SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND EVOLUTION

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by two fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to awake, to wake up to your authentic self. Hello, my name is Amaral, and I'm. [00:00:33] Speaker B: Here with I am faithful co host Lola Singer, and we have an episode today where we want to talk about spiritual growth and where you were likely to have started at, where I definitely started at, where Amarol started at. And you might be further ahead in the game than you think you are. Sometimes when I'm doing readings for people or healings, I'll ask them, are you the same person you were two years ago? Always they say no. So ask yourself that question right now. Are you the same person you were two years ago? I think for 99% of you, you're going to say no as well. And this is going to be a little indicator of kind of. Kind of the trajectory people are on on the spiritual path. So you can see just how far you've come. It's. [00:01:25] Speaker A: It's really interesting, too, how in society, how humans recognize, I guess, for the lack of a better word, word, acknowledgement of accomplishments is with, like, some sort of reward or acknowledgement. And sometimes that reward and that acknowledgement needs to come from us before anything else, because we grew up in a world that taught us, like, oh, like, only if you're receiving something, you should feel proud of it. But in reality, no growth in it, especially inner growth, is something that no one can tell you, oh, you've been doing so well, but yet you are the one that needs to give yourself credit because you are no longer that person you once were, that wounded person. [00:02:09] Speaker B: So what are we calling today's episode, my friend? [00:02:12] Speaker A: Today's episode, it's called Spirit, Spiritual Growth and Evolution. [00:02:16] Speaker B: Yes. And then as a sidebar, I think we should mention something you did before the podcast, which is that neither Amaral nor I have really acknowledged that we have. We're in our second season of this podcast and that we have brought a minimum of one episode a week to you in the past year. And I think you said, we're. [00:02:39] Speaker A: We're sitting. [00:02:40] Speaker B: As of this recording, it's like 56. [00:02:42] Speaker A: Episodes, something like 57. This Thursday will be our. Our 58th episode. [00:02:47] Speaker B: So he said, why aren't we giving ourselves credit for that? And was like, oh yeah. It just seems so natural. That's just what we do. So let's, let's celebrate. You guys, please celebrate with us that Woo Woo. That Woo Woo ville has made it to well past two years now. I mean well past a year now. And we're on our second year. So that kind of ties back to this topic. You know, there might be you. When you look at some of these things about where we started out on the spiritual journey, you're gonna go, woo, I'm not there anymore. So anything you want to say before we dive in? [00:03:26] Speaker A: I think just that is the hardest thing for us to do is to give ourselves credit for anything we do in life. It's. Especially when it comes to maybe not being as visible as other things. But you deserve to get recognition and to, for you to recognize within yourself how far you've come on your spiritual journey. [00:03:45] Speaker B: And the irony is you probably recognize it in others. [00:03:48] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:03:49] Speaker B: You see how far they've come. But do you see how far you've come? So where did most of us start out? Now I'm not going to speak for the entire audience, but Ameril and I can say we were, we were at this level. Which is the most wounded would be when you're projecting onto other people your own wounding. So it's always like, oh, it's my parents fault. I'm like this. And it's this way because of, you know, what happened in school in fifth grade. And you know, it's never me that's responsible for my own unhappiness, it's everybody else. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Yep. And how many of us. Well, I can definitely relate to one of the things that has been really lately has been something I've been dealing with is that being able to hold space when others are projecting onto you because now you understand that it's coming from a wounded place and how do you act upon that? And especially with our family members, a lot of the times are like for example, I can definitely say for my parents, they're. My mom is definitely very set on her way so. And she thinks that how like she wears her traumas as batches of honor. Which is interesting because I see so much potential and so much things so. But I can't do the work for her. But there's a lot of times where based off her wounded experiences, I want to feel like I have that loving, encouraging mother. In a lot of the times I get the, the critic, I get the, the, the. I feel like I'm being judged. And here I'M thinking like, pretty interesting because that this is not the reason why I came to you or share this with you. So it can be really interesting and it sometimes can really be a tough spot to be on. So part of us are healing is also acknowledging that other people's are going to be in different levels is what I'm trying to say. [00:06:09] Speaker B: And they're not ready to heal themselves. But this brings up a good point because it's not just me taking recognition for how I was projecting my unhappiness and anger onto other people. It's all their faults. But also because Ameril, I both grew up with the same kind of archetype mom, which is the martyr. I'm so noble because I suffer kind of mom. That you got to realize what they're doing because they're also projecting. [00:06:36] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:06:37] Speaker B: I suffer so much because of you, you, you and you. I do so much for you kids. I do. You know, I do so much for. And wearing it like a badge of honor. So some of you might recognize that with people you've grown up with. But if actually, if you're actually recognizing this in yourself, that's a stage of you've grown past it, you can recognize it. [00:07:01] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:07:03] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. And projecting, it's. It's just so natural before you start working on healing yourself because you don't. All you're feeling is the negative. [00:07:15] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:07:16] Speaker B: And you don't really want the negative. But you know the negatives there. And you haven't started to really look at yourself yet and take responsibility. So of course you're always going to be blaming everybody else. [00:07:29] Speaker A: And I think like, that is very. One of the most powerful things on my spiritual growth that I can remember is holding myself accountable for the parts of me that haven't healed and how I was using that as an excuse and projecting to others myself too. And that's why you. You create a sense of being able to have compassion for others because you already live through those things. And that way it makes. It makes it so that that way when you do hear from somebody else, you're able to stop yourself. You're able to listen and understand where they coming from. From. And it's not like you want to fight fire with fire. Instead you want to come from an approach that's gonna soften the situation. [00:08:16] Speaker B: Yeah. Because at that point you're not open to hearing that it's all about you. [00:08:20] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:08:21] Speaker B: So it's more like holding space and having empathy. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Okay. And then the next Level from feeling wounded when you're starting to explore different options is fear. And I think we're so programmed with fear. It feels natural. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:45] Speaker B: So one of the things I was afraid of on the spiritual journey was the spiritual journey itself. It was weird. We call it woo woo. Right. It was unknown. What are these crazy people doing? I think I've shared before about how scared I was the first time I ever got an energy healing. I don't think I got the benefits because I was so scared on the whole time I was on the table. But it's fear of everything, you know, fear of religious dogma telling you you're evil. Fear of the government. I fell into that. I definitely went into the conspiracy theories. Fear that you're not good enough, you're not worthy. All of the, I mean, name your fears. We've all. Even on the higher up on the spiritual path, we still revisit these fears from time to time. Yeah. [00:09:29] Speaker A: Because everything usually comes in layers and sometimes we're not ready to experience certain parts of our fear and they surface. [00:09:35] Speaker B: Later on when you're, when you're able to handle it. Yeah. But at this stage when, when you're looking at everything's against me, it's almost like a paranoia kind of thing. At least in my case it was. I. Yeah. When you're living in a constant state of fear, it is just so debilitating because you're constantly tensed up. You know, what next? What next? What next? You can't relax. [00:09:59] Speaker A: And isn't that interesting how it truly relates to life, how it's kind of going nowadays for certain people. So did we finish reading the whole thing? Like, I mean, the second one. [00:10:13] Speaker B: Do you feel like you've. You've shared enough about your personal experiences with fear? [00:10:16] Speaker A: Well, no, no. I mean, like, did we actually go through it because I couldn't read the full list. Yes. No, no, no. The, the. Just what we're covering. Because I think, I don't think you mention the. Or did you mention the, the. The most fearful in control situations. [00:10:34] Speaker B: Oh, I see what you said. So there's a tendency to want to control. [00:10:37] Speaker A: Yes. [00:10:37] Speaker B: Control everything when you're in fear. [00:10:38] Speaker A: Yep. And. Excuse me, I was the biggest control freak. I can definitely admit to it, but it was because it was out of fear. I was, I was taught at a very young age that in order to, to think you have your life together, you have to control it. And I was also taught another thing with control that is like definitely not it. That is. Control is a form of Love, especially when it came from parents to try to control me. And then they would say, oh, it's because I love you that I want the best for you. But really it was hiding the control. [00:11:19] Speaker B: Well, and control is the ego talking, because the ego wants predictability. Predictability feels safe to the ego. Its job is to keep the body safe. So it's trying to control all the situations. And later in the spiritual journey, you find out the only thing you can control is your own reactions to things. So you can't control other people. You can't make it. Just so you know, a lot of people, you know, they, they, they have that, was it ocd when they're constantly, you know, everything in the house has to be here, here, here and here, and you can't move it. That's, that's that kind of control. We can't even really enjoy living because everything has to be so predictable when. [00:12:03] Speaker A: It'S, it's really interesting to be able to see, I mean, what happens when you are in fearful mode. So before you couldn't really interpret like, you would just think of like, oh, I just want to control. And I know that if it, if it goes this way, I'm just happy and that's all that matters. But breaking it down into the feeling behind it that it's based off of fear, then we're able to see ourselves with a different light and acknowledge the parts of us that, what fear it's surfing out. What is it that you're fearful about that you want to have so much control over? [00:12:36] Speaker B: Just as a sidebar, since we're talking about. Woo Woo. I've talked about my mentor Eli before, and the first time I ever went to him was for an aura reading because he sees people's auras. And I, that was at the height of my fear, total paranoia about conspiracy theories. And I got my reading and then it was, I've been working with him for 14 years now, and it wasn't until a couple months ago he said, when you got that first reading from me, you were almost dead. Because the fear had taken so much control over me that I, I, my soul, soul was disconnected. Ally. I, I, I, I just didn't have the will to live anymore. Yeah, I wasn't enjoying life and so my aura was showing it. But it's interesting, it took more than 10 years for him to tell me that. [00:13:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:28] Speaker B: And shows how far I've come. [00:13:30] Speaker A: Yeah, it also shows that obviously the last thing that at that point you needed is for that to be pointed out to you. Because you wouldn't have been ready to. And that would have probably put you more in a fear then help you. [00:13:42] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. And I've been working with him regularly. Even, even 10 years later, he didn't tell me that. So he was waiting for the right timing. Yep. Okay, so once you kind of recognize you want to move past fear, the next level up would be jealousy. And we, We. We all know about jealousy or coveting. So you're constantly comparing yourself to others and what they have or who they are, what you think is their success. Yeah, that's exactly how my sister operated all our lives. She was always comparing herself to other people, always. And always falling short, especially when it came to body image. And I think so many women fall into that, so they're going to be able to relate to this. And then being jealous of, you know, things. Things people. Look at his nice car, look at where they live, look at their clothes, you know, and. But it's external. [00:14:38] Speaker A: It was interesting when it comes to this part of the jealousy because I felt like I was always in the other end. And I finally realized why is even when I was in the womb, my dad was seen as the favorite because my grandpa passed at a very young age. So. So he was seen as the favorite because he was the one that was always there for my grandma and catering to what