Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by three fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you are likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it is like to wake up to your authentic self.
Hi, I'm Lola Singer and we actually have, well, we do have three friends on the path today, but one of them is my cat who's making noise in the background.
I'm Lola Singer and Pamela is traveling. We won't be with her today. She'll be back for future episodes and I am here with my co host Amaral. So it's Lola, Ameril and Mia the cat today.
And what are we going to talk about today?
[00:01:02] Speaker B: We're going to talk about shadow work, which I did a Google search. I always like to get just the general feel for it and a general description, I guess, and then share our experiences with it. So according to Google, shadow work is a spiritual practice that involves exploring and integrating the unconscious and hidden parts of, of your personality.
Here are some of the ways shadow work can help you. It can recognize and change self sabotaging behaviors, improve relationships, heal trauma and become more authentic.
[00:01:41] Speaker A: So a lot of light comes out of the shadow, doesn't it?
[00:01:44] Speaker B: Yep. Which is another thing that we were just talking about how when we start in our spiritual journey because we're so indoctrinated to look at the dark as bad, when there really is no such thing as bad or good. It's just everything is energy in the darker aspects of us hold keys to us because it holds more unexplored potential areas of us. And I can definitely say, because I was very indoctrinated in Catholicism, I think, well, I don't know but I can only speak from my experiences. But Catholicism is huge on constantly pointing out how the dark or the shadow is so bad when really it's just misunderstood energy.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: How else are they going to separate you from your, your connection with all that is than to tell you that part of you is not worthy.
[00:02:43] Speaker B: Yes. Which I mean it fits into the shame part of it. So I guess like that would be one thing. And also your darkness really holds the power for your strengths because what you see as flaws, once you understand them, then they become strength. So there's a lot to explore on the shadow side. Not to mention we're both made up. Both like there's shadow and light and that's why you have like, things such as the yin and Yang symbol. It's like the perk in order to be in balance is just integrating really your dark with your light.
[00:03:24] Speaker A: And lights are reflection of the dark.
[00:03:26] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:03:27] Speaker A: They coexist simultaneously. And as above, so below. It happens physically, but it also happens mentally. It happens emotionally. Right. And I think what a lot of people don't realize is the shadow is not even evil. Like we're taught. The shadow is what we've suppressed about ourselves, usually based on something like shame.
So it's just not. It's just not seen. We're not consciously aware of it because we have made a choice probably early in our lives, you know, as children when we were shamed for something, to shove it away. So I don't look at it.
And then it just keeps saying, I'm still here, I'm still here, I'm still here. And you keep shoving it down. I'm not looking, I'm not looking. It hurts. It makes me feel bad. I'm ashamed. And then eventually, when the spiritual path, in order to integrate everything, because that's what a spiritual journey is about. Right. It's being truly authentic. You do have to address what you've been hiding in the shadows for decades and decades and decades and decades.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: And what's really interesting that I. Well, at least I find it very interesting is when I started my spiritual journey and you start really going into the shadows and really exploring the parts that you misunderstood about yourself and the parts that you were ashamed that you never really thought about.
I mean, we're not going to say it's a walk in the park and that's where we want to clear it out. Because a lot of times when you hear spirituality, some people are all like, oh, it's everything's love and light. And the thing is, it's not. Because it can't be. Not everything can be light. But at the same time, when you're first starting out, it's probably going to be the hardest time, because every. Anything that is the unknown and you're exploring it for the first time is going to take some adaptation to it.
And I can say that I really just dove into it. I think it's part of being a Scorpio too. You just kind of like the more.
[00:05:36] Speaker A: Scorpios are not afraid of the dark.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: Yep. So. And it is painful because you have to understand that for so long, you just shove that away. You put that away. Like, it's almost like, oh, this isn't like I'm Denying this. I'm denying that. So there's gonna be. Parts are very painful, because how traumas work, it's almost like it starts out as a snowball, and the more you neglect it, the bigger it gets. The bigger it gets, and then it starts connecting with other parts in your life. So when you actually decide to face it, instead of being that initial thing, it's so much bigger. And we thought it was really great to talk about it, because a lot of the times we misunderstand what shadow work really is. So we're trying to break it down and into a simplest form. And we're never going to claim that we know everything, but this is kind of our take on it and from our experience, what we've discovered and experience.
[00:06:35] Speaker A: Yes. So maybe to make it a little clearer, the kind of things you may have locked away in your subconscious and shut the door like it was a vault are some inner child wounds. And I looked up and found a great graphic on the Internet that describes some of the inner child wounds. So maybe this will help you understand shadow work better. When we experience these wounds, especially at a very young, tender age, we feel very bad about ourselves, and then that's where the shadow comes from. Like I said, we're trying to suppress and not acknowledge this hurt.
So the first wound is the guilt wound. How many of us can relate to guilt, especially those who were raised Catholic?
[00:07:25] Speaker B: Well, and another thing, too, about guilt is that it's very interesting because we all have this concept of what society has taught us. Do it this way or otherwise feel guilty because you're not doing the way it's supposed to be done. As we explore more of ourselves and truly connect with our essence, we realize that the guilt is just part of the programming to get you to cater to certain things. Like, once you start exploring yourself, you start becoming more of your true self without feeling that guilt. But, I mean, nonetheless, that guilt has to be healed, you know, and when.
