Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Welcome to Woowooville, the next stop on your spiritual journey, hosted by three fellow travelers who found a soul connection on the path to higher consciousness. Our goal is to help you navigate the choppy waters you're likely to encounter on the spiritual path by sharing our experiences with you each week. Join us as we spill the tea on what it's like to wake up to your authentic self.
Hi, I am Lola, and I'm here with Amaral. And our friend Pamela, co host, is still on sabbatical. So you got the two of us today, and there's been a lot of energy being pushed over the last week. We're both kind of tired because we've had some big, big spiritual life lessons and shifts, and our bodies are catching up to the changes.
[00:00:55] Speaker B: Yep. So.
[00:00:56] Speaker A: So we thought it might be a good time to address what it's like when you have changes in your life due to spirituality. That's what this broadcast is about. The podcast we started because we're friends, Ameril and I and Pamela and I, or Ameril and Pamela, we would have discussions with each other about how we're feeling and how we've shifted, and oh, my gosh, isn't the energy just amazing today? It's beautiful and high. Or it's like, oh, my gosh, I'm wiped out. And we'd go into these big, deep philosophical discussions about what's going on, and we thought, well, this is too good not to share with other people, especially the things we wish we knew early on in the journey. Right.
Because the spiritual path is a bumpy road at times.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: Sure can be.
So, Lola, what is the name of today's episode?
[00:01:52] Speaker A: I forgot. No, I'm just teasing you.
Sorry. I just wanted to see how he reacted here. It's about how your values shift during the spiritual journey. So we're calling it something simple, Shifting Values. And the reason this came up is because I think there's certain ones that as you go deeper and deeper and deeper on this journey of spirituality, and like we like to say, becoming the more authentic you understanding your connection to all that is from a divine level and from a human level. Right.
I think there seems that. Seem themes, not things and themes. I couldn't decide which word to say. Themes which come up for both of us, and I imagine they do for other people, too.
So anything you want to add to that?
[00:02:48] Speaker B: I just want to first start out with the meaning of values.
So off of a Google search. Values are fundamental beliefs and principles that guide our actions, decisions, and behavior, shaping what we consider important and desirable.
Now, the reason why I feel that at least I can only speak for myself, but I want to share with you guys is that values really do change. Because when you grow up in a society, what you're programmed to function pretty much the same way and kind of frown upon when you want to be yourself.
When you come into spirituality, you've realized that those, even though you were brought up under those values, that you have to shift them out because they're no longer you and they're no longer are going to be resonating with you. Because some of those are really just control systems to get you to think a certain way. And, you know, one of the things is going back into the very beginning, I remember getting triggered about certain things because even though they were like my programming my values at the time when somebody spiritual would say something, they just. It seemed like it wasn't really connecting with me. It wasn't resonating with me. It would kind of trigger me. So. And the reason why I'm bringing this up is because I think part of our growth is to look at ourselves like we're looking at a mirror. And seeing what's triggering us is not that it's trying to victimize us, it's showing us where some of the work can be done. So if something is bothering of something, if someone that. If someone is saying something that is bothering me, I'm going to get my words right. Geez, then that has nothing to do with that person. It has to do more with you. Obviously there's exceptions to that role. Like, meaning if somebody is directly, like going at you and offending you, of course it's like it's gonna trigger you because it's gonna upset you. But what we're talking about is just a normal conversation. If some, anyone that is speaking, whatever comes out of their mouth, if it's triggering you, it's more about looking within yourself rather than the other person's fault. Wouldn't you say that, Lola?
[00:05:09] Speaker A: Yeah. And it goes really deep when it comes to spirituality because so many parts of you, you do your shadow work and you drop parts of who you thought you used to be. So you establish a new set of values. But that doesn't mean it's easy because at first there's going to be cognitive dissonance.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:30] Speaker A: Especially for extreme values you've been holding on to all your life.
And I think the primary one for you that I witnessed was your upbringing as far as Catholicism. So when you're. And I was raised to go to church school twice a week. But I kind of treated it like, okay, this is not something I'm fully engaged in. I'll do it so that my mom feeds me, basically doesn't kick me out of the house.
But I always had a bit of a jaded eye toward it. At least once you get to an older age and you're going to church school and you're going, I don't know.
But it's very hard to.
Well, I'm just going to use the word that the guides are giving you.
When you've been exposed to dogma, it becomes so ingrained in you, and it starts at an early age, like three years, four years, when we started our church school. And I assume you did too, that one of the biggies is that God is outside of you. It's external. There's a man in the clouds who sitting in judgment of you, telling you you're worthy or unworthy.
And on the spiritual path, you start to learn that you have always been connected to divine intellectual energy. It's not outside of you, it's outside, inside, within, without.
