WHAT DO I CONTROL?

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by three fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self. Hi, I'm Lola Singer, and I am with my co host, Tamarl. And Pamela Brown is still on hiatus. We're hoping she'll be joining us in the future. In the meantime, maybe we should remind people what this podcast is about for people who are new. Because we started it because we were having some really good conversations, the two of us. The three of us, you with Pam, as we've been going through our ups and downs on the spiritual journey. And yes, I did say ups and downs for a reason. Because you're not crazy. If it's not all love and light and all smooth sailing on the spiritual path, you're not doing anything wrong. It's just challenges come up for us to face so we can clear things that need to be cleared and move forward. So. So once again, we just wanted to let people know when things seem like it's a little bit of a bumpy ride, that it's okay. And we're here to help you navigate those choppy waters, like we said. [00:01:27] Speaker B: Yes. And one thing that I do want to share is that with another set of friends, it's how we started talking. And all of a sudden we would get in these, like, really deep conversations about so many things, and we kept saying, we need to start a podcast. We need to start a podcast. So that's one thing I don't think I ever mentioned to Lola. So when she approached me and asked me if I would like to partake on a podcast, it seemed like it was so aligned because literally I had just been talking for so long with friends and mentioning about having a podcast, and so it just. Everything fit worked right in. So that's the best time when everything is synchronized and things kind of land easily. It's because it's intended to. [00:02:15] Speaker A: Yeah. So we are in the cabin, which is in the woods, which is our studio, and the cat is here making some noises. So just ignore that in the background because we have some things we really want to talk about today that will hopefully help you, too. [00:02:31] Speaker B: So what is the name of our episode? Lola. [00:02:33] Speaker A: Today's episode is what do I Control? What's within your control and what is not within your control on the spiritual journey. So there are things that you can react to, reactions are always under your control, and there are certain things that come up inevitably to test you and your reactions. And so we just wanted to go through a list to help you out and maybe share some experiences we encounter along the way that might relate. So. [00:03:15] Speaker B: So one of the things. Before we dive into the list, I just want to say something because I'm being nudged to say this. I think that all of us know that because the energies have been so intense, like, just so strong lately, and there's been so many shifts, it really has been bringing out a lot of emotions in us. So one of the things about. With even talking about this episode is there are certain emotions that, like, we're gonna get bothered by certain things. But it's so good to understand what's within our control and what's out of our control, because then if it's out of your control, it's almost more of a coping mechanism, and then just being able to see what things truly you have control over. Because the one thing that we really want to encourage you guys is to understand that you're never powerless. In fact, you have way more power than you possibly think you do. [00:04:10] Speaker A: Yes. Because you have the power to rebalance yourself. [00:04:14] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:04:14] Speaker A: Even when things seem like they're out of control. And, you know, that's why, you know, the cliche is the monk who can stay calm in the midst of chaos around him, you know, he's. He's learned to meditate. Amaral remembers some past lives as a monk. My tarot teacher, Eli, remembers some, and he does remember being taken to train tracks and meditating in the most uncomfortable positions at a train track. And the monk, and, you know, after hours of this excruciating pain with all these trains going by, the master says, well, how did that go for you? He goes, well, that was very difficult. He goes, yes. If you can learn to stay calm through all of that, you can stay calm through everything. [00:04:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:58] Speaker A: So those are the kind of lessons that maybe you've had in a past life, too, but now we're in a big, big, big shift where they're talking about the entire planet shifting into two different realms. So this is. This is your opportunity, if you have that kind of background in your. In your past lives, to dip into those bag of tricks, because we're going to need them now. So let's focus on what's out of your control. Now, this applies to the spiritual path, but it applies to life in General as well. So what is the number one thing that is out of your control? It's what do other people think of you? And that's one of the things that holds us back the most, because I think it goes back to the tribal cultures where if you didn't fit in with the tribe and you were exiled, you were pretty much dead. So, you know, being told you you don't fit in is. Is one of the hardest traps, I think, for us to deal with in this particular lifetime, because I think we still have those ancestral memories. [00:06:11] Speaker B: And the other thing, too, is because we built so many. So much attachment to certain things that we feel in order to. In order for you to be okay with yourself. There's a lot of things that. For example, for me, I could definitely say cultural. It was a huge. What others thought of me, because growing up Hispanic and then coming out of the closet as being gay in an early age, that really puts things in perspective of what others think of me. And at that time, yeah, it was really hurtful. And of course, I was younger, so I didn't have as many tools on my tool belt to deal with it. So it was hard, and it was hard maneuvering through it. But then I learned that within, inside of us, there's this magnet. And when. Whenever we haven't healed certain parts of us, for me, it was that coming out and me being okay with myself and fully accepting myself for who I was. Once I managed to do that and heal that part of me, then what others thought of me was never. It wasn't important anymore because it no longer resonated and no longer had a magnet attachment to something that was painful within. [00:07:34] Speaker A: Yeah. And then, you know, what others think of you is so based on their conditioning, too. And I guess that goes back to what you're saying about, you know, being gay, for example. But even I was thinking, you know, something as simple as I have, I'm gonna. I'm gonna honestly say I have a resting bitch face. And so people. Really. The first thing they're gonna think of me is, she's mean or she's