DEALING WITH HOLIDAYS AFTER YOUR AWAKENING (Special Bonus Episode)

[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to Woo Wooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by three fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you are likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self. Hi, I'm Lola Singh, and the reason I was laughing is because we got a doozy of topic. We're doing a special holiday edition just for you guys, and it's called dealing with holidays after your awakening. So talk about spilling the tea and talk about choppy waters. [00:00:48] Speaker B: Check, check and check. [00:00:50] Speaker A: Yes. So I'm here with Pamela Ameril, and we've all dealt with family after spiritual awakening. I'd like to say that most people's family members would embrace it and be excited and be so happy for you, but that's not always the case. So we wanted to talk about, you know, what's it like to deal with family, deal with holiday obligations after you've had a spiritual awakening, and maybe you don't see things quite the way your family does anymore. [00:01:28] Speaker C: Well, the one thing we have to remember is that when we combine that many people, their frequency will really show up. Meaning. So let's say you have those relatives that have been watching the news nonstop and have this huge fear factor going on and their vibration is really low. [00:01:47] Speaker A: Or they're still upset about politics. [00:01:49] Speaker C: Yep. So anything that pretty much is a mismatch with you that's gonna really can surface up some, like, disagreements. And I think that a lot of the times, whether I've noticed that, whether family wants to admit it or not, they do pay attention to you. And I tell you why they do pay attention to you, because they use the holiday time to sometimes ask you questions about spirituality, even though they don't really want to hear the answers. They just ask you because they just want to bring it up because it's not making sense to them, which is fine. It's just a matter of just navigating through it, which is what we all just want. We just want to have a balance relationship with our loved ones. We don't have to change them. We just have to be able to hold our ground. Meaning, like, you're gonna have to really make sure you have boundaries, but at the same time do it in a way where it's just. It just creates more of a flow. Like, the last thing you want to do is get an argument that's not gonna be good for either party. [00:03:00] Speaker A: When you've, when you've had a spiritual awakening, you don't want to argue anyway. [00:03:03] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:03:04] Speaker A: You want everybody to be as harmonized as possible while still standing in your own integrity. And usually it's not the person with the awakening who's causing the problems. It's the people who want to keep seeing you as you used to be. They want it. And no matter how you change, your family and friends from the past tend to see you as the person you used to be. Which is funny because they know they've changed. Right, right. But yet they don't allow you to change. [00:03:37] Speaker C: Well, changes in an edible, an unstoppable thing that from life, that's just what happens. [00:03:45] Speaker B: Have you noticed when you come together that you tend to slip back into. Especially when you're not around each other very much. So like people are traveling in, they're coming and all of a sudden someone's behaving a certain way and you're like, what's going on? [00:03:59] Speaker A: Yeah. You turn into the person you were when you used to live like in your par. Yeah. I hated going to my parents house as an adult and I had to because both my parents health were failing and I was the only kid in town to take care of them. And I would go every week to, you know, buy groceries and, you know, make sure the house was in order and things like that. And it was so weird because as much as I was psyching myself up in the car the whole way, and much as I'd already had a spiritual awakening, I knew a lot of ways to keep my myself balanced. The minute I crossed that threshold, I turned into the defensive angry teenager. So I would always be very vigilant the minute I walked through the door. What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen? You know, there's gonna be, you know, an episode, we're gonna have, you know, friction and. But it was like I could. It's almost an out of body experience. It's like watching myself walk through that door and go, who are you in the physical right now? Because I'm watching you. Like, I'm like, you're a TV show and I don't recognize that character anymore. But you've turned into it. [00:05:04] Speaker B: Right. [00:05:04] Speaker A: So I think that does happen sometimes with family gatherings in general. Especially like you said, when you don't see the family that often we fall into the traditional roles we had growing up. [00:05:15] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:05:16] Speaker A: And usually we're powerless because we're the kids. [00:05:18] Speaker B: Yep, yep. It's those Family dynamics where we're expected. We feel the expectation to hold to the way we used to be. And they don't know this new person of you, really. Right. So they're trying to navigate it as well. And you can tell when people are kind of walking on eggshells a little bit, where the conversation isn't flowing, where people might be feeling off and it doesn't feel comfortable, or you're just kind of maybe being quiet and everyone else is kind of playing their parts or what way it's always been. It's just. It feels so different. [00:05:56] Speaker C: I feel like the biggest discomfort is on their part because they so want you to be who you once were. But I also feel that it's because of the patterns and people want to keep you in these boxes of, I know you this way, I don't know you who you are now. So I expect you to be this box. I've even had flat out at times, my mom be like, can't you just be who you've always been just for this dinner? And I'm like, what? [00:06:27] Speaker A: Wow. [00:06:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:28] Speaker A: That talk about non acceptance. [00:06:31] Speaker C: Well, and I think it's just. It's. I'm not blaming anyone. I'm not saying that's a horrible thing, because what really is is just the comfort of seeing you with the same eyes. It's like, it's almost like parents sometimes don't understand where you're going with things. They want to have that relatable thing, but they think all of a sudden one day a year is so grand that you. It's almost like you each. Here's your script. Stick to it. [00:06:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, I can definitely speak is like the mother vibe. You know, it's. You want everybody to get along. [00:07:05] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:07:05] Speaker B: You want. You want everybody to have a good time. And you're trying to navigate potential landmines. Like, okay, you don't, do you. You don't talk about this like, can we all just come together and have a good time together as a family? But that's hard because you haven't all been together to practice