You've always been a part of it. A spark. I love when they say a spark of the divine. I love that term. So I think that's one of the biggest values shifts for a lot of people is if you've been raised in a very strict religious background, Oftentimes you've been taught that you're small, God is big, and God's outside of you.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Yep. Well, and also like to bring that to perspective, yesterday I was just having this conversation that just kind of came up and it's in my head right now and I want to share. So think of what's outside of you that has been trying to control you. So we have politics, we have television, we have the news, the media, we have social media, we have business standards. Business standards. We have the government in general, everything exterior, outside of you. And yet you can validate that all those things don't have the best interest and are trying to get you to confirm, to conform to what they want you to think, believe, act, do. So then why would you think that all of a sudden God is any different as far as really seeing the feeling, the connection with him? I remember when I grew up, I grew up in Catholic religion, and I remember everything they used to say. It just didn't make sense because I'm like, how is it that on one hand you're telling me this is a loving, forgiving God, and on the other one, I will never Be good enough or did sins play out and all of a sudden, if I'm not worthy, I'm not going to heaven. But then I realized, well, in order to keep you thinking in a certain way, wouldn't it be like if the, if the religious program, if it didn't fall behind guilt to make you feel guilty, would you really stay? If you really had the freedom to choose, the freedom to be, would you really want to confirm to something that is creating fear within you to actually stay instead of just stepping away from it? The answer would probably be no.
So, and this is also like, this is one part that it used to trigger me, right? Because anytime anyone would go against what I believe that I was brought up, my values at the time from religious programming, I would kind of get upset. But the truth is, is that the reason why I was getting upset is because there was a trigger within me that was happening. And that trigger was, how can I. Why am I questioning how I was being brought up? And it's a pride thing, but in reality is your beliefs, your true beliefs. Your connection with Source has no title, has no religion to it. But a religious actual corporation is a formatted way of seeing things. It has really nothing to do with your own personal beliefs. And people get so offended, but yet it has nothing to do with it because it's another thing that I've noticed is a lot, there's a lot of picking and choosing. For example, everybody knows, and everybody should know that when religion was first established, it was a control system. And even when it came, for example, when the natives are already living here, they didn't have a choice. They would either. They had to either die or.
[00:10:51] Speaker A: Be.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Indoctrinated into religious beliefs. So really it was all about control all along. The further you go back, the worse it even gets. So.
[00:11:03] Speaker A: Well, you're talking about Christianity in particular.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And boy. And I mean, that's just the general connection to pretty much most religious beliefs.
[00:11:10] Speaker A: Is, you know, the Hindus and the. And the people who practice Islam would have something different to say to you about that.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Well, there is, but none of the.
The message is pretty much loud and clear as far as if you grew up in those lands and you didn't go with their religion, what would happen to you?
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Your hand would get cut off.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: Get cut off.
[00:11:31] Speaker B: So without fear, without extreme. Either you do this or we're gonna do this to you. I don't think that you could be forced to follow something because the nature of things is just to feel the freedom and for you to have that deeper connection within that has nothing to do with the indoctrination of things. But either way, we're. Let's go back a little bit to the. To the subject.
[00:11:58] Speaker A: You're living in fear and you're being controlled. You. You won't feel that connection at all.
[00:12:02] Speaker B: Exactly.
So some of the. We did kind of. We came up with a list of things that are important that we go through when we're shifting our values, especially when we're awakening to spirituality. Do you want to start with the first thing, Lola?
[00:12:19] Speaker A: Well, I thought seeing yourself as separate from God or the divine is one of them. That's why I brought it up right away.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: Definitely.
[00:12:30] Speaker A: Another one that we talked about was something you see in the corporate world especially, which is the me first attitude changes. You know, that dog eat dog, I'm gonna get the promotion. I'm gonna screw Linda over so I can get the promotion.
That'll make me feel like I'm so important at work. And there's a point where you go, you know what, you shift away on a spiritual journey, away from that way to thinking into the greater caring about humanity as a whole. So you want all of humanity to prosper. So in my experience, I never really had that. I witnessed it in the workplace. I've never been the type to try to climb the corporate ladder. I've always been a little bit of an iconoclast, but I've certainly seen people. But I've also met people because I help people as a spiritual mentor and I see how their values start to change, you know, where it just doesn't feel as important anymore to walk over others to get what you want.
So you do shift into more of an understanding your fellow human being and actually caring about humanity in general.
At least that's been my experience.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: And I think that because of duality, there's two versions of me first. So the me first that it's like I will knock over everyone that gets in my way, or I don't mind stepping over people as long as I get the best of life. Is the me that we're really like talking about, where that one's not very.
It's not fulfilling, it doesn't make you feel good. But that there's that the other side too, where the me first of you putting yourself first as far as is my cup full before I can fill on to others. And that's like a different me first because that's more of like, it's a self care. Me first because you can't tend to others unless you're kind of in a right mindset and you're feeling well. If you're not feeling well, if you're all drained out, you really have nothing to offer to others. So I just thought of that because also along with that is when you say me first, a lot of people put it as like you being selfish. But a lot of the times those people want you to do exactly what they want what they want. But yet if you don't comply with that, then you're being selfish. So it's just, it's kind of weird to me. I never understood that logic of people having an expectation of you doing it their way other otherwise you're selfish. But isn't that like kind of an, kind of a weird thing?
[00:15:22] Speaker A: Because not if you're a Mac Machiavellian manipulator.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: I don't know. Just for me, it always had a weird tone. So like now I'm gonna be the selfish one because I'm not doing, doing it the way you want me to do it.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: And, and that's another thing about the spiritual journey. You're. The way you grow is going to be individual to you.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:45] Speaker A: So you're not going to do it the way someone else has done that either.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: And I think that it's also like when you're growing out and really truly becoming you and truly listening to what you like and what that values that you want to shift out, you find it that the world functions as a group, like meaning everybody wants to do the same things. And whenever people step out of that box, you're like all of a sudden frowned upon or labeled or being told that you're like different or you're weird or you're like this or that.