[00:08:01] Speaker A: You'Re a young child, when a lot of these things you start. Start suppressing, we feel guilty for a lot of things that as an adult, we can look at and go, that was no big deal.
[00:08:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: But it's shattering to a child to get that feeling of guilt from a parent or a teacher or somebody.
So if you're not aware you have a guilt wound, these are some of the indications that you might.
So someone with a guilt wound feels sorry or bad a lot of the time. Oh, boy, I felt bad a lot. Oh, my gosh. That was my whole childhood preteen Teen college student. I always felt bad. Yeah. And. Okay. Another thing that you might not realize you have a guilt wound would be that you don't like to ask for things.
I guess you wouldn't feel worthy of asking, would you?
[00:09:01] Speaker B: Mm.
[00:09:03] Speaker A: Yeah. One of the things I have a hard time asking for is help, so I know I've got a guilt wound now. So if you have a guilt wound, you actually use guilt to manipulate other people.
Ouch.
And then the final one that's on this particular list was that someone with an inner child guilt wound normally attracts people who make them feel guilty.
[00:09:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
So going back on other episodes where we've experienced each emotion that we have, each emotion we give life to within ourselves creates a magnetic attraction out. So those life experiences that, like, especially your shadow life experiences that you haven't healed yet will continue to bring certain situations because they're not trying to victimize you or torture you. They're trying to get you to learn your lesson and be able to heal it so you're no longer attracting those situations. I mean, how many of us. How many of us can really relate to growing up and being like, man, I feel like I constantly find people there like this.
That saying says a lot.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: Just ask anybody who's been married and divorced three or four times.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Right. Or just breakups. You don't even have to go the full marriage. You can go through breakups.
[00:10:32] Speaker A: So the whole point is, if we shine a light on the dark and try. Try to remember who. Who we were when this wound first started, then we can look at it more objectively, especially if you were a child, and say, oh, okay, I forgive everyone involved. Okay. I see now why grandma might have shamed me in that circumstance now that I'm older and I have a child, for example. So it wasn't that she was picking on me specifically, but she was setting boundaries, for example.
So that's how. That's all that shadow work is, shining a light on it, recognizing what was actually happening, neutralizing it through a lot of forgiveness. But it does require a very honest look at yourself.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Yep. And I do want to add something because for that, like, one of the things that was so important, it was, like, about the. Forgiveness needs to start with you, because you can't go the other way around. Because, remember, you're the one feeling these emotions. So if you're not forgiving yourself, then that means, like, I mean, you can't just go and, like, forgive everyone else and then not forgive yourself, because that wouldn't be healing your shadow like your shadow is about you.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: There's an adage which is, I, I did the best I knew how to do at the time. So did your parents. They did the best they knew how to do at that time. So did your tiny little preschool kid inside you. He or she did the best she knew how to do at the time. So I think if you approach it with that attitude, it's easier to look at these things.
We've got a couple more inner child wounds to talk about.
[00:12:15] Speaker B: Can I just add one more thing to that? Because it's just. What?
[00:12:17] Speaker A: No, I'm trying to make you feel guilty.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: And that's just. It has to do directly with guilt. So I a saying that I have learned to really appreciate and gives me a new outlook. It's like you point, you put guilt by pointing at someone, right? But there's four fingers pointing back at you. So that's what, like, it's interesting seeing in that perspective, like when you're pointing at someone because there's things within you that are connecting to and that's why they're affecting you. That's why they're bothering you. That's why, like, it's like you're almost like judging someone, but yet what you don't realize is what you're actually pointing at. It's something within yourself that's bothering you. Which, yes, it takes a much higher, like, observational way to look at yourself, but eventually you'll get there, I promise you.
[00:13:11] Speaker A: And that's a good point because I think when we're going through the wounding, we have a tendency to externalize the problem. Yes, you did this to me. It's her fault. I'm like this, right?
[00:13:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:23] Speaker A: And then the four fingers poking back at you. It's like you finally realize. No, is my reaction to that person's how that person was at the time.
Okay, so another wound that comes from the inner child is a trust wound.
I didn't really trust a lot of people growing up.
You know, it's interesting because I was, you know, I'm a twin and you know, we weren't even identical twins, but mom dressed us the same, so we looked really cute, you know. And I remember this because she would go to the grocery store with us when we were like preschoolers, and she couldn't go anywhere because if a stranger came up to say how cute we looked, we would grab her legs and hide.
So we. At a very young age, I did not trust people.
It's like I was just trying to hide behind mommy. So I know I had trust wounds. So someone with a trust wound typically is afraid to be hurt.
Boy, that happened at such an early age for me too. That's interesting, isn't it?
[00:14:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:31] Speaker A: Wow. I learned to be afraid to be hurt early on.
Okay, someone with a trust wound, well, this makes sense. They don't trust themselves.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: Exactly. It's a lot of self doubt. Like. So this is just a way to kind of get that reflection within yourself. Like, if you are putting a check mark, that's a good start. So don't look at this at all like, oh, you're judging yourself into like. Like where you're horrible. No, it's more like where your work needs to get started so that. That way you can feel like you can heal those wounds and just become a better version of yourself.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: This makes sense too. A person with a trust wound finds ways not to trust other people.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:15:13] Speaker A: And that could be fabricated in your head.