that and have time to work that out. It's all of a sudden you're coming together for this forced event, and everybody kind of, I think, does feel that pressure. And so it can show up in a myriad of ways. [00:07:38] Speaker C: I also feel like, just to be fair. Sorry, I'm not trying to cut you off. Like, it's almost like the same thing as, like, politics, religion, and sex. Like, those are the three topics. You really don't want to bring into a family gathering. But yet those are the three things that people always bring up, and then they cause arguments. So I guess what I'm trying to say with that is sometimes it's not so much malicious. Like you say a mom is just trying to keep peace, and. But the thing is, just the way they act during those days is kind of funny. [00:08:07] Speaker B: It definitely is. Lola brought up a good point when we were kind of, you know, preemptively talking about. This is the word guilt. And I could feel like, okay, let me think about that a little bit. And I didn't have a lot of experience with that. Earlier on, my parents moved away, and so I actually didn't have a lot of. My father had already passed by the time I was really fully awoken. And then my mother was out of state, so I haven't had a chance to really navigate the holidays with them. So my mom moves up here now, and now I am. And so now I'm dealing with these different things. And I'll just give a personal example. I have been putting on Thanksgiving dinners for over 30 years, and last year, I hosted my mom and my sister and her son and his wife. And it was a big family thing, and it was fun, but I was so drained afterwards, and I was like, I'm exhausted. I am a pulp. I felt like a dead sponge. Dead spongebob. Here I am. I'm just like, I need some water. I need. What's wrong with me? I hadn't felt that depleted in a really long time. And so I was holding that mom energy of trying to balance everybody out, to be like, let's have a good time. Let's connect. Mostly me kind of regulating and downplaying my stuff as well, so I can look at that afterwards. And being like, I just. I had to go for a walk afterwards just to get outside the house and kind of decompress. Decompress and rebalance myself. So when I was thinking about it this year, my mom reaches out and says, hey, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? And I had already made up in my mind that, oh, my gosh, my daughter's moved out of state. This is the first Thanksgiving I don't have to entertain anybody because I was used to being the host or having to do for my. For my own kids. And so there was always pressure on to have it be a certain kind of way. And I always wanted to have fun. And usually it was just my daughters and I. We usually had a good time, but they're still, like, if they were fighting the Girls were. Something was coming up. So anyways, long story short, I wanted to change my plan to accommodate my mother. And I felt all this guilt around wanting to have her over, but also honoring the more they sat into. Gosh, it feels so good not to have to do all that. Like, just the freedom, this huge weight that I didn't realize I had been on me. [00:10:57] Speaker A: I guess maybe obligations better term than guilt. [00:11:00] Speaker B: Yeah, obligations. But then I did feel guilt of when I told her mom, I'm. I'm. You know, the situation that I'm explaining and said, I just really don't want it to do a big. To do this year. And she lives out of the area, so just the driving alone, it would have changed the whole dynamic of the day. And I said, then I thought of a compromise, which was I could take her out before. And then that felt good. It's like, okay, I can make, you know, I can come up there the day before and we could go out and spend time together. But, you know, and she was accepting and honoring of that. But up until that point, I was like, okay, ask the other sister. What are you doing? Trying to assess what everybody was doing to. To balance and meet my mother's needs and to not feel that sense of obligation and guilt. I don't know. Have you guys felt that where it's. You were saying how you felt like you had to show up? [00:12:03] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's because in my experience, prior to my awakening or after my awakening, I never had fun with my family on Thanksgiving growing up, Amyrel's talked about his. He had a really mean uncle. I had a really mean aunt. Thank goodness she wasn't related by blood. She was. My uncle was the one. But it's weird how the sweetest men married the nastiest women and vice versa. [00:12:32] Speaker C: Opposite tracks. [00:12:34] Speaker A: And she was. She did not. She just picked on my side of the family. Her side of the family. Everything was glorious. Right. [00:12:41] Speaker B: Right. [00:12:42] Speaker A: And so she would belittle us kids in front of our parents, just like with Amaral's family. And nobody stood up for the kids, you know, we were. My sister was probably a straight A student and I was like a B plus up, you know? [00:12:58] Speaker B: Right. [00:13:00] Speaker A: So we were good kids. But, oh, you know, we were always. [00:13:03] Speaker B: Like, you could feel that. [00:13:04] Speaker A: Oh, she would say it. Oh, she would say nasty things in front of them. Oh, really? And these are the people I went to Thanksgiving with every year. [00:13:11] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. And yeah, no wonder. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Oh, she would belittle us. Just. She had an audience, but nobody stood up for us. [00:13:22] Speaker B: Oh. [00:13:23] Speaker A: So to me, Thanksgiving's always felt false fake. I'm supposed to pretend I like these people. [00:13:29] Speaker B: I'm supposed to take it and be insulted. [00:13:31] Speaker A: I'm supposed to have parents who allow this. Wow. And my brother. My God, my brother got a scholarship. He went to Harvard. [00:13:43] Speaker B: And it still wasn't good enough. [00:13:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, you don't want to hear what. [00:13:49] Speaker B: She said when that was so unfortunate. [00:13:53] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, not one. She's. He. He was born, I think, a little later than nine months. And she kept. Oh, no, I know what it was, because my mom was over 40. [00:14:03] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:14:04] Speaker A: In front of us little girls. [00:14:06] Speaker B: Right. [00:14:07] Speaker A: She kept saying. And these were her words, not mine. You're gonna have a mongoloid. What? She kept saying that to my mom. This is the kind of caliber of person I grew up with. [00:14:17] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:14:19] Speaker A: And that was back when people used those terms. [00:14:21] Speaker B: Right? Yeah. [00:14:23] Speaker A: But even as a kid, you kept. Did she just say that? I mean, let's say. I think it was about. [00:14:27] Speaker B: And your mom didn't ever send anything back. [00:14:29] Speaker A: Oh, I'm sure my mom was just crushed inside. But no. Okay. There was. See, this is the guilt and obligation I think she's always taught, you know, respect the elders, you know, and. But why should you