she needed and everything. So she had sons that were older than my dad. My dad was the youngest, and all the sons started having kids and stuff. And she would be like, oh, yeah, great kids and whatever. But as soon as he started having his kids, she was like, putting all this attention to us. Not that we asked for it, but as a result of that. Since a very early age, I experience people like the. The. The energetic frequency of others being really jealous of that. That bond that I had with my grandma and that bond that we had because they came for a very. From a very wounded household. As far as my uncles were alcoholics, my dad never drank, and so they were very much abused. And also there was a very lack of those adults being present and giving love to their kids. So when they saw us being happy and having that, like more of a structure family, they really did not like it. And a lot of the times it was like, very hard because I started dimming my own light because I realized that whenever I shine the brightest, it was like it made others have a problem with it. So I'm like, maybe I'm the problem at that. It going back was like, that was my healing that I needed to do was how do I step into my own light and finally not care what others could think about it? Because we are all intended to shine our own lights. And whenever we're dimming it for others, we're not helping. And our light brings to this world, it doesn't subtract from it. So I really got to experience that growing up my whole entire life. And because I was so focused on that energy, it just, it was like throwing a bomb in my life because then I had a lot of horrible experiences with so called best friends that would really betray me in big ways. But now it makes sense and it's so interesting to be able to grow enough to finally like draw that line all the way to the beginning of where did this come from? [00:17:16] Speaker B: Yes, that, that's a good point. Because we're talking, we're looking at these, because I can speak because we are recognizing where we were and how far we've come. And that's. And I'm sure if you start to think about yourself, it's like, whoa, I'm not. Maybe I'm not as jealous as I used to be. I mean, talk about jealousy. I'm a twin. There's constant sibling rivalry. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:17:40] Speaker B: From day one, I think it's almost. [00:17:43] Speaker A: Like that's the challenge when you are a twin. [00:17:45] Speaker B: And then I had an overachieving brother who went to Princeton and Harvard. So it's like, just figure that in. Watch. And my sister, who was like a straight A student, watch how jealous she was of him. It's like the whole, the whole sibling dynamic was a triad of jealousy. Oh yeah. [00:18:02] Speaker A: And see, what I had is when I grew up, because I experienced jealousy so much, it's almost like I actually deep inside felt unworthy, like almost of certain things. So for me it wasn't about competing with others. It's about getting things to be noticed. So like when my husband and I got our first household, we got it. Because I still remember to this day how my dad always said, if you don't have a house, you don't really have anything on this planet, or you can't claim anything or whatever. And I felt for that. But when I achieved that, I felt so empty because that wasn't a fulfillment for me. Because what needed to be fulfilled was me healing that wound instead of exposing things outside of me to think that they're going to compensate and somehow heal me from the experiences that I grew up with. [00:18:58] Speaker B: That's an interesting point because I think as people go further in the spiritual journey, they become less and Less attached to what they think they're supposed to have. [00:19:05] Speaker A: Oh yes, yes. [00:19:07] Speaker B: And they start letting go of things they thought were so important to them. And it's like, no, I don't need this anymore. I know you're going through that right now. [00:19:14] Speaker A: Oh yes. [00:19:15] Speaker B: Okay. So the next experience that you might recognize would be loneliness. And when you're feeling loneliness, you have a tendency to surrender, surround yourself with noise. I know I did. I would come home from work because I, I've been single all my life. I mean I've had to live in boyfriends at time, but I've never been married. And when I lived by myself, I would come home from work. And this was part of that empty, you know, when Eli saw my will to live had pretty much gone. But I, the minute I came home, I would turn the TV on. And that was back when there wasn't very much good stuff on tv. You didn't have as many choices. So I just did it for noise. And for the whole rest of the night that TV was there just to guess, drown up my loneliness. I can see that. I did, I absolutely see that I did that. [00:20:03] Speaker A: And see, I went on a toxic rampage. As far as like the noise for me, especially during, from my 20s all the way up to like probably like my late 20s, like early 30s even, I was going out and going to clubs and going to bars and that loud noise made me feel like I belonged somewhere. And my loneliest was the next day when I woke up and realized not only had I like really done things that were like self harming as far as like the over drinking, the not feeling too well the next day because of being hungover. But now I had also another focus point that was feeling the loneliest because it's almost like when you go too far extreme and not having balance and going into the over the top celebrations, over the top, like you're in a substance, so you're thinking the whole world, your friend, the whole world's loving you. And almost like this high and then coming down the next day and feeling, feeling the loneliness. That was my thing for the longest. [00:21:12] Speaker B: Because it wasn't real connection because we weren't really, we weren't willing to connect with ourselves. We, we weren't willing to be quiet and look within at that point. [00:21:21] Speaker A: And being in that lonely state was the most uncomfortable thing for me. I remember it, I mean, and I mean it's been years, but I still remember it because it helps me to understand others when they have their thing and you know, you you grow, and then you start growing apart from old friendships and stuff. And maybe those old friendships are still caught up in that, but you understand them from a different perspective because you're no longer judging them. You're more aware of the pain they're going through. But then at the same time, you can't be around them because you just don't want to be around someone that is self destructing without you feeling like you can help them out. Or by being around them, you feel like you're contributing because you're not really being a good friend by like. Like just letting them know, even though they have a choice. [00:22:19] Speaker B: Yeah. But ultimately, when you look back on it, you know, you have to go to the depths to have the light. That's true, to want to reach for the light. And that's what these ones are about that we're talking about. Don't worry, we're gonna go into