HEALING THE INNER CHILD

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by three fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you are likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self. Hi, I'm Lola Singer, and today we are going to be spilling the tea on what it's like to accept, love and heal the inner child and the inner teenager. That's my co host. You want to introduce yourself? Sure. [00:00:45] Speaker B: I'm Pamela. I'm the Woo in the Wooville, I guess. But today that just came out is, ooh, this is getting into something deep stuff. So I love it. [00:00:53] Speaker C: And my name is Emeril, and I would be the other Woo, I guess. And I'm really excited about this episode because we all have worked a lot in ourselves, so we're so happy to share that knowledge with you. [00:01:07] Speaker A: Yeah. And for those of us who don't know us, just real quickly, all three of us are reiki healers, so we're pretty sensitive to energy. I'm Lola. I'm a tarot reader, tarot teacher, spirit guide, artist, and all around curious about metaphysics and esoterics. So inner child's something that I've definitely been working with for a long, long time. And there's still a long, long way to go. I found out today. [00:01:36] Speaker B: I'm Pamela. I am a certified shaman. I also do transformational life coaching. And Lola also mentioned Reiki, Reiki master, and. And so I'm using my gifts to help the collective and help my clients. I specialize in trauma, and now I'm going in deeper with that as trauma with sexual abuse survivors. So that is what's being called to me right now. And I'm really excited to be able to go in this more directed way of helping people. [00:02:11] Speaker C: And I am Ameril and I'm a Reiki master. I'm also an oracle. Currently, I don't provide services. However, I. I do hair, and as I'm doing hair, I'm obviously working on clearing people and also get intuitive hits with those clients that I know it's okay to talk to. I will talk to them about it as well as I provide a breathwork class that is for helping the collective so. [00:02:41] Speaker A: Well, speaking of a collective, I have a proposition that we didn't talk about beforehand, but since we're going to look at inner child healing and we're all Reiki masters. Why don't we all send Reiki to the people listening to us? Because this is bound to tug on some heartstrings and be emotional, so you don't have to do the Reiki constantly. But, you know, when off and on, just send the. Send the. I'm doing it right now. Sending loving vibes out to the audience and probably to ourselves, too. And the reason we picked this topic today is because every one of us here, all three of us, had our inner child triggered today. And no matter how long you've been on the spiritual journey and you think you've got things where you can be the neutral observer, it was actually fascinating for me today to watch myself say something to a perfectly lovely person in the service industry that was very firm and obviously came from a place of a wounded child or a wounded young adult where I didn't handle it with as much aplomb as I usually did. And I think I hurt his feelings. And then I went into a big shame spiral, which was my inner child that needed validation and love. All until these guys showed up to do the episode today. I felt really out of it because I. Hey, someone's inner child's playing with music. Yeah, I'm usually really good at observing my emotions, catching them, balancing. And I just spiraled out today, and I know my little girl's wounded, and my inner teenager definitely is wounded, and for sure, my young adult is wounded today. So. Ouch. Just when you think you got it under control, you never know when something's just going to. And I was just ignited. I was telling them it was so weird because it was almost, like, so automatic, the response to what this person said to me, that I was almost, like, watching myself, like, did I just say that back to him? You know? And that came from a wounded place that was not my usual self. So it's just like, wow, it almost felt like I had no control there for a nanosecond. [00:05:04] Speaker B: Yeah, it definitely goes along with being hijacked. Like, all of a sudden, who is this person that's now speaking to me? You didn't have a thought. It just came out automatically. And you were shocked when you're like, this is coming out right now, because it takes you by surprise because that energy shifts in you. [00:05:22] Speaker A: Yeah. It's like, it's not even me. It's. It's. It's who we. You recognize it because it's someone you used to be. And trust me, guys, I was a very angry teenager and young adult angry and she showed up and it was like, oh, see you for a while. [00:05:39] Speaker B: You scare me now. [00:05:41] Speaker A: But that's the thing. There's obviously something. There's a core wound that hasn't been addressed yet that this poor innocent, for lack of a better term victim at the tire shop, had to feel. Hear me be very. I wasn't nasty or angry, but I was very firm with him. And it did hurt his feelings. I saw. I saw it on his face. [00:06:02] Speaker B: Yeah, I think he said you were whisker. So, like, when you're short or, you know, and somebody's there trying to help you and. And you're shutting them down with your boundaries, most people don't respond quite in that way, you know, when you're trying to. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Yeah, but I don't. And. But also on top of it, I don't normally respond that way. Right. To service people because I've worked in the service industry. I'm really. I'm. I'm kind of known for being nice to service people. The baristas at the coffee shop talk about me because they like me. [00:06:31] Speaker B: It was so not normally you, because you are. You actually give them more because you understand. So this is why I also caught you off guard, because you're like, wait a minute, I'm usually trying to be so much nicer. [00:06:42] Speaker A: Yes. So this was not the current Lola. This was my inner angry youth. [00:06:50] Speaker C: But also it brings up a good point, because you won't be able to control your triggers. Your triggers will happen because there's something within you that obviously you still need to work with. Address, or they're pointing out to a place. It's not on purpose that you mean to get upset or to get snappy, for better lack of terms. It's just when a trigger happens, it's more of a way to observe where, okay, what is going on? Where do I need help? What. What is it that I need to heal within myself in order to not obviously have these little things that are happening right now? [00:07:28] Speaker B: I realized I had a false belief as you talk about this, that when you're healed, these things don't happen anymore. [00:07:36] Speaker A: Or at least I was kind of feeling a little bit that way. [00:07:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Like, I'm under control with all of this. [00:07:41] Speaker B: I'm past this stage. I mean, we know things are going to happen, but sometimes they'll say, oh, well, this is showing you a wound. This is showing you some place. And there's almost. Sometimes I would feel judgment around that, like, oh, I'm