Yeah. Wow.
[00:15:18] Speaker B: I love, like, sometimes it's interesting because I will see posts that are just so crazy, like. Like a blunt post of like, I trust no one. And I'm always like, well, if you trust no one, that means you don't trust yourself either. So who's like. Because everybody else has to deal with their own journey and stuff, but the trust has to start with you. So it's. It's just so interesting how it just does the full circle. Once you understand that when you have certain issues, usually they start with you, not with the outside.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: You're right. The fingers always point back at us, don't they? Okay. Someone with an inner child. Trust wound feels insecure and needs a lot of external validation.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:03] Speaker A: Did we not just talk about external validation? Yeah, or blaming others. That was with the guilt one. But needing external validation. Yeah. Because if you don't trust yourself, you're not gonna. You're not gonna prop yourself up. So you're going to be looking for. Oh, like the beauty industry, like we talked about before, you know, you. The latest lipstick is going to make me feel better. Having the right boyfriend will make me, you know, then I'll. Then I'll be happy, you know?
Right.
[00:16:34] Speaker B: Car.
[00:16:35] Speaker A: You know? Oh, my goodness. Yeah. And it doesn't. It doesn't really. Because when you trust yourself, you don't really need anything, do you? You just have that trust between you and source.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: Mm.
[00:16:46] Speaker A: That you're here, you're connected for a reason. You know, I wouldn't be here if there wasn't a reason for me to be here.
Trust wound. You don't Feel safe. We talked about that with me being a twin.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: Safe is so big for me because. So here's. Here's where safe is. Very interesting. So if you don't feel safe in this world, it's almost like connects so much with your unworthy and connects to so many other emotions. So it's not even just the word itself is where it connects to certain areas of your life.
To me, like, there's. I read this thing, and I think we did it in another episode about, like, the basic things that you need from parenting. And safe was one of them. And I was like, huh, interesting.
[00:17:33] Speaker A: You know, the foundation for everything. If you don't feel safe, safe, even, like, physical needs, you know, a place to live and food and clothes, then you can't grow spiritually because you've. You've got to have the foundation.
[00:17:47] Speaker B: And that's where, like, it's really important too, because when you start out, the first thing you learn in your spiritual journey, it's like, how do you manifest? And then here you go, everybody going crazy over manifesting and then not realizing that, like, they have some huge core wounds are actually stuck stopping them from manifesting.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: No, they're manifesting. What they're manifesting is distrust and fear and lack.
[00:18:10] Speaker B: Yeah, but what I mean is, like, when you really want to step into intentional manifesting, that has to come connect with you of, like, what you project out is what you receive. So then when you feel unsafe, it's also so many things because it's like, I always hear this thing about, like, money wounds. Money wounds, right? So if you don't feel safe, you're really going to have some issues in the financial department because not feeling safe makes you feel like you never really have it together. And what links with not having it together? Because unfortunately, we live in a society where it's so external that finances are huge. So what else do we have in the list?
[00:18:52] Speaker A: Yeah, but I think this is really the trust is like, not feeling safe around other people as well. I think that's a big one. And of course, the last part is someone with the trust would normally attracts other people who don't feel safe. Yeah, well, that's quite a household.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: So I got a little story because this is what's really interesting that happened to me yesterday is I did some healing regarding past relationships. And what's interesting is that to find an actual connection, it's almost like I've dated the same person with just a different name. And what I mean by that is the. The issues that were Constantly arising were the same. And to make that connection and really break off that connection. Because obviously, as you move forward, you. The more you heal yourself, the more you're going to attract better life experiences. The more you heal certain wounds, certain traumas, then you're no longer going to be attracting those people that have those wounds and those traumas. And the thing is, we hear so much like this, the fairy tales of like. And they lived happily ever after. Here's. I hate to break it to you, but when you marry someone, when you fully move in with them without even marrying them, you're starting because you're getting to know each other. You're going to run across each other's wounds in.
As you evolve and you grow on this relationship, you have to heal together, whether you don't, I mean, one way or the other. Because if it's such a huge discord between the two or the wound is so big, more than likely it's going to separate you two. And that's in a relationship as well as other relationships. It doesn't need to be necessarily, just love relationships. It can be with friends, too. Too. How many of you can say that? Back in the day, you used to get along so well with some friend and you guys used to do everything together. And it's almost like you guys were like, like finish each other sentences and then one of you guys starts growing and the other one starts staying. And then you run across each other and you realize you really don't have a lot of things in common anymore.
[00:21:10] Speaker A: So shadow work could be looking at why does this pattern repeat? Or it could be, you know, where did this start?
[00:21:18] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: Okay. So inner child wounds. Another type is an abandonment wound. And I think a lot of people have this, especially kids of divorce.
You know, they don't realize that the parents are leaving for reasons other than the children. The children blame themselves.
[00:21:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:39] Speaker A: So they get that sense of abandonment. Some people are completely abandoned physically as well.
But, you know, even emotional abandonment feels so devastating.
So with abandonment wounds, the inner child feels left out.