the light pretty soon. It's not all gloom and doom we're gonna be talking about here. But yeah, the loneliness. Because once you start your spiritual path, you like being alone, you like looking within, you like learning more about who you are and how you're changing. But I know this sad, lonely feeling. [00:22:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:22:50] Speaker B: Well. [00:22:51] Speaker A: And sometimes that, that loneliness, you can only go so far on it before it becomes a catalyst for change too. [00:22:59] Speaker B: And that leads you to the next stage, which still sounds difficult, which is bitterness. And when you're feeling bitterness, you have a tendency to dismiss kindness, which I know I did. You know, like, you know, you don't feel worthy. [00:23:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:15] Speaker B: You know, it's like someone will try to extend, like, do you want to do this or can I help you with that? It's like, oh, no, I can do it myself. [00:23:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:22] Speaker B: You know. No, you. You really actually did need the help. You just weren't willing to take it. [00:23:26] Speaker A: Mm. [00:23:27] Speaker B: Well. [00:23:28] Speaker A: Or how about someone that. For example, let's put a life scenario where someone that's so focused on the negativity, so they're bitter about life, and then you come along because you have more peace within you and you're trying to just spread kindness because you realize that this world really needs that. That. And they just don't react that well to it because they're still in that bitter stage and that they're not willing to let it go. [00:23:55] Speaker B: You're going to see that definitely on the spiritual path. [00:23:57] Speaker A: Yep. [00:23:58] Speaker B: It's. It's like too much cognitive dissonance. You know, the frequencies just don't blend anymore. [00:24:03] Speaker A: And, you know, the thing is it's not like we're not trying to say here like, oh, it's all love and light, because we know those type, too. But. But part of. There's a part where you need to own up to the feelings that you're giving life to within yourself. If that is bitterness, then you're going to see life in that way. And no matter how many times others can say, well, there is a better way of looking at it, you can't see it yet because you haven't moved past that. [00:24:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So let's talk about moving past that, because the next level that is finally starting, I think when you get to the point of bitterness, you're like, there's got to be something better. Right? [00:24:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:48] Speaker B: And so the next one would be being your most authentic. And when you're being authentic, you do admit your mistakes. [00:24:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:56] Speaker B: And that was a hard one for me to get to, you know, because I had too much ego for the longest time. And of course, I was blaming other people for my problems, too. But, you know, once you get to that point where you're willing to admit a mistake, it's actually liberating and freeing. [00:25:12] Speaker A: It is. But you know how hard it is when, like, at least I can only speak for myself, but from my experiences, I was. I was taught that when you make mistakes, you shove it under so that no one can see them. And you have this sense of pride that is just, like, crazy because. Because that pride blocks you so much from truly admitting to your mistakes and to being authentic. And at that time, you don't see it as that, because once you've been through your life and your whole life has been all about doing that over and over again, it's so hard to see the other side. [00:25:58] Speaker B: Well, it's the ego again, too. [00:26:00] Speaker A: The ego. [00:26:01] Speaker B: Ego does not want to admit any mistakes. You know, the ego is always doing the right thing to protect you. Right. [00:26:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:07] Speaker B: At least it thinks so. So it's. It's a big step. [00:26:13] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:26:14] Speaker B: To get to that point. [00:26:15] Speaker A: And here's what I really want to share. That one thing that I know for sure, that I have to realize and come to terms with them before I can make changes in my life, is we all have a set point. A set point of, this is how we're bringing ourselves. This is how we're acting. And it's a set point. And what that means is it's really hard to break that set point and to move into being more open about learning new ways to deal with things in life. But until you can get past your set set points of this is where I'm at and this is what I'm working with, you're not going to be able to just move to the other side. [00:26:55] Speaker B: No. And then I was thinking about the word authentic too. Because authentic means you need to realize, yes, I have been wounded, I have been fearful, I have been jealous, I have been lonely, I have been bitter. And then to kind of recognize that that was part of your growths potential. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:14] Speaker B: And that when you're authentic, you don't deny these things, you understand, you start to understand these things and why they happened and how they ultimately helped propel you forward. [00:27:28] Speaker A: Well, and until we shine a new light on things that we saw one way because we know nothing in life is just one way, but when it's seen through, putting a light through and really trying to find out where is this coming from, then that's when things start changing. Especially like all of us, when we started, we're so set on one way of seeing life and this is it. And I'm right and everybody else is wrong or, Or I'm flawed. Yes, exactly. It's either one or the other. But once we start seeing life with just so many ways to look at it, that's when things truly change in our lives. But until that point, we're kind of stuck. [00:28:13] Speaker B: But what I wanted to say about authenticity is when you're authentic, you recognize I am dark, I am light, I am flawed, I am capable, I am forward moving and I'm receptive. All of the polarities start to come together. So you're not fighting parts of your, yourself anymore. [00:28:32] Speaker A: Yep. And isn't that so like, to me, it's such a beautiful thing. I, for the longest time when I was starting my healing, I would see the, the parts that I hadn't seen or the, the parts that I didn't understand as flawed parts of myself. And it's such a concept, it's such a changing concept to see those parts. [00:28:54] Speaker B: As. [00:28:57] Speaker A: True potential that you can tap into if you heal those parts of yourself rather than being flawed like you switch the light and how you see yourself and it only creates a much stronger version of yourself. [00:29:12] Speaker B: Yeah. So then that leads to greater confidence, the next level. And that's when you can start to uplift other people. And I think this is a level that I'm actually currently at because I haven't had