supposed to be past this now. Right. I'M farther along. I'm not supposed to be showing up this way. So there is that kind of, I think, expectation or judgment on myself to be like, oh, what? What are you going through now? [00:08:07] Speaker A: And that's why I went into a shame spiral. And I knew exactly what it was. So at least I'm enough of an observer to go, yeah, you're feeling terrible right now. You're emotionally way off balance. But at least I know what it is. And I think it's really good to. [00:08:21] Speaker B: Share what that was for you, like, where was this coming from? Because this was a particular situation, and I think it might shed some light on other people, because other people are likely going to relate to your story. I can think of one person in particular. [00:08:35] Speaker A: Well, when we're talking about healing the inner child or the inner teenager, and trust me, my inner teenager is a dynamo or the young adult, we have to put ourselves back into that place of who we used to be so we can examine it and go, where's. Where's this wounding coming from? So that you can. Once you identify it, you can at least work with it. Right? And I think what you just said, Ameril, about the triggers, it's like, if you haven't identified it, that's when all of a sudden you're out of control with a trigger. It's like, really? So we were talking about this. We had a really good group therapy session before we started the recording. We were holding each other's hands in a circle and talking about all things that it could be, what's throwing us off with our inner selves. And I think the poor fellow was really trying to help me, but he. I perceived that he was trying to upsell me something. And so I said very firmly, do not try to upsell me on rims. I don't like that. If you keep doing it, I will get very upset. And then I went into the tire shop, and the minute I saw the. Said, okay, the person who's going to help me with the tires, he's already got my keys. I already spoke with him. I'm just checking in. And then I said immediately to her, and don't try to sell me any rims. So I was really upset about the fact that I thought I was being upsold. And I think when we were talking about it, part of this wounding is me remembering what it was like to be in the service industry because I worked my way through college working in fancy stores in downtown Seattle, and after college, too, because I graduated during a recession. So I Kept working at those jobs and I hated that they would try to make me upsell things and especially like credit cards. So I think it was triggering that meet me that I was mad for. I was mad about what I used to have to do in a retail environment because it was expected. And I think I was taking it out on the wrong person because I hated doing it so much. And I just, everybody knows if you know me even remotely, that I'm not a fan of corporations one way or one possible way, do not like them. And that's one of the reasons why. So I think I was upset about the fact that it felt like he was having to try to suggest that. And then lo and behold, I get totally, totally chagrined later when he. I'm waiting in the, in the tire shop and this super nice guy that I was very terse with, yeah, I wasn't terrible with him, but I was definitely terse. Comes up very meekly with my tire goes, I'm not trying to sell you anything, but I want to show you some of the wear on your tire so you're prepared when you, you know, next spring. And the fact that he had to come to me in such a defensive manner, I know I hurt him, I hurt myself. My little inner child went, I'm such a bad girl. I made the nice man upset. He's afraid of me now. And it's like, oh man. It just kept spiraling and spiraling. So I think it started with my rebellious, angry, hate corporations, service industry, 20 year old me. And then it went to the child in me because I really felt ashamed. And that's the little girl. So is it, Is that what you were. [00:12:14] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:12:14] Speaker A: Thinking people could relate to. [00:12:17] Speaker B: I know somebody who had definitely retail trauma. So there are things when you're having to fight for your livelihood and things doing things you don't want to do are against your values. So that's what I was picking up on as you were sharing, that is. And I didn't realize you had to support yourself through college that way. I didn't realize that was the first. [00:12:37] Speaker A: Because I decided I did not want to have any loans. I did not want to pay back any loans. So I would rather work than have that hanging over my head. [00:12:47] Speaker B: Right. And that probably puts some pressure on you while you were going to school, trying to learn and do all this stuff and pay for yourself and your livelihood, your survival and then you have to do things that you don't believe in. [00:13:00] Speaker A: Yep. [00:13:01] Speaker B: It's inauthentic to you very So I feel that. I can feel why you would feel that way. [00:13:07] Speaker A: It's. [00:13:07] Speaker B: It's actually tearing me up because I can feel into that and it doesn't feel good. No. [00:13:12] Speaker A: And it was funny how, because I was very angry teenager and young adult. So that anger, that anger was there. I felt it. I have not felt it for a long time. It's still something I've got to work on. You know, how do I now that I can recognize this anger now I need to go deep within and address it and try to heal it and accept who I was at that time, Forgive myself for tapping into that again and find what the root core is. Right? [00:13:42] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:13:43] Speaker A: All right. We've talked about me enough and I. [00:13:46] Speaker B: Think too so much is as you're going through this, it's why tribe is so important because you have somebody else to process this with. They hold space for you. They validate. They can see insights that maybe you couldn't see at the time. Cuz, you know, you're going back into a place into the past where this happened and so. And they can also hold space for you to feel those emotions. Cuz part of it is you're trying to understand it and you're also feeling the, the feelings of that and processing it. And this was an insight that came just as we were talking through. This is as we were getting to these emotions. They're very deep and they're making us emotional and we're feeling the pain. Unheard of. This, this is why, you know, as a kid you bury these things because it's so painful. And I thought, wow, feel how much intensity we're feeling that now. Can you imagine processing that as a young little child or teenager with all of the hormones and emotions? No wonder, no wonder it was, it was bigger because it's something heavy. And we're feeling that now. And we've gone through a lot of work internally. So to be like, wow, this is hard, this is painful, no wonder I shut this down. Because it's not pleasant to look at. [00:15:00] Speaker A: And kids especially internalize all those emotions because all they know is if mommy and daddy are fighting, it must be my fault, right? I'm the bad person, I'm causing all this. That's just the way kids