy. So those boundaries are because to preserve yourself and to be at peace with yourself. That's why you're establishing those boundaries. [00:21:51] Speaker B: Yeah. So I hope you understand why I like to use the term benevolent boundaries. You're not trying to harm anybody, and you're trying to make the adjustment in a way that works best for you. So you're in that position to stop what needs to be stopped. You have to look at yourself like you're reparenting yourself or you're being your own mother. You know, in tarot, the Empress is like the perfect mother. She's nurturing, she's kind, she loves all her children. And so you have to give your give. You have to be your own empress. You really need to give yourself that. That like you just talked about, the love, the nurturing to get through does definitely help you with your shadow work, doesn't It. It just really puts the shadow right out there as far as an energetic tool to use. So shadow work allows us to look at our deepest, darkest fears. It shines a light on it. And one of our deepest, darkest fears is being separated from the tribe. Right. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:01] Speaker B: So certainly when you decide you're going to be the pattern breaker. Right. The cycle breaker, that's instant. Why? What. Who are you? Why are you doing this? You know, so there's always that potential of being not really cast out, but segregated, and that definitely will bring your shot. You will have to look at your shadow. [00:23:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:29] Speaker B: But ultimately, looking at your shadow, it gets you over the fears. [00:23:34] Speaker A: That's true. [00:23:35] Speaker B: Once. Once there's a light shone on them. So it's recommended, you know, meditation and grounding to help you when you are breaking cycles. Meditation helps you to feel more in the now moment, more at peace. You're not worried about what the possibilities are of your repercussions. What are going to be the repercussions in the future or the regrets on why did I do that? The family's mad at me now. And grounding is really important. And on the spiritual path, I think we sometimes forget that. [00:24:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:08] Speaker B: But that will definitely help you get through those feelings of, you know, being kind of isolated and knowing that this might be a lonely journey like we talked about at the beginning. Another thing that help is going to help you with. It's going to help you learn to say no without having to explain yourself. And you've had to learn that lesson. [00:24:33] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:24:33] Speaker B: Because you did start by trying to explain yourself. [00:24:36] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:24:37] Speaker B: And it didn't. It went nowhere because the. The family dynamic wasn't ready to hear it. [00:24:42] Speaker A: Well, they can't hear it. [00:24:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So at some point, you realize it's folly. You're not trying to convert anybody. You're just stopping what you feel personally. It's time. This pattern needs to stop. And so you do. You learn. There's no point arguing. It's just like, okay, no, I'm not going to do that. It helps you recognize your triggers so that you can work with them. Right. When you know what. The same thing when you. When you know what they are, when you shine a light on them, you can work with it. And then one of the ways for dealing with all of this is to do some Amarl's favorite, the breath work or maybe some somatic healing, which is like touching certain parts of your body while you're saying affirmations. So there's ways to work through this. This resettling. I guess that's a good word for it. Resettling. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:41] Speaker B: Yeah. So what are the gifts of being a cycle breaker? Wow. It kind of sounds so far like there aren't a whole lot of them. Well, I do, I think breaking it for the future generations a huge gift. But do you want to read some of those things that are on the upside here about the gifts of being a cycle breaker? [00:26:02] Speaker A: Yeah. So the first one is emotional freedom. [00:26:09] Speaker B: You feel that now, don't you? [00:26:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I feel more emotionally peace, especially the freedom. The peace is a huge one for me because I felt like my whole entire life it was like I seek the peace but I couldn't find the peace because the, the chaos was created, was inner inflicted. Usually is, isn't it inflicted like outer promoted. But now I've found more peace. And then one of the things is when you go through these things, at first it is very hard. At first it is going to trigger you, at first it is going to creates so much chaos. But at the same time you get to the point where it. You flip the page and instead of seeing how, how much like triggering it was, how hard it was, you get to that emotional freedom of being able to see it with different eyes and being able to just see that everything that was happening, even though it was tough at the moment, it was also showing you how to have better boundaries, how to stabilize more of your emotional being, how to fully be present and say this is what I'm going to be okay with and this is what I'm not. And yes, at first it is very hard. It's not an easy thing. In fact, you know what's so funny is I always say like there's two coming out of the closets for me. One was when I came out as being gay and the other one was came out as