And what, what truly is is that we are conditioned to think alike. And anytime we stepped out of that box, we're always going to either have some backlash because of it, or they're gonna be seeing us differently because of it.
[00:16:40] Speaker A: Well, I think it can also in addition to a little bit. And when you say backlash, it's drawing attention to you. So people are trying to either change you back to who you were because they recognized you that way, but also in my experience, like with my family, they've just totally ignored me.
So, you know, like we acknowledge ourselves for birthdays and stuff, but my remaining family is two siblings and they never ask me about the kind of things I'm doing. They're not interested in anything. Woo woo.
So they just don't bring it up.
[00:17:15] Speaker B: You know what I found out, though, that was really interesting because of course, me. Me being me, I have to understand, like, psychological things and stuff. Stuff. So the silent treatment is a type of abuse too. It's just non.
[00:17:27] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
I don't think she's going to listen, but my sister has a track record of being passive aggressive and everyone thought she was the nice girl.
[00:17:37] Speaker B: Y. Y.
[00:17:38] Speaker A: No, she was quiet, but she was passive aggressive. So. Yep, I know exactly what you're saying.
[00:17:43] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: Well, nonetheless, I still care about humanity, so I care about my family too. And, you know, I'm not going to try to convert them. I'm gonna let them do their thing and so be it.
[00:17:57] Speaker B: And the other thing, too, you fall apart from not being interested in drama or gossip because that's so draining and so low vibration that it just no longer resonates with you.
It's interesting. This one is very interesting to me because it hits me too, in two places. And I'm gonna be honest because I think that part of us being in this podcast is about authenticity and just being wide open. Now, these are my experiences. I am not labeling meaning. Like, this is how everyone is. This is what I have encounter. So one growing up gay. Oh, man, Talk about the wounded trying to survive in this world. So you would think because you got wounded and people talk so much about you, you would be like, well, that's definitely not something I want to do to people. But the truth is, when I was around, especially with a lot of, like, my gay friends and stuff, gossip was so big. And it was just because instead of trying to heal the wound, trying to heal the trauma, trying to be different than what you have received, it's almost like we just went right in it. Like, we just participated just as well. And then there's that first part. And then the second part is being in the Latin community and having drama or gossip. It's like, I swear, these telenovelas never, absolutely never did anything well for the community. And what's really strange that I have seen now with my own eyes is how the older generations. I'm talking about our grandmas, guys. I'm talking about if you have, like, older parents, they will watch those soap ropes like no other. And what's really strange is seeing them and in them, looking at them and thinking that is actually reality and that's how you function in reality. So we have all these horrible examples of how to function in reality. And that's why when you go back, there's so much chaos, because they didn't learn how to Heal a lot of them. Well, some of them I'm sure did. And I mean more power to them. I could only imagine standing up during those times. But a lot of them have chosen not to heal. And that's why also it reflects back when they get older, that whole thing of they go back to acting like a little kid. Yeah, like a kid with older traumas coming. So that gets a little crazy. But the reason why I'm pointing that out is because that is like something I had to admit in order to heal it. You first, first have to acknowledge it. I did participate on this. I'm not going to say I didn't participate in it, but I learned the destructiveness of it because I took it back to really having it be a feeling of inside, is this something that makes me feel good? Is this something that makes me feel proud? What am I doing? And it's about when you start awakening spiritually, you start to match the things that you start really focusing and paying attention to. And you want to make sure that your actions and what's coming out of your mouth is matching with where you want to be in life at the end. There's no disconnection. What comes out of your mouth, how you talk to others, how you treat others, is how the energy you're sending out and what you're going to be receiving. And I myself learned that being involved in those circles and doing those low vibrational things only led up to more things like that. Except for this time, the one that participated was me. Because everyone that gossips around you guess what? As soon as you leave that room, guess who they're going to be gossiping around about?
It's a cycle. But hey, the thing is we're here to acknowledge, to see, to forgive ourselves, to learn from it, to learn our lessons and to move on.
[00:22:08] Speaker A: Another tangential shift of values that ties back to what you're just talking about is that not only do you not engage with the gossip, but you don't try to change the people who are gossiping. You accept them for who they are. When you're on the spiritual path, and we all have ways we developed to protect ourselves growing up and we can see that people who do a lot of gossiping are wounded. So as you go on the spiritual path, you're less like to want to try to change people.
You're here to help people if they want your help, but you're not actively going, that guy screwed up. You know, he's got, he's got to, he's got to Change. I'm gonna. He's gonna be my project from here on in. No, you don't do that anymore.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: And you know, you always have the choice to step away, like step away from those people that are no longer really resonating with you. And that's why it becomes so tough when you go to like family gatherings. Like for example, like the holidays is the one thing that people usually can't miss and they have to go back. And we're not saying miss them, but what. Or don't show up to them. What we're saying is don't expect people to shift out their values just because you are going through an awakening process. And that is the reality of it. It's about self acceptance because once upon a time you were there too. And we all have our own journeys and there's no one that can force anybody else, like Lola just said, to shift out. Or even if you wanted to change someone you can't. Change starts within.