operate. And then we just own that for the rest of our lives. [00:15:16] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:15:17] Speaker C: And really what goes down is that when you're in, when you're a kid, there's no way that your parents will ever be perfect. So there's always going to be things that are going to Arise. Because, even, for example, your own parents, they're different parents to each one of your siblings, they have to be different because you are different. And a trauma starts out as something so small, and it builds on that. It's almost like a snowball effect. So as you start with certain things, such as, for example, fear of something, you start with that fear and then it gets bigger and bigger. And then now as an adult, you realize, I've always had this fear of this. But once you really break it down, you're going to discover that it either goes back to your inner child or your teenager. And usually there's a cause behind it. One of the things that I was going through and I was like, just finishing up is like, I can only speak for myself. But when you're a kid, you need some specific things in order for you to function well as an adult. For example, you have to feel safe. So if at any point you didn't feel safe with your parents, and it's not that it's something wrong with them, it's just sometimes parents didn't make you feel safe. If you didn't feel unconditional love, that can have a lot to do with if you did, you weren't around. Affection, that can affect you on your own relationships. Everything connects back to you growing up. Because unfortunately, like, you didn't get to. Well, I mean, the big picture is you did get to pick your parents. However, when you're going through it, it's about learning the lessons. And a lot of the times we turn into traumas because with the eyes of a child, you're looking at everyone, especially the adult, as they're the ones that are supposed to show you how life is. They're the ones that are perfect. You see them as these God figures are supposed to teach you the right for wrong, for better lack of wording. Then you realize they're human too, and they can only teach you things based off what they have lived themselves. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Yeah, but you don't realize that to. You're an adult, right? [00:17:34] Speaker C: Yep. [00:17:35] Speaker A: So you're going through all of your life going, what have I done wrong? Because. And you said it was a little thing, but you know what? It's a little thing from an adult perspective. And the biggest thing in the world to a child. [00:17:46] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:17:47] Speaker A: And it's mostly fear of rejection. [00:17:50] Speaker B: And I was going to add on to that too, because it can be. Can be small, but it also could be big things like divorce or separation. [00:17:58] Speaker A: Kids will always blame themselves for a divorce, won't they? [00:18:01] Speaker B: So it's like there's all these varying levels of stuff. And I think what's interesting in the trauma education is they said it's how it feels to the child. If the emotion is too big for the child to process and it's a sudden, it's also a sudden change. So even a mom, this was a big one I was reading recently this week was a mom going into the workplace, leaving the child. How now that is so common that moms are having to having to whatever the circumstances, going out and leaving a child earlier on when it was used to having a bond, staying at home. So that child, even though she's trusting him, let's say with grandma or somebody that they know or going to a place that they, with other friends that they know, that is still a change and a sudden shock to all of a sudden one day I'm not with mom anymore and I'm now around all these kids and it's loud and you don't know what's going on, you don't know what's coming next. So that can feel very traumatic to a child. Even though the mom has done everything that she can to put the child in the best possible situation as adult you can rationalize and go, oh, looking back, you can see things that maybe your inner child couldn't. But you have to validate, you know, what they were going through and also understanding, you know, our parents did the best they can and I think we all understand that. However, we still had experiences based on their perception of where they were at their place in life. So they are going to make mistakes, like you were saying, Ameril, and we get to be the beneficiary of some of those experience. Experiences that have taught us some really great lessons. But they're painful lessons oftentimes. Do you find that the painful lessons are the ones where you really have some of the deepest ability to hold presence for that emotion. So it's like you're really, you know, been hurt. You can also really hold a lot of love and compassion. I mean if you look at the. [00:20:09] Speaker A: Triggers, well, that's the only way to address them. And with the inner child wounding, you have to approach it with love and compassion. [00:20:17] Speaker C: And I think another point too is that it's not like your parents really mean to bring those wounds into you. It's just they happen. So for example, there's a differences between sometimes the parents, they get so focused on providing meaning, having a job and then they both working full to full, sometimes two full time jobs to just be able to make it. And the child feels abandoned because even though it has its parents, they're not emotionally there for the kids. And it can be really hard, especially when you're going through certain stages where you really need. Sometimes you just need a hug that as simple as that. You just need to be shown affection. And at times that can really take a toll. So for example, a personal story that I can share is that I feel safe with sharing is that I just did some inner healing today. And what was certain, what surface up was when I was in kindergarten, that was the beginning of my bullying. And I really shut down because that was my first exposure to kids outside of me. Because kindergarten is your first approach to the world as far as other kids. They are not relatives of yours. And I was bullied so much that I just kind of internalize everything. And when I was doing my healing, I was able to go back into a time where the teacher talked to my parents and they said he's hardly speaking. I think you guys would need to seek help for him. Especially like counseling type thing. Well, I grew up in a really small town where that was frowned upon because that meant you weren't normal. So because of that they kind of shoved it under the rug. And as a result of that, I created two personalities. One that was the person that kind of went through school, took the bullying and the other one pretend to be super happy at home all the time. That could have really hurt me psychologically at the end because it could have cost things such as bipolarism or other things. However, it didn't because it was a self defense mechanism that automatically kicked in in. Now that I go back and heal it, I can understand it from a bigger perspective. As far as I know what it's. Well, I, I know the society