being spiritual. And I think the spiritual one has topped the gay one. [00:27:50] Speaker B: You wouldn't think so, right? [00:27:51] Speaker A: No, but it does. Because when you're talking about the, the core fundamental things such as like religion, social, just how you intervene and stuff, this one takes such a huge part of your life because it's everything, like changing everything. And I mean realistically, the coming out as gay is just really accepting yourself and then just being yourself. But the rest, the, the. The awakening is more so much deeper in so many levels. And then as you start growing, you start learning new things and then the more you want to go back, you can't first of all, and you can see things. And the more you evolve, the more you're going to be very set on your ways of seeing things and expressive, too, because you want to have those healthy boundaries. But it's almost like they're gonna. They're gonna give up in the best way possible, because once they realize we can't control. We can't control him. [00:28:51] Speaker B: Her. [00:28:52] Speaker A: So we have to now look within what is going on. So. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Yeah. And when I see emotional freedom, I mean, doesn't it feel good to break through a trap? [00:29:03] Speaker A: Yes, because that's what it feels like. It feels like a trap. It's a good way to put it. The next one says, becoming the ancestor who changed everything. [00:29:13] Speaker B: Yes. Now, I'm going to apply this to something that's not spiritual, but we can think about in the spiritual path, too, and go back to it. But the ancestor who changed everything so. Well, I think my brother, too, we've broken. We're cycle breakers because we don't drink anymore. I used to drink a lot. But my family, like I talked about, alcoholism goes way back. And my little story is that back in the day, I was with my grandma and it was Memorial Day, and we went to put flowers on the family grave. Graves. And there's an uncle I never met. His name's Arvid. And we went and put flowers on his grave. And I asked my grandma about, how did Uncle Arvid die? Because I never met him. You know, I'm like a little girl, 8, 10. And she said, he fell off a bar stool. And I thought she was literal. I thought he literally. But what she meant was, he was an alcoholic. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Ah. I've never even heard that term being used before. [00:30:17] Speaker B: He fell off. Yeah. So as a little girl, I was like, oh, my gosh, the poor guy fell off a barstool. But now I realize that was just a way of saying, yeah, he succumbed to alcoholism. That's what killed him. So there you go. You want to be the ancestor who breaks a cycle like that for sure, right? Yeah. But on the spiritual path, if you're falling into toxic spiritualism, toxic religion. I'm talking about the ones that say we're better than everybody else. Right. That, number one, is very difficult to break out of, like we talked about. But wouldn't you want to be the ancestor who changed everything when it's like, I can't even imagine a cycle of, we're so much better than you because we worship this God and our God is the only God. And so because our God is the only God, not only are you wrong, you're evil. [00:31:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:17] Speaker B: I condemn you. [00:31:18] Speaker A: I Rebuke you. [00:31:20] Speaker B: I rebuke you. Think of this and then, you know, as you go on the, the spiritual path that we're talking about, you start to see everybody as part of you. You see the wholeness rather than the separation. So why wouldn't you want be the ancestor who changed everything in that cycle? [00:31:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:40] Speaker B: Okay. As hard as it is. Okay. Do you want to read the next one? Yep. [00:31:45] Speaker A: Healthier relationships, present or future. [00:31:50] Speaker B: Damn straight. That's all I'm going to say on that one. Damn straight. Because you become more authentic your. And you're not falling into patterns that are harmful. Right. Or you're doing your best not to fall into patterns that are harmful. Yeah. Unfortunately, you know, you've got skills on the spiritual path to start to recognize when you're starting to. And you can change. But yeah, totally. Healthier relationships. Yeah. Now you could talk about that for a long time because you've had friendships in the past that a little sketchy. [00:32:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:26] Speaker B: They weren't really based on. [00:32:28] Speaker A: Well, I think that the biggest relationship, the biggest chaotic relationship I had was with myself. Because if you think about it, you're the only thing in common with everything. So it all started with you because the way you saw yourself and the way you loved yourself, the way you set boundaries for yourself was the starting of who you allowed to come into your life. So any chaotic now in the future, fast forwarding the, the my life story now I realize it all started within because the more I realize I deserve better, I actually have. I know that I'm a good person. I know what I'm capable of giving to others. I know that I'm a loving person. I know that they're. I'm not flawed. And so then you start attracting people that are thinking like you. So because of that, it breaks that cycle. Because if you think, here's the, the, the Unsugar coated version that I'm going to tell you guys from experience is that you're never going to change people. You're the people unless they want to change. Unless they