respect someone who is doing such nasty stuff, saying such terrible things, not just to one person in the family, right in front of the kids and. [00:14:51] Speaker B: Right. [00:14:52] Speaker A: So. Yeah. So I come from a different perspective. It's never been fun for me, ever. [00:14:58] Speaker B: Okay. [00:14:59] Speaker A: So I feel like the only reason I went as an adult to my family for Christmas dinners and Thanksgiving dinners was guilt. [00:15:09] Speaker B: Did that spill over to your general feeling around the holidays then? Because you associated it with these negative. Like, these were. You knew this was coming. You know, there would be an expectation to do a dinner. Did that affect how you felt around this time frame as well? [00:15:25] Speaker A: Well, as an adult, yeah. I mean, as a kid, you're still excited about Christmas and stuff like that. And, you know, you're. You're actually excited about getting the turkey dinner, even if you have to be with those awful people. The food was good. [00:15:36] Speaker B: Right. [00:15:36] Speaker A: But, yeah. Yeah, I. So I come from a different perspective. So after the awakening, my parents were both so sick, I don't think they were even doing Thanksgivings and Christmases. Yeah, I would go. Go very reluctantly and. Yeah. But once again, totally out of guilt and obligation, not because it was fun and joyous for me. So I guess I come from a different perspective. And, you know, after an awakening, you know, you Kind of. You have to look at the good and the bad in your life. And so I've had to forgive that aunt. [00:16:11] Speaker B: Sure, sure. [00:16:12] Speaker A: And I've had to forgive myself for carrying such anger and hatred, vitriolic hatred toward her. Oh, if you talked to me in my 20s about my aunt, you would have heard words that would just make a sailor blush. So that was a hard one. That was very hard to. For I'll never forget. But I have forgiven. [00:16:35] Speaker B: Okay. [00:16:36] Speaker A: And I guess that's one of the good things about waking up is you just realize it's like I have to be responsible for my own feelings. [00:16:43] Speaker B: Isn't that such the balance of mastery? Because you're coming in different. You're coming in with, you know, a higher perspective of love and acceptance and forgiveness. But at the beginning, you might not be there yet. [00:16:58] Speaker A: Right. [00:16:58] Speaker B: So at the beginning of your awakening, you're, you know, you're like a little baby. You know, you're just coming out in and feeling all these new things. [00:17:06] Speaker A: But then you. But you also realize no one says such things unless they're totally wounded themselves. [00:17:12] Speaker B: Exactly. Hurt people. Hurt people. [00:17:15] Speaker C: Well, and that's exactly what it is. It's not. We all know that we, when we start our healing, it's about us reparenting ourselves. And we don't have to have perfect parents because there's no such thing, but we do have to heal those wounds. And just like Lola, I had an uncle that, like, at any given point, like, he was really close to my age. He was funny enough, I realized he was actually seven years older than me, but he was allowed to say the worst things ever in front of every adult and even my parents, and they would never say anything about it. And the most ridiculous thing they decided to do was, oh, let's have him be his godparent. That will fix things. That never did fix anything. It just made it even worse. And now I'm to the point where I don't need those toxic people in my life. So when they're around, I mean, they're their own selves. If they are, when they say something rude and stuff, it's weird how people think that you're still going to react the same. So sometimes I just let them, because really, in reality, I'm thinking of, like, who acts like this as an adult? And if anyone's going to be seeing, like, the ass, it's going to be you, not me, because I'm no longer giving you energy because you have absolutely, like, your words mean nothing in my life anymore. Because. Because you just burn your own bridges. Like, the part of my healing was I no longer connect with you because the truth is, we should all strive to be better people. When you don't want to do that for yourself, then that's on you. That has absolutely nothing to do with me. And the fact that I can walk away is, I'm telling you, without even having to argue with you, I've taken the higher route, meaning I decided that I care more about myself and where I'm at then to allow anyone to just bring me down. [00:19:15] Speaker A: So I guess, kind of tying together a few things that we just said. How can you, as a more spiritually awake person, deal with the holidays? I guess one of them would be what I said, which is to recognize that the ones lashing out, you are so wounded at a core level, and it's not your job to fix them, but it's your job to understand they're wounded so that hopefully you can keep your temper at bay. Right? And then the other would be to have to cut cords if you need to. So can you elaborate on that? Because you talked about that earlier before. [00:19:50] Speaker C: We started by cutting cords. One of the things is a lot of people say, like, well, they're your relatives. You're never going to really take them out of your life. But you don't need to. What you need to do is any person that appears in your life that has a very strong, energetic pull on you, meaning, like, they really affect you. It's not just this lifetime, I can assure you there's other lifetimes where you have karmic connections. They haven't been healed. Keep in mind when I'm saying karmic connections, I'm talking about past lifetimes where maybe, and this is just an example, maybe you guys were playing a different relationship where you were together. Maybe one of you left the other person. There's times where you have killed that person another lifetime, and there's still that discord. So it's all about releasing those ties, like clearing those up, but going really back to the roots so that. That way there's no longer that energetic pool. So this is your homework. If you have someone in your life that just seeing them or thinking about them upsets you so much, it doesn't matter what the reason is, because it can be from this lifetime. But also just keep in mind and be open that it could be just a karmic circle that you guys have to clear out. So as soon as you clear that, then they no longer have that energetic pull against you so you're able to maneuver through them at ease because they're no longer going to affect you. That's what I had to do. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Yeah, but how can you clear that? [00:21:28] Speaker C: Well, there's many ways, but how I do it is I just go back into pretty much calling in my higher self or source and asking for any energetic ties that I have. And I'll say the name of the person from this lifetime or any fractal expressions of myself, then I ask for those to be cleared up. And what that does, it's creep. It shifts out that energy so it disconnects you from that energy that you have that's standing with those people. So that, that way it's. It's no longer like they can still act however they want to act, but it's no longer affecting you because you're coming from a different disconnected state where you're no longer being brought down. [00:22:18] Speaker B: I can think of a couple different things too, on thinking about what you were saying. And thank you, Emerald, because that's, I think, a really good point of. [00:22:32] Speaker A: How. [00:22:33] Speaker B: Do you deal with the energetics of somebody that you have a particularly challenging relationship and you also probably love them. [00:22:41] Speaker A: Or I mean, that could be a divorced couple coming together again for Thanksgiving up for the sake of the kids. That's pretty common. [00:22:49] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. Good example is, you know, that compassion. And I was thinking about to this last one, it's kind of a mom thing is to redirect. So there's some different things you could role play. Like, okay, if this situation happens at Thanksgiving dinner, what could I do and practice that in your mind of like, okay, if this happens, what does it feel like to say your feelings that could be like, I honor your perspective. I see where you're coming from. However, this is my perspective and you know, things, you know, I might have even believed that way before, but now this is where I am. And so what does it feel like to be authentic to who you really are and you know, give them a little bit of information about how you are and how you feel and how you think. Another one could be like, okay, if it's getting really whatever, I'm going to go to the bathroom, I'm going to, you know, take a breath. I have some things. I have a crystal in my pocket. Like, there's some things that's like, is it worth. Is it worth addressing? Is your piece worth more? Is it like navigating different things or is it like, hey, you know, let's. Does anybody want to play a game that's the redirection. Sometimes when things are going a certain way, I'll be like, oh, you know, mom, Dessert anyone? Is it time for dessert now, guys? [00:24:18] Speaker A: That's why movie theaters are open on Christmas and Thanksgiving because people want to leave right after dinner, but they still have to go back to the family later. So the excuse is let's go see a movie. [00:24:28] Speaker B: Right, Right. So I, and this is, and this is just my, you know, kind of go to is I try to, if there's stressful situations that I think I could potentially going to be in, I try to think of some different strategies and things in my pocket that I can try ahead of time so that I'm not freezing and being caught on the spot. Because I have had that happen before and I didn't have any kind of game plan. And so now I come in with a few different options of like, these are things that you can do. Like you can go outside and just say, oh, I'm just gonna go out and take a phone call or whatever just to get your own, to get a break from it. And I think having some strategies could possibly help. So that's, that's kind of my feedback on that. [00:25:14] Speaker A: One thing that I was thinking of while you were talking about strategies was something I've been doing lately. Like when I get nervous driving, for example, or I start to feel some low level anxiety about who know knows what I have been saying to myself. I'm calling in the highest aspect of me right now. And it's amazing because it's like I sit taller, I calm down. So that could be a good. While you're at the dinner table strategy. And you guys could practice this right now. Just kind of take a scan of your body and your energy, how your energy feels now. And now say to yourself right out loud, I call in the highest aspect of myself right now. You'll probably have to do it mentally if you're at dinner, but right now, say it out loud and see, I bet you feel different. I bet you feel different. So you might need to keep calling him or her in. But that would be a strategy to get you through the holiday meal and stay as it's grounding and it's powerful at the same time. [00:26:17] Speaker B: Yeah, games are another good one. Like laughter. Finding. Finding some. If there isn't a common ground, you know, it's like it can be difficult. [00:26:29] Speaker A: There was no laughter ever, ever at any holiday things. It wasn't even, it wasn't even fathomable really. No laughter when we got. No, you gotta Remember, I grew up in a family where nobody hugged each other either. [00:26:41] Speaker B: Okay, okay. [00:26:42] Speaker A: There was no laughter. This was all obligation. I'm sure there's other people in the audience who feel the same way I do. So that wasn't great, if that's an option for you. But to me, that was. That. That was like a 1% chance that could happen. See, because my parents weren't even having fun with me and an uncle, you know, they weren't laughing, you know, so nobody was having fun with them. [00:27:04] Speaker B: Well, no wonder. No wonder that I imagine that not being fun at all. I didn't quite have that. The adversarial, like both of you, or that kind of really challenging dynamics. It was interesting, my dad being, I don't know, a carrier of lost souls, he would always bring people in that didn't have family. So it was often somebody I didn't. It would feel uncomfortable because it's like, I don't know who this person is. [00:27:36] Speaker A: But that was sweet. [00:27:37] Speaker B: He did, but it was nice because, you know, they were. I could feel the energy. [00:27:41] Speaker A: They were the orphans. [00:27:42] Speaker B: Yeah. He always had some different people around him. And sometimes people didn't have a place to go, and so you might not know who they are, but you felt like, okay, you're trying to help this person out. So isn't it interesting how these different dynamics within our families influence our experiences. [00:28:01] Speaker A: And then witnessing other people's families? Because a couple times I wrangled out of going to thinks Thanksgiving, okay. By saying, somebody else invited me, like a friend from college or a friend. And they did. [00:28:15] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:15] Speaker A: I remember a couple times, I remember one going, you go to somebody else's house and their family is even more screwed up than your family. [00:28:24] Speaker B: Oh, really? [00:28:25] Speaker A: And you're sitting and watching it as an outsider going, what did I just walk into? And so it's. [00:28:33] Speaker B: So it was that perspective for you. [00:28:35] Speaker A: It was a good perspective to go, whoa, maybe my family's not so bad. [00:28:40] Speaker B: Someone's got it worse, you know? [00:28:42] Speaker C: Well, the other thing, too, that is really interesting is that, okay, so there's different family dynamics and how they function. And once you really start working on yourself, meaning, like going through your awakening, the first thing that's going to happen is you're going to start having a voice. So before, because you didn't have a voice, people just took you as. You're okay with this. So there's a lot of families, and there's no such thing as a perfect family, of course, but the way they function is differently. So, like for example, I hear it all the time. People be like, well, my family was