as much confidence as I would like. You know, that's why I, I go on social media, I disappear from social media. I don't have the confidence. I'm like, you know, I start to doubt myself. Do I have the ability to share my stories? Do I have my ability to be vulnerable? All these things. So I'm just admitting it to you guys. But I do have that desire to want to uplift others. So as your confidence grows, you know, certainly the podcast helps with. With that, you get to the point where it's like, yeah, yeah, I've learned a lot from all these lessons. Now I'm ready to start sharing that with others so that I can help them. [00:29:59] Speaker A: Yep. And see, that's. That's also like. It's such a crazy thing for me to look in the past with experiences, because growing up, like, being gay, I remember going to those bars and seeing these people. They were just so mean. And I thought, wow, they're so confident. And now you can see it was all posturing. Yeah. And it was all woundedness. Because someone that is at peace with themselves, someone that is truly confident, you uplift others. You have no problems with uplifting others. But when you're bringing others down, that actually shows the opposite, that you're not very confident. [00:30:38] Speaker B: Exactly. But it appears to be confident to the wounded. [00:30:42] Speaker A: Exactly. And at that time, I was wounded myself, so I couldn't see that the difference. All I saw was like, wow. They're like, but it's just mind blowing how the. Even that translation of it has changed, because I've understood it from a different level. [00:30:58] Speaker B: And I think you gain confidence once you start to go, yeah, I'm, I'm. I've got flaws. So what? So do other people. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:31:08] Speaker B: Okay, so then the next level would be being creative. And when you're feeling creative, you embrace uncertainty. Ask any artist. [00:31:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:16] Speaker B: Yep. You know, because you. You do hair. [00:31:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:19] Speaker B: It's like, oh, let's. Let's dive in and do something different this time. Right? Yeah. You like the challenge. You like the what ifs. The. Instead of the what ifs being stultifying and you're afraid of them, the what ifs are like, ooh, what else is possible? What else is possible? What else is possible? So when you're feeling creative, you know, whether it's writing music or poetry or coming up with a new solution for, you know, how are we going to make this thing function in our household? I mean, it can be just that simple. You know, a lot of men don't think they're creative. [00:31:55] Speaker A: That's true. [00:31:56] Speaker B: They don't think. But they're usually very good problem solvers. Like, I don't know what's going on with the toilet. Can you help me figure it out? They're like, yeah, you only need to do this, this, and this. Your husband's like that? Yeah, my husband. [00:32:07] Speaker A: My husband's like. [00:32:07] Speaker B: And he probably doesn't think he's creative, and he's one of the most creative people on the planet. [00:32:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, it's really interesting that you mentioned about creativeness because for the longest time doing hair, I got so wrapped up in this outside projection thing where I felt I had something to prove. Right. So when I was, it would mess with my creativity so much because of the fact that I felt like I had all this pressure and it would cut into my creativity. [00:32:42] Speaker B: Because you're trying to be perfect. [00:32:43] Speaker A: That I was trying to be perfect. And then all of a sudden, here I am thinking, like, I'm definitely stepping out of hair, but I'm giving the best work I've ever given. Get this. Because I embrace that uncertainty because now I realize that that's all potential for me to work. Work with rather than go against me. And it's so interesting. I had a client just a few days ago, and I did this color and I. Before she even came in, I was like, this color will be so perfect on her. And she happens to be that client that's always willing to change things and do things a little bit different. And I tried this color on her, and she messaged me the next day. And I had a little voice, that thing of two minutes of saying how she loved it and how her co workers just loved it. And she kept getting all these compliments and how she's so thankful that I did what I did. And she was sharing a story about not feeling too good about her hair because she felt like she was losing too much of it. So get this. Like, to build someone up like that in. It's just amazing. And I realized, like, wow. Like, I. I feel like I'm the most creative now because I finally allowed myself to just be an experience. [00:34:04] Speaker B: Same with me with my art, because I felt too constricted. I had a talk about the lived in boyfriend. I lived with a. A professional artist for years. And he could draw everything in scale, everything. And he was so good that the professors at the UW wanted him to be an art student, even though he was only taking it as an elective. That is so rare because most, most people go to UW to be art students and they discourage them. And here's a guy, it wasn't even his major. He was just taking them as electives. And they're like, you need to be in the art school. So once you're with someone like that, it's like, well, I can't draw. I can't do anything. So for like 10, 12 years, I didn't draw a darn thing. And it wasn't until I moved up here and I heard the little voice in my head, spirit and woo woo. I was drinking coffee one morning and I heard, draw a wolf. And I said, okay, I heard that. And I told my guides, if I'm going to draw a wolf, I'm not going to use a pencil, an eraser, because I will erase the whole time. So I got a pen out and I drew a line figure of a wolf. And I went, well, I know it does look like a wolf, but it was in my own style. So when I was willing to let go of that same thing with you, but the hair and being perfect, that, that constricture of like, it has to be done just right, then your creativity really does flow. And that's because I was embraced. Sorry. I was embracing the uncertainty and just going, well, what happens if I do try to draw one? [00:35:31] Speaker A: And isn't that so fascinating? Because if somebody said, describe Lola in one word, like one of the first words I would think would be creative, which is so insane to think that. I mean, we just work on ourselves where we just display this new confidence of ourselves and this new creative for everyone else to see. But we couldn't see it before. [00:35:54] Speaker B: No, but that's why we're doing this episode, so we can see. We see it in hindsight. And hopefully what you're seeing is you're seeing yourself in some of these patterns in hindsight once again to see how far you've come. And that was huge for me. I hadn't, I hadn't drawn for at least 10 years, I think. And I love art. [00:36:12] Speaker A: Yep. [00:36:13] Speaker B: I mean, I was the kid in kindergarten where the teacher always