want to change themselves, which is the next thing I was going to say. But that's all on their own journey. You have to worry about your own journey and your growth. And everyone from your past, not all of them are going to make it. I, for example, with me and this is something that just kind of happened because so like for example, the relationship with my mother and I, we talk, but our conversations are very surface level. I could have the conversation with my mother that I could have with the Coffee, complete stranger. Because she doesn't want the death, she cannot handle it. Because within that death, that means she needs to hold herself accountable for things, and she's not able to do that. I could have dwelled my entire life on that, but I can't. Because that's her life, that's her choosing. And I can. If I can't change something, I can only change things about myself and I can only move forward with myself. And whoever cannot do that for themselves, that's obviously a self love themselves they need to go into. And not everybody can do that. So in another, what I'm trying to say is give yourself props for even going through the spiritual awakening journey. Because you being that cycle breaker, that means you're choosing you. You're. You're choosing to get out of pain into becoming who you truly are. And even though the process may not be a walk in the park, because it never is. However, you are creating the best version of yourself because you're gonna one day, and I can assure you for everyone, you're gonna look at everything and you're gonna say, this was so worth it. Because in, in the return of things is you're gonna get the life that you truly want to live, no longer the life you have, you felt like you had to settle for there was never yours to begin with. The next thing is stronger intuition, which that is true. The more we heal, the more we open ourselves, the more our intuition really comes in. [00:35:45] Speaker B: Well, we trust ourselves more because we're being more authentic. [00:35:49] Speaker A: Yep. [00:35:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And not so tied to the story that it has to be like this. [00:35:56] Speaker A: Exactly. The next one really resonates less reactivity. [00:36:03] Speaker B: The, the whole family dynamic and even group dynamics, a lot of it is reactivity. You know, we see it with Facebook posts and political posts. Oh, yes, it's all reaction. It's like, oh, take a breath. Take a breath and think for a second before you post that in the, in the. [00:36:21] Speaker A: And in the bigger truth of things, you once probably inside yourself, reactive like that. The only difference is there wasn't no social media back then for you to vent on, but there was still people. [00:36:33] Speaker B: Absolutely. I agree. And I'm, I'm just as guilty of it as anybody else. But as you go on the spiritual journey, but also when you're breaking cycles, one of the cycles you can break is that. And going, oh, okay, I can observe it, but I don't have to get caught up in it. So you, you become less attached to, mm, knee jerk reaction. [00:36:58] Speaker A: And then as part of this growth it also develops more compassion towards self and others, which. That's so true. [00:37:05] Speaker B: You know, isn't it interesting? Because you know, we're talking about being a cycle breaker and being seen as the black sheep and it's like, oh, you did something that there's a more against that within this group. You're pointing, you're pointing our. The elephant in the living room. [00:37:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:21] Speaker B: So we're going to point back and you, you say you're the elephant when really they're the elephant. So. But the funny thing is you have more compassion for them. [00:37:33] Speaker A: Yep. [00:37:34] Speaker B: Because you can see how much they're holding on to this group dynamic. [00:37:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:38] Speaker B: And it's almost like tension, you know, like tensions holding it together. And so when you see it from the outside looking in, it's almost like, wow, I can have more empathy for these people. People now. [00:37:49] Speaker A: Yep. And I love the next one says being a lighthouse for others without trying to fix them and fix this under quote, because our ego will do many, many things to us. And one of those things that it puts you as, as if you have to fix or save or like carry others. And it's so not true at all. Like that was never the space spiritual awakening to begin with. We are so trapped in this cycles where if it's your family, you have to put them first, you have to suffer with them. It's so not true. And it's the biggest BS you'll ever remove from your life. Once you hold yourself accountable as well as others accountable for their own well being, you really truly start experiencing life in a whole different light. [00:38:43] Speaker B: Yeah. So you could be the beacon. But you know, at the beginning of the spiritual journey, I'm going to be totally honest, and we've talked about this before, you're likely to have that savior complex. [00:38:54] Speaker A: That's true. Because that's part of the growth itself. Because you have to learn. So remember people, so you take on the programs of this whole savior thing and then you pass those on because as you're purging and meaning realizing why those programs don't work, you start exiting those programs out and you start purging out yourself on the parts where you're trying to be the savior of others. And then it comes back and it does a whole loop of you understanding