fine. My family was just like, we didn't talk about anything and stuff. Like, so you really think that shoving feelings down was a good strategy? So, I mean, what I mean is, by that is there's different extremes. Like, same as there's extremes where people explode and go off on each other. There's also the extremes where they don't even talk about it. They just don't mention it. The difference that it's more highlighted is that when you go through your awakening, you learn your voice. You have a voice. So whenever things happen that were not okay, you're gonna say something about it. And it's not so much you, it's other people might have an issue with it because you've always showed up without a voice, and now all of a sudden you have a voice and nobody knows how to take you. At least that's what, like, more my experience is. I don't think I'm ever confrontational or ever want to be confrontational because you learn. You don't want to waste your energy, and that's draining. Yeah, but it's more about when somebody really, like, calls you out on something that is not true or that you just feel, like, not okay, you're going to speak your truth, whether that person wants to hear it or not. That's completely on them. It has really nothing to do with you. But at times it can seem a little crazy. And I think that part of going through the holidays, we've all had those times where we're like, why do we have to, like, really, like, do this? I mean, why can't we just do another day, dinner, whatever? But it's just. It's like that tradition of the things you do. And guilt has a lot that plays out because if you don't show up to your family's Thanksgiving. Oh, no. Or Christmas or whatever. But at the same time, it's like people don't just not show up because of, like, enjoyment. They don't show up because they don't feel welcome where they feel. They don't have, feel heard, they feel mistreated. That's the reasons why people don't show up. So it's something's about looking a little bit further. And maybe, like we were just saying, you find it that you go back to the old version of you before you had healed. What if maybe this going back into the old version of you that you haven't healed is because there's things within you that still need to be healed and is just pointing out at those things because we start learning about energy now. When you're speaking your truth or when you're speaking something, you feel the energetic charge of it. Example, the other day I was driving down and I back to back, I said these two comments that were so judgmental about people, and I didn't even feel right. And not only did I not feel right, I just felt all weird because I realized the energy that comes behind judgment and how that energy was just not okay. And a lot of the times people see things as, oh, that's just who I am. When judgment is not who you are, judgment is something you choose to do. So it's almost like you don't know how unhealed certain families, your family or other families are until you start learning what really is right, how to really treat someone with respect, how truly to be present in your life, what resonates with you, what feels right and what doesn't. And that's what changes. Because when we get to the part where we're feeling uncomfortable about our own behaviors, that is not a reflection of somebody else. That's us. And so it's an introspect. It's really. I feel that our closest. And I want to say, at least for me, I don't know about everybody else, but the closest people to us, especially family, is like a mirror projecting out what either has healed about yourself or hasn't healed. And at times, like, be thankful for it. Like, that's a great. They're. They're just there. They're trying to teach you. They're your greatest teachers, really. You don't learn from just living. You learn from the complicated parts that you don't get at times, but yet once you really heal them, they not only no longer have that energetic pull on you, but you see things from a different perspective. [00:33:38] Speaker A: I think you just described why we have this episode perfectly. I didn't realize it till now when you were talking. It's like, yes, that's it. It's identifying the wounds that have not been healed yet when you do these. So if you find yourself feeling like, almost like you regressed, then you're right. That's. That's your responsibility. So you have a new awareness. It's like, oh, wow, I thought I had healed these emotional wounds from the past. Obviously, there's still something that stings about it. So I need to focus on that and work on it. So that might be hard to do in the midst of the event. [00:34:19] Speaker B: Right. [00:34:20] Speaker A: In retrospect the next day, it's like, dang, I didn't. That's not. That's not the new me. I acted totally unlike who I thought I was. So obviously I have some work to do. I like that. I'm really glad you brought that up. [00:34:34] Speaker B: Yeah. Another thing I'm hearing, too, is, you know, giving yourself a lot of grace and compassion as you go through this, because like you said, you think you've worked past it. You haven't seen in a while. Here's the test. You're going, okay, I'm. This year it's going to be different. And then, bam. Something just knocks you off your rocker that you weren't expecting, or something comes and it's like, give yourself some grace and compassion as you do this, because I know this has happened to me. I was thinking of another year where I was just put on the spot and I didn't respond. Later on, I was like, why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that? I was kind of beating myself up. And the thing is, your family are the key players that you have had probably many incarnations with. There's a reason why we. They are here to help you. They are your part of your evolution and growing. So if you see, like, there's reasons why you have certain, maybe stronger affinity with one sibling or another, there might be some stuff that's still unresolved and to look at that. But if you see that as your, okay, this is really helping me grow. This is helping me evolve. This is helping me sink more into forgiveness for myself, which I can then forgive others more when we embody more of the higher aspect of that we want to be. It's just. It's so interesting, all of this, the traditions that you're here trying. You're breaking traditions, you're breaking ancestral lineage, things that have been passed down and down and down. And it's a big role to be the disruptor. [00:36:18] Speaker A: Yeah, right. Well, speaking of disruptor, we always promised we're going to be very straightforward when things aren't going perfectly here. If you hear some hissing noises, because my computer is overheating, it'll probably pick up on the. On the sound level. Don't worry. I don't think it's going to fail us. But that's the background noise you're hearing. [00:36:37] Speaker C: So another thing, too, while Pam was talking, I was giggling because I, like, kept. So sometimes because we know certain dates are coming, we bottle so many emotions. Right. So we're thinking like, oh, my goodness, I'm going to see this person. I don't like this person. Why do I have to see them again? Then you bottle this