When we decide to shift, it's because it's something happened within us that made us like think about it in a different way. And until that happens or until someone is motivated because of that to create a shift in their lives, they're not going to.
[00:24:15] Speaker A: Yeah. So I guess the term that's coming to my to mind right now is that as you're on the spiritual journey, you become actually less judgmental.
[00:24:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:24] Speaker A: Of others. And once again it's because you've been, like you said, you've walked in their shoes. You understand, they're wounded. We get where this is coming from.
[00:24:32] Speaker B: And judgment is such a multi level thing to heal too. Because on top of like not judging to others, it's like the most important is like not judging yourself. And see, the actions we take, we're more aware of. Because you hear it. Right. But what about your thinking?
So for example, as we start to heal, we think a lot of things and sometimes we don't even realize something is judgment because it's so ingrained in us that we don't see a separate. Like we're like, oh, that's just the way I think. But what about when you learn that the way you think has been really judgmental about others, then what? And then no one's listening to your inner thoughts. So technically, could you just like brush it off and say, oh, like that's totally fine, that's just who I am. It's. And yeah, I guess that can. You could do that technically. But that's only going to hold for so long because as you Raise your vibration. One of the things about raising your vibration, it's about acknowledging and seeing yourself for who you really are. It's like that deep look in the mirror of, who am I?
What do I really want to do? And who am I no longer.
[00:25:51] Speaker A: Yeah. And on the spiritual journey, there's a point where you actually become not only mentally and emotionally, but physically uncomfortable with behaviors that you used to do that aren't matching your vibrational level anymore. So it just creates more and more so much discomfort that you actually have to look at it.
[00:26:12] Speaker B: And some of the discomfort is like depression, anxiety, anger. There's so many emotions that are tied up, which I think it really connects us to. Our next part about shifting values. So many of us are so stuck in survival mode. I was stuck in survival mode for the longest time. The weirdest thing I have ever done is stepping out of survival mode.
So what is survival mode? So I'm gonna go slang on you guys, because I feel like a lot of people use a lot of slang, but when I hear, oh, I'm here, I'm going to hustle in life that, like, it's a little cringy, because hustle means, like.
Like, literally work your ass off to get somewhere. When it's not about that, it's about you shifting into what you want to bring forth. And we get so trained. The biggest thing that I had to break out of is, like, if you want something in life, you got to really work hard.
It's like, you work hard on yourself as far as shifting some of the things that are going on, shifting some of those values, and that's the type of work you do. But it's not necessarily physical, and it's definitely not.
It's not that program of, like, if you don't work your butt off, you're not going to get somewhere, because it's not about that.
In survival mode. It's so interesting because when you finally realize what it is, when you finally address it and say, I do deserve peace. I do deserve to live more of a calm life, when you first do it, it's, like, so surreal. Literally, it's almost like another world. Because all the craziness of, like, I have to really do this, do that, and, like, focus so much on that energy that's so spiky. And then all of a sudden, now you have to, like, give up that and go into more of a peaceful way of acknowledging things, of living things. So stepping out of survival mode can be really hard for a lot of people. And one of the things that people don't tell you. Even when you shift out, you're exhausted because for the first time you're actually tending to your physical needs and you're asking your body or you're just asking yourself what do you need? And the first thing they're going to say, it's lots of rest.
Survival mode drains you and it has been draining you for so long and you didn't even realize it until you start making the changes and started stepping away from it. You realize like, wow, I cannot believe I was doing that to myself.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: Well, it's so go, go, go that you don't ever rest.
[00:29:09] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:29:10] Speaker A: You're always planning ahead for the next scenario, the next day, the next meeting.
[00:29:15] Speaker B: Yeah, it is really interesting because like for example, I sometimes see my mom and I see how my grandma was taught. Like I remember seeing and I see this pattern. I see my aunts and they're like, they can't just stop and sit down for a little bit. It's like the deep cleaning is always happening, the cooking, the taking care of things.
It's like the running around.
And I always wonder like I really hope for themselves they find a moment when they decide that they are more important than other things. They're like their peace. In order to be at peace, they have to make that choice for themselves of what is the most important thing in my life, which should be them. And I'm not saying to not do things or stop doing things. I'm just saying having that time for yourself where you're not constantly thinking that you're pulled in every single direction and you have to cater to everyone.
It's like even talking about it, I feel like my heart has started accelerating and I'm not even in that survival mode anymore. But I do remember living there because obviously I from that I have to heal myself, but I was there, so.
[00:30:41] Speaker A: Well, this goes to another value shift which is service of self versus serve. Service toward others, which could, could be a double edged sword depending on how you look at it. Like the me first, right?
[00:30:54] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:30:55] Speaker A: Because service to self is saying I, I need to take care of myself so I can be of service to others. Right. An example I use all the time is if you're running a soup kitchen and hundreds of people are waiting for you to for soup and you haven't eaten yourself, are you going to be able to deliver that soup to them? No. You're probably going to faint before you know you can finish cooking the pots.
So being selfish is something that we're told is bad growing up, it's a value system. But then when you're on the spiritual path, you realize, oh, I need to work on myself first so I can help others.
And then the other thing where the double edged sword would be the service to others. Yes, but not merely because you've been told and guilted into doing it.
When you're on the spiritual path, you want to give to others by being the best you you can be.