first why they were so toxic to you. But then you realize, oh, I was trying to do the same thing for others. [00:39:35] Speaker B: But I like this concept of you being the lighthouse so that you're the beacon, you're shining, you got a different vibration and they can come to you if they choose. [00:39:45] Speaker A: Yep. [00:39:46] Speaker B: Instead of you trying to intervene and save them. [00:39:49] Speaker A: Well, and the truth is no one can fix anyone, cuz no one's affected. They might be in a different frequency than you. They might be going through their own learning experiences, but they. That doesn't mean that they need to be fixed. [00:40:03] Speaker B: That, that is true. I'm just letting people know at the beginning of your spiritual journey or maybe any type of cycle, you're breaking that feeling, that tendency that, oh, I did it, so I'm going to save. Everyone needs to be kept in check. It's something I experienced. It's something you've experienced. I'm just letting them know to be aware of it. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:24] Speaker B: Okay. So what kind of advice do we give to people who are going through the cycles of being a cycle breaker? Well, number one, there's no rulebook, so you're not doing it wrong. [00:40:39] Speaker A: That's true. [00:40:41] Speaker B: You know, your family or the social group that thinks you are. Don't listen to them. You're not doing anything wrong. [00:40:49] Speaker A: You know, there's. [00:40:51] Speaker B: There's no and. And another thing to keep in mind is that healing is not linear. It is a cycle. That's why we're talking about cycle breaking. There's cycles within the cycles and there's a cycle within cycle breaking. Right. So there's a good example we just talked about, you know, that savior complex might be part of the cycle. So you got to work within it. You're growing, you're changing. There's no rule book, you know. So observe and learn from what's. What you're finding out about yourself. Oh, here's a good one. Do you want to say that one? [00:41:26] Speaker A: Rest is part of it. Yes, rest is definitely part of it. [00:41:32] Speaker B: You don't have to be ever vigilant when you're breaking a cycle. [00:41:35] Speaker A: And sometimes it's leaving things to rest too. There are just part of it too, because you can either battle it out or choose to fight for those. Or you can just give them a rest. Because once you realize that it's all wasted energy, you just have to let it rest. You can't make it be personal anymore. [00:41:55] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's not your duty to try to change everything. Your duty is to be the lighthouse. So you need your rest as well as your activity too. [00:42:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:08] Speaker B: You need your downtime and that leads to the next one. You are not responsible for how others react to your growth. They're going to try to make you think you are because you're different. [00:42:21] Speaker A: Yep. So you change everything. So it's your fault, but you are. [00:42:26] Speaker B: Not responsible for how others react to you. Okay. That's a big one. Okay. And you do not need permission to evolve. [00:42:39] Speaker A: Yep. [00:42:42] Speaker B: Evolution comes naturally, no matter what. [00:42:45] Speaker A: Exactly. Exactly. [00:42:47] Speaker B: So. [00:42:47] Speaker A: And evolution also comes from a place of. You're just. You're evolving because it's no longer somewhere where you fit or belong. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Right. And you're not going to devolve once you evolve, are you? So you're not going to go back to the old patterns that you work that you clearly are choosing to break. Well, you might. You might repeat it and then go, oh, this is why I don't do this anymore. But it'll still be a lesson in part, like the cycles. But, yeah, you. You don't need permission to evolve. It's going to happen naturally, and you won't. Oh, I love this one. Do you want to say it? [00:43:24] Speaker A: You won't lose yourself. You'll find your real self. [00:43:31] Speaker B: That is a truism, isn't it? You won't lose yourself. You will find your real self because you were playing a role within those social systems. [00:43:42] Speaker A: And I feel like that's like, in. In a nutshell, too, is like also, like, I would include to that you'll heal yourself because. [00:43:49] Speaker B: Yes. [00:43:50] Speaker A: That part of like, it's. We're all already created how we supposed to be. We allow these programs, these. All these things to come in and tell us this is how we're supposed to run our life. But then once as we grow and we evolve, we realize those were not really who we were. And that's how we find ourselves, is by letting go of anything that wasn't. [00:44:17] Speaker B: Yep. Become letting go of the inauthenticity because there's too much cognitive dissonance builds up anyway. So you're going to want to step out of it when you see that it's not working. It's a pattern that doesn't work. [00:44:30] Speaker A: Yep. [00:44:32] Speaker B: So the most important one here, that is. I'm looking at, and I'm going to say verbatim, you are not alone. Many are waking up right now. So that's why I thought this was a really important podcast episode. You are not alone. You might seem ostracized from the social group, at least temporarily, for daring to be the cycle breaker, but there's so many people breaking SO cycles because we're starting as a human collective to see what's not working. [00:45:07] Speaker A: Yep. [00:45:07] Speaker B: And what hasn't