I always felt. I never felt like I fit in. I always felt like I was weird. You know, the square peg, round hole thing, it's almost like, you know, you're watching the people in your school as if you're watching them on a separate monitor. Like, who are these people? I'm not part of them. I never, I think after about the age of eight or so, I just never really fit in with the rest of the kids.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I think also as a kid is very Interesting because you know your deep feelings about things and that's how you interpret the world. But then when you see outside, it's almost like you're trying to look for validation that it's like, okay, how does it supposed to work? How does a unhealthy relationship supposed to work? And then you start seeing everyone outside of you and try to say like, well, their relationship with their parents is a little different than mine. But the thing is, it's all exterior. Every single person, every single. Unless even then, if you were brought up by a psychologist. But even then, I think you would still have like issues because the way you think and the way you process things is going to be different than any of your loved ones. And that's where it gets really confusing.
Especially emotional abandonment is huge.
For me, for example, I felt emotionally abandoned because my parents work very hard. And yes, there were great providers, but that was it. That was the line like, I never got that parent. That would be like, okay, talk to me about your day. Or like, it's just interesting because I was thinking even as deep as like, now I'm learning what unconditional love is. And then to tell you the truth, my parents never felt unconditional love, probably for themselves. So how could they possibly give me unconditional love? In. We get trapped by society on this patterns of conditional love and we think that's healthy. And then we go into relationships and thinking that conditional love is. Is healthy. And then that's when it really goes south.
[00:24:09] Speaker A: Well, that shadow work too, recognizing, oh, I'm only, I'm only lovable if.
[00:24:14] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: And then that's causes the shame thing because I'm not always like, you know, I'm not always like that.
[00:24:20] Speaker B: So well, and it even goes so much. It's so crazy because it's like such a programming itself, like for example, TV shows, movies, they're like, well, if you're not, if you don't look a certain way, you're not going to be as attractive. If you don't look a certain way, then you don't deserve someone to date you or to try to date you. Or it's just so. We have it so wrong.
[00:24:45] Speaker A: Right. And then they feel fundamentally flawed.
[00:24:48] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: And then it goes into the shame spiral and then it becomes the suppression. And then you. It's in your subconscious because you don't want to look at it. And that's why you need to shine the light on these things.
So someone with abandonment wounds also fears being left.
And that's interesting because a lot of people stay in relationships, it's their inner child who's wounded and scared. But they're staying in a not so great relationship merely because they. They don't. They fear that the partner's gonna leave them.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:25:18] Speaker A: So if I'll stick with this toxic person because I don't want him or her to leave me.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: And see, I had a lot of that wound at some point of my life. And it. It wasn't that I was afraid of being left. It was just like, I just didn't want to be alone. And how you'll see that really act.
[00:25:36] Speaker A: Up is that's the next one hates being alone.
[00:25:39] Speaker B: And how you see that act up is like, literally, like, even break up with someone and then next, you know you're dating someone right away, you don't even allow yourself the time to just process those emotions, to close that chapter correctly so that you can seek for others. I feel that now in society is like, there's this big void, right? And then the big void comes because people aren't feeling themselves up for who they are. And instead they think that someone is magically going to come and rescue you and make your life so much better, which is the biggest lie ever.
[00:26:16] Speaker A: And see, that's the externalizing again. And that's the Disney stuff. Toxic Disney. I don't watch Disney.
[00:26:22] Speaker B: Well, like, love stories in general. Like, all love stories have to do with, like, oh, like, they were doing so crazy or they did it such crazy things. And then they find the one. What? Or like, my thing is my. I found my other half. No, you're not a cutoff half. You're a whole. And anyone that comes into your life supposed to add to you. It's supposed to, like, you both form a team. There's no, like, you're missing each other. You're each other's other half. It's. It's so bizarre, the stuff that we get to be told, I guess, or taught by society.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: I should have said, like, toxic fairy tales in general. Toxic fairy tales. The, you know, happily ever after, like you said.
Okay, so he mentioned it. The next one's hating being alone. I love being alone. See, I'm. I like my own company. I am good with that. So I guess I've worked on this. Abandonment.
[00:27:17] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:27:18] Speaker A: Because I love being with my own thoughts.
Someone who's got an abandoned womb would be codependent. I think we just covered that and. Oh, they threatened to leave. That's their weapon, I guess.
[00:27:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:35] Speaker A: You don't love me, so I'm going To leave. Oh, how many soap operas have we seen that on?
And of course, normally they attract emotionally unavailable people. Isn't that weird? You fear abandonment, but then you go for someone who's emotionally unavailable, that is abandonment.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: Wow.
Okay, there's one more inner child wound I want to bring up that's on here so that you could be aware of what some of these are. This is what we're talking about looking at for your shadow work, and that's the neglect wound. Now this will be interesting for me because every psychologist I ever worked with, because I did go see psychologists before I became spiritual. Every spiritual person, every psych. Psychic has picked up on the. The neglect of my parents growing up, how they neglected the kids. So let's take a look. I mean, emotionally, they made sure we were fed and, you know, safe. But. Okay, so the. If you have a neglect wound, you struggle to let things go. Yes, I've been a hoarder. I absolutely have let go. I mean, even struggling to let go of emotions, like, I'm gonna hold a grudge forever.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: Exactly. Which is funn. I'm like, I. All I heard was pride immediately. Because there's some people that go with pride and they just refuse to let go. And it's so interesting because a lot of the times there's things that happen in life and there's things that we're completely out of control. Right. But when we hold on to emotions that are really affecting us, that like, really are hurting us, that. That. That emotion can really end up affecting our health as well as so many other things too.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So I guess if you felt neglected, you. You want something to hold on to, whether it's physically or emotionally.