standards of how it was viewed. But at the same time, sometimes you have to come back well for these healings. Sorry. Oh, you always have to come back and do the inner healing yourself because that's something no one else can do for you. [00:23:06] Speaker A: But the thing is we were as children because we're so powerless. [00:23:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:11] Speaker A: And we blame ourselves for so many things that really weren't our fault. We suppress it. So we're not even consciously aware of where this wounding started. And that's what you have to try to find is like where did it start? So I can heal it. And you might have to go through many, many layers to get there. So I know Ameril has a similar story to this. But when I set the intention to work on my Inner child. And this was years ago, with the guidance of my tarot teacher, Eli, it was suggested that I start working with my inner child. And so on a meditation, I set the intention of finding her. And when I meditate, and I know it's like a shamanic journey where I can kind of see visions. And I was looking for. And looking for her, and I found her with her face against the wall, sitting on the ground in an abandoned parking lot. And it was just gray and dismal. And I was trying to get her to look at me, and she refused. She just kept turning the other way. She would not look at me. So I said, okay, I'm going to bring in one of my guides. So I called in Anubis, of course, my buddy Anubis. And I asked her, will you look at him? And she said yes. And then I tried to put my arms out to her and she totally, totally rejected me. And then I had Anubis come around and she went straight into his arms and she buried his head into his chest. And it was just like, wow, she wants nothing to do with me. [00:24:56] Speaker B: And that. Did that hurt? [00:24:58] Speaker A: Oh, it hurt. I mean, I was shocked to find her in this abandoned parking lot. I just. In the cold and in the grayness and the. [00:25:05] Speaker B: And how do you not shame yourself over that? [00:25:07] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, and then to be rejected by her, it was quite eye opening. And you had something similar. [00:25:15] Speaker C: Yes. So when I first connected to my inner child, I found my inner child in an abandoned house inside of a closet. And I was actually tied up, so I had to untie myself. And there was so much resentment from the inner child towards myself because I had abandoned myself. I've abandoned who I was to cater to a society and the programming that I thought was really me. And I kind of just left myself behind. And the thing is, this is pretty. Like, this is pretty normal as far as a process that we all do. For example, when you're first starting to tune into that inner child, you have to find yourself. When you find yourself is never going to be that great because you're always going to be in a wounded state, especially if you haven't done any healing yet. However, that's the start. And you can't be so hard on yourself. And yes, it is very painful to run into your inner child and see how wounded it really is. But that's only the starting point. [00:26:27] Speaker A: Yeah, it's interesting. We both had abandoned. We had both abandoned our children. [00:26:32] Speaker B: Yeah, mine was very similar to that. And I think, you know, the One thing is, is you can have the journey and see them. This was a new piece that I got recently. [00:26:45] Speaker A: You. [00:26:45] Speaker B: I connected to her before, but I never connected to her quite emotionally. You could see it that I'm observer. I'm a distant from it. You know, I'm distant. Well, all of a sudden, it was like, you know, you could see in a show where it's like two things come together as one. So all of a sudden, she went, you integrated we into very good. Integrate into my body. And I felt her, and I was like, oh, my gosh. That. That feeling of feeling what she felt, it created more memories and things that were shut down that I've forgotten. And I just went, wow. I never really connected to how alone she felt. And like you were saying, the masks. Mask of putting on, like, you're okay, you know, so you got to let everybody else, you know, not take notice of you. A lot of us were the black sheep in the family or trying to play that. That middle role of. I was a middle child, so I tried to just be really small and not seen. And so. And then as a result, I felt invisible, you know, so it's like the. How these early childhood stories, we create stories around these things as well. So finding out what is the story could be a jumping off point to go, what are the. Some of the stories I've been telling myself? And you get to, okay, well, what is that about? Show me the roots of that. Then you can kind of trace back to those time frames and go, okay, where did this start? And then it's, where did I first have these feelings? [00:28:23] Speaker A: Mm. Mm. And how do we start healing? So my tarot teacher, Eli, suggested putting your inner child on your lap. Just imagine he or she sitting there and just let them feel safe on your lap. And then hopefully you can put your arms around them eventually. Yeah. And then I think another way is to remember. Try to remember what it was like to be that age. [00:28:48] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:49] Speaker A: You know, and so maybe bring in some of the things that were joyful for you, like your favorite cartoons or me with crayons or kicking the leaves, you know? [00:28:59] Speaker B: That's a good one. [00:29:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:00] Speaker B: You know how you used to walk to school, and you and I both were raised in Seattle, so you probably relate to this one. But it's a puddle that's frozen, and on your walk into school, it makes that crackle. [00:29:13] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:29:15] Speaker B: And so I love to step on to see if it was going to be frozen and it would crack or if there'd be a little Bit of water. But I love stomping on those, cracking the water and feeling that sensation as I go to sleep. [00:29:26] Speaker A: So that's a way to honor the inner child, to remember what she liked and what or he liked and what was play for them and you know, kind of just embrace that. That's part of the healing is to acknowledge who he or she was and is right. And to tap into the energetics of like, hey, I'm going to listen to you because you haven't been listened to. You've been abandoned. I've had to do that with my new child. It's like, what do you want to do right now? Because I can feel that you're feeling sad. And it could be something as simple as go outside and jump in a puddle, you know. Right. Or oh my. I used to love to go out after the rain, speaking of Seattle and smell, smell the earth. [00:30:06] Speaker B: Oh, I love that too. See, I haven't thought of that in such a long time. [00:30:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:10] Speaker B: You know, you bring up such a good point about reconnecting to the inner child. So I suggest to people when they're doing this work as well is to find pictures. So like find some pictures of a time frame that