person and then all of a sudden, like the heyoka empath in me is like, yells out, I'm going to rip your fricking head off. And this is a part of me laughing within myself. Because the buildup of pressure makes you think that the situation is going to be way out of it, like, way out of your control and stuff. But realize that the only control you only have is within yourself. So keep yourself together. The best way to prepare it is just let go. Let go of what's bothering you. Realize that during the holidays, that pressure that you're feeling, that that whole worked up of emotions, it's because you haven't healed them. So it's actually showing to you, like what is within you that you are ready to really heal in even the best time. The bit what I do to prepare for it, I just lighten up my load. I make sure that I'm not upset about anything. I go in with a higher vibration and I just make the best out of it. I cannot control anyone around me. I have to allow everyone to be themselves. However, I have control over my reaction to anything that it's thrown at me. And I can assure you, if you come from a peaceful state or if you come from a higher perspective, meaning higher frequency, you're not going to get in an argument with someone. Instead, you're going to just think of ways to dealing with it in the best way possible for both parties. And that's not just because a lot of the times I hear people like, well, like, I'm just gonna. It's a pride thing where who's gonna overpower who. And sometimes you have to look at that too. It's like, is that really gonna fix anything or heal anything or ever take care of anything? No. Like, being on this path is really seeing things from an observer's perspective. [00:38:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:56] Speaker C: A true observer sees and doesn't judge somebody else's journey or part of their healing or unhealing. And that's what we're here to do. We're here to experience emotions, navigate through emotions, and still hold ourselves together in the best way possible. [00:39:14] Speaker A: Okay, I have something really important that came to mind while you were talking about this, and it's going to be kind of personal for both of you. So if you don't want to talk about it, just let me know. I think another thing that we're kind of glossing over for the holidays is that after spiritual awakening, it's kind of related to what you were hinting at there. Some family members or even friends or even your spouse is going to challenge that you're awakening? Yeah, they're going. They're not going to accept it and they're going to try to find ways to poke at you about it. So I didn't have that experience because honestly, my parents were long gone after the. I had my awakening. I had started it, but I wasn't fully there while they were still here. But my siblings don't care when iota about what I do. They're not interested. They don't want to know. That's how they're dealing with it. But you guys had different responses and both of you came from pretty strict religious backgrounds, which would be Mormonism and Catholicism. So do you feel comfortable sharing with the people some of the theme things that happened with you when you were expressing the new you to your family and how you dealt with that for the holidays especially? [00:40:36] Speaker B: Well, I do want to correct you a little bit there on the strict. My parents were not your traditional and I don't know. I know there are some that were very devout. My parents were not super strict. So I didn't have some of the indoctrination that some people go through. They. In fact, my dad was very much like, go check out other religions. One times I was struggling with my faith. He was like, pamela, you don't go to church to be with God. It's just a place where you can feel closer. [00:41:05] Speaker A: Okay, well, that's not what I've heard from a lot of people who grew up Mormon and had a religious, spiritual shift. [00:41:13] Speaker B: Yeah, he was different. And it was interesting because I could also at times feel his own struggle within his own spirituality. And so we would have some. Some good conversations. And I would say, like, I'm, you know, struggling with going or where I was. And I was feeling like I was disappointing them by not. By not going. And it's kind of split half and half. Half of my family are go every single Sunday, they do the whole thing. And then the younger half, except for my brother, are we having a different spirituality? And so I look at these two dynamics within our family and it's. And we don't get together because we're all spread out. So I really haven't had that. I have had us be together a few times and I've had to navigate. I think I've talked about it on an episode that I. We were spending time out together and the pressure of this elephant in the room broke me. And eventually, no, we weren't talking. It was so awkward, uncomfortable, and the tension was building that I was like, I can't take this anymore. I want to talk about how I'm feeling. This is how I'm perceiving it. [00:42:31] Speaker A: And that was with your daughters, right? [00:42:33] Speaker B: That was with my brother in law, with my, my sister and my mom. And it was good because once I addressed it, then they were like, well, we just didn't know how to. They were learning how to be with me because I was so guarded about it. I was very protective of it. I didn't want to be heard. I did. You know, it's like this thing that. It's like you. When you feel like you're coming to your true self, you feel more vulnerable. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Yes, you do. You know, you are, because you're being authentic. [00:42:58] Speaker B: You are, right? And you've taken down all the layers of stuff that used to protect you. And so now you're this, you know, raw self and you're like, please don't, you know, do something that's going to dishonor who I feel like I am now. And, and that whole path. And I just had to say how I felt. And they were open and accepting. And so it's, it's been a very interesting journey in that regard. I'm sure. I can feel that they're just kind of like giving me space. Pamela's doing her thing over here, but also because they really believe in ancestral lineage and things like this, and because that Native American side runs in the family, I think they just think, oh, that really speaks to her more. And wherever that naturalism, spirituality stuff, they've made it into a certain. [00:43:53] Speaker A: Is that how your children feel too? [00:43:56] Speaker B: You know, that's interesting. My. Speaking of Catholicism, my son has now gone from being baptized Mormon to now being in Catholicism. And I've seen him go through a couple different spiritual journeys where he's gone to different churches that have been, I would say, non conventional. [00:44:17] Speaker A: You mean like the big mega churches? [00:44:19] Speaker B: No, they were small. They were small. And I don't want to say cultish, but I don't know that he would not use that word either because there was one that was very like, oh, they entered. When I heard him speak, I just felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I felt so sick by