[00:29:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:33] Speaker A: Or even mentally if you're holding a grudge. Right.
Has low self worth. Absolutely.
[00:29:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, that's. I think the key to all the shadow work is having low self worth.
Gets angry easily. Oh, my gosh, you should have seen me as a teenager. Oh, ignitable. Absolutely ignited. And it wasn't just hormones. It was my neglect wound.
[00:29:55] Speaker B: I also find it that it's like, usually it's like people become very materialistic too, because they want that things to be filled up really fast and really quick. So it's like they look for materialistic things to giving that sense of, okay, like, I got this, like, I feel so much better. But then to find out, like, few hours later, they realized that's really not gonna help with that wound.
[00:30:25] Speaker A: Okay, well, this makes sense. Repressing emotions when you're neglected.
[00:30:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:30:32] Speaker A: Well, that's what we're talking about, shadow work. Repressing emotions that. You know, that would have been the best way to describe it. You're looking for repressed emotions.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:30:42] Speaker A: Okay.
If you have a neglect wound, you struggle to say no. I didn't have that problem. I said no a lot.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: I had the opposite problem. I said yes to everything. And what it was. It was like before I knew it, I felt like a robot. And I felt really burned up in life because I couldn't say no. And then what's interesting is that I started realizing that the people that would ever call you selfish for not saying yes to no, the reason they were upset is because they wanted you to say yes to them and no to you.
Now, that really hit home whenever I. When I actually realized of all these people there all of a sudden are calling me selfish because I'm more focused on myself is because I'm no longer catering to their needs. It's almost like Abraham Hicks says. It's like, yeah, you're so selfish, you won't do anything for me, but you're selfish because you're not doing it for me. It's me, me, me. It's not you, it's me.
[00:31:50] Speaker A: And it's like, you.
[00:31:52] Speaker B: It sounds really funny. But in reality, when people say constantly yes, it's really like a no for you. So you need to really explore that aspect of where are you not giving yourself the importance you deserve?
[00:32:10] Speaker A: And being selfish is not a bad thing. The analogy I always use is, if you're running a soup kitchen, you want to feed hundreds of people, how are you going to feed them and serve them? If you have not eaten one thing for yourself, you'll be too weak to do that.
So.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: And I always have an interpretation of selfishness. Self first.
You can only give to others from an overflow. Anytime you don't have overflow of you, you're draining yourself out for them.
[00:32:44] Speaker A: That's why shadow work, it's an individual process.
And that's like looking at yourself first is how you can best help everybody.
Okay.
The. The person who's got a neglect wound fears being vulnerable. Oh, yeah. That's why I adopted the punk rock attitude early on. Like in. Early in high school, it was like I was wearing thrift store clothes and harsh makeup, and it's like, don't touch me, you know, kind of attitude. I had that for sure.
I think a lot of us feel being vulnerable, but I actually put out a posturing of like, don't touch, don't get near.
[00:33:29] Speaker B: Yeah, well. And then even in society, for example, how many times you see those logos that people want to have is like, oh, I'm a bitch, or whatever. And it's like you're really just trying to hide that aspect of yourself. But.
[00:33:46] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. That's what I was doing. Yeah. Yeah. See, now that's shadow work. I mean, we can actually talk honestly about who we used to be.
[00:33:54] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:54] Speaker A: There's no shame involved anymore. There's no emotional punch anymore. We can just honestly say, oh, yeah. So that shows we've been working on it and healing ourselves. I can address it and say, oh, yeah, I did that, I did that. Okay.
And you'll get a point where when you're being pursuing your shadow work, where you'll be able to say things that you were once would have been gone. No, no, no way. I'm like that, you know, And. And you can honestly say, oh, yeah, I did that. Okay. So. And of course, they normally attract people who don't appreciate them or who make them feel like they're being seen.
So those are just some of the inner child wounds. You can go online and find out some more of them.
I personally think that shadow work is one of the most important things you can do on the spiritual path because once you've cleared out, for lack of a better word, some of the junk in the closet, in this spiritual, emotional closet, you're going to feel lighter. It's just like when you get rid of clutter in your house. You're getting rid of emotional clutter. You're getting rid of things that are holding you back and are heavy and not allowing you to move forward as freely as you could.
So I think it's kind of weird, though, when you're new to the spiritual journey, if you hear the word shadow work, I can see why it puts people off. Yeah, just the term.
[00:35:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
Well, another thing too, that I find it quite fascinating because of course, I like to dissect, like, all kinds of emotions and stuff.
I think it's a Scorpio thing.
[00:35:48] Speaker A: But you think.