unapproachable. It's just the way my face looks. It has since I was three years old. So others will. I have no control over that. They don't see the lovely, nice person that's underneath this bitch face. It's there. It's there. I know it there. I can't control it, and I can't control how people think of me. At first, because you thought I was intimidating first. Pamela thought I was intimidating at first. [00:08:24] Speaker B: Yeah. But see, the thing is, Will these. What I can say is, when I first met you, like, yeah, you were intimidating, but not because you seem like, literally like a. It was more like you just seemed very serious and very stern and set in your ways. That was why, for me, it wasn't. You never. Every time I approach you, it was never. I never thought you were mean. I just thought you were. [00:08:47] Speaker A: No, but that's just, you know, first. First impressions. I think sometimes people see that face and go, she's not smiling. Okay. One of the things we control is laughing at ourselves. And we can control that. Yeah, okay. I'm laughing with myself. Yeah, I know. I know. I know what I look like. [00:09:09] Speaker B: Hey, as long as you accept it, that's like, what matters. [00:09:12] Speaker A: The only way I can change it is plastic surgery, and I'm not doing that. Okay, but that's another example, you know, like, they see you. They see you with your makeup. It's like gay. I don't know about him. They see me, they go, oh, she's not. She doesn't have this happy demeanor, even though I'm really a nice, pleasant person. So they. You know, you can't control it. You can't control it until people get to find. Take time to meet the real you. [00:09:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:41] Speaker A: There's not much you can do about what they think of you. [00:09:44] Speaker B: That's true. But again, and it's so interesting, too. Like, can. Can you imagine that, like, as an observer, like, a true observer. Why would we ever think that we can control what people think about us? Like, that's so. [00:10:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's why people put on these false social masks. You know, I gotta fit in. I have to have the right hair. I have to have the right makeup. I have. Have the right outfit so that I fit in with the neighbors. You know, the Keeping up with the Jones mentality. [00:10:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:20] Speaker A: You know, if I don't. If I. If I don't fit in, if I stand out, I'm in danger. You know, that's an ego protection thing. I'll be an easy mark. I mean, I'm just thinking of the entire suburban dream, you know, the soccer mom with the right car and the sweater tied around her shoulders because she thinks she's supposed to wear it that way. And it's just like. Yes, I know it's a stereotype, but that's what we're going with right now. [00:10:48] Speaker B: The house with the white picket fans. [00:10:50] Speaker A: Yes. You know, this is what I'm supposed to want, because that's what we've been conditioned to believe is the American dream, you know, And I'm supposed to want to excel at my work, so I keep getting promotions. And that was the dumbest thing I always thought, because they always tried to give me promotions, but no extra money. It's like, I don't care about a title. I don't. But other people seems it. See, that's a kind of a thing that we're talking about, these perceptions of, oh, okay, I got my promotion. So I fit in, right? You know, now I'm. I've got this title. So, like, oh, yeah, it's ridiculous. Anyway. Okay, so a lot of things that are out of control are what people think of you, what they think of me, what I think of you, what you. What Amaral thinks of me. And then also along with that is what others say about you. And, you know, it's interesting, because another way we've been conditioned is that words can crush us. [00:11:54] Speaker B: Yes. [00:11:54] Speaker A: And they shouldn't, but they do. [00:11:57] Speaker B: But you know what? One thing that I've always found out is now looking at it from a different perspective. Growing up, the meanest people were the most hurt. And, you know, nobody stops and thinks about, like, oh, yeah, I'm going to really think that my bully was hurting. I'm really going to think that the girl that was so mean to me or the guy that was so mean to me was hurting. But the truth is, if you think about it in the sense of someone that is emotionally balanced has no need to be mean to others. So if you have a need to be mean to others, that's because some. There's something within you that is so off and it's not going right that you're projecting that to others. And now I can see it that way. Of course, back then, it was a whole another story. [00:12:49] Speaker A: Well, until you realize that you don't have control over that, you are going to be influenced by that, and you're also going to be influenced when they're flattering you, too. [00:13:00] Speaker B: That's true, because you're not going to. You're not going to know what to do or you're not going to accept it. How many of you guys still get a compliment and feel weird about it? Because that's clearly a sign there's some inner work to be done. I used to feel that way, too. I couldn't just say thank you. It was almost like I would question it, or I would be like, are they talking to me? [00:13:21] Speaker A: And then there's always the things like, what People say behind your back when someone tells you what somebody's been saying about you to them. [00:13:28] Speaker B: And I must have had like all sorts of crazy, crazy people around me because half of the time I would get people that they would say someone has said something about me on my back. And then it turned out it wasn't even true. That's like, true. [00:13:43] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Manipulation. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Manipulation. And it's just crazy because there's everything, of course, and we approach everything as we grow. But yeah, it just gets really crazy because the more it's almost like the more you feed it, the more you fall for it, the more it really hurts you, the more you're really offended by it, the more you'll see it. And this is the part that's really interesting that we want you guys to pay attention to. So remember how we said before in other episodes, what we pay attention to is the energy we're sending out, whether it's good or bad. The universe, God, whatever you want to call it, source, it doesn't see a difference between it's good or bad. It just sees the energy you're sending now and it brings. They're like, oh, they really like to feel this way. [00:14:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, let's say someone's envious of you. [00:14:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:36] Speaker A: You know, and so the universe is going to hear, oh, she likes envy. Let's send her