was like either happy memory or I really love this dress or how I looked at this time frame that and look at that. Have it around. [00:30:30] Speaker A: So tell her you love her. [00:30:31] Speaker B: Tell her you love her. I used to love Barbies. So I haven't found Barbies. But you know, the squishmallows. The squishmallows is something that my inner child was like when she sees certain ones, she's like, I have to have it. It's like my hands already grabbing it before I even think about it. [00:30:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:30:49] Speaker B: And I give her hugs. [00:30:50] Speaker A: You know when that. Yes. Because that happened to me one time at a grocery store. I accident went down the baby aisle and there was this puppet. [00:30:58] Speaker B: Oh yeah. [00:30:59] Speaker A: And I saw that puppet and I went, oh, my little girl just loves that. She was getting so excited. But you know, I go to the other. I had to go back and buy the puppet. [00:31:07] Speaker B: She was not going to let me. [00:31:08] Speaker A: She was really excited about it. I'm sorry, it's time for Emeril to talk. [00:31:12] Speaker C: No, I was just going to share add to you guys this story too. So how to connect to the inner child? It can be through meditation. It can be also set intention. Like if you remember what they enjoyed. You can just talk to yourself and your like just your subconscious and your inner child would also hear you when you're saying, hey, I want to play because I want to make you happy. I want to connect with you more. What I have and what I would suggest for you guys to have those of you that connected with stuffed animals. So when I was really little, I used to love the Muppet Babies, and Fozzie was my favorite character from it. And I so happened to have a stuffed animal that was Fozzie from the Muppets. And so I thought, to honor my inner child, I'm going to get that again for myself. And every once in a while, I hug it and I tell her, I love you, inner child. And I just feel that connection with it. The funny thing about it is when I found that the fuzzy Muppet Baby was now a collection thing, so it was a lot more expensive than it probably ever was, but it was so worth it, because my inner child was worth it. Is worth it. [00:32:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:31] Speaker A: Weren't you also saying, like, holding a teddy bear every day, saying you love the teddy bear? [00:32:37] Speaker C: Well, yeah, that was the same concept. So it was. It's a stuffed animal. It's in the shape of a bear. So I just hug it, and I immediately get that connection because it makes. [00:32:45] Speaker A: Right to your heart when you're holding it. [00:32:47] Speaker C: And it. It. It brings me to being that inner child and being that young and holding that Fozzy Bear. It's like the only thing that has changed has really been time, but we're still the same, and we're still connected. [00:32:59] Speaker B: I think the other thing, too, is if you're a more serious person or holds, like, responsibility is a really important thing for you, and play is harder, all the more reason to connect to your inner child, because there's no balance there. Right. Like, if you're serious all the time and very much in your head, and I think we're in a doer, part of that balance is play and fun. Like, we have to offset those. And so what did your mind like to be? Very active. So it was like jump rope, hopscotch, playing outside. Well, now I actually have the word play on my vision board because it's something I have to consciously bring in because I tend to not want to play. Like, my inner child, I don't think had a lot of play. And then now that's hard for me because I don't have a lot of memories to integrate as well with that minor child. So I just had this thought that happened this summer, and I don't know what happened, but I lost a sense of time, and I was at the edge of the River. And I love to collect and get the water on the rocks to see the colors. And then I'll start a collection of like, ooh, all these shades of green and all these shades of brown. And I'll put them in these piles and start just kind of taking pictures of them. And then I noticed that as I got under the river, it. The water had gotten lower and there was all these trapped puddles. And for some reason, she wanted to create all these channels so that the water could get. The stubborn water that was sedentary could get out with the stream. So it started at upstream. And it took me hours of doing this. Like, I completely got lost in the play. And she loved to feel the sand in the dirt and to see the movement of the energy where she got the water, got integrated with the river. And my boyfriend was looking at me and he's like, you just were having the time of your life. Like you were just playing. And I don't normally go to this extent, like I do a little bit, but I lost myself. And so I think that. And that felt so good. Like, that was one of my best days. [00:35:18] Speaker A: Because you were feeling totally you. [00:35:20] Speaker B: It's totally me. And it's like, wow. And it's like, no. He goes, I don't think you've got to play very much as a kid. And it's like I just had to sit and think with that. Be like, I think you're right. Like, I don't think I really did very much play. Now, there was a good inner world where I was in my own world, in my own play world, in my mind of imagination, but true play, you know, I don't think there was a much of that. So. [00:35:47] Speaker A: Yeah, and while you were talking about that, I was thinking, if you're very serious, you know, you probably wouldn't be comfortable doing something like that. But one of the best ways to ease into it, I think, would be to touch base with a favorite TV show from a certain age or movie. Like you would might do the Muppets, you know, and even if it's a dumb show, if you liked it as a kid, you know, fortunately, these things are easy to find nowadays, so, you know, I'm perfectly happy watching Leave it to Beaver for 20 minutes, you know, Right. I. I loved it as a child. You know, I watched it all in reruns. I'm. I'm old, but I'm not that old to. But to have seen it originally. But, you know, I just remember being young and really enjoying Leave it to Beaver. So, yeah, why not visit it again? [00:36:28] Speaker B: That's a great suggestion. I love that. You know, And I will say it took me four years, four years to get to that moment of being in the river. I went to the river almost every single weekend. [00:36:40] Speaker A: And it never occurred to you, so. [00:36:42] Speaker B: Don'T be beating yourself up if it takes some time, because it just never occurred to me. It took a long time of comfortability and a long time and letting go to just, you know, be in that place at that moment to, to just follow where it was guiding me where normally I would have shut myself down. [00:37:01] Speaker A: Well, and I think part of learning to trust that is to have dialogues with your inner child or your inner teenager. It's like, I know you're upset about this. Tell me why. And just kind of listen to. You might. You're going to get a message. You're going to get a message back. You'll feel