tried to get me to engage in other things. And all I ever wanted to do was color or paint. And she gave up fighting with me because every day she'd be, I just want to color and paint. I don't want to play with the kids. I want to color, paint. Okay. So once you feel more creative, that spark and that creativity can come from many different things. Like, like I said, figure, figure out how to make the car work is creative, you know, so then you go to being the most fulfilled. And when you start to feel fulfilled, you give without needing anything back. But when you're wounded. When these people are giving to you, you don't want what they're offering. We talked about that earlier. Right. But you do. You want to give. You want to. Especially without the strings attached, because that's what the wounded part of you. I'm going to do this so that you do this for me. [00:37:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:09] Speaker B: Which you could, I'm sure you can relate to with your mom, but it's more like my cup's overflowing, so of course I want to help and give. [00:37:19] Speaker A: Yes. And you know, the thing is, we're all just in different stages, and that's really what it is. And unfortunately, this one for me. [00:37:30] Speaker B: Since. [00:37:31] Speaker A: A very young age, my mom was always very conditionally love, and she was very conditional with lots of things. So when she gave me something, she would. There was always an expectation back. And I was so young and I was so not aware of things, and obviously I wasn't aware. I had no idea what unconditional love was compared to conditional love. [00:37:54] Speaker B: But none of us do. [00:37:55] Speaker A: Yeah. And it was just. To me, it was just love. And now defining that, it's amazing because it's like really what it breaks for me now, what it breaks it down to is when I give something, I don't expect anything back. Because when I'm giving something, I'm thinking of, I want to give this to you because it comes out of my heart and it's coming out of me, and with no expectations. And the moment I have any expectations about giving anything, then I don't give it, because then it's not being honest. But did it took me a long time to realize that, yes. I grew up probably the most wounded when it came to that, because unfortunately we don't. Well, we did ask to come here and to have these great lessons, and we thought we were so high and mighty that we could just go through it. And my biggest lesson was discerning. Discerning between what conditional and unconditional love is. And even going through it, my boundaries have to be strengthened because I realized what kind of world do I want to live in? And I want to live in this world where I'm always being. Feel fulfilled. I want to live in that world where I'm giving without feeling like I need to get back from it. It's just. Yeah, there's a different. It's weird because I think this is where people get confused about feeling grateful, because gratefulness leads to bringing new things. You open that door to receive, but however, conditional love does not. [00:39:27] Speaker B: Right. Because you don't feel worthy of receiving. [00:39:29] Speaker A: Exactly. And that's the biggest thing. And you just literally broke into the simplest form to understand. And that's like the biggest differences between the two before that. I was so wounded. I was so confused. I literally thought they were the same. Conditional, unconditional love or giving. Giving something and giving something with being conditional about it. [00:39:51] Speaker B: Always expecting something. [00:39:52] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:39:54] Speaker B: Well, you now see the difference. [00:39:56] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:39:57] Speaker B: Look how far you've come. [00:39:58] Speaker A: Yep. [00:39:59] Speaker B: Look how far we've both come. Yeah. I was, I gave and then I expected to receive and I didn't get the re, you know, because people didn't know what I was expecting of them anyway. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:40:09] Speaker B: It's like, oh, I, I, I threw this event party, and so now somebody's going to invite me to a party. And they didn't. And then I'd sit there, this is when I was more wounded, and go, but I expected that if I throw this fun party that everybody liked, they'll invite me. [00:40:28] Speaker A: Yep. [00:40:30] Speaker B: They didn't. I guess it was a good reason. My aura was almost gone. Oh, no. Who wants that at a party? [00:40:39] Speaker A: And see, now we can laugh about it. We really were not laughing about it. [00:40:45] Speaker B: No. Okay, so where did we leave off? We left off about giving. Yep. Okay. So the next level up is becoming the most resilient you can be. And that's what. When you start turning pain into wisdom. Yeah, we're definitely doing that. [00:41:00] Speaker A: Yes. [00:41:01] Speaker B: Yes. But that's where that empathy is so required. And we, you know, we have to feel this pain in order to, to do what we want to do here, which is to give and help others and turn, turn it into wisdom. You know what wisdom is? This is, this is from my, my tarot teacher, Eli. Wisdom. I love. He's just funny. He said wisdom. Well, wisdom is making mistakes and correcting them. And he says, I'm very wise. I'm probably the wisest person you've ever met because I've made so many mistakes. [00:41:34] Speaker A: But that's great because he's owning up to them and he is charing that due to. That is where he's at. [00:41:40] Speaker B: And yeah. You know, I always tell people, have you ever noticed they never say young and wise. They always say old and wise. It's because you've learned from these lessons that we started at the beginning. [00:41:49] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:50] Speaker B: Where, you know, being fearful, jealous, and bitter is not really serving me. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:54] Speaker B: You know, but you have, but you have to experience it in order to be the legitimate walk the walk and talk the talk person. [00:42:03] Speaker A: So when I, when I was Teaching because I taught at a beauty school. I would always say to my students, no one's ever born being a teacher. You need to experience first in order to be able to teach someone. So. So where you guys are at, I was, I once was how you're holding those scissors, we call them shears. That's a professional name for him. You shaking your hand is perfectly normal because that's where you're at. That doesn't mean where you'll be later on in the future if you choose to proceed. But that's where you're at now. And that's where I once was too. And that would, that applies to the spiritual journey too. And that would create such confidence within them because then they didn't see me as, oh no, he has such a, like big, like he thinks of so high of himself. It was more about like, it's great to be a student because that's the only way we can learn from life. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Which is why we're showing you what we've learned so far so that you can see how much you've actually learned so far. Okay, so the next one up is being the most loving. And this is a good one for you to talk about because when you're feeling loving, you set benevolent boundaries, don't you? Healthy boundaries. [00:43:17] Speaker A: And see, that's like kind of like where I'm really, really been at. Just because I realize that there's a world that goes around us. But if we don't apply love to ourselves first, then part of setting that love is also setting those boundaries. Like what are you willing to tolerate in your life? How are you respecting yourself and how are you showing yourself true self love. If you're not setting those boundaries of I deserve to get treated better. And sometimes it can be really tough because there's some characters, example parents, that they're so used to treating you a certain way. And when you start switching the boundaries as far as like, I cannot tolerate this anymore. Not because I'm telling you like I'm trying to be negative with you. It's more about me realizing I deserve to get treated better. And a lot of us can't see it like some of us are in those. That part of our growth which I once was of. I can't see fault on my parents. I look at them as, they're perfect. So all of a sudden you start realizing that your parents are human, that your parents have flaws, that nobody told your parents how to be parents. So all they have is their own experience. Experiences. So when they mess up. It's not because they personally want to mess up. It's because of the fact that they only have had what they've gone through. And if they haven't healed themselves, then that's what you're getting as a parent. [00:44:46] Speaker B: And going back to what we just said, they haven't gained the wisdom from the mistakes. They don't see the mistakes yet. Yeah. And that takes a lot, you know, from your spiritual journey to see that you're looking at them from a higher perspective. And, you know, that goes to space spouses so much too. [00:45:02] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:45:03] Speaker B: Because on the spiritual journey, I. I do see that, you know, one spouse is growing and the other's not. And. And it's hard because you love that person, but they're. They're just not going on the ride with you. [00:45:15] Speaker A: And sometimes, like, part of setting those boundaries and part of, like, really establishing yourself as a new person that you are, you can also love people from a distance, like, because you never hate them, you never dislike them or have anything personal against them. You wish them well and you let them go because, you know their own growth and then their own journey belongs to them, not to you. [00:45:37] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's a big one. Because, you know, when you're not. When you haven't come to this level, if somebody started to drift apart from you, it's like, well, what's wrong with them? You know? But now when you see it from this higher perspective, it's like, oh, okay, they. I've learned the lesson. They haven't. That's okay. They might learn it. And it's just such a different way of looking at your dynamic with other people. [00:46:01] Speaker A: And also, as we're standing here, one of the things that I'm like, in nudge now to say is also, don't. Don't be so hard on yourselves. If there's a time where you get so caught up in emotions, you go back to the beginning steps again. There's layers that sometimes we don't address, and sometimes people have to trigger you on those levels in order for that to even come up. There's been so many things, especially now that I've been really prepping up for my retreat with clean eating because the body holds all the trauma. So there's been things that I would have never even thought that I had stored and hadn't paid attention to. Now when they do come up, I'm no longer my worst enemy as far as I'm judging myself and destroying myself instead. I'm asking myself, okay, show me. Show Me the pain and show me where, like bring everything, all the feelings, because I want to sit with the emotions, but I want to be sit with them so I can understand them better and I can learn from them. And before it was just straight up pain, and then that pain caused other pain to surface, and then you would express that pain to others. So it was this vicious cycle. [00:47:23] Speaker B: But now you've gained the wisdom from all that. [00:47:25] Speaker A: Yep. [00:47:27] Speaker B: So the final step for the tendency of evolution on the spiritual path is the most freeing. And that's when you live aligned with your own truth. So alignment is one of my favorite words because when you're aligned, you're in perfect balance and harmony, which means unlike the like. Let's go back to it. I'm just gonna say it. The love and light crowd, they're denying their shadow. So they're not aligned. They seem, especially to someone new to the spiritual path. You go, oh, my gosh, they're so enlightened. You know, they're wearing their white linen shirt and their blonde long hair is blowing in the breeze on Malibu. It's like, no, no. To be aligned and harmonious is mastering the game here. So that means I'm in alignment. I like who I am. I like my dark. I like my light. I don't need to use my dark very often, but if I did, I would. And the example I always give is, if you're at home, home and somebody comes into your house, you're not going to come. You're probably not going to offer them tea and cookies, especially if you're a mom with kids. So if there's a stranger walking your house, your dark is going to come up, at least for a short time. You're going to be going, who are you? You know, what do you have to say about that? Because I know that was a big lesson for you. [00:48:49] Speaker A: Oh, that was a huge lesson for me. There's. My two favorite words are alignment and embodiment. Now because of the fact that I find them to be pretty important in our. In our growth as far as, like, we have to, like, we align into those things. They're. They're the truth of us, of who we are. The most authentic version of ourselves is what we want to align to, but also we want to embody that new version that in whatever is going against it or counteracting it, that's what we start looking at in order to make the changes we need to, to be able to move to that new timeline. But there was something, there was a thought that I Just had. And I totally. [00:49:33] Speaker B: Oh, no. Was it when I was talking about love and light or. [00:49:37] Speaker A: Yeah, it was. Let's see, it was something about alignment. [00:49:43] Speaker B: Itself and harmonizing, I think it was. [00:49:46] Speaker A: With the word free. I. [00:49:49] Speaker B: Since. [00:49:50] Speaker A: Since day one of my awakening journey, I felt like I had shackles. And I realized that those shackles were self put on by stories. That I decided that those were my stories. And I cannot live my life without this story because this is who I am. And those stories, a lot of the times were connected to these titles. These titles that either people put on me and I just took and I said, this is who I am. This is what I'm