more envy. [00:14:40] Speaker B: Exactly. She likes to have others say things about her. So let's send her this. So it's always so interesting to me because I see it all the time on social media. People flat out, I guess they're trying to let it out, which I give them that much credit. But then you're typing it and you're putting so much passion into what somebody said about you or how upset you are about what someone said about you. And I'm just like, oh, I hope they're like, want to experience that a lot because they're really putting it out there. [00:15:12] Speaker A: Yeah. It's interesting because while we're talking, I'm thinking of my tarot teacher, Eli, and he likes to teach by being very direct. So sometimes it feels like you're being poked, but that works for me because I need to get poked to really make myself self examine myself and change. So it works for me. And what he said before is like, I don't care if people love me, I don't care if they hate me. I just care that they're learning. And it's like, wow, that, that's, that's the way to approach what others say about you or what others think of you. It's like, you know, it's, it's, it's no difference to me if they love me or hate me, as long as I'm presenting information they can use to grow. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Yeah, it's interesting, especially nowadays, anyone that's being positive, people are like, oh yeah, they're just faking it. Oh, they're so this and they're so that. But what truly is, what if somebody understands that what they send out is what they're receiving and they finally like, well, if I have a choice and what type of life experiences I want to live, why wouldn't I choose the good experiences instead of the crazy ones? [00:16:28] Speaker A: Well, that's all those tenets of pretty much every religion or philosophy is like, do unto others as you would have others do unto you. And yeah, that, well, you know, and we're, we're pointing at ourselves because we've had lives where in our younger days we fell into these traps. So I've been judgmental and self righteous. So. But you know, ultimately I don't think others really did care what I thought of them. But now that I think about it, I don't think they cared. [00:16:59] Speaker B: Well, that means that you probably didn't talk to a lot of people for them to, for you to be able to fully talk about others and spread to others because when you keep too much to yourself, you're not really going to talk with a lot of people. [00:17:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I didn't really, I don't think, because I kept my circle of friends small, I'd rather go for quality than. [00:17:18] Speaker B: Quantity and I didn't know any better. And I was, I talked to everyone, including the people that hated me. And I wasn't aware because me being like, oh yeah, I just have to incorporate others and blah, blah, blah, blah blah. And then next thing you know it was just chaos. And I kind of served myself in a silver platter for that. In a way at that point, like you probably were doing a lot better than me. [00:17:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I think I had more intuition and discernment than you did. So I think a good example is. Yeah, like, like I had a friend in high school and then she all of a sudden became friends with someone I could see was very, very phony and manipulative. And I could tell it wasn't going to be worth it to say any. So you have to let them find out for themselves. There was a drama and there was a big falling out and she finally saw through her and it's like. It is, yeah. What do you do? Because when somebody. This goes to what others think about you, what others say. Even if I told her at the time, and this is not in my spiritual days, even if I told her what I suspect about this third party, she would, she wouldn't been open to hearing it anyway. [00:18:30] Speaker B: And just to keep it. Also things to perspective too, we're sharing stories of back in the day, before we were even spiritual. Because I mean, nowadays, like, I'm like, yeah, you wouldn't really pass any of them by me because I would be like, now I have very few friends, very few close friends that I trust. And when I do meet someone that I know, like their frequency is way off, I will still talk to them. Because part of being in public, you're going to get approached by anyone, but that doesn't mean you have to include everyone in your close circle. You have to trust everyone you'll get. The more you practice with your discernment, you'll understand the difference between someone truly being honest to you and someone that is not. [00:19:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. So I think we've kind of talked about this to the point where I think people probably understand where we came from and what we're trying to share with them. And this goes hand in hand. Another thing that you do not have any control over is what people believe about you or how they perceive you. So that goes back to my, my, my demeanor, for example. And I think in the spiritual path, that is a big trap, one to watch out for. Because I think a lot of people believe and perceive certain spiritual teachers or people who are prominent on social media to be better than them. No more than them. And they tend to aggrandize them. [00:20:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:04] Speaker A: So that, that you can't control how other people are perceiving. But you can catch yourself when you're realizing, oh, oh, I've been putting somebody on a pedestal. So you can't change those beliefs you may have had, but you can shift them. I guess that's why I'm saying it's out of your control what other people believe about you. I think the people who are the spiritual teachers hopefully don't have big egos. And so they're like, I'm not really trying to. To put. Have you put me on a pedestal? I'm just trying to point you in a direction. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Well, and what's really interesting about that is that the perception of others when they first meet you is really interesting because it is really based on. [00:20:51] Speaker A: It usually looks. [00:20:52] Speaker B: Yeah. And what they've gone through or what they've Experienced themselves, too. I had a really funny, interesting story this last weekend. On Saturday, I did a cacao ceremony. And so we supposed to be sharing, like, about ourselves and a little bit of our intention before we actually did the cacao. And I talked, like, about myself and stuff. But keep in mind that once you're really kind of moving to that part where you know what you want to work with and stuff, it may seem a little bit fluffy, per se, because you've already dealt with a lot of heaviness right now. That doesn't mean that you haven't dealt with the heaviness. It just means that you're going. You're shifting into different things that you're covering. Well, the girl that was next to me, that came after me, she literally just says, well, not everything's love and life and the spiritual growth and turns to me. And I was like, thinking, like, I really hope she doesn't think that I'm trying to imply that everything's love and light. I'm just, like, doing my thing. But nonetheless, that's not the place for judgment either. But I was like, okay, sure, because it doesn't bother me. I almost, like, giggled a little bit because I was, like, thinking, like, maybe I should tell her that we have a podcast so she knows really what we've been covering and stuff. But nonetheless, I have no control a person's perception of me and what they think of me. I really wish I could say that I care nowadays, but I really don't, because that's gonna be theirs. That you're not gonna change that. What you need to allow yourself to do is just continue to be yourself. And I have had so many people that have come up to me that have said, I thought you were this way, and then now I got to know you, and I understand that you're not. So I wanted to apologize. And what's really funny is they never even said anything mean to me. So I was like, okay, I guess you can apologize. But I mean, nonetheless, I've never really felt any animosity against. And you're never going to make everyone happy. That's the other thing, too. Even if you are in a spiritual community, there might be people that you might not be their favorite, and that's okay. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:23:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:02] Speaker A: I know I've been the brunt of some people. I would have been their favorites because I think maybe because I'm just so straightforward about what I say, I don't usually approach things from the little soft hippie tippy, you know? So, yeah, I get that completely. Now the next thing we saw on this list, this is taken from a meme that we saw about what's in your control and what's not in your control is the past. Yeah, you can't. Well, this could go into a big metaphysical discussion. I mean, you can control how you, how you perceive the past, but you can't change the past itself. So I guess you can go back and say like, I couldn't change what happened with my friend who got duped by that girl who was phony with her. But we can change how we look at the past, can't we? So the past itself is, they're saying, is not in our control. [00:24:10] Speaker B: So the past is set, but you can definitely heal your wounds from it. [00:24:14] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:14] Speaker B: I think it's what they're trying to say that's out of your control. Like the events that happen are out of your control because they're already set, they already happen. Now your outlook on those events or whether still affecting you, that's what you can control. Because if it's really bothering you and it's been something you've been holding on to, it's time to heal. I love that saying. I can't. Of course, I can never remember the saying that says something like, it's not your response. Your past is not. You can't change your past, but it is certainly your responsibility to heal it. I like that saying. At least I took that one very to my heart and that's what I've been doing. [00:24:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I guess that's why I was kind of thinking when I saw this on the list, it's like, yeah, you can't control the past, but you can control how you react to the past. So there's something good to be said about that. [00:25:06] Speaker B: Yep. [00:25:09] Speaker A: And then on the list also is the future. And you can control the future by setting intention on what you want to manifest. So I'm not sure I'm fully buying into this one. [00:25:23] Speaker B: So I think the only person you can truly you can control is yourself. But you definitely can plant seeds for your own future. But maybe what it's trying to say is the future as a whole, meaning like, like our goal here. Earth is a school, so we're here to maneuver and go through situations that maybe they're not the most pleasant, but still keep it balanced. So maybe the future that we can't control, it's what's going to happen in a broad perspective. But you can certainly plant seeds for yourself and what future you're going to be Experiencing, but that may not be so much the future events that are going to be happening. [00:26:10] Speaker A: Yes. Because there's such a thing as destiny and there's also the human collective. [00:26:14] Speaker B: Yes. [00:26:15] Speaker A: So I guess you can influence the future you can't control. [00:26:19] Speaker B: Exactly. In the influence part, it's huge because that's how you maneuver and how. For example, one of the things that we are all going through during these times is really, we have things that could, like, if you really focus on that, it would seem like such a chaotic world, but whatever. But if you go inward, which is kind of what we've been asked to do, and I feel like spiritual people were kind of born to live through these times because of the fact that when we went inward, when we're trying to find our own inner peace, what we didn't know is that that was the preparation for the chaos that was coming. Well, actually we knew to a certain extent, but. [00:27:00] Speaker A: Well, we knew it. A subconscious. We had to remember. [00:27:03] Speaker B: We just had our life missions. [00:27:05] Speaker A: And our life missions, I think for a lot of us is to stay as calm and centered as possible while the collective does shift. [00:27:13] Speaker B: And keep in mind too about the collective, because this one has been coming up a lot, and I just want to mention it, the collective has shifted. There is definitely a collective that is staying. A group of people that are staying, meaning they're not moving from 3D mentality, which they're. That means that they're honoring the chaos. They're seeing the chaos is. That's what their life is. And they're gonna stay in that because they are choosing. We all have free will in those. They're working on themselves. And those are moving past those chaotic. They're switching more into a five dimensional collective, which means working Thor's some way along the ways, or simply doing their inner work to move to be in a better state of mind. [00:28:04] Speaker A: Yeah. So I guess what we're getting as we go through these lists is that yes, we can't control certain aspects, but we can control how we react to certain things or what we. Shifting our expectations, things like that. So we are going to go. We are going to talk about things in our control, but we're kind of diving ahead into that already. But I think that's good because we don't want people to think that everything's out of their control. [00:28:30] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:28:31] Speaker A: So there's like certain things that are destined