[00:31:59] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:32:00] Speaker A: Excuse me. So if that includes you working in a soup kitchen, great. But also if it includes you just sitting at home and meditating, that you're still helping humanity.
Service to others is ingrained with us. When I was going to church school, and I'm sure when you were going to church school too, but not at the expense of service to yourself first. That's how you shift your values spiritually. There's a point where you go, I've got to clear out the junk in my own closet emotionally, mentally, spiritually, so that I can be of better service to humanity and not feel like I'm obligated to always giving my time to others without working on myself.
[00:32:42] Speaker B: And sometimes what really helps, like for me it was really helpful to change wording around. So for example, when you're doing things for yourself like such as resting, such as taking some time if the thoughts come through your head of like, oh, I'm being selfish. Think of selfish as self first. So when you switch that and when you hear it even through your mind and say to yourself, self first, it really puts it in perspective of a different meaning to it so that you can really apply it towards yourself.
[00:33:16] Speaker A: I think some people are still going to fight against that. They're always indoctrinated to. I can never come first, it's always others.
[00:33:23] Speaker B: The other thing too is that we have on the list is quality versus.
[00:33:26] Speaker A: Quantity when it comes to people in our lives.
[00:33:30] Speaker B: Yes.
So there's a saying that was kind of really interesting and really true. It says if you don't care about the quality of friends, you have lots of friends. If you care about the quality of your friends, you're only going to have a few. Because truthfully, not everyone. You, I mean, I don't think there's such thing as everyone. Someone that's loved by everyone. We were never really intended by. I think that as you evolve, you learn to accept everyone for who they are and you no longer take things personal and you don't see anyone as like, oh, they're purposely going against me. But when we're growing, we Find that when we used to have a lot of. I used to have a lot of friends or so called friends, and I realized that they weren't really friends, they were acquaintances. And I did a lot of social things. So because of that, I did talk to a lot of people. But my quality friends are very, my group is very small. But at the same time, it's people that I truly care about and they truly care about me. And it's more like a tribe, a deeper connection. So that's really important about shifting as far as values go.
[00:34:50] Speaker A: The people around us don't want to be dealing with superficiality.
[00:34:53] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:34:55] Speaker A: Amaral and I have talked about this before because in his past he was collecting friends. He was a big people pleaser and losing himself in the process. I was the opposite. I've always only had a few friends. So we actually had a debate one night because I said, I said to him one day, you know, I miss having a best friend because I had a really best friend in grade school, and then I've had a couple other best friends. But it's been honestly like 20 years since I've had a best friend. And he could not wrap his head around the concept of one friend. I said, that's what best means. 1.
So it was like, it was, it was almost a tautological argument going nowhere because he just. This goes back to your values. Growing up, you thought you had to have so many friends that you couldn't have one best friend. I can clearly picture one best friend and only want to hang around with him or her.
So it's, it's, it's interesting to just, just see that. And I guess I've, I've always wanted to. Of course, Gemini's like very meaningful conversations. So if I can't have a meaningful conversation with someone, I'm not going to waste my time. And I think. But obviously you were a social butterfly and I was not.
[00:36:11] Speaker B: Yeah, but also to give. To give. The. I do have to say that the. Because I, I, I still feel strong about you can have many best friends because I do feel that you can have closeness with a lot of people and stuff like that, but not to the degree of like thinking that everybody's gonna be your best friend. And growing up, I did realize that my so called best friends that I had growing up, they all betrayed me, like really bad. And obviously they were hurt and they were dealing with their own things. And it's not like I've forgiven them. I mean, I don't really talk to them because I Don't really have them in my life anymore. I stepped away from them. But nonetheless, once upon a time, I really valued their friendship. Even though sometimes it doesn't seem like the other person really value it by the actions they took. But nonetheless, that's all part of learning. It's like, I think that sometimes we. The biggest thing we have to understand is to let go, to just.
It's almost like setting yourself free. Like literally forgiving others and forgiving yourself is the key to just feeling free. If you hold grudges, if you. If you're still remembering, like, oh, I hated so and so because they did this to me, it's like. It's kind of ridiculous, personally, I think, but.
[00:37:31] Speaker A: Well, that's part of the being authentic, which is so that really you start stepping into when you're on the spiritual journey, when you're starting to feel more of the real you coming through, which includes the strong spiritual energy coming through.
You're more grounded and you're more perceptive and you're more intuitive. So you know better who fits in your life and who doesn't. And that's why we did an episode about how people fall away naturally. You know, certain family members, certain friends just naturally disappear from your life.
And so that goes back to, I guess, what we're saying here. Your value shift to the point where it's like, I just want quality people in my life, people I can really, really grow with.
[00:38:18] Speaker B: Mm. That is really important.
[00:38:20] Speaker A: People you have to support as far as, you know, you're their crutch.
[00:38:26] Speaker B: And then it brings us to our next one. That's really important too. And then we start doing as we really start growing is better self care versus picking on our. On ourselves.
[00:38:38] Speaker A: We trained by our indoctrination from day one to be controlled by shame, aren't we?
[00:38:47] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:38:48] Speaker A: That's the tool that's been used on us since you were in pre infant. Right.
So it's really hard to break out of that one to start seeing yourself as I. I'm worthy of taking care of myself. If I need an emotional time out, I'll take it. If I need to nap, I will do it.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: I have a funny story with this that may not be so funny, but I'm a Scorpio, so I keep that in mind because I have kind of a little bit of a dark humor.