[00:35:51] Speaker B: So your emotions holds the key for you to move forward in life, Meaning whatever emotions really hold you back. Whatever really intense emotions you start feeling has a key to go deeper into really finding out the why and making peace with the why and going back and acknowledging seeing it, forgiving yourself, forgiving others and the situation and being able to heal it.
I really like, for some interesting reason, something just popped up and it was like, perfect for this too. So I have a friend that she's spiritual. I guess she's, she's seeking through spirituality. But she told me the other day, she said, you know, I just don't get. I don't know how to do shadow work. Like, she flat out just told me, like, how do you do it? And I thought she was joking at.
[00:36:50] Speaker A: First because I didn't know.
[00:36:53] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's, that's just it. It's like people don't know. So let's go over some ways that we can deal with shadow work. Like, there's so many different ways, but there's obviously some ways you're going to be more common to certain people. And there's things that you like and certain things that people don't like. Example, there's some people that like doing gentle releases or going really gentle with the releases, and there's people that don't mind doing the really over like a strong releases. So let's go over maybe some shadow, Hottest heal shadow work. Let's start with that.
So do you want me to start.
[00:37:35] Speaker A: Like, what, what did you do? Oh, well, remember, he's a, he's a Scorpio. He didn't go gentle.
[00:37:41] Speaker B: So I'm gonna, I, I'm gonna list off all the things that I've done for shadow work. There's a lot, probably. So first thing, I absolutely love breath work, and I teach breath work once every couple weeks, and I do it for free to help the collective. And the reason why I like breath work is because you really let it out naturally. It's almost like it goes, your body's so smart that it knows what is bothering them, why it's bothering it, and what to go after and what to release.
I, I first started kind of like the, When I learned it, I did it through this course, but I realized that the course was very focused almost like on greed. Like, get a lot of people charging money and stuff. And I was like, this is such a powerful way that I want to share with others.
Like, how to do it is my way of, like, contributing and aligning up with my purpose. So now I put this class together and there's people that started with me and are still continuing. There's people that kind of go for a little bit and then they come back. It's really interesting because everybody's journey is so different. But what I really love about shadow work is that it's just the way to approach it. It's going in a surrendering mode. It's breathing a certain way where you're allowing the prana energy to Come in and that prana energy can be called. So many things can be called chi life energy. I mean there's just endless depending on the culture but what it does, it goes in and it just heals. So whatever it is, it's usually for like we do like 30 minute sessions, there's longer and there's different ways to do it of course. So that's really powerful. I like to do journaling too.
[00:39:32] Speaker A: I'm glad you brought that up because that's a softer way, a soft way to do it.
[00:39:35] Speaker B: And journaling is a lot but I do like I, I start with journaling to really connect me with the things that are really to ready to get released. And what I like to do is I light up a candle and I just allow myself, I ask myself what is bothering me and then I start writing. I just kind of go on a free writing.
It'll surprise you how much your body will let you know when you allow it and give it the importance to just share with you what it's feeling. We have such smart bodies that like they just process things for us. And you know, now in, in my healing path I feel like I'm always thinking my body because there's so many things that it's done for me and sometimes I take things, we all take things for so much for granted. I mean first of all, we wake up every day, we're able to stand up, we're able to do so many things but yet you're never going to think it or give it love to it. It just doesn't really make sense.
So on top of that, let's see what else have I done?
I've done different techniques. Meaning like we've done obviously like Campbell's another way. But it's really interesting because Campbell's a whole experience and we already talked about it. It's frog medicine. But that one's more introspect. Like it shows you where to work on your things and it's up to you to kind of jump in and start as being part of your healing. There's also cacao which is a very heart centered medicine plant medicine that allows you to go deep and it just like it just really works its way into what things are ready to be healed.
Let's see, there's.
I've never really done tapping so I can't. I know that the, the technique itself exists, I just haven't done it myself but I know that that's one way to do it too.
I love meditations and journeying like in Sound healing. They're just such. There's so many great things. And I would really encourage you, if you're going to start somewhere, start with guided meditations about releasing. But as I said, first, be honest with yourself and willing to go in a journal and just willing to just on a journal. You're not being judged by anyone. No one's seeing you. Literally, what I do after I write anything that I want to write, I burn it and I just release it because I no longer want to hold on to that energy. So that's my symbolic way in my finishing up of I let go of this energy that's no longer helping me and I surrender it so that it can be recycled. And so journaling is great. And then starting out. Guided meditations are amazing. And those you can find on YouTube and they have like endless of them.
[00:42:30] Speaker A: For frequency music, too. There'll be some specifically for probably. I haven't looked for shadow work. I'm sure it must be there.
[00:42:36] Speaker B: There is.
[00:42:36] Speaker A: I know there's inner child work there. It all starts with the inner child. That's why we brought that up earlier.
[00:42:42] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:42:43] Speaker A: So I think, you know, setting intention is always number one.
And whatever technique you use is fine. But setting the intention to love and honor that wounded child so that you can find out as a person with a different perspective now, where did this start? How did it start? Who do I forgive, and how do we move on? So I think, personally, I think for most people, that's why they have shadow work journals, you know, that allows you to ask those questions.