to happen. Like you've set the parameters up for it to happen. Like for example, a lot of people in the metaphysical community, me included, Believe that we picked our zodiac sign before we were born so we could learn the lessons of that zodiac sign. But then what you do within the parameters of you being a Scorpio and me being a Gemini is up to us. [00:28:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:53] Speaker A: So we can't change the fact that you were born in November and I was born in May, but we can work within that. So let's move on to another thing on the list of what you can't control. And that's external situations that happen around us. And that goes perfectly with what's going on geopolitically right now. Okay. We can control how we react to these situations, but are we in a situation to control the high level government decisions that are being made? Whether you like them or not, they're being made. Right. And the things that happen around us, could we control that? People were going nuts for toilet paper a couple years ago, you know, could. [00:29:38] Speaker B: We control the fear mentality that's spreading because of people that are really tuning into those programs? No, like that's something that's playing out that we kind of don't have control over. [00:29:50] Speaker A: So if you think about this being a video game, because a lot of people, me included, are really starting to see this as a simulation. And we signed up as master video game players. We said, we don't want the easy ride. I've already done the beginning levels, give me the master's level. So now here we are, you included in the audience, whether you know it or not, as master level players. So it's like, give. So when we wanted these parameters, set me up for a time of big turmoil on earth, Set me up for a time where there's challenges politically, where there's challenges financially, where there's challenges emotionally, everything just throw the book at me because I want to play the game and I want to play it hard. Okay? So once again, that's why we're saying the external situations might not be changeable. But how you, if you think of video game, let's say there's a villain, okay. Right now I'm sure many of you can think of one villain on earth, right? So you're in the Earth game. There's a guy that's acting like a villain. Okay. You want a good villain in your game, don't you? [00:30:58] Speaker B: Well, yeah. You want a credible one. [00:31:00] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. So then, now how do you, how do you, how do you outsmart the villain so you can't control that? The villains there, the parameters been set up, the villains doing what villains do. But how are you going to and hopefully the collective outsmart the villain. Does that make sense, what I'm saying? [00:31:21] Speaker B: Mm. [00:31:21] Speaker A: Am I getting too metaphysical? [00:31:22] Speaker B: No, I don't think so. I was gonna add a little bit after you were done. Go for it. [00:31:26] Speaker A: Because I'm not sure I went down the rabbit hole here. [00:31:28] Speaker B: Okay, so the reason why the simulation such a. Such a hard thing to understand for me, at first it was hard to understand. Right. The whole, like, oh, it's like playing in a video game and you're like, you're pretty much the main character of the video game. The reason why we say you're the main character of the video game is because is your outlook and how you react to it. That's gonna make the diff the biggest changes of your life and where it's heading, what you're focusing on and what you're focusing on. My thing on how I started seeing it as a simulation was when I really started to heal some past lifetimes. And then it turns out, surprise, surprise, the character that's playing your mother role was once upon a time your sister, once upon a time your uncle. There's all these different stories that they played out, kind of like playing in the movie. And so once you realize. Not that now, to be clear, that doesn't mean you love them any less. You're still going to love them for who they are, and you have a. [00:32:29] Speaker A: Different personality in this lifetime and different connection to them. So, yeah, there'll be love there. Yeah. [00:32:36] Speaker B: But it makes it easier once you start really healing, to understand what a simulation means, because you realize that more than likely, the people that are really close to you, they're a group of people, really, that you've been traveling through many lifetimes and helping each other. And, you know, the craziest thing for me to understand was that the villains are the people that love you the most because they signed up to be that villain character in your lifetime for you to really learn what you need to learn. Because off of good things, we learn things, but we usually take things for granted. But off of crazy situations we go through, that's where we really, truly experience growth. [00:33:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So I'd like to backtrack just a little bit for people who may be new to the spiritual path. So what he's talking about is soul family. So you. There's. There's soul mates and there's soul family. Soul family is your entire group from your soul that you have friends on the other side. Basically, energetically, they're friends. You like each other, you want to support Each other. So when you decide you're going to incarnate into this video game as a baby, sometimes those friends want to incarnate with you and say, okay, at some point. Like let's say at some point we're going to meet in college and I'm going to break your heart, you know, or we're going to meet in a workplace down the road 30 years later and I'm going to screw you over for a promotion. Promotion. Or, you know, whatever. Whatever. You're setting up these. [00:34:16] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:34:17] Speaker A: And even worse things. Yeah. But also really great things too. You know, learning love from you, learning self respect from you, learning all these lessons. Right. And then there's also going to be team members who stay on the other side of the mirror who are guiding you. That's still your soul family, you know? So those are going to be your spirit guides. Right. [00:34:37] Speaker B: And isn't it so fascinating to think of, like, maybe the guy that was the biggest jerk that you dated that broke your heart was the guy that also showed you how to start valuing yourself and not giving yourself so easily. So it's like that shift into looking at things from a broader perspective and being able to truly see yourself as living in a simulation where you're. You're here to learn your lessons. You're not just here to live. [00:35:10] Speaker A: Yeah. And then going back to the video game analogy, kind of like the team on the other side of the mirror, it's like, let's say you're. It's like they're trying to