it in your heart or you actually hear something auditory in your mind and go, okay, I understand why you feel that way now. But let's look at things now. I'm, we're older, I'm taking care of you. Things are good, you know, we've got a nice place to live. We're safe, you know, and like a mommy and daddy aren't around anymore, but I am, you know, that's what, you know, it needs to be listened to. And it's, it's once again goes back to subtle energy. It might be a very subtle statement that you're getting from your child or it could be just you start crying. It's like, oh my God, she's such, such pain. Okay, let her cry it out through you as an adult. Let her do it. [00:38:01] Speaker C: And I think that a lot of the times what we should all be striving for is a balanced life. And we get so caught up with everything that supposedly the real world, but yet we don't find that moment of peace. We just like start acting like machines. Go, go, go. And that's the unhealthy part about it, is that society has a. Teaches us that all of a sudden we have to lose contact with our inner child. And we really, that's actually the worst thing we can do for ourselves. Because your inner child holds your happiness, holds your imagination, holds so much that brings to you that that's why it's so important to come back to heal it in, to embody it. Because to have a full, balanced life, you really have to have a healed connection with your inner child. [00:38:55] Speaker A: That's because your core wounding Started as a child. [00:39:00] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:39:00] Speaker A: And we're working through all of this, ways to heal. And by the way, I'm still doing reiki on you guys out there. To. We go one layer, and we think we might have found it, but yet there's another layer and another layer and another layer. And because the child is so ashamed of whatever was the core, wounding, always thinking you did something bad, that. The way I was describing is that it's the grit that forms the pearl and then the pearls being guarded by the dragon. The dragon's not even let you get close to the pearl. So we're never going to. How we going to get to the grit, you know, but it's. It's. That's where. That's the goal of the inner child work and also the inner teenager work. Because going back to the entertainment teenager, I was. I was. I did a lot of posturing. I was very angry, punk rocker type girl. And so I need to validate for her why she was so angry, you know, so then you revisit that and you start to feel those emotions. But then you have to do the same thing as with the little, little girl. It's like, all right, I understand why you're so angry. You, you know, you're old enough to see that mom and dad aren't getting along. You know, you don't know what to do about it. You still feel powerless about it, you know, because you're not old enough to move, you know, and there you're not old enough for them to listen to you. So what do you do? You lashed out and I secluded myself and listened to punk rock music. I don't know how many times I listened to a certain Elvis Costello record over and over and over. It was very angry record. I loved it anyway. But it's hard because we do have to put ourselves back into those feelings to say, okay, I get it. I understand that was your strategy. We tried that. Okay. But now it's a different time in a different place, and I've got different perspective to share with you. So let's. Let's dialogue. [00:40:54] Speaker B: Right? I. I love that we can see. Connect to these different times and see the phases of where they're at. So, like, yours was angry and we talked prickly. So you put up these barriers to protect yourself and have people. [00:41:12] Speaker A: Yeah. When you. When you put on the punk rock post, I'm not approachable is what you're saying. [00:41:17] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So you were saying, you know, I definitely didn't look approachable. And you're putting that distance between yourself and everybody else and everybody else, like, don't come near me. And all this stuff, which is coming from wounding, right? And you know, how many kids. So they talk about being angry, angry kids, you know, is. For me, I was. I thought, okay, I'm just gonna grow up. I need to mature and grow up. So I was overly mature and kept all my feelings on lock. So just shoved everything in. And then I remember. I don't even know what it was, but something was going on. I remember exactly where My parents were standing in the kitchen and something flipped. They had never seen this side of me. I got very angry and started yelling at my mom, the look of shock and horror on her face. [00:42:08] Speaker A: Because when the quiet kids do that, it's so out of character. [00:42:11] Speaker B: And then they said, pamela, you know, what's going on? Where is this coming from? I didn't have an answer. I just. It was just like the steam valve could only hold so much pressure. And then it went off. But I didn't know why. I couldn't say at that moment why I was so angry. But I mostly felt like I'm out here alone and need to take care of myself, and I can't count on you guys. So I really distanced myself from having any emotions to my parents. So I remember a birthday, my dad coming around and giving me a hug. And I do have hurt feelings around this because you could see later on how. How that might have hurt my dad, because I can put myself back in there and be the observer is I had my arms completely. I was like a board. Straight. [00:42:57] Speaker A: Wow. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Straight. I would not. [00:42:59] Speaker A: You're not accepting it. [00:43:01] Speaker B: I would not accept the hug. In fact, I didn't like to be touched hardly at all as a kid. So I was. You know, hugs were not something I would. [00:43:08] Speaker A: What would you say to that girl, that is okay? [00:43:12] Speaker B: Like, it's okay to have those feelings. But when I didn't have an answer, then I felt like there's something wrong with me. I can't articulate why I'm angry. So this looks like I've lost it. I'm supposed to be mature. I'm supposed to, you know, have it under control. And, you know, I didn't have an answer as to what it is. So I was just like, whatever. But I felt bad because I could see. I could see and almost feel the pain of my mother. Of, like, shock of what's going on. We don't know what this is about. And I didn't have an answer for that. [00:43:45] Speaker A: So you Got to a breaking point. And then you went to a shame spiral like I did today. [00:43:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:51] Speaker B: And it really shuts you down. [00:43:52] Speaker A: That's how we get control. [00:43:53] Speaker B: Then you're like, I'm not gonna let that happen again. So you're like holding more in. [00:43:57] Speaker A: Yeah. And that takes a lot of energy to keep it held in. Yeah. [00:44:01] Speaker B: How about your teen? [00:44:03] Speaker A: Oh boy. This is gonna open up a door. [00:44:06] Speaker C: Well, I kind of experienced it all because I feel that as a teen, most of your toxic behaviors are gonna be brought out. Also for me, I came out when I was 14 years