You can also ask that before a meditation. You know, I want spirit guides. I'm working on my shadow. Show me, you know, during why I listen to this frequency music. Help me, guide me to the best way to work with my inner child. To look at the shadow in a safe way. You know, something like that.
And then, you know, we did an inner child episode earlier. But even honoring what that inner child would make feel safe doing. So for me, it would probably grab a coloring book and start coloring because that's what my inner child loved to do. And so I think another way is to acknowledge the good things about that inner child. So the inner child's. You actually need to form a new relationship.
So, you know, like, you would be that toy that you bought that was from when you were a kid. You know, even just looking at that gets you in touch with your inner child.
It's such a personal process, though. It looks like you have something you want to say.
[00:44:28] Speaker B: Yeah. So all I wanted to Share was where kind of shadow work stems from. So we know that usually has to do with something that happened during earlier years. We know it builds up with time and then the more emotion we give to or the less we heal that we get experiences that are close alike that we get to experience until we finally learn the lesson and are able to break through. But another thing that I want to mention that kind of came up to my mind is the subconscious mind. So our subconscious mind is the part of us, it's pretty much like the recording, it's like our hard drive of ourselves. So that's where we trap that shadow work. So a lot of the times when the reason why it's so deep is like it's so stored in there that sometimes it takes what we know, what we let we. It's like layers. So because remember we have a root part where it begins and then it starts building up on that with different experiences. So where as we start healing sometimes most of the time we start with taking off layers and then we start going deeper and deeper. And what's really interesting is once you start getting to the root of things, then you really understand. But it takes like you obviously continue to work on yourself until you get to those parts where you're like finally dealing with. Dealing with roots of things in your journey is your own journey to choose. And I felt it was really important to say how you want to go with your journey because as I said, some people like to go more gentle. Some people don't mind doing the stronger things. And I mean there's so much different options in a lot of the times there's like really powerful plant medicine that a lot of the times I get asked like, oh, would you ever do it? Example I'm going to give a perfect example is ayahuasca. I've never done ayahuasca just to be on the clear.
However, I have a good connection with my spirit team. So I ask, is this something I should be doing? And the answer is no. Because there's a purpose for every medicine and what I've understood from it, it's for really deep healing. Like people that are very blocked. Example, when you have really serious things that have happened in your life that you can't face alone, it's great to help you with going through those experiences. And what I'm talking about, it's like for example, heavy abuse when people have been raped, when people like your mind will normally block those because it just, it's self defense is to block those experiences. So ayahuasca really goes deep into it. But at the same time, as I said, I have not done ayahuasca myself. I think it would be great medicine for anyone that's so blocked that they feel like they need very big assistance on tapping in and going inward.
What could you say about that?
[00:47:41] Speaker A: I'd be sure to let whoever's leading the ayahuasca ceremony know you're intending to look at your shadow.
[00:47:47] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:47:47] Speaker A: They might actually need to talk to you first beforehand.
I think the most important thing about shadow work is that it requires honesty. It requires objectivity. It requires you to love what you once thought was flawed.
So it's not really. I mean, it's an integral part of the spiritual journey. But the poetry process itself is pretty straightforward psychology, which is asking yourself questions and being willing to give yourself an honest answer.
And yes, because it's been suppressed, sometimes we don't know what the honest answer is. So I was just kind of scrolling through my phone for shadow work, and it's like, you don't even have to buy a journal. The Internet is full of all of these questions you can ask yourself.
So I'm just scrolling through. And they say journaling and meditation are great ways to work with your shadow. And I thought this was a great question.
Just start with this one. What makes me feel guilty?
I mean, that's. That's what you're. That's what you're trying to find. And instead of, like, you're not digging for the dirt, this is how my. I love how this Eli material teacher described it. He says, you look. So there's. There's a dragon guarding a cave. Right.
And it's not going to let any. Just anyone in that cave.
And the cave always represents the darkness. Right. The subconscious, the stuff we've suppressed. We are our own dragons.
[00:49:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:32] Speaker A: We fiercely do not want anybody, including ourselves, to look at what's in there. But what we don't realize is what he's guarding is the treasure.
[00:49:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:42] Speaker A: So what's there in the dark is the treasure. And another way to look at it is the grit that forms the pearl in the oyster.
[00:49:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:49:53] Speaker A: Something beautiful comes from all of this. So if you. If you approach your shadow, work as a treasure hunt, or I'm going to find that. That grit that ultimately formed this beautiful pearl, it has a whole different flip feel to it, doesn't it?
[00:50:09] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:50:10] Speaker A: Instead, I'm rolling up my sleeves. I'm looking for my flaws. No, you're saying, what is it that I've been holding on to so much that it is such a treasure that I don't want anyone to find it.
[00:50:23] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I mean, it's. There's so many things, too. For example, like, to get diamonds, diamonds have to go through, like, a pressurized stage in order to really form.
So how I really look at it is almost like putting a mirror in front of you and really asking yourself, what is it that I don't like about myself?
And when you can be truly honest with that, that's where you start the work. Because the reason why you don't like that about yourself usually has to do with a deeper connection.
[00:50:55] Speaker A: But you know what? If it's subconscious, maybe a way to get to it would be, what don't I like in other people? Because that's probably what you don't like about yourself, right?