worked for thousands of years. So you're not alone. You're just Maybe ahead of the curve, but there's other people with you. Yep. So if you wanted to think about what you're doing, one of the takeaways would be you're rewriting your lineage by choosing yourself. And I think that's really important. And awakening isn't about becoming different. It's about remembering who you were before the conditioning that we were just talking about. And that can be subtle conditioning. I mean, it can be family dynamics, but it also can be, you know, the government and all kinds of institutional stuff too. So it's remembering who you were before the conditioning, which is what we talked about earlier. Authenticity. So we have a few more minutes here. And so I wanted to inquire more about epigenetics, because we talked about that earlier. Seven generations back, the cycle could have started back then. It can be carried forward in DNA. Seven generations forward. So let's say a good example would be poverty and scarcity thinking. Yeah, because if you think about seven generations back, we're talking about even just a couple generations back, we've got World War II, we've got the Depression, we've got World War I, you know, before that, the Napoleonic wars, or. I actually looked at, I asked AI once what could contribute to scarcity thinking in my culture, because I come from. From 50% Finnish and 50% Norwegian. And I found out about some famines that were going on seven generations back in those areas. And then there was also a change in how land was distributed in families. They changed the rules where in Norway. Not in Finland, but in Norway, where the whole. Every son could inherit, but it changed to only the. Like the. The firstborn son. And so that created scarcity and poverty just by that one law. So that's what I mean. This is in the DNA. This is in my DNA. All of this poverty and uncertainty based on one legislature change. Yeah, right. And then to add that wars, famine, the fact that my Norwegian family lives on an island, you know, so there's not a lot of farmland, you know, so there was famines. And anyway, that's epigenetics. So. And traumas, family traumas get passed down. So, you know, if there was something traumatic, let's say you can fill in the gaps, maybe happen to a female person in the family, that trauma gets carried on. The shock of being a soldier in the war, that gets carried on. So anyway, so it's very clear that our grandparents, for example, their anxiety can shape the stress that your. Their grandchildren can have. And suppressing that those emotions becomes the family pattern that you want to break. And these wounds can echo across many, many generations. So one of the things that's pointed out here is that it's not necessarily, necessarily bad parenting that's involved, but it's the nervous system of the entire family inherits adaptations from these prior generations. [00:48:44] Speaker A: Yep. [00:48:46] Speaker B: So when you heal, your genes heal too, is what we want, wanted. And so when you're a cycle breaker through these boundaries, things like self awareness, you know, doing some therapy, shadow work, spiritual awakening, healing your nervous system, that can actually reverse or soften those inherited markers. So healing practices reduce the survival mode chemistry in your body. And that would be, you know, your cortisol inflammation, hypervigilance. And this calmer internal environment shifts your epigenetic expression towards safety instead of threat. So when you're cycle breaker breaking something that's traumatic within the family, your healing rewrites the code for the future generations. That's why I said, why wouldn't you want to be the cycle breaker? Anything you want to say about that? [00:49:43] Speaker A: I was having a moment of processing certain information in my head. I think that when we're going through and changing so much in our families, especially changing the way that we view things, and then that puts. There's so much emotions that rise up, especially from like, for example, from parents figures, because they're trying to keep it together. And in a way, instead of stepping out and saying, oh, yeah, you know, now that I see it from a bigger perspective, this haven't really worked out for the family. They, oh, their first response is always going to be like, like take charge and be almost like, no, this is the way that it needs to be done. So a lot of the times it's also understanding that there's that process and there's going to be a process where you might need to take time to yourselves. And this time also means loving from a distance until they can catch on if they choose to continue having a relationship with you. Because sometimes it goes as deep as people are so triggered by it that they're gonna no longer be able to be there for you. And you have. That's what you have to understand, that that's, that's got to be okay with you as well. [00:51:14] Speaker B: Yeah. But at a deeper level, when I'm talking about epigenetics, when you heal yourself, you're helping heal the future generations and clearing the past as well. This is so important. And I understand you're talking more of a social thing, but this is, this is science. [00:51:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:35] Speaker B: I want to read this verbatim because this is so Important. So we talked about how you can reverse or soften these inherited markers in your DNA by doing things like shadow work and, you know, going and embracing your spiritual awakening. Right. And nervous system, nervous system healing. This is what I want to