give you the cheat codes. They're trying to help you give you the cheat codes for the video game. [00:35:26] Speaker B: Yep. [00:35:27] Speaker A: So I hope that analogy is helpful. [00:35:30] Speaker B: So. [00:35:30] Speaker A: Yeah. So we've set up external situations just like a video game. And then how do we. The lessons we learned are how do. How did we react in those situations? What did we learn from those situations? How did we grow from those situations? So that goes really well with the last one on the list, which is other people's motives, because maybe their motives toward you were part of this game and you didn't know it the whole time. [00:35:53] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, and then. Is that the one you have? Because I have. For last one. I have how others feel. [00:36:00] Speaker A: Apparently. I don't care how others feel because I didn't write it down. Okay. [00:36:06] Speaker B: So another thing that's out of your control is how others feel. This one's huge on me. Like how I grew up was. It's really big because when you grow up in a certain way, you are taught because of religious programming that you have to be a hero. I mean, you're expecting someone to save you. So yes, the save mentality just plays out in every single one of your relations. So you're going to be wanting to save others. You're gonna, if somebody feels bad automatically you're gonna be guilt tripped into dropping everything and doing something for them, otherwise you're a bad person. Well, and not that I'm saying doing things for others is a bad thing because I mean as long as your cup is full, you're able to give to others or help others. But if you're prioritying others feelings over your own, you're gonna be hurt a lot. And that is me speaking from my experience. That's one of the things that really like, I mean to put it in perspective, I was kind of like the carpet for everyone to stand on for so long because I was the one that was always patching things up. If friends got in a fight, which was none of my business, I was the one that if a friend was truly suffering, I would do anything I can to help that friend out. Even if they didn't appreciate it and backstabbed me at the end. It was just those scenarios. And the thing about it is like, I mean we're talking about like if you in this again is sending the same energy out, every single best friend I've ever had had betrayed me. And we're talking about betrayal is like full on betrayal from like trying to may my significant other cheat with them or it's just crazy things like that. But I dwell so much on it that I kept repeating because apparently I wasn't learning that lesson. And as we grow, we learn to forgive ourselves and we learn to forgive those because the thing about forgiveness is not for them, it's for you. It's for you to have peace. But how others sometimes feel can be really extreme as far as how they judge you or how you think you're being perceived. Whenever you allow anyone other other people's feelings to be more important than you, that's usually when things can really go south. [00:38:53] Speaker A: And I actually do feel other people very deeply because I'm a super empath. So I can feel when people are upset or sad. And so there have to be some personal boundaries because sometimes if you intervene with someone, they're not learning the lesson, they're coming here to learn. So you can be empathic and you can care about them, but you can't control their feelings. But you can, you know, like offer them. Do you need a Hug, you know, if you get permission, you know, to assist, you know, or you have a kind of a rough day, let them talk it out, you know, but to, but to get engrossed in their feelings, I think is what you're saying. It doesn't really benefit you because it's not a proper boundary. [00:39:42] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:39:44] Speaker A: You can care, but once again, you have to have permission to assist. And sometimes people want to just be left alone. [00:39:57] Speaker B: You can have sympathy and you can have empathy, but at the same time, it's just no one can tell you where you're at with your own feelings. And if you're not feeling that great or you feel like you're pretty drained, you trying to do things for others, it's only going to drain you more. That's where the boundaries need to be set. From you, not from anyone else, because nobody else is going to do that for you. [00:40:29] Speaker A: And I think this is a good segue into what you can control. Okay, so we've covered some things that according to this meme, you cannot control. Okay, so what's the first thing on your list of what you can control? What do you. What's the first thing you want to talk about? [00:40:44] Speaker B: My positive attitude. [00:40:46] Speaker A: Yes. [00:40:47] Speaker B: And here's the thing about positive attitude is I change it to is like a good outlook in life because again, we sent things energy out. So if we don't have a positive outlook or a good outlook in our own lives, then how do we expect to be living a joyous life or a happy life? Not that we know there's balance and we know that it can't be happy all the time, but I think a positive attitude can really shift things for people because same as like a negative attitude you have the contrary, the negative attitude can definitely change things. And a positive attitude, it's almost like you're always surprised with because you're bringing in that energy of like just feeling good. So good things are going to be following that energy. [00:41:40] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's all about manifesting. You know, if you, if, if you have your intention and your emotions, that's what sets, set your future into motion. And I guess what we're trying to say here too is, is it's not a positive attitude that feels phony or fake. [00:41:58] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:41:59] Speaker A: But for example, you could say, wow, things seem really rough right now, but I know it's going to get better. Or you could say, I know there's a lesson to learn from all of this that's a positive. Right. So you learn to look at things a little differently. Even when they seem to be going a little askew. And then also you're very grateful when things are going well. So that's another way with the positive attitude, you know, oh, things are looking really good for me now. I feel good. I feel balanced. I'm so grateful I'm in this position because we know that something's going to happen ultimately to challenge us. So enjoy the times when you are feeling very good and very balanced. [00:42:41] Speaker B: Same as you can also use a positive outlook. Like, for example, let's say you are going through a situation where it's not the greatest for you. You can ask your spirit team, can I have it be shown another way or what can I do to not get so involved into this situation? Just, these