old. So that didn't go too well because I'm the oldest of my family. So I was always put as like, oh, you're gonna, you have to be a good example. Which was the most ridiculous pressurized thing ever. [00:44:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:31] Speaker C: But that's just what my parents thought at that time. So I went on a downward spiral, really self destructive with like just drinking and doing crazy things. Because it's so weird. It's almost like my inner child was. So wait a second. You want me to fit in under a society that you never accepted me in the beginning. So now I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want because of the fact that now I'm gonna show you what I'm capable of doing and you can't say anything about it. So that was exactly what my behavior was, is an inner teen. Because I was angry, I had resentment. I was like I could burn the world and laugh about it and have the greatest time. [00:45:18] Speaker B: Well, look at this bonfire. [00:45:20] Speaker C: Yeah. But now it's like I went back, I was able to fully accept myself. I realized that I didn't need anyone's approval. I realized that doing self destructive things weren't going to get me anywhere. And I started to heal. And the thing is, the beauty of healing is you're doing it for yourself. And the other thing too is no one can do that for you. And it's, it's, it's a path in it. One thing that I do want to bring out, what Pam said that it's like when she exploded. Okay. If you don't work on your inner child and you don't ever find that peace, you're right now a walking tombom that is going to excite, explode one day. And this isn't a thing of I'm telling you to be fearful, whatever. I just want you to be aware because you can only pressure for so long until you're gonna explode. Because the more you say yes to everyone else is a no to you. In your body, your system, your nervous system, your mental stableness is only going to tolerate that so much until you're like, fuck it, and then it's going to explode. And the reason why I even cuss was because that's truly what is going to happen, because you can't help it. So either A, you really look within and start really healing yourself, or it's going to just come out in a very explosive way. And it's just because it needs to, because it's been pushed down for so long, that it's going to have to come out that way. [00:46:52] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. It's like when you try to hold a ball under the water in the swimming pool. Yep. [00:46:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:46:58] Speaker C: Perfect example. Yeah. [00:46:59] Speaker B: And it could definitely come out onto somebody who, I mean, most of the time in it, right. It is going to come out in a way that the other person has nothing to do with it. [00:47:07] Speaker A: Like me today, it was a mild version, but it was still out of character for me. I was triggered and it was like, whoa, I got some healing to do. So we talked about a few ways to heal. What did you do with your inner child or your inner teenager when you realized you needed to work on healing him? [00:47:27] Speaker C: I did so many things, but I. [00:47:29] Speaker B: Think the better question is, what did Emerald didn't do? I know that's probably. [00:47:34] Speaker A: Yeah, but people want to know, you know, how, how, how can I address this now that I'm aware of it? [00:47:40] Speaker C: Okay, so I did not do any healing when I was a teenager. I'm just going to throw that out there. So that way I want to make sure that I want to keep it real. The first time I started working on myself, on my inner healing was 2020. And I went on a. I went on a speedy healing way. And what I mean, a speedy healing way is literally I was working on myself having at least four to five every week, working on my shadow, working on my inner healing. You don't have to be a six stream in that. And please don't. Because I learned the hard way that at that point I was called to do that. However, now I'm slowing things down. But nonetheless, what I'm trying to say with that is there's never you're too late and there's never. It's never late to start. And if you really, truly care for yourself and you truly want to show yourself what true self love is, you will do that inner work because it's only gonna make your life be so much better. Like right now, even if you have stability. Even if you have the things that on the outside seem like they're okay, that inner part is the balance part. The inner part, when you finally find that peace within yourself is what's going to build that bridge between the two. Like you, in order to have balance, that inside of how you feel about yourself and the outside of what you're portraying and you're projecting out need to have a balance. [00:49:23] Speaker A: So did you do that through forgiveness or what did you do? [00:49:26] Speaker C: Yes, so I did a lot of forgiving. So the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Then you have to forgive others that were involved. And there's no such thing as. Here's the thing, you guys, you can carry anger all you want. You can carry resentment. But at the end of the day that anger and resentment are going to hurt you more than they're going to hurt anyone else. That's how illnesses get stored in the body. That's how things really go down. So you have to be able to forgive yourself. You have to be able to forgive others. You have to be able to find the unconditional love that even though those around you were never able to give, give it to you because they themselves didn't have it. You have to find out first, your homework that I'm going to give you is find out what unconditional love is. And then once you find that out, settle for nothing less than. [00:50:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I love that. You know, when you're looking back to these wounds, I think the other thing too is depending on what you went through. So like some people that you know that I work with have been through some really hard sexual trauma and you know, if you just. Some people have that blocked, you know, it's blocked out of the memory, you know. Right. [00:50:43] Speaker A: It's a natural defense mechanism. [00:50:45] Speaker B: Yeah, you just pick up and move on. And you don't want to go back and revisit that time. But I really suggest, suggest that for, for when you're uncovering things and if they're very deep and heavy such as that, to find some, somebody to walk that with you. This is my suggestion. Yes, I don't suggest doing those things alone. There's reasons why there's people out there with different gifts and skills and some of these are. It's bigger than you. And so sometimes you need to, it's hard to get to self forgiveness or it's hard to have hold compassion for yourself because there's things so deep. So for me, I, I needed to work with an energy healer first because I Whoops. I had so much shoved down. And what. Some of the common. I just wanted to list some of the common wounds. So if you're saying, geez, I'm not really sure what my childhood wounds could be, I wanted to throw out some suggestions of a starting off point where you could say, does