So I got home one day and I have had a really busy day and I was really tired and I took a very long nap. It was probably like an hour. It wasn't like, super long. It was just like an hour nap. And I woke up and I felt great. And I'm like, all stretching and feeling excellent. And then my husband comes and he goes, oh, it must be great to just not care about the world and just completely just take a nap. And I said, I'm sorry that you feel unworthy to take a nap. And then after that, I have to take it back and be like, okay, I'm working on myself. And I shouldn't have said that. But at the same time, it was like, it just came out so natural. Because the thing is, that's part of an indoctrination. Like, if you don't think that you should be taking naps during the day, if you don't think that you should be taking that time for yourself, that's more of, like, something that's programmed within you. Because whatever brings you peace, whatever restores your. Your energy, whatever maintains you at that peace of mind state, why should it be bad? And just because others may not see it as a thing you should be doing, that's on them, that has nothing to do with you. So that's why I was so quick and witty with that one. And then after that, I was like, maybe I shouldn't have told him that, because I probably aggravated his triggers.
[00:40:41] Speaker A: But nonetheless, I personally think that would stop me and make me think so. I kind of like that I need to be poked sometimes. Wait a minute. Oh, I get it now. I see what you're saying.
But not everybody's willing to do that. Yeah, Yeah, I did find that amusing, actually. So I have a bit of a dark sense of humor, too.
But we are trained. That goes back to the selfishness thing again. And we're trained not to take care of ourselves, especially, oh, my gosh, you moms, you moms, you give and give and give and give and give, and then you, you know, you almost feel guilty taking a bath.
Yeah, mom, you got to take care of yourself and so you can take care of the kids.
[00:41:33] Speaker B: And you know the thing about being a parent, I'm a step parent. I'm not like, I don't have kids or whatever. I have, like, pets, too. But it's so. It's so interesting because, like, yes, as a parent, you're here to guide through and show your kids how to, like, depend on themselves. But there's such thing as too much, where you make them so dependent on you that they're like, you have to think that they're going to be leaving the nest. And I seen that so drastically, like, I've had clients that I'm. I'm very blessed to have known them since the very beginning when their kids were young and we gone through. They gone to college. And then all of a sudden, now it's time to leave the nest. And they get so depressed, you guys, like, so crazy depressed. It's called the emptiness, empty nest syndrome. And it's because they give away so much of themselves that now they don't see a purpose to them. Because their definition of what they came to be was a mom. And not that we're saying that is, like, bad by any means, obviously.
[00:42:46] Speaker A: Oh, no, it's. It's an excellent role.
[00:42:49] Speaker B: It's an amazing, beautiful role. But nonetheless, when you lose yourself so much on a title that you don't. You don't have an identity anymore, your identification is, I'm a mom. When. When your kids do leave that nest, you're gonna feel it so hard. And the more you really focus on just them and not you, that's how. That's how much you're going to feel it. And it's sucky because nobody wants to learn that way. But unfortunately, like, that's the way life itself will teach you. Because everything we come to do, there's always lessons behind it. And everything we do, if we don't keep a balance on it, if we don't keep ourselves in check with that, it's balanced. It's always going to have a whiplash with it. And that's how, you know, it was really unbalanced.
[00:43:38] Speaker A: Yeah. And moms will always, you know, care about their kids and give them high priorities. We're just saying, kind of like the soup kitchen analogy. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. And also think about, you know, you want to model behavior that you would like your children to emulate.
[00:43:55] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:43:57] Speaker A: So you don't want them to emulate. You want them to emulate being strong and comfortable with life and grounded and hopefully spiritually connected to, rather than.
I never have time for me as a model. So every once in a while, I hope moms and other people who are very, very busy in life give themselves even a few minutes time out, 10 minutes or so, just to. To sit quietly or listen music or. I love this time of year when you hear the birds outside. There's all kinds of. Take that little nature walk, whatever. You deserve it.
[00:44:34] Speaker B: And then another thing, too, that's so interesting, of course, me and the psychology.
So as a parent, you are being a role model to teach them how their, their own relationships are going to be in their future.
So if you as a mom are always just like burning yourself down, that's how your kids will be later on in their relationship. So it's like just something to reflect on. You're literally like you're being a mirror, a psychological mirror to their behaviors later on in life.
[00:45:12] Speaker A: They may not actually emulate it, but at least they'll think that's what the norm is.
[00:45:16] Speaker B: Exactly. They're going to see it more unless they break out of a, out of it, which they can by healing themselves. But that's just something to think about. The other thing I wrote down, external validation versus internal peace or internal validation.
[00:45:33] Speaker A: Yeah. And I, I, I, I've certainly been looking for external validation most of my life.
[00:45:41] Speaker B: Oh yeah.
[00:45:41] Speaker A: Most of my life.
[00:45:43] Speaker B: I think we all have. Honestly, because we, we live in a society before we healed. I mean, like, for example, I remember you have to show how good you were doing in life. How did you show that? By like materialistic things or did you have this and you have that or.
[00:46:01] Speaker A: All A's on the report card for me?