are just shifts that you can do to go in more of a positive. More in a solution based. [00:43:08] Speaker A: Yeah. And type things. Podcasts about meditation and affirmations. [00:43:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:16] Speaker A: Listening to frequency music, doing art. [00:43:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Stretching, getting out in nature. There's all kinds of things you can do to shift yourself into a more positive attitude. That doesn't mean you have to be running around like you're the happiest person in the world. It just shift you to the neck level. Frequency. [00:43:34] Speaker B: All right, so let's go into the next one. The next one is my inner peace. [00:43:41] Speaker A: Well, that kind of goes with what we were just talking about, isn't it? And the boundaries apply here, too. Part of your inner peace is knowing when you like you're saying you're feeling drained. So I need to step away and do something for me. Yeah, I have to find my own inner peace. If I'm ever going to help anybody else, I have to have my own inner peace first. Right. So what are some things that you do to help you find your own inner peace? [00:44:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I like to. Well, I like to first relax and acknowledge the fact that if I'm not feeling peaceful, that something is happening within me. And then from that point on, I usually go within. I like to journal, I like to meditate. I like to even take a nap sometimes. Sometimes it's just a matter of you just need something, some rest in. I like to take ownership of realizing that your inner peace, you do have to prioritize that in your life because especially like during these times. I posted this thing the other day about just shutting down the news, shutting off the news because obviously that's not going to bring you like any peace, like taking your power back. And somebody was like, well, I have to speak my truth and I have to. And so I just Commented back, well, is that choosing your piece? Because, I mean, that's really what it comes down to. Like, you can you. At the end of the day, you can choose whatever excuse you can say, oh, it's because I'm choosing this or I'm choosing that. But at the end of the day, you have to answer for yourself. Is that creating peace in my life? And if it's not, then I would look a little bit deeper or change things up if it's really not creating that peace, that inner peace you should be having in your life. [00:45:36] Speaker A: And one of the quickest ways for me to get rebalanced into my inner peace is deep breaths. So you breathe in three times, but you breathe in maybe for three seconds, and then breathe out longer for six seconds. Breathe in for three, breathe out for six, breathe in for three, breathe out to six, because that's gonna get you calmed down physically, help you get toward. What is your next step for inner peace, Whether it's meditating or drawing or journaling, Right? [00:46:05] Speaker B: Yep. [00:46:06] Speaker A: The gratitude to five things I'm grateful for. Just look around your. Your room or your office and go, hey, I'm grateful for that color. That color is gorgeous. I'm glad it. You know, I'm in a bunch of gray cubicles and look at that color. It's wonderful. So, you know, start looking for things. And if you can't think of anything else, thank your body. Yeah, think the fact. Oh, great, I have thumbs. [00:46:29] Speaker B: I woke up alive this morning. [00:46:32] Speaker A: Yes. So you do have control over your inner peace, even though at times of turmoil, it's easy to forget you do. Another one that's is on the list is how you can control your productivity. So you control what you do and what you don't do. So I think that's going to be particularly helpful for the earth signs in our lives. The Capricorns and the Virgos. I'm missing one. Sorry. Taurus. Because they like to be productive. So that's very. But even for me, someone who likes to procrastinate, it does feel good to be productive. Like when you. You look at the dishes and go, oh, my gosh, the fairies did not come and do the dishes overnight. I guess I'm gonna do it. It feels good to finally tackle them, you know, even something as simple as that. So you are in charge of what, checking things off your own little list? Yeah, because nobody else knows you've got that list. [00:47:37] Speaker B: Right? Exactly. Well, in your productivity is so like, we each have our own things that we know we need to Cater to. But yes, it. It. First, it may seem like a hassle, like, ugh, I have to take care of this. But then once you get done with it, you're like Lola was saying, like, you get so much comfortable. You're so much happier. You're so much more like, oh, I finally did it. It's out of the way. Now I don't have to worry about it. [00:48:00] Speaker A: Yeah. So I can see. You know, as much as I'm wishing the fairies could come, it's all in my control. Yep, there's a big one. You control your relationship with friends and family. I think, Emeril, you can really talk on that one. [00:48:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yes. So my. My sole mission, per se, that I came for this earth, is to find my inner power. So one of the things that I've learned, especially learned as far as a lesson, is that growing up, because of certain ways that I was seeing the world, and yes, in a way, I was victimizing myself. I was giving my power to everybody else. So it really had a harsh whiplash as far as just how my relationships were with friends, with family, with bosses, with relationships. They were all chaotic. And the thing is, for so long, they went on and I kept saying, what is going on? There's got to be a better way to live life. There's gotta be better life experiences. And what is funny now wasn't funny then that I realized this. I was my own villain. You guys, this is the craziest thing, because this is what true healing is. True healing is going in, seeing the situation, holding yourself accountable in order to heal, by saying to yourself, what energy am I throwing out there? What is it that I'm doing that I keep repeating these destructive, abusive relationships in my life? And that's when I realized that, first, I had no boundaries. Second, I had no self love or self worth. Those were the main things that I came to master during this lifetime. So then when I went inward, there was a lot of pain. And the thing about that pain was a lot of self sabotaging. So when people say self sabotage, I kind of giggle a little bit. Not because I think it's funny, but because I know what they totally mean. Because I can relate to that and I wouldn't change a thing. But one thing that I do have to, like, point out, make it like, highlight, just really bring it out, is your relationships with people. If you are feeling drained all the time, if you're feeling like you're the one that says yes or that all the time, if