[00:51:06] Speaker B: Yeah. So this is great journal material, because all I'm seeing is, like, just people being able to write. So that's a great start, Lola, because I didn't even think about that. But start with, like, something, because I know sometimes it's hard to introspect within ourselves at first. So start writing what you don't like about people in the reason that a lot of the times, because of the fact what you don't like about others kind of reflects back to yourself.
So that would be a great way to start, actually. I didn't even think about that.
[00:51:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And then another would be conscious of your triggers. So when you're triggered.
[00:51:39] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:51:40] Speaker A: It's because your inner child is upset about something and say, okay, what is it about this specific trigger? So instead of going to your usual responses, which might be for some people to grab a drink or to lash out at somebody in anger, instead, once you realize you're triggered, when you calm down in retrospect, you can use that as a prompt.
Why did I react that way?
So, once again, it's like trying to bring the subconscious to the conscious awareness so you can work on it. And I think, yeah, looking at what you don't like about other people is absolutely perfect. And then being aware of what your triggers are. So then you can go, where's the pearl in that?
[00:52:26] Speaker B: And it's so interesting, too. I. I learned to love triggers now because triggers point out at where there's work to be done. But at first, I think, lola, didn't I contact you, like, twice or maybe three times, where I was literally so bothered by something to the point where, like, I was just, like, all these emotional things came out, like tears and just freaking out or huge anger And I mean, there's just times where you need that extra help of, how can I go deeper? And that's also like when healers work great to assist other people, too, because sometimes it's easy to do when you're on top of it, meaning when you're doing the meditation and you're choosing, that's kind of more on you. But when a true trigger is going to catch you off guard, and when it catches you off guard, even though it's really pointing at where the work needs to be done, sometimes we need the help from somebody else. We can't just do it alone.
And even us as healers, sometimes we can't really see our own stuff. We can see others really easily, and we can tap into whatever somebody else needs. But when it comes to us, it's more difficult. So being able to explore, I guess, people that can help you with healing is great.
Lula does great healings. And on top of doing her tarot, and even her tarot is a great tool to point out.
The reason why I love tarot is because it just goes into your subconscious and what's really, truly bothering you. And that's like a key right there of like, okay, well, this is what's going on, and this is why it's bothering me so much. And so many people are fearful of it because of religious programming. They think it's bad, really. But it's like the subconscious has those key things that can really help you.
[00:54:28] Speaker A: If used correctly, other divination tools can also shine a light. What's been in the dark in your subconscious as well. In addition to tarot, the other thing that popped into my mind. Oh, my train got derailed. What was it?
Oh, I had a good thought while you were talking, and I lost it. It went into my subconscious.
It was a good one, too.
[00:54:54] Speaker B: It'll come back. If it's meant to be, it always comes back, back.
The one thing is one thing that I'm definitely going to give the best advice to, that the best advice I've ever was given was your journey and how you decide to walk. It is your own journey.
And sometimes when we get started, you'll run across people. They'll say, well, there's only this way to do things. You can only do shadow work this way. You can only heal yourself this way. If you ever find those people, just don't go that direction. There's so many ways to do it. Like, part of honoring yourself and seeing what truly aligns with you is also finding what aligns with you. As far as doing shadow work, there's a lot of people that, like, when I tell them, like, oh, I really like to do this, and they're like, you're a little on the extreme side. And I want gentler things because I know that I'm different. I mean, I've known my whole life I've been different. But even when it comes to shadow work, I like to go deep. I love finding things that I'm like, holy cow, that was trapped there. I literally held on to this for this long.
And it's amazing. It's like a self discovery thing where I absolutely love. And I mean, it's. It's just the path that you go through.
I don't know, it's just. I find it to be beautiful, the death and rebirth. And what I mean by death and rebirth is finding the things that no longer work for you, being able to give yourself grace, to heal and let go in having that rebirth of the best version of you.
[00:56:43] Speaker A: And that I did remember my thought that got derailed. It goes with what you just said. So when you do your shadow work, the reason Amaral came to me is because I'd done some shadow work, so I recognized what he was going through. That's why he said I could help him heal. So when you do your own shadow work, you're going to help heal other people because you're going to understand where they're coming from as well. That doesn't mean you have to be trained as a healer, being a good listener and having some natural empathy, because you've done it, too. Okay. I recognize they're wounded.
[00:57:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:21] Speaker A: I had that wound, too. I can help you.
[00:57:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:57:24] Speaker A: Yeah. That was a good thought. I'm glad it came back to me. Yay. And just in time for us to end the episode. Anything you want to say at the end here?
[00:57:32] Speaker B: I just all, like, all I can say is doing, really working on your shadow work is going to allow you, like Lola said, to be more empathetic for others, to understand others what they're going through and understand and finally, like, get that it's not about you. Everybody's going through their own battles, through their own understanding of who they are in however path they're taking and however fast or slow they're doing. You just keep going on your lane. You keep working on yourself. And trust me, the. The benefits you'll get from it will be so great. I can promise you that.
[00:58:09] Speaker A: Yes. And my last parting statement is, don't be afraid of the dark.
[00:58:15] Speaker B: Yes. Thank you. For tuning in.
[00:58:17] Speaker A: All right. Bye, everybody. Bye.