[00:46:03] Speaker B: Exactly. Yeah. That was another one. That was like, crazy because I'm like, I remember, I remember thinking schools, school systems were so odd to me because literally it was indoctrination of everybody doing the exact same thing and everybody excelling at it. And that was the expectation of it. And it's impossible because that would mean that we are all exactly the same and we're not. We think, think differently. We have different goals, we have different ways of seeing things, we have different ways of doing things. So not that I'm saying that like, oh, those people that have really did really well in school, like, more power to them. I'm just saying that wasn't a system to cater to everyone. And those that didn't quite fit within the roles, AKA me, were like, I always thought, like, I'm like, why don't you teach me something that excites me instead of something that puts me to sleep?
[00:47:08] Speaker A: I personally was very, very excited about creative writing in English. So.
[00:47:13] Speaker B: But see, that was like that, that you enjoyed it. That's what I mean. Like, so let's say what's the most boring thing you can think of as far as a subject?
[00:47:22] Speaker A: Physics.
[00:47:22] Speaker B: Okay, so what if we put you in physics the whole entire day and expect you to have a squirming, a great grade from it? It wouldn't work. And that's all I'm saying. I'm not saying that I'm just saying that whenever you have a system that has an expectation of everybody needs to excel on this, there's gonna be little loopholes because not everybody's gonna excel at it, because not everybody enjoys that.
[00:47:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I see what you're saying. Because schools cater to standardized. And everybody. Buddy's got certain interests. Yeah. So. But external validation, besides getting a good report card, is another one I always thought was ridiculous was the promotions at work.
[00:48:03] Speaker B: Oh, geez.
[00:48:04] Speaker A: And it was usually the ones that are ridiculous are the ones that are name only. Like, nobody got a money raise.
[00:48:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:48:11] Speaker A: It's just they gave you more work because they gave you a. Another title. I mean, that's ridiculous. But people love that external validation. Well, I'm vice president of the most meaningless thing right now.
You know, I'm. I'm vice president. Like, oh, my gosh. People. And I would look at that at work and go, are these people insane? So I never fell for that kind of external validation.
[00:48:35] Speaker B: I felt it. I. I had all the time, especially growing up, I was like. They would be like, oh, so you're bilingual? And I was always like, yeah, but you're not paying me to be bilingual.
[00:48:46] Speaker A: There you go.
[00:48:48] Speaker B: Because technically, when you're bilingual, you get more put on you. Because now you're translating. Now you're like. Which is totally fine. And it's a. I think it's a great asset to have.
But if a workplace taking advantage of you, meaning, like, they're not compensating you for it, how does it ever really, really level out?
[00:49:10] Speaker A: It doesn't. And it just goes to show, we can laugh about it now because we can laugh at our own foibles.
[00:49:16] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:49:18] Speaker A: The other external validation, of course, is physicality, especially with women.
[00:49:25] Speaker B: Yes. Oh, my goodness.
[00:49:27] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. I've got to look like this in that celebrity. And I've got to plump my lips up, and I have to have the latest trend in eyelashes, and my skirt needs to be 2 inches shorter this week than it was last week. Or. And, oh, the body image stuff. The body image is ridiculous because it's still based on Barbie dolls.
[00:49:47] Speaker B: Do you know what? It drove me nuts that I would even hear women do to other women.
[00:49:53] Speaker A: And by the way, for those who don't know, Amaral works in the beauty industry.
[00:49:56] Speaker B: Yes. So that way.
[00:49:57] Speaker A: He's a hairstylist, so he hears it all.
[00:49:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Is women giving themselves, like, a number as far as, like, what they rate? And I'm like, how is that? I mean, I can, like, every time I Hear someone labeling a woman as a number, I always, like, immediately in my mind, I think of the douchiest guy saying it. But when a girl does it, it's like, talk about bringing yourself and the rest of the woman's, like, just moral down. It's like, it's just so horrible to me. So please don't do that. Like, stop that immediately.
[00:50:34] Speaker A: On the spiritual journey, you become less attached to that. To what? Not only the externals, but also what we talked about earlier about you don't care as much about what other people think about you, who don't feel like they're a good value fit in your life anyway. And someone who's going to be that judgmental of you, seeing more of your beauty on the outside than the inside, is probably not someone you really want to have as part of your quality friendship.
But, yeah, we definitely see that. We. I do see it in the spiritual community. But you know what's really. I mean, now, granted, most of us in the spiritual community, we like to wear our jewelry and stuff. We love our crystals. You know, that's fun. But we're not trying to, you know, go, oh, this is my whole image is this.
[00:51:20] Speaker B: Yeah, right.
[00:51:22] Speaker A: One of the things I've noticed for me, and I think I've noticed it for a few other people too, who do fairs. Some of the women I see is you become less and less attached to makeup.
[00:51:33] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:51:34] Speaker A: So I haven't worn makeup in a long, long, long, long time. I don't care anymore. Every once in a while, I put lipstick on if I'm doing a video. Because if I look. If I look like I'm the same color as the wall behind me, it helps to have some lipstick on. But there was a time in my life where I couldn't imagine leaving the house without lipstick on.
In my 20s, 30s shirt, 40s. Yeah. I mean, that was my top thing. I cannot. Oh, no, I've got to have my lipstick on.