you're the One that has to adjust so that someone can be okay. In any kind of relationship you have in your life, there's a need for boundaries. And don't do what I did where you burn yourself down completely in order to heal. You can definitely start changing your boundaries at any point, because this is one of the things you have control over. [00:51:15] Speaker A: Yeah. And you can also start to see how you. You're enmeshing or enabling people and decide, oh, is this really how I want to be? Am I really helping this person? [00:51:27] Speaker B: Yep. [00:51:27] Speaker A: The other thing you do have control of is cutting people off if you have to. [00:51:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:32] Speaker A: So I know that's a harsh one, but there are people on the spiritual path where a partner is growing so fast spiritually, and the other is choosing not to, and eventually they drift away. Oh, sorry, I just hit my coffee cup with my ring. But I've seen that a lot on the spiritual path. So there's a point where you go, okay, I need to establish boundaries. I can enjoy really good friendships with the people who respect my boundaries. Friends, family members. And then I have to look at, am I really helping people? Am I not helping them by fostering behaviors maybe that are not benefiting them? Or also, is there a point where I have to say, we've drifted away enough? I just. It's. The differences are, at this point, so great that, yeah, I'll come to the birthday parties if you invite me, but hanging out every weekend on Saturdays, not anymore. You know, it's. It's all. It is. It is in your control, how you. [00:52:36] Speaker B: React with this one. I have, like, a golden rule now that I apply all the time and is, if I'm trying to help someone, you have to ask yourself, am I enabling them or am I actually helping them? And then you have to bring it broader and say, on their journey, if I'm trying to help. If I'm trying to help this person, what I'm doing for them or what I think that I'm trying to help. [00:53:04] Speaker A: Them with that they want you to. [00:53:06] Speaker B: Do, or they want you to do. Is this gonna help them on their journey? And if it's not, guess what? You are enabling them. [00:53:15] Speaker A: Yeah. So you've got more control than you probably realized under those circumstances. [00:53:20] Speaker B: Yes. [00:53:21] Speaker A: So another one on the list is what you eat and how you stay healthy. So we talked about meditation and things for, like, spiritually, emotionally, mentally helping you stay healthy. But I know as you go through the spiritual journey, I think most of us end up shifting our diets. We want to. We start wanting to care for this vehicle. [00:53:40] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:41] Speaker A: So like I have really great breakfast now. You know, I always have turmeric and red cayenne pepper on my eggs because that combination is really good for you, you know. And the Celtic salt and the. And yes, I said eggs. I eat eggs. They're good for the colostrum in the brain. I don't care what the government's trying to tell you. So yeah, I think that when you start to learn to love yourself, you start want to take care of this body more. [00:54:10] Speaker B: And not only that, but it's really interesting how our bodies change in such a way where your body will also tell you if it's eaten something that it's no longer aligned with. If it's something too like lower quality and it's not that great for you, you'll automatically start getting sick from it. So your body too will start telling you things like that. But I want to bring it even broader too as far as like, so what you eat has to do with what you're feeding yourself. Right. So what are we feeding our brains too? So like think about. So if you're watching the news all the time, what you're feeding is you're feeding some sort of fear or anxiety to it. If you're watching scary movies all the time, you're consciously like feeding that. That survival type way of thinking in. Do you have the freedom to do these things? However, just be aware and acknowledge that what you're going to be bringing in because of choosing that is also how it's going to be playing out in your life. And we all have free will. And that's why it's so important now to practice it more than ever. Because now it's really what we're. It's almost like the old word was control. The new word is balance. Would you say that? [00:55:39] Speaker A: And cooperation. [00:55:40] Speaker B: And cooperation. In this episode, we really wanted to get it out there because we know that there's. This is during those times that everything just so it seems to be going everywhere. But the only true way to look at it is going within and seeing how you can change things or how it's affecting you so that you can make better decisions from it. [00:56:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Because every time you do something to balance yourself out, you actually are helping the entire human collective. [00:56:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:15] Speaker A: So the more that we can start focusing on how can it. How can I be more cooperative? How can I keep my emotions positive? How can I work within my family system in ways that are helpful? How can I change my procrastination to productivity all these things that make you feel more balanced and centered are going to help the collective. So that's why we're bringing this up, too. You are much more powerful than you probably realize. And we need you. We, humanity needs you to start recognizing I am in control of this. I am in control of my positive attitude. I am in control of my inner peace. I am in control of what I eat and how I'm treating my body. So that's what this episode's about. Recognizing what you can change, what the parameters that you're working under that cannot be changed, but how you can shift and change and adjust to them. Any last minute comments here? [00:57:25] Speaker B: I just want to say, I know that a lot. There's a lot of you feeling powerless, but this episode specifically intended for us to point out where you do have your power. You do have power to shift things for you, to create a better life for you, a better outlook on your life. And just because others may not be doing it, this includes close people like relatives, doesn't mean that you cannot be the change. You already decided to be the change by being the one that you decided to heal from your family. So thank you so much for listening. Please share, because this one, I think, could really relate to lots of people. [00:58:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Even if you're not on the spiritual path, a lot of this is. [00:58:15] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:58:16] Speaker A: So thanks for listening and thank you for trusting us. [00:58:23] Speaker B: Yes. [00:58:23] Speaker A: Bye.