this. [00:44:35] Speaker A: The minister. [00:44:35] Speaker B: Yes, by some of the strength of his words and conviction. I just was like, oh, okay. Really honoring where he was at. But being like this does not align with me at All. And it was very tough because that is the relationship where he really has a very strong connection to religion as his base for life, where he went through a period where he didn't have that at all. So it's like I've had to keep reorientating to who this new person is all the time, because he's constantly changing and growing. [00:45:08] Speaker A: But you're respecting him. [00:45:09] Speaker B: I'm respecting him. And I think he just, I don't know. It doesn't ask me questions or whatever. [00:45:17] Speaker A: Like my family. [00:45:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:19] Speaker A: Maybe it's don't ask, don't tell. [00:45:21] Speaker B: Right. If we don't bring up the elephant, we're all, we're all okay. But you feel it, right? You. You do feel that you're not. I mean, because. Because their faith is. If you don't. Emerald, correct me, if you're not of that faith, like, you die in what, purgatory? You're, you're outcast, you're. You're disconnected. Right. So he feels like he's going to lose his mother, which I can really appreciate, actually, because when you really believe that, you're like, if you don't convert, you're cut off to me. So you feel this pressure to. To be of their belief. [00:45:57] Speaker A: Isn't Jesus supposed to be about love? You know, isn't Jesus. This just blows my mind, you know, like, okay, you're, you're, you're. You. I love you. You're going to burn in hell, right? [00:46:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:10] Speaker A: Where's the forgiveness? Where's the love? Where's the Christian part of the Christianity? It drives me up the bloody tree. [00:46:16] Speaker B: I know, because it's like they don't. [00:46:19] Speaker A: See how hypocritical they are. [00:46:21] Speaker B: Yeah, there's. There's a lot of pieces of that that I just didn't like. There's. We, in fact, my daughters, two of them, that were actually more on the spiritual side, kind of more, I'd say, New Age, I guess, metaphysical would have crystals and, you know, a little bit more connection to me have gone to where now they're going to Bible study, they're going to church, different churches. They're exploring their spirituality, basically. But I can feel it being pulled in a different direction. And I think because of the love and relationship we have, it's very honoring and it's not hard, but it's all based on your relationship. Right. Like, if there's mutual respect, then you. [00:47:03] Speaker A: Then you can get through Thanksgiving dinner. [00:47:05] Speaker B: Yes. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's our takeaway. Where is the Respect, respect factor. Are they going to respect you? [00:47:14] Speaker A: Well, and that's, that's good to have mutual respect. I, I think there's a lot of people on the spiritual path though, who face rejection from religion. [00:47:22] Speaker B: Yes. [00:47:23] Speaker A: And that's why I'm asking, where's the forgiveness? [00:47:25] Speaker B: Right. [00:47:26] Speaker A: You know, where, where, where is that? You know, I honor my brothers and my sisters, but they don't see it. And so, you know, we gotta, we gotta like I said, control our reactions to it. But it just, from a, from just a logic standpoint, that's what baffles me. It's like you don't, you don't see what you're doing, doesn't really match the teachings of the person you say you're following. Okay. Anyway, we opened up a big can of worms here, but I think it's important because people are facing this at Thanksgiving and Christmas for sure. So let's turn it over to Amaral because he's got experience with that in his family. [00:48:06] Speaker C: Well, when I was younger, I would say that it was a lot more religious based. Meaning, like, we'd always go to like, church. We'd go to church like at least once a week, but then I would go to like church school on Sundays and all these things. And I think it was because I had my grandma, we lived in the small town. The small town was all Catholic. 100% of it was Catholic at that time anyways, so you were shone upon if you didn't do anything of the normal practices. So that was really extreme. And then once we moved to the US it became way more relaxed. Okay, she still went to church, but now it's almost like I don't even know what to call them really, because they never go to church. But I mean, they, they believe in God and they consider the sense themselves Catholic, but they don't really per se, like go to church or anything. So it's kind of like a little bit different. I have. See, for me, it's like, it's just such a. I think that there's two things that we have to mention is like your religion, I look at it as a corporation and I see your personal beliefs as your own personal beliefs. And the reason why I say that is because people get really confused nowadays. It's like you talk about something religious or whatever, and people get so offended and it's like hypocrisy at its best because of the fact that if you're really gonna stand behind your religion, then you need to stand behind the fact that how many People they've killed. To spread that religion, you have to stand behind all the raping and all the things that the religious has done. If you're really going to stand behind that, that means you agree with it. But your own beliefs are your own beliefs. So people need to learn how to disconnect one thing from the other. And even if you don't see it that way, that's totally fine. But I'm just saying how I feel about it and things that like have been taught to me. And so because of that, when I grew up, when I came out out of the closet and say I was gay, all it took was one week. For all these adults that I had, I thought I would have swore they had some sense to them. I would have swore that they knew they were great people, they were caring people. There were people that I trusted turned totally against me and just because I came out as being gay, they completely just change their demeanor and change how they saw me. So I saw firsthand the destructiveness of whatever religion, a horrible religious beliefs that has you so programmed to treat others with disrespect. So I always say if your religious beliefs aren't bringing you or aren't creating the best version of yourself, then you have no business following that or settling for that. And I did come from a very harsh, as far as I have to experience a lot of things. But thanks to that, I also build a lot of strength. So now I'm very, I consider myself a strong person because I would not fall for anyone telling me what to do because I have been there, I have done that, I have experienced it, I seen the hypocrisy. I don't resonate with that. So I can only be my true self. So yes, if I'm anywhere, I'm going to be myself. And even on these get togethers that we have as family, I just see it as what it is. It's. I'm enjoying the time of being with family, the thankfulness. We, the only thing is we say like grace, we say we're thankful for something. But I say that to my water every