say verbatim. You ready? Children inherit your regulated nervous system, not your wounds. When you do that kind of work. That gave me chills when I said that Children inherit your regulated nervous system, not your wounds. If you become less reactive, more emotionally available, more grounded, better at boundaries, and calmer under stress, your children or nieces or nephews or anyone in your care field are literally shaped by that regulation. A regulated adult creates a regulated environment, which becomes a regulated child, and that becomes a regulated adult. So when you break the cycle and you work on healing these traumas, it's not just you. [00:52:59] Speaker A: Yep. [00:53:02] Speaker B: And then cycle breaking breaks behavioral patterns too. So. We only have a few minutes, but I wanted to get to that epigenetics for a reason. Do you do. Do you see why I felt that was so impactful? [00:53:25] Speaker A: Yep. [00:53:27] Speaker B: So grandparents anxiety can shape stress and affect the grandchild. Emotional suppression can become a family pattern. Attachment wounds can echo across generations. This is why you decided to be the cycle breaker. It's not just you for everyone. And that is a big responsibility. But you decided the buck stops here. So epigenetics isn't just biological, it. It interacts with learned behaviors. When you heal a pattern, you model something new. Just think of a four year old watching you. They're going to learn from your pattern, your new pattern. Right. So you can start to. To embrace silence. And you, if there's silence in the family, I'm sorry, you embrace your own inner silence. But if there's silence as kind of like a weapon in the family, you can learn how, how to communicate. Right. If you feel abandoned, you can model boundaries. If you feel repressed, you can learn. How can I model how to express yourself? You know, if a child feels repressed, if you see avoidance in the family, you can just model presence, which is being that lighthouse we talked about earlier. So in that way, those who are, are witnessing this don't inherit the blueprint. You replace it with a healthier one and you become the genetic pivot point. Trauma stops with you. The coping mechanism, mechanisms that did not work stop with you. The emotional inheritance changes because of you. Future generations begin from a higher baseline of safety, self worth, and consciousness because of you. [00:55:29] Speaker A: Yep. It's so interesting and so powerful how we can't. We are truly changing our families by being those cycle breakers. Even though it's tough, but it's so worth it. [00:55:46] Speaker B: I'm thinking about, and I. I don't think she'll mind. Like our friend Lyra, how she's broken a cycle in her family of what's expected and the norms, and she's decided, I'm going to be who I truly am. I'm going to open a business that reflects my spiritual beliefs and allow me to share my spiritual gifts, which a lot of her family members are not ready to see. Kind of like they're doing the don't talk, don't tell thing that my family does. But her. This is where we're talking about the epigenetics. Like her, the niece. Her nieces and nephews are totally entranced by her because they see that she's become very authentic. She's broken this pattern, and there they see the one. They see her with wonder. [00:56:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:32] Speaker B: And they love her. And she's breaking the pattern that she stepped out of. [00:56:40] Speaker A: Yep. [00:56:40] Speaker B: So kudos to you, Lyra. Didn't know what you were going to be talking about. You didn't want to go into too much details, but she's a clear example of how the children are emulating her. Anything you want to say before we go? We've just got a couple minutes. [00:56:56] Speaker A: I guess what I was saying before, all I wanted to really point out is there's a lot of patience and a lot of understanding and a lot of holding space for others we need to do as well, because even though we are changing those. Those things like seven generations before, seven generations after, and there's people always looking out for us, your circle that exists right now with you can also change. But a lot of the times, they're going to be hesitant, and that is like your parents, your brothers. So a lot of the times, this whole path is also about holding space and being very compassionate, because you're going to find it that not everyone is going to be going along right away, but eventually you'll learn how to get along with them. Is just the part of growth that is like a thing to observe as well. And to know that sometimes that loving from distance is crucial to you for having that peace that you're seeking. [00:58:04] Speaker B: Okay, that's a nice note to end on. Before we go, if you notice that the sound quality of our program has improved, you're not imagining that we're getting some magical help from our friend, a sound producer, and his business is called Mixed by Bruce. Thank you, Bruce. [00:58:22] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:58:23] Speaker B: Yeah. If anybody's doing a podcast or. Or creating their own music. He's on Facebook and Instagram. He can help you out too. And then also shout out to Mystical Wares for being our sponsor. Please go to mysticalwears.com and if you like. Lolasinger.com is my website and I would love to do readings or spirit guide drawings for you. Anything you want to say before we go? [00:58:47] Speaker A: Thank you for tuning in and don't forget to share. [00:58:49] Speaker B: And congratulations on being a cycle breaker. Yes, bye.