about. And I now feel like I'm experiencing a new freedom, which is what I've always wanted. And it was because I allowed my own inner truth to come through and for my alignment to tell me how to move forward in life instead of following anyone else's path, instead of focusing on anything else, just being who I truly. Where I truly feel like I'm embodying the best version of myself is what moves me forward now. So a life, a life full of alignment, a life full of just that freeing feeling of. I feel like the most of myself that I've ever felt in my life is ideally what I'm striving to get to. And as I said, it's a work in progress because some days I feel like I got it, and some days I feel like, whoa, we fell off the bandwagon. [00:51:32] Speaker B: And it's a good point you made earlier. Every once in a while we backtrack, but that's because there's still. You looked at a wound and you might have tended to the wound. [00:51:44] Speaker A: Yes. [00:51:45] Speaker B: But it's not fully healed yet. So there's nothing wrong with that. So if for some reason, like, let's say, bitterness comes up again and that was way at the low end of the scale, right? [00:51:54] Speaker A: Yep. [00:51:55] Speaker B: It's because you. It's. It was deep in your subconscious. You weren't aware of it. It's probably bitterness that developed, you know, when you were just a little child. And so now this is your opportunity to come from this higher perspective of, oh, I'm more aligned now, I've got healthier boundaries now. I've got greater wisdom now. So now I can go back and try to figure out how I can heal this inner child wound. So there's nothing. There's nothing wrong with that. If everyone smiles, like, wait a minute, I thought I went way beyond bitterness at this point. Or I've Gone way beyond jealousy. It's just you've come to the point where you like yourself enough, you've done enough self growth that you are prepared to look at it now. [00:52:38] Speaker A: Yep. So I guess I can share a story and I don't mind. It's kind of a little personal story, but it's not very long as I've been healing, all of a sudden, I started feeling very numb, like, and I'm talking about emotional numbness, and I'm pointing that out because now I know later on if I feel an emotional numbness, it's the part where your body is catching up to things. Things. And it's realizing there's something that it's creating a numbness. Right. And I couldn't get to it. And I kept asking spirit, just show me I'm not running away from it. I'm open to really see it. And out of the deepness, I found a version of my. In the version of my inner child that had trapped all the pain it felt from growing up with unhealed parents. And the reason why that inner child trapped it was because it felt so guilty. And it felt like a bad son of pointing out or just feeling the emotions that I felt that were not the most kindest about my parents. But when I brought it out, it's a good thing that, like Lola said, I'm not bringing it out to no longer be my enemy. I'm not bringing it out to judge others. Not bringing it out because I'm just bringing the pain to understand it, to be able to sit with it and be able to heal it and let it go. [00:54:11] Speaker B: Yeah. A good example, because it happened for both of us the same week. [00:54:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:54:15] Speaker B: Was we looked at our issues of childhood abandonment because I kept revisiting an old nightmare I had as a child. And I didn't know independently, the Amaral was speaking, too. But obviously we'd gotten to the point where, I don't know if it was the planetary alignment or how far we've come with our own personal growth or both, but we were looking at some deep, deep, deep childhood fears. [00:54:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:54:41] Speaker B: And we both moved further along. Along as a, as. As a. As a corollary, because we were willing to look at it not from the wounded perspective, but from how far we've come. And my guess is most people who are listening, you're coming from a much higher perspective when you're looking at these situations as they arise. Like I said, if. If you do feel the abandonment issue coming up, you're much more equipped to Deal with it now. [00:55:13] Speaker A: Yep. And it's. It's just so interesting how things come up in a different way. Like, back in the day, we would be like. And I mean, even Lola can attest to. There was a time where I would call her and be like, okay, I can't stop crying. Because there's all these emotions because they overwhelm and get the best out of you, because you're reliving those experiences, not so much as going back to them, but just so that they can come out. [00:55:41] Speaker B: This is a good example, because what did I do? I was giving. I had the confidence, I had the wisdom, because I've been through the same thing. [00:55:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:51] Speaker B: So this is what we're talking about. How far have you come on the spiritual path where someone can come to you like that and feeling vulnerable and you can hold space for them? And. Because, oh, I went through that. I know where he's at. So I'll just sit with him and I'll tell him what I know. And, you know, and that you're. You're doing fine. Yeah. You know, this is something that most people experience. I mean, it's just really so wonderful to be in that position, and now you're in the position to do that with other people. And so this is what we mean about. You have to. It's almost like you have to experience these lows so that you can really be in a position to understand the spiritual journey better. Will never fully understand it, but so that we can really help people along on the ride. And that's what this podcast is about, too. So I hope this has been helpful for you to see how far you've come. I don't mean Amaral. I mean all of you in the audience, because I know how far he's come. I met you when you were just getting started on all of this, so I saw some of your. Your. Your growth, that's for sure. And so pat yourself on the back. Give yourself some credit that at this point, you have grown so much, you have evolved so much. And the point is, you're not at a point, probably, if you're listening to this podcast, where you might be able to help at least a few people who come to you. Okay. Confused about this crazy ride we call the spiritual journey. [00:57:25] Speaker A: Yeah. And I mean, how many of you have so many friends that come to you for advice? So that's a sign that you clearly are able to help others, too. [00:57:34] Speaker B: Yes. So just like we're going to give ourselves credit for over a year's worth of episodes. Yeah. We're going to give you guys credit for what. How. How much you've accomplished, and I hope that you take that sincerely. Let's give them a little hand. Yay. Because we know it wasn't easy to get where you're at now. [00:57:55] Speaker A: Yep. [00:57:56] Speaker B: And kudos. [00:57:58] Speaker A: Yes. Thank you so much for tuning in. Don't forget to share. [00:58:03] Speaker B: Yes. And we'll see you in a week. [00:58:05] Speaker A: Y.