[00:51:59] Speaker B: I. I wear makeup. I'm not gonna, like, be whatever, but I wear a lot less makeup than I ever worn in my life before because it's just. It kind of grows out of you. And the only reason why I like to see myself in the mirror and feel happy about it, but it's not, like, to impress others or whatever. Like, anyone can carry themselves however they want to. And when we're talking about, like, I don't even do skin makeup. I use, like, BB cream, which is really just a little bit of tone with.
With sunscreen in it. And then I do Eyeliner and, like, line out my eyebrows. But it's interesting to me what. How I see that other people take me as. Because immediately, like, if you see a guy wearing makeup, it's like automatically, oh, they must be gay or whatever. But it's just interesting to me how make other people make a bigger deal than I would ever make. Because I just look at it as like, that's something I've done since I was really young. And it's come such a different way because I did used to wear lots of makeup, and I couldn't see myself as not wearing lots of makeup. But now I just.
I don't know.
[00:53:08] Speaker A: And I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing. I think we all love to dress up from time to time. But I've noticed that I think you, because you more. More attached to who you are at a deep internal level than an external level. That it's like, yeah, sometimes we put it on, sometimes we don't.
[00:53:27] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:53:28] Speaker A: And so really the beauty and the growth is coming from within. And it's because you're expanding your heart.
You're becoming more forgiving of yourself and others on the spiritual path.
[00:53:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:53:40] Speaker A: Your aura is brighter. You might not see it, but people can feel it. So there's a big internal change where you start to realize, okay, this is where the true beauty is. It's not necessarily if I'm wearing the right brand.
[00:53:57] Speaker B: And the other thing, too, that I want to touch on before, because we're really advancing here.
You stop idolizing or hear worshiping, and that's huge, you guys.
I can't tell you how many times. And even I used to do it where I would look at a celebrity and think, like, oh, my gosh, they're, like, so perfect. They're so beautiful. They're humans, you guys. There's a screen, and that screen tells you because it's shooting when they're all done up, their character they're portraying. And when I'm saying, like, character, sometimes that character stands out of their own characters and movies, meaning when they're being interviewed, they're putting a certain front because of the fact that they can never really be themselves. And that's why psychologically, a lot of celebrities, especially the ones that started at a young age, they end up going through breakdowns and stuff because it's not. There's nothing normal about living that sort of life. It's so outside focus. And even on the spiritual community. It's really crazy because you have the idolizing of, like, gurus. And people that are standing higher than your power. On religious formats, you have your popes and all these things and the political format, you have, like, presidents and blah, blah, blah. And then even you have your kings and queens. And it's just once you see as we're all humans, what they might have meaning, like the power that they think they have. They only have power over you if you allow them, too. If you give away your power, it's the how in giving away your powers, also idolizing them.
[00:55:40] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:55:41] Speaker B: That was one thing I had to learn. I literally just erase from my phone following my celebrity, my favorite celebrity out of all time.
I had to erase her. I just couldn't, guys. It was so weird. I came to that moment where I'm like, there's nothing that it's coming out of her mouth anymore that resonates with me. And she's going so materialistic now that I just cannot.
[00:56:11] Speaker A: It's like, yeah, so your value shifted and stayed the same.
[00:56:15] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Actually, I think they got a little really artificial. That's why.
[00:56:18] Speaker A: But it was so.
[00:56:20] Speaker B: Yep. But I was just thinking more like, I just can't because that's not where I'm at anymore.
[00:56:25] Speaker A: And what's interesting, the control system wants you to exactly. Idolize these celebrities because you're looking outside of yourself again, and they want you to do that.
[00:56:34] Speaker B: And look at all the things, all the power that you give to them when you do idolize them. Right. So, like, for example, it's a celebrity. It's like, what do they do? They sing or they act. Right. Whatever it is. And then all of a sudden, now they have a perfume. Now they have a skincare line. It's all marketing. It's all, like, making money for themselves. It's so crazy how that it's not just for themselves.
[00:57:00] Speaker A: It's for some mega corporations.
[00:57:02] Speaker B: But they're getting paid nonetheless.
[00:57:04] Speaker A: Paid big for the name.
[00:57:05] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. So nonetheless, it's just realize this. And we're not saying that you can't love a song. You can't love, like, an artist of, like, oh, I love their music and stuff, but love them for that, for their art. Don't idolize them. Don't put him up on a pedestal. Because there is no such thing as perfection. And absolutely no celebrity, no guru, no big name that claims to be a big name. It's higher than you. We're all the same.
[00:57:38] Speaker A: Oh, wow. We didn't know if we could talk an hour about this. And we still have more on the list. Wow. But we actually have to say goodbye at this point.
Oh, wow. This. This was a big topic.
[00:57:52] Speaker B: It was a big topic.
[00:57:53] Speaker A: I hope we came across as not sounding judgmental. We were really trying to show how. How value shift on the spiritual journey. And they have changed for us. I know they've changed for many of you, too.
Okay. Anything you want to say last minute.
[00:58:08] Speaker B: Please share with other people in the. Thank you so much for tuning in this episode.
We kind of shared a lot of just how we grew up and stuff, and we all have different experiences, so just, I guess, see the value in it.
[00:58:24] Speaker A: Yeah. I hope you can relate just from our examples. And once again, we're not judging anybody. We're just showing how a lot of people change, including ourselves.
[00:58:32] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:58:33] Speaker A: Bye.