this sound familiar? Or can I relate to this? And then ask yourself, where was the first time that I felt this? Where's my earliest memory? And see what. Just see what comes to mind. [00:51:55] Speaker A: That's an excellent way to track it down. [00:51:57] Speaker B: So the first one is abandonment. And this is so common, and this is probably one of the most universal is abandonment. It's, you know, having a parent, you know, leave two parents working. There's a huge population where both parents are working now, so kids are home a little more. And it can look a myriad of different ways. It's also neglect. So you could have two parents in the home and then still feel alone or have your needs not met. Now not food. You know, there's certain things that kids need to be healthy. So abandonment can. Can look in many different ways. Isolation. Yeah, exactly. Isolation is the next one. And this is, you know, definitely feeling disconnected from everybody else. Not feeling like you have anyone to lean on. You're. This is one that I could remember feeling like, there's nobody out here, it's all on you. Yeah, I remember Emerald talking and us relating over that one. Like, there's no adult around here. It seems like in charge of the ship. I guess that's me. And that does create a lot of resentment. So isolation could be one of those. The other one, this word is called refugee. And we usually think of this word is like in war where people are leaving their countries or whatever. But this has to do with being feeling displaced. This also can be the black sheep in the family because you don't feel a part of the family unit. [00:53:29] Speaker A: Oh, I can't relate to that. [00:53:30] Speaker B: So. So Lola's like, yes, raising her hand. It like when you don't feel at home in the place, like you could be at school and not feel like I belong here. And then the last one is existence. And it's like if you feel like you have had to fight for your survival, you know, kids wear babies where mothers might have had abortions or an unwanted pregnancy or mom, you know, didn't want to have a child at this time and did. You might never realize why does it feel like the world is against me or trying to kick me out or near death experiences? It can. Existence means you're like fighting for your right to be here. So that was one that I hadn't heard of. And I went, whoa. And then I realized I had all of them and I went, huh, that's nice. I was thorough. And check the boxes. [00:54:22] Speaker A: I could relate to at least three of those. [00:54:23] Speaker B: Yeah, I think a lot of people don't realize or like. And I'm probably, and I'm not obviously alone in that. Like a lot of us can all relate. [00:54:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Like the existence thing. Like my mom always said I used to be fun before she had like a kid. Kids and family. Right. So it's like, how does a child internalize that I ruined my mom's life. [00:54:42] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. I'm not meant to be here, I shouldn't to be here. Or you know, moms often say, jokingly say, talk about their bodies, you know, and I know I definitely said that about, you know, how you used to have something and until you became a mother and now your life's changed or your body's wrecked or whatever and it's like, oh, I, you know, I'm not wanted here. [00:55:02] Speaker A: So could you say those again just one by one and have everybody listen to it because this is great tool for healing. If you can relate to any one of these, then you'll want to see how did you, how did, how did your child relate to this? And then you're going to want to love that child and you nurture them now because now you're the mom or the dad. [00:55:22] Speaker B: Yes. [00:55:22] Speaker A: For this child and both. Or both. Okay. [00:55:25] Speaker B: The acronym air, but it's A I, R, E. And the first one is abandonment, the second one, I is for isolation, R is for refugee, and E is for existence. [00:55:38] Speaker A: Wow. You, you just, I mean, we're almost at the end of the episode. And that I think is super powerful and information. So. Yes. So our job once we recognize these wounds, is to heal them through love. Yeah, love of yourself as an adult, seeing it from a different perspective. So you can share that with the child or the teenager or the 20 year old nasty girl at the tire shop. [00:56:05] Speaker B: You know, I think it's, it's such having a lot of grace for yourself, you know, when nobody, when you didn't have an example of grace and compassion around you, you don't necessarily have something to pull to because you don't have that example per se. So you have to be that for yourself. So giving yourself a lot of grace and compassion. And one of the things that I have added onto my daily practice, you know, along with energy Maintenance and things like this is a daily prayer to myself because I'm asking for things that I want for myself. And oftentimes I'm using the word empathy, compassion, love, grace, forgiveness, whatever those free flow words are for me. And then I ask myself, do you hold that energy within my body so that I can reflect that back out into the world? Because if we can't anchor it, it's really hard to show up and be that. Would you agree? [00:57:00] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:57:01] Speaker C: Another thing that I can really give a suggestion to is do some mirror work. Look at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you love yourself. Tell your body thank you for serving, serving you. There's. I love to do affirmations in the mirror because you're really talking to yourself. It's really just a blunt. You're having that one on one moment. So. And find the affirmations that obviously connect with you. [00:57:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:29] Speaker B: We hope that some of these things were helpful for you today to share our stories and wisdom and just the things that help us. And you know, you can always comment and you know, share. Share what you want to share and we're here for you. [00:57:45] Speaker A: We forgot to mention we have a Facebook page. [00:57:47] Speaker B: Oh yes, we have a Facebook page. [00:57:48] Speaker A: Welcome to Woo Wooville. And you're welcome to make comments there. [00:57:53] Speaker C: And please give us a review on the episodes too. [00:57:56] Speaker B: Yes. [00:57:56] Speaker A: Oh yeah. We want to help as many people as possible. So if you could give us a review on Apple podcasts or you could give us hopefully a five star rating on Spotify, then if you like our content, then people who don't know us can find us too. And just I guess last thing to say is love yourself and love that inner child. As teenager and teenager. It's hard to love the teenager. I've learned to love mine. She's sassy, but I love her. [00:58:29] Speaker B: And we needed all of these to survive, to be where we're at. [00:58:32] Speaker A: So I'm. They were coping skills. [00:58:34] Speaker B: They were coping skills. Exactly. [00:58:36] Speaker A: All right. [00:58:36] Speaker B: Sending you guys lots of love. [00:58:38] Speaker C: Thank you for tuning in. [00:58:39] Speaker A: Thanks. Bye.