single day. Every single water I drink before I drink it. I think it's so. It's like it's just a practice. What do you want to make from it? Do you want to enjoy a good time with your family? Have a nice dinner, be able to value each other, respect each other. Great. Have a Thanksgiving dinner. You feel like you're really like treated bad and stuff. Don't go, you deserve better. Like just I can. I don't think none of us can tell you what to do during the holidays except for follow where you really align to and where you're respected, where you're valued, and when you're told how important you really are and how much you mean to them. [00:52:44] Speaker B: I think that you touched on some things about religion that I was that if it isn't bringing you peace and love and bringing those higher concepts and principles, then is that the particular religion that you're going to or is that an inside thing? So checking in to see how is this feeling and experiencing to me, when I think about my son, he was, I wouldn't say he was atheist, but he didn't have a faith at the time. It felt like, I mean, I'm sure he had an internal faith, but he wasn't going or expressing religious views. And then when he did, and even though, like for a part of that time we didn't talk for a year because, you know, of having negative views about what I do and how I am. So I was actually, you know, cut off for a couple years and they were having a child and it was extremely hurtful. But I had to think about it, is that, you know, he's been through a lot of trauma and if faith helped him navigate his life path, then I was like, I would rather have him have a faith and a higher power because I feel like he's going to get there on his journey as he grows and evolves. And so if you. It's not having expectations for these other people in your life to be like, oh, eventually they're going to get it. It's about acceptance of where they are. Right. [00:54:13] Speaker A: Some people, some family members never will. [00:54:15] Speaker B: Right. Some will never, ever. And that is, I can accept and love and forgive. And the more you embody those higher emotions, those higher frequencies, I think the more peace you're going to have about it. You're going to show up, bringing that love, that compassion. You're going to let them feel that feeling of, I completely accept you, even though you might not accept me and who I am. It's just for, you know, this meal or this whatever, and then you can go back to your regular life. But you gave them a dose of love and compassion that they might not see anywhere else in the world. And people do, I think, feel that and notice that it's such an interesting dynamic to play in all of these roles of, like, they have their own path to walk and you have your own. And the other thing that I was going to say is As a mother, creating my own traditions. You can create your own traditions and break away from what your family has always done. So you could be like, my. I grew up doing. Having to do all this. I hated that with my family. I'm gonna do this. So we started a new tradition around Thanksgiving was we would go around the table, and everybody would just share something that they were grateful for. Sometimes I made it, like, I would put a word underneath their plate, and then they would have to. Everybody would share a certain word. And so I try to make things fun. You get to kind of create, especially when you're, you know, maybe hosting at your own house. What kind of environment or what kind of things do you want people to take away from when you have some more of the power in your hands to do that? And in the meantime, you can just. Like I'm sitting. I love this idea. I think, Willie, throw it out. That I'm sitting at the table with the higher selves of each person. [00:56:07] Speaker A: Oh, that's good too. [00:56:08] Speaker B: Right? Like, I see them as their higher. [00:56:09] Speaker A: Selves, even if they're putting on the mask of not being there by yourselves right now. [00:56:14] Speaker B: It's like, I love this thing about you, this character you're playing right now. Isn't that interesting. But seeing the higher aspects of each person at the table and not taking it so literally and seriously. So there's lots of ways, I think, that we mentioned ways to navigate this time. [00:56:33] Speaker A: Yeah. We've just got a few minutes left, so let's try to. Try to recap what some of those were. I guess one of them was, you know, understand who's going to be there, accept them for who they are. If you can't accept them for who they are because the wound is still so strong, or if even the thought of it is still triggering you, maybe that's your chance to back out if you can. If you there and you find yourself not as composed as you thought you could be, you know, that's when you have to bring in your own special tools, which would be, for example, bringing in your higher self, getting some deep breaths. Anything you can do that helps you regulate your nervous system and not to get charged up by them, because that's once again, like. Like Amal said, your reaction to them, that's all on you. We had some. Some other ideas. Right. It was cutting ties if you have to. Yeah. If people are going to just. If the dissonance, the harmony is so off between you and certain family members, then maybe you just need to. [00:57:39] Speaker B: And I mean, energetically not cut ties so that you never see both. Oh, okay. [00:57:44] Speaker A: You might need to visit. You might need to physically cut ties as well as emotionally and spiritually cut ties. Yeah. [00:57:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:51] Speaker A: But I guess what we. We need to recognize is that we can't change them till they're ready to change. So how are we going to navigate the holidays knowing that 100%. [00:58:05] Speaker B: Like I mentioned, having a game plan. So you talked about those things. Different scenarios, redirection, you know, bringing up. Hey, I remember this time bringing up some good memories. Some good things. Like we can shift the energy in a room. [00:58:19] Speaker A: We come in, you can, you know, if you were kids, you know, bring your favorite board game when you were kids. Something to just bring back the joy that you remember. [00:58:29] Speaker B: Positive memories that you had with. [00:58:31] Speaker A: My positive memory is I'll never have a meal with that aunt again. Yay. [00:58:37] Speaker C: That's a positive. [00:58:38] Speaker B: That is a. Like, that's behind me. [00:58:43] Speaker A: I hope she reincarnated as a happier person. She's got some karma to live up to after this life. But anyway, I, I hope you guys got some. We weren't even sure we could talk an hour about this, and I think we could keep going. I hope that some of what we shared with you is helpful for you as you get go through the holidays. Maybe it's just helpful to know that other people have had tough holidays in the past and we've survived and we've forgiven and. [00:59:15] Speaker B: And you can too. Yeah, you can do this. We're with you and sending you lots of good energy and thank you so much for listening and we love you. [00:59:25] Speaker A: Have a happy holidays as best you can.